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Silvr... You're really an arrogant prick, huh? Shut up.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 02:54:33 EDT
Rating: -1.78 on 12 ratings (43 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Listen to this while you read... Tupac- "Fuck All Y'all"


Honestly, Silvr, you’re an arrogant, uninformed prick.

You know nothing about me, my life, my true goals, or what I’ve accomplished. Only a character I’ve created on here, that’s a facet of me. But it’s not me.

You don’t know anything about the true world, of the rich, powerful, drugs, and Kingpins in society.

I do… I've drunk with those that run everything you watch, I've rubbed shoulders with someone with a phone call could get you beaten to a pulp with a club. I've stood up to Crip gangbangers trying to extort me and demanding I go to "MacArthur" park to settle disputes (thank god I did not go).
Point being, I chose the "The Road Not Taken" but I never fucked up my life, I chose the adventure to learn to write.

I'm a better writer than you'll ever be. I'm a man. I might complain about something and some of my friends. But I'm stoic, strong, charismatic, handsome, and funny. I have friends that went to Harvard Law, Yale, and Cal. Running industries, that don't mind me teasing them, or inviting me to private parties.

I've been at dinners with Hollywood executives, have producer friends on speed dial, have gotten the inside scoop on shows like "Cobra Kai" before it came out years ago. I was asked what I thought about the arc's they were taking, writing, and making the lead a "Hispanic male". I gave my two cents, and I'm proud of the groups' process and progress( Hit show!).

I’ve got to meet my script writing hero’s, such as Rob Reiner, in a green room, while hanging out with Dr. Oz.

I have friends that live in the belly of “D.C.” that live on, “The Hill” and are going to be those that change society and are knee deep in politics. I have friends that are in the NFL now, that call me before a game, and that I send advice to… These are the friends I made when I was younger.

I'm loyal, smart, and cool. A good-hearted person, but not a pussy. I expect loyalty from my friends, and I’ll hold them accountable.

Yeah, sometimes I whine about it, I'm a great friend. A true one, and a trustworthy one. I've been given scripts before they were sold, untouched, unblemished, and not copyrighted. Asking me for my advice… trusting me.

Point being, you don't know shit about me. The real person that created the "Perkman" character, and you make up these stupid ideas of who I am. You try to be superior to a character, a motif, I pieced together over the better part of 14 years.

I honestly find it pathetic, and funny all in one.

But, go on, pick away. It means nothing to me.

This is just something I do on the side, whilst in graduate school. A motif and character that is a part of me…But isn’t nearly close to all of me.

I chose the path, I lived on the edge, and I’ve seen the world.

While you’ll die in the same spot an area you’re born, thinking that since you “Played it safe” you’re a success... Until the credits on your life roll and you realize you accomplished and did nothing with your life. While I lived mine to the fullest and did everything I ever wanted.

It sucks to know, that most people in life aren’t pussies, right? I respect Shlongy and Oathmeal... They had balls to live their lives, fight for their dreams, and go against the grain...
What have you done?

Jerking off to telling a “made up” character that he’s a loser or he’s better than them? Haha, fuck off.

I still hope all is well though, fuck stain. I don't hate people, I hope everyone wins... Even those that don’t deserve it.

God speed.


Review This Item




Submitted by apollo88 at 2019-07-10 13:40:06 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Lol @ doodles

Submitted by .:shitfuck:. at 2019-06-13 01:04:20 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You’re a disaster. I’m actually embarrassed for you.

Submitted by Dru M at 2019-04-11 18:59:04 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Doodles at 2019-04-06 19:47:04 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

When I first came to ubersite in 2004, I thought people manually typed out “No comment.” when they wanted to rate something without leaving any comment. I’m embarrassed at how stupid I was to think that for, I want to say a month or so.

I tell that story to say Perkman is the most dedicated character in this websites history. It’s just a shame he had to be dumber than I was in 2004. I really would have enjoyed a story arc with growth and development. Like how Shandy grew from writing fiction to cumming on children’s games. You still have a chance Perkman. You can still cum on hungry hungry hippos

Submitted by blackbear at 2019-04-06 01:52:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

silvr really is a prick though, isn't he?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-04-03 16:27:50 EDT (#)

I've never understood the allure of creating a character other than myself, either online or in person. People who do do this eventually get caught, which I suspect is what happened here.

For example, I really wanted to go to NYC in my early 20's. I didn't make a lot of money. So I found a guy on a dating website that offered to shack me up for a couple days so I didn't have to pay housing. Before I went, my pathological liar of a cousin asked me who I was going to pretend to be. The question confused me.

The same goes here.

As far as writing goes, this post is clear and structured well enough, but doesn't have any interesting ideas or nuance. I look for interesting ideas and nuance in good writers. Those ideas and subtlety are lost if the writing is unclear or not well structured. So you're on your way, but fail to deliver anything interesting or, in your case, "marketable."

Silvr has said nice things about me in the past, so I tend to side with him. In your case, big-boy, why don't you create something and let other people judge your creation, rather than spending all this time defending yourself and propping yourself up. That shit don't fly here.


Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-03-31 14:22:47 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

TL;DR... and I only read the first 4 comments.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-03-31 14:21:47 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

How many diapers have you both gone through while waging this little text war? 'Cause I see a lot of butthurt in here.

My gawds, will you two stop giving a fuck, already?

Submitted by OathMeal at 2019-03-30 21:56:40 EDT (#)

Plot twist: Silvr = Perkman.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-30 21:05:17 EDT (#)

Silvr- I will, I got to have a candid, informal, spirited talk with one of my idols. He lived up to the memory, met his son too, bitch tits.


Your jealousy is disgusting, you're like a jealous house wife. I know you have tits like one, but do you have to act like one too?

You wrote your laundry list of things you've done to impress me, and show me you're not a fat loser.

You failed by the way, you lonely, blue collar, fat ass.

But, thanks for the insight.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-30 19:34:03 EDT (#)

No. Perkman is dead. You killed him. The only thing that's kept your vapid, inane character mildly entertaining is me, sugartits. You're welcome.

I'm done here. You can return to jerking your dick to the memory of once being in the same room with Rob Reiner.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-30 19:19:43 EDT (#)

Bestmate- You're right. I apologize, as a gentlemen should.


Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-30 18:52:04 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Dear Mr Perk “Grownman Perkiness” man
Nanny often scolded us for indulging in hubris. Usually, after supper and before we retired to bed she would, with a frown, warn of the dangers. You boy’s, she would say, are les crème de la crème. Never ever, she would expostulate, should you brag of one’s attributes. Wear one’s excellence discreetly, feign ignorance of your superiority. Now boys, out with the candles and off to sleep you naughty boys must go. No hands below the Southern Hemisphere, she would whisper, purity feeds the soul, she would lament. Aghh, a carnal lust must be resisted, at all costs, her faltering tremulous squeak of a voice simmered.
Therefore, Mr Perk etc; beware. I should hate to see you diminished by glorying in one’s glory. It is sir, not acceptable on the field of cricket or in the orbit of a gentleman.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-30 18:29:27 EDT (#)

Silvr- This made your day, huh, fat boy? At the gym, riding the bike, having a swell day, before I study for the next 8hrs.

Such is life, glad my writing got suxh strong emotions out of you, and your calloused hands.

Also, having to "name drop" your various jobs, or businesses etc.. it's classless, you commoner. But, silly fat boy, you wouldn't know that.

Perkman will live on. Great character.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-30 14:43:20 EDT (#)


Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-30 13:40:34 EDT (#)

Perky must've had to pull a double shift. Those scones and bagels aren't going to upsell themselves! Here. I'll fill in for him:

Something something callused hands. Something something [erroneous apostrophe] better than you. Something something Haha[sic] [superfluous comma] loser! Something something [grammatical atrocity] smarter than you.

That should cover it. Ooooo! I can't wait to see what my overly verbose retort will be!

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-30 13:22:24 EDT (#)

My ponies will not be your new GroundHorse, Jeanneee.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-30 11:15:13 EDT (#)

Silvrwolf, let's fuckkkkk

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2019-03-30 04:53:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Can you guys just find a room, fuck and get it over with?

Actually, give it a few more months. This is the best entertainment this site has offered in some time.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 23:30:18 EDT (#)

Someone who gets it, below.

Submitted by Snark at 2019-03-29 22:40:25 EDT (#)

The more things change...

Submitted by Dru M at 2019-03-29 17:37:40 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is the WINNERS thread

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 17:29:35 EDT (#)

You always fall back to playground insults when you've lost, Perky. Your impotent flailing amuses me.

But since you want to talk about me...

Yes, I clean my barn. I have horses and they make messes. Their messes are my messes since I own those horses and take care of them. Adults clean up their own messes. You should try it sometime. I also clean my house and my apartment in DC and my other house in VA. When you own things, you and only you are responsible for them. That is how the adult do.

I own four businesses. I rarely have time to be lonely. I've worked very hard in the past 10 years just so I don't have to work very hard now. I've had a lot of help and a great group of people who've supported me and helped me to get where I am. As a result, I make great money while doing very little manual work. It's allowed me to have three residences and the means to travel between them. I'll will always be a tradesman at heart, though. I like building things. I like taking care of animals. I like working with my hands. I still love the feeling of completing a hard day's work and seeing something that you've created take shape in the real world. Anyone can build something in their mind. Few can actually make that something a reality.

I survived cancer. I survived being abandoned by my family when I was young. I skydive, I wingsuit and I BASE jump. I like driving fast cars. I fish. I hunt. I like blowing $200 on dinner and drinks. I like grilling out in the most inclement of weather. I like to drink ludicrously expensive rye whiskeys. I'm partnering to open a bar in Prague in 2020. After all these years, I still like to bait retards on the internet. I like having my friends over for parties with live bands and professional lighting and glowball races in the creek. Sometimes, I just like to sit back, get stoned on some of the best weed in the world and watch the world go by with all its peculiarities. But today when I finish this comment, I'm going to go build a table that has zero metal parts out of African Tigerwood. Not because I have to, but simply because I can.

That said, I'm still a very flawed person. In the real world, I don't seize opportunities when I should. I let things go too easily. I'm too apathetic to things that directly affect me. I'm often too coarse and far too often self-assured. It's cost a lot of money and a few friends over the years. I truly have far too many flaws to list. I've struggled to maintain a self-awareness of those flaws. I've struggled to fix or repair them. But I haven't stopped struggling. I'm surrounded by people who truly believe I can fix anything. The hardest thing I've ever had to fix is myself, but I've never backed down from a challenge... especially an honest one.

So to answer the question you asked in your I-me-my novella above: That's what I have done, am doing and will continue to do. You can go back to talking about you now, if you like.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 16:28:54 EDT (#)

You clean barns? Hahaha, you're such an nonsensical, non-intellectual, fat, gross, loser.

Trying so hard to be better than an internet persona, and spending all day on it?

Wow, you sure got me, Silvr.

Lonely and fat, loser


Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 16:24:10 EDT (#)

bear - inferior to what/whom? I haven't made any comparisons. I just like to poke holes in overinflated things. Perky here has revealed that poking his ego is a surefire way to get him to respond every single time. Do I take a little pride in knowing that he outed himself because I provoked him? Of course. I've known he was fake for a long time and his fragile ego is so easy to exploit.

And anyway, I'm just killing time because I've already cleaned the barn and I don't want to clean the house. I think I'm going to go fire up the planer and build something.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 16:12:03 EDT (#)

Yes, by completely blowing up your 14 year charade, you really got me good.

That you actually think that you've somehow burned me in this extended little hissy fit of yours is hilarious. My analytical asshole persona got you so frustrated that you outed yourself as a fake... after investing 14 years in the ruse. Think about that. All it took was a little armchair psychoanalysis from afar directed at you, the real person, and you just straight up shit the bed. Only the simplest, most naive of minds would ever think that you somehow achieved a victory in this (if there is such a thing as victory in this place). But if that's what you need, well... you go, kiddo.

Submitted by blackbear at 2019-03-29 16:07:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

One thing's for sure, silvr here sure is trying a little too hard to make you feel inferior. As we all know, the person being made inferior must consent to such treatment.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 15:46:32 EDT (#)

Silvr- The beauty of Ubersite.. Maybe it's true, and maybe it's not. You'll never know, bitch tits.


Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 15:40:58 EDT (#)

Oh, and your law school pivot is yet another swirl in this cauldron of bullshit you've created, too. You're not smart enough to pass the bar, let alone be accepted into a graduate program.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 15:38:51 EDT (#)

I spent most of those years correctly pointing out that it was all bullshit and how your inconsistent stories amd unbelievable bad luck gave it all away. You spent those years proclaiming, "I'm a real boy, damnit!" Sadly and once again, you fail.

So, intrigue, no. It's more like this: I'm a cat and you're the little ball with a bell in it that sits under under the edge of the cabinet. Every once in a while, someone kicks it and reminds me it's there. I bat it around the room for a bit, grow bored and forget about it again.

I know metaphors are tough for you, fat boy. Read it a couple times. You'll get it eventually.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 15:29:14 EDT (#)

Silvr- It intrigued you didn't it? You're arguing about it. Haha, I'm a great character writer.

Mix a bit of truth, fiction, old world ideals... Then boom. You have a character for the ages. Writing "Perkman" helped me a lot on my theories on human nature, society, and suburban life. Helps with my scripts.

Thank me later, asshole.

Best character and alter, ever.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 15:21:45 EDT (#)

Let's review:

A law student, currently studying for a graduate degree, creates over 14 years a hapless, poorly-developed, hilariously entitled character (a totally original, "I could've gone pro" jock) who never takes responsibility for any of his failures, barely improves his station in life and never achieves his stated goal of becoming a rich, famous screenwriter. His character spends most of those years fucking up in every imaginable way and blaming others for it. This is all while patting himself on the back for how awesome he thinks he is and arrogantly telling others that they'll never achieve the [non-]success that he has when they dare point out his glaringly apparent flaws. When that character's poor composition and half-formed identity get throttled and shredded by the law student's readers, the law student declares, "Screenwriter Perkman was just a creation. REAL Perkman is actually studying for an advanced degree in law! And he's still awesome and blameless! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

You're just too fucking precious, princess.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 14:52:19 EDT (#)

LL.M. or S.J.D.?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 14:38:58 EDT (#)

Silvr- I do, I have, and I did.

Perkman is an amalgamation of myself, friends, ideal's and things I've seen

What kind of idiot chases an "alter" around for 14 years, thinking they're clever, or getting their rocks off, criticizing that "alter" as if they've accomplished something?

Haha, you're a fucking idiot.

Typing this, whilst in law school, in class, on a lecture about "property"... Point being, you know nothing about me. Unequivocally, you're a fucking fool.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 14:26:19 EDT (#)

Urine luck, Perky! I made $800 this morning and my afternoon is free to piss all over your "character".

Who spends 14 years creating a persona who continually fails at life, goes homeless, has his shit towed and gets a round of rabies shots after being attacked by a stealthy raccoon?

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 13:57:53 EDT (#)

"I lived on the edge."

Have you ever been brave enough to jump off it, trusting only a backpack with some fabric and strings to keep you safe?

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 13:50:15 EDT (#)

"I'm a man."

Every person I've ever met who felt the need to proclaim this line in some silly declaration of machismo, every single one, turned out to be a complete snivelling bitch.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-29 13:23:25 EDT (#)

Wrong again, Silvr... But keep doing you.

You're a fool.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-29 11:41:21 EDT (#)

PS Is this an intentional homage to Elliott Rodger's manifesto?

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-29 11:33:20 EDT (#)

Reading this caused me to die 5 times. Excellent work.

Submitted by Tormentos at 2019-03-29 11:00:05 EDT (#)

...aaaand of the two of you, Silvr's the arrogant prick. Got it. <'OK' gang sign>

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-29 10:03:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

He forgot; "I've given you your fries, at the Drive Thru..."

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-29 09:41:39 EDT (#)

Oh my. It seems as if my character here has gotten under the skin of your
character here. This REALLY bothered you for two days, huh? Must have hit a little too close to home. You even picked a theme song. So sweet of you.

No, I likely nailed you. Not your persona here; the real you. Why else would you dedicate so much text to someone when you claim his words mean nothing to you? If it hurt your feelings so badly, perhaps you should reevaluate that. You probably do this a lot, though. When faced with the ugly things The Mirror shows us, we often would rather lash out than truly study the reflection. It's cool. You're just not ready yet.

In summary: this started when others were telling you that you're too self-centered. I joined in and since then, you've rolled off more than 100 "I"s "me"s and "my"s in response. What you believe and what the evidence points to are worlds apart, dude. For real. I rest my case. You may now return to Perkyland, where you're a famous screenwriter, everyone loves you and you're the best man in all of your hundreds of friends' weddings.

Thanks for spending so much time on little ol' me, whose words mean nothing to you. I'm flattered, truly. But maybe next time just apply a little Chapstick to the chaffed areas of your asshole and don't work so hard at proving me right.

I thought there was chocolate inside ... Well, why was it wrapped in foil?

-- Homer Simpson
Mr. Plow