Thoughts On Gay PeopleSubmitted by Murphy1844 at 2005-10-13 18:19:54 EDT
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Yesterday I was standing on the balcony of my apartment, looking in to the courtyard below, with my elbows resting on the broken wooden railing, a menthol cigarette burning between my fingers, and at least two liters of Pabst swimming around in my guts, talking to my roommate David about thoughts I have on why gay people behave the way they do.
We were talking about Steve. Steve is the name of a twenty year old gay guy we both know. Steve is very effeminate. He likes money a lot and pretty much everything he says is about money or things money can buy like fast cars and nice homes. He takes good care of himself… applies face cream to his face after a shave, keeps dirt from under his finger nails, brushes his teeth with whitening toothpaste and wears expensive clothes and expensive cologne. I only know that his clothes are expensive because, one night, when Steve was over, he said, “these cloths are expensive.” He also mentioned the cost of his cologne. He said, “doesn’t it smell good?” I wouldn’t know these things otherwise, because I think about different things than Steve does.
On the balcony, David my roommate asked, “do you think he’s always been girly like that?” I said:
“Well, when did he start, do you think, haha, I mean…”
“Probably shortly before or after he told everyone that he was gay,” I said.
“So you think he like, TURNED that way or something, haha.”
“Gay or effeminate?”
“Effeminate or whatever,” he said.
I took a drag of my smoke and said, “probably.”
“So like, I mean… I guess I don’t get it… I mean.” And then I explained to him my thoughts on gay people.
Gay guys, most of them, are insecure idiots who afraid of being themselves. So are flaming straight guys… many of them. And girls. It irritates me more with gay guys because I’m gay too. When a gay guy tells everyone he’s gay, he begins the process of self-acceptance. For me, and I’m assuming for many other gay people, it was a long battle against shame, that ended in acceptance (even pride). The gay guy, he asks himself, “who AM I?” Likely, with little or no role models, the idiot-type gay guy looks to see what other gay people are doing, and he models that behavior. He doesn’t know he’s doing it… he just does, because he’s an idiot and idiots are less self-aware. And to this idiot, the only gay people out there are the visible gay people. He doesn’t know that the “straight-acting” police officer or lawyer, or coffee slinger or writer is gay because he’s “straight-acting.” He also believes that he has joined a community of people who all act the same, and he finds security in this. So he finds an answer to the question “who AM I.” His answer is: “I’m GAY.” And to the fucking idiot, being gay is more than just being attracted to members of his own gender. Being gay is acting like a girl, obsessing over aesthetics, buying expensive things to compensate for that big empty black fucking hole that is his lack of ability to have one single independent thought. To make a choice and stand behind it, even when people disagree. The idiot is a slave. He is a slave to what he thinks is expected of him.
“And,” I said to David, “there are some gay guys who aren’t afraid of being themselves. They are just naturally more effeminate than most other guys.”
“Hehe,” he said.
“Yep,” and then I finished my beer and went to bed.