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You fuck men and women. You're bisexual.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-02-10 16:14:38 EST
Rating: 1.8 on 59 ratings (59 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Did I miss a fucking memo or something? Because sometime between my highschool days and now, probably while I was sleeping or on drugs, another sexuality has emerged. What, might you ask, has this metrosexual, emo, media-influenced, television-watching, cupcake-eating, internet-addicted, country-western, hardcore, punk, goth, cynical, lazy, industrious, Sean John-wearing society created?

It's called non-gender-specific sexual preference.

Has anyone else heard of this? Have I been under a fucking rock or something? Or are you, like me, thinking the world has gone completely off it's fucking rocker?

This is the story: I cruise out to French Quarter Cafe to hear some music and have a couple then cruise into Jonathan's on my way home for a quick The Godfather sandwich...yes it's fucking good. No it doesn't shoot people. As I'm sitting there with my friend, we notice a few cute girls come in. I think nothing of it because he's way fucking drunk and, if you've ever been there, you know it's a hindrance to say the least. But he insists on bringing one or two over to the table and having a drink. Who am I to argue? He's shitfaced and it means he'll buy me a shot too. We talk to them for a bit then all but one leaves. We have a couple of drinks and get to talking about all kinds of things. My friend lifted his head from the table and listened in as soon as she said "blah blah blah my ex girlfriend."

I don't bat an eye at that shit...it's like everyone is gay or bi or whatever these days and if it catches you off guard you need to get out more. But Barry went ahead and asked the obvious..."Are you gay?"

In mid sentence, she looked to him and said no then continued with what she was saying. Barry said "Oh you're bi, then?" She heaved a sigh and turned to him and said "No I'm not bi either. I'm non-gender specific."

I couldn't hold back the words as they sprouted, seemingly, from nowhere out of my mouth. "Kinda like Jaimie Lee Curtis when she was born, right?"

It didn't make anyone laugh but me and I giggled like a school girl. But I had to get the low down on this one.

Me: "Ok. You sleep with guys and girls."

Her: "Yep."

Me: "You date guys and girls?"

Her: "Yeah."

Me: "But you're not bi, gay or straight?"

Her: (as if she should be shouting EUREKA THIS GUY'S GOT IT!) "Exactly!"

My Brain: "Fuck this, Unabonger. You're on your own. I can't grab that one."

So she explained a bit further. Apparently gender doesn't exist in the mind of a non-gender specific .....person. it's all about what feels right and has nothing to do with wanting to get some dick or wanting to lick pussy.

So I said "Maybe bisexual just isn't a term you like, honey, but you're it."

She got pissy. "Here my friend can explain it better than I can."

Her friend patronized me and I felt like a kid in school who just can't get algebra. She explained it in slow, one-syllable words. I stared, open-mouthed, into thin air not grasping this shit at all. I said "Do you fuck dogs?" to which I got (of course) a "no". But I thought it was all about the pleasure??

Like bisexual people are all about "OOOOH! today I wanna get a dick in me! Tomorrow I'm all about pussy!" instead of THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING DESCRIBED ABOVE!

Jesus it's like bisexuality has lost it's...uniqueness. It's lost it's appeal. Everyone's bisexual or gay or straight so it's inevitable that some morons are going to make up new shit to be so they can classify themselves as different.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have sex with men and women, you are bisexual. Don't look at me like I should 'think outside the box more'. You're just being an idiot if you deny it. I don't need to think outside the box anymore than I already do. You need to get ahold of your insecure 'I need to be special so I'll make up a pretend sexuality so I can patronize people who don't get it...my secret is there's nothing to get! HAHA! LOLZ!"

And is there any defense when someone tells you you're not 'thinking outside the box'? It's like when someone calls you crazy and your eye twitches and you shout a desperate "I'm not CRAZY!"

...sure you're not, bub.

Anyway...I thought it was ridiculous but you may run into one of these people someday so consider yourself educated. It was a lesson in stupidity for me last night.

The chick demanded that I buy her a shot after the whole ordeal. I refused, grabbed my coat and left.




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Submitted by pannerplant at 2007-01-06 08:39:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by trent_nz at 2006-03-09 22:12:20 EST (#)
Rating: -2

gay gay

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-15 08:33:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I totally agree.

That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard, even on Uber.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-13 06:58:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I absolutely agree.

Submitted by sinna at 2006-02-13 06:43:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

And is there any defense when someone tells you you're not 'thinking outside the box'?

I'd have told her I could look outside the box, but I wouldn't find her there.

Submitted by ozzy at 2006-02-13 05:10:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-02-10 17:16:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

I think I have it figured it out for you.

The person you met was a "tardosexual".

She was too stupid to notice if the person fucking her was male or female
<><><><><><><><>
I was going to give this a plus one, but Coyote's comment was just too damn funny.

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2006-02-11 18:59:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That's fucking attention whore bullshit.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-02-11 16:21:08 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-02-11 11:19:45 (#)
Ranking: -1

i think you had a great topic and you did a really shit job of writing it. unfortunate.

-------

zakalwe?

Submitted by Garrik at 2006-02-11 12:02:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Dreg at 2006-02-11 11:50:06 EST (#)
Rating: 1

And to be bi you have to be attracted to both sexes. Maybe I'm the only one here who has fucked an unattractive girl for the hell of it, but maybe that's what she does too? Just alot. And actually dates them.

Submitted by Dreg at 2006-02-11 11:48:43 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Tyrone_Washington at 2006-02-11 11:29:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-02-11 11:19:45 (#)
Ranking: -1

i think you had a great topic and you did a really shit job of writing it. unfortunate.

----------------------------------------------

I disagree, I think he did a far better job than your sorry ass could ever come up with.

This was toooooo funny.

Submitted by iddqd at 2006-02-11 11:19:45 EST (#)
Rating: -1

i think you had a great topic and you did a really shit job of writing it. unfortunate.

Submitted by Affinity at 2006-02-11 06:53:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not against weilding some guys shaft in my hands.
As long as he looks like a chick.
And does not have a cock.
With a nice pair of tits.

Submitted by ooQueso at 2006-02-11 03:20:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Can't figure out why I like this, but I do...

Submitted by AlexorGM at 2006-02-11 00:28:44 EST (#)
Rating: 1

i expected more with the 1.97 rating and over 40 reviews

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2006-02-10 23:59:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I like men and I like chicks
I heart pussies, I heart dicks
Stick me, prick me, lick me too
Just don't say I'm bi - fuck you!

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-10 23:56:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-10 23:49:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-10 17:49:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

I hate stupid people. You didn't ask her if she has sex with transgendered people or hermaphrodites?


If the chick in the story ever met a hermaphrodite her head would probable explode.

People in general are confused and intimidated by today's sexual preferences. Take me for example. If you're a guy and you tell me that you like to bang chicks and other guys, well that makes you gay. If you are a chick and you tell me the same thing, that makes you more attractive in a "come back to my place, my wife has a video camera" kind of way.

////


like this guy, the post about his basement, it's all coming clear. Although that post was bs. Gonna read both your stuff now.

Submitted by Bigmike at 2006-02-10 23:49:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-10 17:49:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

I hate stupid people. You didn't ask her if she has sex with transgendered people or hermaphrodites?


If the chick in the story ever met a hermaphrodite her head would probable explode.

People in general are confused and intimidated by today's sexual preferences. Take me for example. If you're a guy and you tell me that you like to bang chicks and other guys, well that makes you gay. If you are a chick and you tell me the same thing, that makes you more attractive in a "come back to my place, my wife has a video camera" kind of way.

Submitted by Spooner at 2006-02-10 23:34:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think the general idea is when the right person shows up, fuck whatever gender they are.

(But I agree, it's more or less just someone who's bisexual trying to sound better than they are. There are only two sexes. Bisexual means sexual feelings towards both sexes.)

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-10 23:04:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-10 20:51:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-10 20:35:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

You made the kang smile- keepin it loose, baby, like back at Sun studio before you were born. They let me go one night and i just kept singing just to kill time and, look out, #1 before they knew what hit em.
_____________________________________
Elvis: 3 months and no posts... Thank ya, thank ya ver' much. . . . . .
And Sun was NOT before I was born...


////

Never said it was before you were born, Bubba, just the "bonger". We didn't have bongs back then, since you remember, at least not in Mississippi. I'll throw something out here soon, maybe even give you something to listen to. Have some good Elvis impersonator stories: they're only funny because the bastards wouldn't hire the real thing cause I'm too old. (The Pelvis has to look young, you know.) So the irony'll be there. Just no one will believe a word of it, just like I hope)

Submitted by knucklesnelson at 2006-02-10 22:35:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2006-02-10 20:51:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-10 20:35:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

You made the kang smile- keepin it loose, baby, like back at Sun studio before you were born. They let me go one night and i just kept singing just to kill time and, look out, #1 before they knew what hit em.
_____________________________________
Elvis: 3 months and no posts... Thank ya, thank ya ver' much. . . . . .
And Sun was NOT before I was born...

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-10 20:35:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You made the kang smile- keepin it loose, baby, like back at Sun studio before you were born. They let me go one night and i just kept singing just to kill time and, look out, #1 before they knew what hit em.

Submitted by ASO at 2006-02-10 20:30:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Google cant think of any ads to place at the bottom of this post.

Submitted by ASO at 2006-02-10 20:30:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I've heard of those people. I've never seen one. It's not a foreign concept to me, but I have no experience in dealing with them. It's like what I know about sharks. I've never been bitten by one, but I hear it hurts like shit.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2006-02-10 20:10:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You are right.

Submitted by Ducky at 2006-02-10 19:01:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheSpook at 2006-02-10 18:55:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Being bi means niether men nor women can tolerate your shit.

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2006-02-10 18:48:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

She's ashamed of being bi. You could've, and should've, made things waaaaaaay more uncomfortable for her.

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN at 2006-02-10 18:35:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"And is there any defense when someone tells you you're not 'thinking outside the box'?"


I always say "Have you even looked inside the box?" Because what exactly is it were supposed to be thinking outside of? If you don't understand that, how can you hope to understand anything outside of said object?

meh i'm being foolish, awesome post.

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2006-02-10 18:23:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2




I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity offender




Submitted by Jacobt26 at 2006-02-10 18:16:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-10 16:31:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

People like that should be lined up against a brick wall and shot.

Submitted by BadAssJulie at 2006-02-10 17:49:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I hate stupid people. You didn't ask her if she has sex with transgendered people or hermaphrodites?

Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude at 2006-02-10 17:32:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

wtf

Submitted by silent_brook at 2006-02-10 17:27:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck this, Unabonger. You're on your own. I can't grab that one.

That's a great line.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2006-02-10 17:18:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

People just don't like language that tells it like it is.

Kinda like the military calling an airplane crash
a "flight into terrain."

Submitted by Istaros at 2006-02-10 17:17:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Jamie-Lee Curtis... hahahahhaha. you did the right thing, kiddo.

Submitted by Coyote at 2006-02-10 17:16:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think I have it figured it out for you.

The person you met was a "tardosexual".

She was too stupid to notice if the person fucking her was male or female.

Submitted by AshK at 2006-02-10 17:06:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My Brain: "Fuck this, Unabonger. You're on your own. I can't grab that one."



yep

Submitted by Skeptic at 2006-02-10 16:56:09 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Sounds to me like you met a tranny who hasn't gone all the way.

Wish I was taller too.

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo" H.G. Wells

Submitted by hyprspacd at 2006-02-10 16:55:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy how to
be a man! Let's see; don't tattle, always make fun of those different
from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly
the same way you do.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the General

Submitted by Chroniclysm at 2006-02-10 16:54:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Shoulda raped her on principle.

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2006-02-10 16:52:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

ROAR

Submitted by digdug at 2006-02-10 16:51:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I love pussy. I'm very specific about it, too.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2006-02-10 16:49:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Actually, I shouldn't be so harsh, you're probably just having a hard time coming to terms with your own non-specific genderness. That's what it means when you mock someone's sexuality you know, that you are that way too.

It's true. I heard it on Montel.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2006-02-10 16:47:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Non-gender_specific-ophobe.

-2 Die.

Learn to accept other people as they are, jerk.

Submitted by loki at 2006-02-10 16:31:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

People like that should be lined up against a brick wall and shot.

why?

because it gives credence to the Christian right when they rant and rave about the failed morals of the country

I’m just saying, be who you are but fucking be honest at least with yourself about what that means.

On second thought, I’d like to be a bit taller so I think from now one when someone asks me how tall I am, I’m going to say that I’m “non height specific”.


Submitted by Mike00295 at 2006-02-10 16:29:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Informative.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2006-02-10 16:27:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us
from the animals. Except the weasel.

-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood


Submitted by scourge at 2006-02-10 16:27:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If this conversation really happened and I had heard it my rage would have been uncontrollable. Eye twitching, spittle flying, veins in the side of the head blowing out berserker rage.

I personally am a German- Irish- Atheist- Liberal Leaning Independent Voter- Vagina Preferring- Bipedal - Carbon Based- Non Smoking- Six Foot Tall- 200 pound- Olivey Skin Toned- Blue Eyed- Father of one Son life form. All of those words are very important and if you don't take each and every one of them into special consideration when dealing with me I'll sue you.

Submitted by RamenNoodle at 2006-02-10 16:25:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

where do they come up with this shit?

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-10 16:25:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Made me laugh, I don't know why.

Submitted by RamJetMax at 2006-02-10 16:23:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Great rant.

Submitted by PokeyPecker at 2006-02-10 16:22:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I wanna fuck me one a them there non-gender specifics.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-10 16:22:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

no she's just stupid. rebellious "don't label me" phase.

Submitted by leilani at 2006-02-10 16:20:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

INTERESTING.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2006-02-10 16:19:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That was hilarious

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-02-10 16:19:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Everyone's bisexual or gay or straight so it's inevitable that some morons are going to make up new shit to be so they can classify themselves as different.
________________
Just wait til they come up with a new word for 'emo'

"I'm not emo, I suffer from Emotional Dysfunction Disorder!!


Homer: This place is depressing.

Grampa: Hey! I live here.

Homer: Oh, well, I'm sure it's a blast once you get used to it.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart vs. Thanksgiving