If You Want To Screw My Daughter, There's A Few Things You Should Know First....Submitted by JoeyG at 2007-03-07 10:56:20 EST
Rating: 1.7 on 111 ratings (111 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
There are awkward moments in every young man’s life.
Your first French kiss. Seeing a naked lady other than your mum for the first time. Explaining to the doctor how you happened to end up with a jar of hair gel super-glued to your testicles.
Ok, so maybe that last one was just me.
The point is there are lots of uncomfortable situations on the rocky road of your teenage years, and these all have to be dealt with.
One of the most uncomfortable of these situations, is the ‘chat with the over protective father of a new girlfriend.’ It’s a delicate situation. You must remain, polite, courteous, and have the right answers to all manner of questions designed to trip you up and ensure the chastity belt is well and truly tightened on your beloved.
With most girls, I gave up before it got to this stage. But when I started seeing Clare, I actually thought it would be worth the hassle. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months, and I knew she would bring up the subject sooner or later.
“I think it’s time we told my parents about us.”
“You sure? How do you think they’ll take it?”
“Oh it’ll be fine. My Dad will probably want to meet you and see what you’re like. It’s just….”
“My parents can be a little weird sometimes. Just don’t freak, ok?”
“Hey, I’ll be fine. Parents love me. Trust me.”
Clare went away that day and told her parents. I got a call later that night.
“Ok, it’s all set. Come round to my place tomorrow and you can meet my Mum and Dad. Just be here for about sevenish.”
“No problem. I’ll see you there.”
I was still only 16 at the time, so I didn’t have my driving license yet. I walked the 45 minute journey to Clare’s, and mentally prepared for all sorts of questions that might be thrown my way.
So, what are you going to do with your life?
How are you going to look after my daughter?
Are you intentions strictly honourable?
Oh well. Thank God I was a good liar. Just have to keep calm, tell him what he wants to hear, remember to say please and thank you, and let my dazzling charm do the rest. Nothing could be easier.
I got to her house at ten to seven, so decided to hang back for a few minutes. Be punctual. He’ll appreciate that. I stepped up to her front door, and pressed the doorbell at 7 on the dot. The house was nice, and there was a smart looking Mercedes on the driveway. Clare’s parents obviously did pretty well for themselves.
After a short wait, the door was opened by a short woman wearing a floral pattern dress.
“Hi, you must be Mrs Harrington.”
“Hello dear! You must be Joey. Come in, we’re expecting you.”
She led me through a small hallway and into the living room. Opposite the doorway to the living room was a closed door, which I assumed to be the bathroom.
“This is a lovely house you have, Mrs Harrington.”
“Why, thank you! And please, call me Barbara.”
I looked around, and noticed that the most important thing was missing.
“Oh, she just called. She’s running late from her swimming class. She should be back in about half an hour. Please, take a seat. Donald will be joining us in a minute.”
Before I had the chance to ask where he was, my question was answered. Coming from behind the closed door in the hallway, was a hideous moaning noise.
It appeared that Big Don was taking a shit.
And struggling with it, too. I tried my best to block out the sound, and act normal.
“Can I get you some tea, Joey?”
“Sure, that’ll be - ”
Another deep howl came from the bathroom.
“ – actually, do you know what, I think I’ll pass.”
I sat down in a comfortable armchair. Barbara sat opposite me in her own chair, sitting absolutely silently, just smiling at me. There was a clock ticking just above my head, and the steady noise was the only sound.
Tick tock! Tick tock!
Well, it was the only sound, apart from the intermittent wails coming from the bathroom, which seemed to be getting worse.
Maybe this is part of his plan!
That was it! The sneaky fucker was trying to psyche me out, catch me off my guard. He was playing mind games. By forcing me to listen to his arduous ordeal, he thought he would make me not take him seriously, and therefore not be good enough for his little girl.
Well, I’ll show him.
The minutes ticked by, and the moaning was starting to come unbearable. Just as I thought I was about to go crazy, I heard the joyous sound of the toilet flushing. A few seconds later, Clare’s Dad entered the room. I stood up to greet him, and went over to shake his hand.
“Hi, Mr Harrington, I’m Joey.”
Sometimes you notice things, and you wish you hadn’t. I couldn’t help it. My eye was horribly drawn to Don’s crotch, which was clearly sporting a semi stiffy, poking timidly against the material of his trousers. At the tip, was a clear circle of moisture, a clear sign of LPS (Leaky Penis Syndrome – a testimony to the fact that no matter how much you tap, shake or wipe, that last drop will never release itself until the second you put your dick back in your pants.)
“Hi, Joey. I’m Donald, Clare’s father. Call me Don. Tea?”
With the horrific noises forgotten about, I accepted their offer of tea, which Barbara willingly poured from the china teapot that was on a glass topped table.
I accepted the cup, and took a long sip.
“So, you wanna fuck Clare, huh?”
At precisely this second, the little wooden bird sprung out of the clock above me to indicate the quarter hour. I shit myself at the sound of the cuckoo in my ear, and dropped the teacup all over the floor.
“I’m sorry, the bird, it made me jump, and - ”
“Hey don’t worry about that. Barb, can you get a cloth for that.” The smiling Barbara left the room and returned with a tea towel to mop up after my clumsy ass.
“Where were we? Oh yeah. Clare. You DO want to fuck her, right?”
“Uh, Mr Harr, I mean, Don, I assure you that - ”
“Ah cut the crap. I was a teenager once too, you know. All those hormones, all those…..those… unwanted erections.”
Holy fuck. Kill me now.
“Yes, I admit, I do find Clare very attractive.”
“Excellent! So it’s settled then.”
“Listen, Joey. We love our daughter very much. And we want to make sure that she enjoys her……. lovemaking. Do you know where the G spot is?”
Oh. My. God. I thought I was prepared for anything he could throw at me. But not this.
“Well….I read this pamphlet once, and - ”
“That’s great! And what about foreplay. Barb and I have some GREAT stuff, would you like to hear about it?”
“Maybe another time. Look, Don, I don’t think I should - ”
“Nonsense! I just want to make sure your prepared. Now, as for protection, I recommend these little beauties.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of ribbed condoms. “These will keep her satisfied, AND give you as much sensitivity as possible.”
“Don’t mention it. Oh, and we have a special present for you. Barb, will you do the honours?”
Barbara reached under the table and pulled out a box.
“Go on, open it,” she said, still with that unfaltering smile.
I tentatively opened the box. I wished I hadn’t immediately. Staring back out of the package was the strangest looking dildo I had ever seen. It was bright green in colour, and resembled a complicated T.V antennae.
“I….I….I don’t know what to say….” I picked the item out of the box, wondering what the hell all the extra arms were for.
“Don’t mention it. Clare will thank you for it, trust me,” said Don.
“That’s right!” Said Barb. “Don tried it out on me, and it was to die for!”
I dropped the artificial penis and recoiled in horror.
“Relax, Joey! Quick, I think her coming. Do me proud, son!”
I hastily put the plastic dick back in the box and slid it under the chair just as Clare came into the room.
“Hey, I see you’ve met my parents. Everything ok?” Don was the first to reply.
“Sure honey, everything’s fine. Right Joey?” He winked in my direction.
Ok, what the fuck just happened. This is just all part of the test. It has to be.
Clare led me upstairs, and into her bedroom.
“Hey, I hope my folks weren’t too hard on you. I know they can be strange sometimes.”
Ain’t that the fucking truth.
“It was ok, I guess. You guys seem pretty close.”
“Yeah, we are. Hey, how do you fancy staying over for the night? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
As long as I don’t have to go back downstairs and face those lunatics, that’s fine with me.
“Sure, that’d be great!”
We goofed around for a while, and eventually time came to go to bed. Clare had slipped into a cute little nightie, and she flicked off the lights before climbing into bed next to me.
Within seconds, we were getting down to it. Heavy kissing led to the wandering of hands, and her little night dress came off in one fluid movement. I had hooded up with one of Don’s ribbed rubbers, and soon enough, I was inside her. Things were going hot and heavy, and the bed covers had slipped to the floor, leaving us naked together in the middle of the bed.
Now, to any 16 year old, sex is always awesome. So awesome, that it consumes your entire thoughts, and when you actually get some, it’s like you slip into another world.
It was magical! Fantastical! Beautiful! It was all conquering!
In fact, it was so engrossing and unbelievable, I didn’t even sense the other presence until the light was flipped on.
“Hey, you guys! Will you keep it down a touch, you’re going to give me and your Father a run for our money!”
I froze in mid bang, my bobbling ass coming to a standstill. I looked at Clare for some idea of what to do.
“Sure thing, Mum.”
What????? I know they were close, but this is wrong.
“Hey, Joey, nice butt!”
“Um….thank you Mrs Harrington.”
“It’s Barb,” she said stepping closer into the room. “Do you work out?”
“No, I just - ”
“Hey Don, come and get a load of Joey’s butt.”
“No, please, I’ll - ” Don poked his head around the door.
“Hey, nice tush! Do you work out?”
“Mum, can you get me some water?”
“Sure, honey! Joey, can I get you anything?”
I was still poised in the middle of the bed, bollock deep in Clare while this conversation was going on around me.
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Oh Joey,” said Don. “You left this downstairs.” He threw the luminous dildo onto the bed.
“Cool!” This was Clare. “Does this mean I can stop borrowing Mum’s?”
“It sure does, sweetie! You make good use of it, now!”
Don and Barb left the room, shutting the door behind them. I jumped of Clare as if she had just turned into a zombie.
“You share your Mother’s dildo?”
“Sure. You’ve never used your Dad’s porno mags?”
“There’s a slight difference!”
“It’s cool though. I have my own one now!” She held the device aloft, like a barbarian holding his sword high after a mighty kill.
“I think I better leave.”
“Oh. Ok. You’ll call me, right?”
Sure, next time I want a family gang bang, you’ll be top of the list!
I walked home and pondered the evenings events. I’m all for increasing family relationships.
But the mother / daughter discharge combination is a step too far.
It’s times like this I wish I had a therapist.
It makes you wonder who the hell came up with the idea to model a pleasure toy on this.jpeg