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Life On Lexepro

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2005-05-17 19:10:50 EDT
Rating: 1.56 on 31 ratings (31 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Last night I cooked the best chicken ever. I used a charcoal grill and cooked chicken thighs and drumsticks. The secret, I think, and what made this chicken’s flavor so succulent, was the BBQ sauce. You see I infused this sauce with a half bottle of Habenero sauce. Habenero peppers are the second hottest peppers in the world.

So I started by building a fire. You shake a half bag of charcoal briquettes in a clean grill. Then squirt lighter fluid all over the briquettes and light. Wait about twenty-five thirty minutes before applying the meat. At that time you’ll have a nice, hot, manly fire. The fire was so hot, last night, that I could feel my crotch swelling. I don’t know what it is about a hot fire.

There was nothing particularly special about the chicken—like I said, this shit was so tasty because of the sauce. The Habeneros. Just throw the bits of chicken on the grill and prepare for flare-ups. You don’t want the flame touching the chicken because if it does, your drumsticks or thighs or whatever will taste like burnt lighter fluid. Turn them a few times, rotating the outer chicken to the middle of the fire, and close the lid whenever the coals flare up. At this point, with the lid closed, you’re creating an oven. Just sit back, be patient, and dance around in the flavorful smoke. And get your sauce ready.

I walked from the patio to the kitchen, pausing in front of the T.V., to get the sauce started. Joel, my roommate, said, “hold on, wait.” I stopped, looking at the screen. “Okay, GO,” he said. He was playing Resident Evil 4. To those of you who don’t know, RE4 is a revolutionary sequel to the whole RE series. It is considered a ‘survival horror’ game and, in RE4, your job is to rescue the President’s daughter from the evil grip of Lord Salazar. Salazar is the leader of a bizarre cult based in an unnamed location in Spanish-speaking Europe. You play an agent of the Raccoon City Police Department, named Leon Scott Kennedy. This game has amazing graphics, control, gameplay, level design, sound—everything. It is the best console game ever made. Okay, you can skip to the next paragraph. To those who do know: right now we’re trying to beat Krauser on PRO mode. I already beat the game on normal mode, unlocking Assignment Ada and The Mercenaries (and got a 5* rating on all levels with all characters, unlocking the handcannon [SAY SOMETHING!]). But Krauser is a bitch. He’s too powerful.

I ran between Joel and Leon Scott Kennedy and grabbed a plastic bowl and poured a whole bottle of Fred Meyer brand BBQ sauce in the bowl, gloop gloop gloop, and then threw in a couple dashes of Habenero sauce. I started to twist the cap back on the bottle of Habenero sauce and paused. I looked up from the kitchen and everyone was staring at the screen because Joel just put a Killer7 bullet in Krauser’s face. Then I quickly unscrewed the cap and tripled the amount of Habenero sauce in the bowl. For some reason, I felt guilty and inconsiderate doing this. As I was shaking the sauce in the bowl, I screamed “ANOTHER KNOTCH, WAH WAH.”

“What the fuck?” A voice from the living room. I grabbed the bowl, feeling a little embarrassed, and I started to run across the living room. Then Joel said:

“Wait wait wait.” I could hear the buttons clicking. The T.V. went ‘chick chick boom hahaha bam uh huh boom boom huh.’ Joel said, “NOW” and I ran outside. I plucked the chicken from the grill and dipped them in the sauce. The chicken sizzled as they were being drenched and coated. I put the chicken back on the grill to bake on the sauce and then I took them off a few minutes later, recoated them in more sauce, and then I stacked them in a bright orange plastic bowl that had ghosts and pumpkins printed on the side. Then we grubbed.

I was so hungry that I burned my fingers picking up the hot, dripping, meat. The chicken literally fell off the bone. It was smoky. It burned the shit out of everyone’s lips. I couldn’t stop laughing. People were screaming “MILK!” or “BREAD, BREAD, WATER, SOMETHING!” I laughed some more and drank, then ate more chicken. After the pussies had their milk, they took another piece and cried all over again. We all sat around the kitchen with BBQ sauce all over our lips, cheeks, and fingers. Sweat beaded on our faces and several people were blowing their noses and wiping their eyes. We were laughing our asses off. And we all agreed: this was the best chicken ever.


Review This Item




Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2009-07-23 02:17:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ghost chilies are nearly twice as hot as and habenero. They are the hottest pepper in the world.

Submitted by strider at 2005-05-18 13:28:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the beginning about the grilling was really slow but I enjoyed the writing style.

BTW Habanero IS the hottest chile:


"The "Red Savina" Habanero has been tested at over 577,000 Scoville units!

This is so much hotter than the normal Habanero chile pepper, that the "Guiness Book of Records" have accepted it as "the hottest chili pepper" in the world. Even now, breeders are attempting to beat this. The new Francisca Habanero is said to be hotter still!"

Submitted by Phinch at 2005-05-18 13:18:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

good to see you around newbie.

Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2005-05-18 13:13:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-05-18 12:57:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

Love a man who can cook spicy food
So does Murphy.

Submitted by southernmiss at 2005-05-18 12:57:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Love a man who can cook spicy food

Submitted by the_lone_stranger at 2005-05-18 12:01:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I love spicy food.

Submitted by kimmy02721 at 2005-05-18 11:59:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Does this mean you quit drinking? How long have you been taking Lexapro? It made my eyes twitch and my palms and feet really sweaty. oh and i puked after taking it for the first week. Zoloft gives you diarrhea! :-)

miss your posts.

Submitted by jumpinjellyfish at 2005-05-18 11:06:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Well written.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2005-05-18 09:46:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Are you back?

Are you well?

Are you happy?

I hope the answer to all these questions is, "yes."

Being able to find joy in the simple things seems like a hell of an improvement over the "old" Murphy, and as Hair said, "this makes me glad."

Submitted by WhatTheHell at 2005-05-18 08:29:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

What's the big fucking deal here?

Some guy writes a half assed story about grilling chicken....




It wasn't even that good, or all that entertaining even?


You people are retarded.

Submitted by Bigmike at 2005-05-18 00:35:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Hi Murphy.

Nice to see something from you.

Laotian peppers are a bitch.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-05-18 00:29:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well-written. I don't know if I'm going to quite gush like Apollo, but it was good anyhow.

Once, when my band was jamming in this house I was renting at the time, our drummer chopped up two full Habenero peppers into a single pan of faquitas. Various other 'weaker' peppers and spices were also added until the resulting concoction was on the verge of being unedible. We were all literally crying and laughing at the same time while trying to eat this shit - cursing our drummer for both ruining the meal, and creating probably one of the greatest faquita dinners we'd ever tasted. The stuff was hot as Satan's crotch, but it was so good, it was worth it.

A word of advice to the uninitiated: if you're going to lick Satan's crotch, i.e. eat what amounts to an army's helping of Habenero peppers in one setting, fuck the badass image shit...JUST DRINK THE MILK!

Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2005-05-17 23:08:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

must make heat

Submitted by Zackstersmackster at 2005-05-17 23:01:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I must make somma them there chickens.

Submitted by Lisa at 2005-05-17 22:59:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Murphy, Murphy, Murphy, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

Submitted by DanielH at 2005-05-17 22:48:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Most heated.

Submitted by Hsibaf at 2005-05-17 22:34:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You're the man, Murph.

Submitted by proofofpurchase at 2005-05-17 21:55:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-05-17 20:07:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

This made me glad.

The use of the word "glad" seems so out of place here.

Gave me the warm fuzzies none the less....about spicy grilled chicken.

Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude at 2005-05-17 21:34:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

thank you for returning

Submitted by jwlmar10 at 2005-05-17 20:36:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

This was a great description of grilling spicy chicken, but then again, it was so much more. Actually, nevermind, it's pretty much just about grilling spicy chicken.

Submitted by mikethescottish at 2005-05-17 20:35:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Hairsphincter at 2005-05-17 20:07:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This made me glad.

Submitted by bob at 2005-05-17 19:55:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

we love you murp! woo!

Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2005-05-17 19:51:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

murphy is a dork!!!!!!!!

have fun being an aol chatting FAG!!!!!!!

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2005-05-17 19:22:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You must be psychic man. You nailed me to a TEE! That was almost chilling.

Submitted by freebie at 2005-05-17 19:20:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

you must be one of these emaiing, text massaging, AOL chat nerds need a website to pretend I have
friends ubervirgins to get +2s for this crap

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2005-05-17 19:18:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Jesus, thanks apollo. Now I'm gushing.

JMG: The first hottest peppers, from what I've heard, don't have a name. THEY HAVE A NUMBER! Seriously. It has something to do with the "capscum" scale or something (too lazy to look it up). Habenero peppers are sufficient enough for me.

Submitted by JMG114 at 2005-05-17 19:15:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What are the first hottest peppers? I always thought it was habaneros.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2005-05-17 19:15:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are the most gifted with prose writer on this site.

Some have better ideas, some are funnier but you are polished, almost the finished atricle.

See? You made me gush. It is not often I gush.

Submitted by JMG114 at 2005-05-17 19:13:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's a breath of fresh air, it's a warm summer sunset, it's a breeze on a moonlit night.

It's a beautiful day.

Murphy has returned.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2005-05-17 19:12:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

weird i was just thinking, i wonder how murphy is getting on at the sheetmetal factory or wherever, you see i too am plummeting towards rock bottom.

now to read the post.

It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in
here ...

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror