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Blackbear hates women. Not as much as they despise him, but it's close.
Welcome to Ubersite!

All I want is a fucking better job!

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-06-26 17:10:10 EDT
Rating: 1.08 on 14 ratings (14 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Welcome to Monster, Christopher &^$%$#^$.
Your request has been queued.You are first in the queue.
Your request has been delivered to an agent.
You are connected to an agent.


Received:Hello Christopher (Unabonger)

Received:Thank you for contacting Monster, my name is Anand, how may I help you?

Sent:Hi Anand. I am trying to find employment opportunities in Microsoft over the next couple of years but can't find the position I'm looking for.

Sent:Is there something I'm missing?

Sent:You still with me, Anand?


Received: Christopher , you can find ...........

Received: job opportunities in Microsoft .........

Received: You have to open the Monster site.......

Sent:your periods fill me with suspense, Anand.

Received: http://www.monster.com

Received: I am sorry for that .

Sent:yeah I got you...I went there and looked up Microsoft and found a whole slew, dare I say an arsenal, of jobs available

Sent:But, as I understand it, Bill Gates is retiring in the next couple of years and I'm hoping to get an application in early.

Received: May I know what kind of position you are looking for?

Sent:But I can't find that particular position in Monster's listed jobs available.


Sent:I imagine alot of people will be applying for the job and I wanted to get a shoe-in, if you get my drift.

Sent:I might just be missing something, I'm not really good with computers.

Received:If the position is available ,and if they have posted it on Monster ......

Received: Then only you will be able to apply.

Received: You can apply to any job in Microsoft if it has been posted on Monster.

Sent:well I would imagine such abig company would be pretty diligent with listing their job opportunities, particularly an important job like CEO...

Sent:what do you think, Anand?

Received:May be you are right?

Sent:Yeah, I could be right, huh? Do you maybe have a telephone number for Microsoft's human resources department?

Received: I am sorry . We dont have that information.

Received: You can search in any website .

Received: Like Google.

Received:Is there anything else I can help you with?

Sent:I mean if they haven't listed the job yet, maybe I should tell them. Maybe they listed it but something went wrong!

Sent:Then you get two years down the road and Microsoft loses it's CEO and everyone's like "Where are all the applicants?" and they can't get any because of some miscommunication with Monster.com and they hve to hand the job to some loser in executive managment that probably bought a Carrera when he should have had the taste to purchase a 959 Turbo...you know what I'm saying?

Sent:I'm not, in any way, minimizing the capabilities of Monster.com, Microsoft OR the Porshe Carrera...just saying sometimes mistakes happen.

Received: If Microsoft posts a job for CEO on Monster , you will be able to see that and you can apply also.

Sent:Alright well I was just making sure. Kind of a bummer cause I was hoping to get that app in.

Sent:but I appreciate your time, Anand. You've been......excellent.

Received: Thank you .

Received: Thank you for using Monster, have a good day.

Review This Item




Submitted by pannerplant at 2007-01-06 08:39:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-10-05 04:00:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I don't know what the fuck you said, man...but I bet it made sense to others.

Submitted by rcchristi at 2006-10-04 21:20:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If was up to me, I'd bug and destroy all job hunting web sites because they are all self serving whose purpose is ads and resume building services. You have to get a job the old fashioned way. It's still education and who you know and timing and luck, and perseverance. I recommend NOT sending thank you notes because they actually work against you. Acting aloof, disinterested and cavalier after a job interview is in your favor, as long as you interviewed well. Interviewing for a job is like pursuing tail, especially hot, young tail. No pain, no Jane.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-06-27 15:24:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

you mean I've been on ubersite for over a year now and I could have been getting head this whole time?


Submitted by loki at 2006-06-27 11:10:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

your periods fill me with suspense

Submitted by swine_powered_hate_machine at 2006-06-27 10:57:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Yeah... I'd have to say I'm with Schlongy as well...

Blow job line forms to the right.

Submitted by ASO at 2006-06-27 01:18:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm with shlongy on this one.

Submitted by WingedFoote at 2006-06-27 01:02:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I laughed. Or, at least, I would have laughed had a savage dog not ripped my vocal cords (is that what you use to laugh?) from my throat, rendering me incapable of making any such sounds in reaction to humor. You know, humor, like what my review tried and probably failed to generate...

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-06-26 18:12:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You could probably get a BLOW job from half the dudes on Uber...is THAT what you're looking for?

Submitted by Bundaberg at 2006-06-26 17:55:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Monster.com doesnt even have many listings compared to some others.

Submitted by Merlina at 2006-06-26 17:46:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-06-26 17:46:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:30:16 (#)
Ranking: 0

Fucking Monster.com!

The real IT jobs are on Dice.com
tru dat

Submitted by GodChicken at 2006-06-26 17:30:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fucking Monster.com!

The real IT jobs are on Dice.com

Submitted by DonovanMD at 2006-06-26 17:22:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaha, good luck on the CEO bid. Fucking Monster, they're useless anyway. If you live in Canada the .ca site blows.

All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to
fly home, then I will murder him.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart on the Road