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Batmanning. Cinnamon. Tide Pods. And now it's apparently Soy Sauce. These Kids Today, with their fads...

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2019-03-20 17:22:50 EDT
Rating: 2.0 on 8 ratings (11 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The other weekend MLWaI hosted a small get-together at our place, as we have been known to occasionally do. As usual, we made dinner and served the guests. This time there were six guests; a retired couple from our neighborhood, and two 30-something work-at-home types and their two teenage sons. I believe their ages were given to me as 13yo and 15yo.

Now, normally I don't invite people to bring their kids to my place at all. I don't have children for a reason, and that reason is that they are annoying. I'm sure actual parents don't see their own children this way, but I do. My house, my rules. But in this case, I figured that these two would a) be under the continuous supervision of their parents, b) only be under my lanai roof for a few hours, and c) attempt to be well-behaved to avoid the ire of their parents if not out of respect for their hosts.

We like to prepare the majority of the meal ahead of time and keep it in temperature-appropriate storage while socializing and cooking the main course in the outdoor kitchen, and in this instance it was no different. The meal was of green salad with a nice vinaigrette, green beans and glazed carrots, small oven-roast potatoes, grilled flank steak, and those awesome grilled pear halves with gorgonzola and maple syrup. All of that, save the pears and steak, were done ahead of time and awaitied serving.

Now, dear reader, as you are doubtless aware, there are any number of ways to cook a flank steak. I myself use several, and in this instance it was to be one I had not done before. This method involved marinating the steaks for several hours and some treatments just before and during grilling, and one of the 'during' treatments is the judicious and careful application of a small amount of good soy sauce. To that end, I had one of my better ones out and ready for use. It is Yamaroku "Tsuru Bishio", from Japan. It's not really rare - you can buy it on Amazon - but it's not cheap since it's actually made by people who know what they're doing, by hand, in wooden barrels, and it's aged 4 years. I bought a bottle and had used up about 10% of it at the time of this dinner party. It is very strong and very flavorful, so you do not use much of it.

The conversation found its way to internet challenges, from Batmanning to Planking to Cinnamon to Tide Pods. The older child talked about having eaten a Tide Pod after being challenged to do so, and his parents sheepishly admitted that his story was true. He wasn't harmed by it, and he mother said she had to demand that the younger one not follow suit and even go so far as to lock up the remaining Pods until they were used up in the laundry. As one who played Pass Out as a kid, I can understand the fascination with pushing your limits but intentionally eating things that you know can kill you to prove how hard you are doesn't make sense to me as an adult. But whatever, maybe Darwin has a point.

As I was preparing the steaks, I opened the bottle of soy sauce and remarked that it was quite strong. The older child asked to taste it, so I put a drop on a spoon and gave it to him. He tasted it and said it was awful. Of course it is, kid, if you just put it on your tongue. It's supposed to enhance the flavor of other things, not be the flavor. He wandered off and talked to his brother while I cooked, and we served and ate. Delish.

After the meal, we were talking around the table and the two children asked to go out into the yard to walk around the path we have back there. Mom and Dad let them go, and we kept talking. A few minutes later we hear the older one shouting, and he came racing back into the lanai saying his brother was sick. We all ran out and found the younger kid on the ground, doubled over, covered in brown vomit, and the empty bottle of Yamaroku near his hand. Apparently the older kid had challenged him to drink the entire bottle, and the stupid little shit did it.

Now, Yamaroku is strong in flavor, but it also has a lot of sodium in it. One tablespoon of it has more than 40% of the sodium you're supposed to have in a day, if you're an average adult without heart troubles. This sub-100lb kid drank about 30 tablespoons. That much sodium at once can just kill you. Fortunately, the kid vommed it out before he absorbed too much, but his parents still took him to the ER as a precaution.

Last Saturday, the kid's Dad stopped by and gave me another bottle of Yamaroku, to replace the one his moron kid destroyed. That's the one you see in the picture. I've used it on some rice and fish. Turns out the kid's alright and will suffer no long-term effects from trying to poison himself on expensive fermented bean squeezins. We had a short conversation about why children let themselves be goaded into doing stuff like that, but I guess there is no explaining it. Maybe if you get all that out of your system early, you'll either die or not be tempted any more? I dunno, but it seems like internet fads and challenges are becoming more foolish and dangerous over time.

And I hear Pass Out is making a comeback.


Review This Item




Submitted by messmind at 2019-04-11 18:13:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-03-24 14:46:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's good to know that there are people willing to indulge themselves in the little things that bring tang to your existence, like a better soy sauce or a recipe that calls for some actual thought and taste. Thanks for sharing, skrap. Appreciate.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-22 10:08:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've never grilled flank steak in my life. I don't think I've even ever tried it, and I am a carnivore.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2019-03-21 23:17:49 EDT (#)

Happy to, Flack. Happy to.

You'll need:
-1.5 to 2 lb Flank steak
-1 medium or 3/4 large Vidalia onion
-4 large (6 medium) cloves of garlic
-1/2 cup (a stick) of butter
-Light olive oil for saute
-a $10 bottle of decent red wine, not too powerful. Like a Malbec, Merlot, or Pinot Noir. Something you'd serve to your guests with the steak.
-1/4 cup Kosher salt (not Iodized)
-1 to 1.5 tbsp good, flavorful soy sauce like Yamaroku (you can use plain ol' Kikkoman or whatever but it's weak and may not do the flavor-enhancing job you're after)
-a container large enough to fit the steak and allow it to be covered in marinade, but not too large

To Prepare:
-Cross-cut the surfaces of the steak at +/- 60 degrees from the grain about 1/8th inch deep
-Reserve 1 cup of red wine, mix remainder of red wine and the salt in the container, let salt dissolve
-Put the steak in the container, add water to wine/salt to cover steak if necessary. Cover container and put in the 'fridge for at least 3 and as many as 12 hours (longer = more tender)
-Remove the steak from the marinade and put on a covered tray for long enough for it to get to room temperature
-Smash, peel, and coarse chop the garlic
-Coarse chop the onion
-Saute the onion in olive oil until the onions are translucent, then add garlic and saute until onion just starts to caramelize and/or the garlic is cooked
-Remove the garlic and onion pieces from the butter/oil mixture, mince them together, and return them to the infused oil
-Set infused olive oil with mince chunks in aside in airtight container (say, put it in a Ziplock after it cools enough)
-Melt the butter in a saucepan (clarify it if you like, even better) and add garlic/onion olive oil and minced garlic/onion pieces
-Remove butter/oil/chunks from heat, allow to cool to below 150F
-Paint butter mixture liberally on both sides of steak, place steak on hot grill
-Add 1 cup red wine and soy sauce to butter mixture. It will not mix with the butter/oil, so whisk to temporarily combine.
-Paint on up side of steak about 1 minute before turning the first time. You'll have a lot of the butter/wine/soy concoction, use as much as you like.
-Repeat painting whisked butter mixture on on grilled side after turning.
-Repeat painting whisked butter mixture after turning & rotating 90 degrees to get crossed grill marks
-Last time for painting whisked butter mixture, after final turn
-Remove the steak from the grill and let stand uncovered near but not on the heat for 5-10 minutes. The shelf next to the grill is a good spot.
-Carve across the grain and at an angle of about 30 degrees below horizontal, top to bottom, so your knife cuts most of the grain and the slices are under 1/4 inch thick
-OPTIONAL: pour remaining butter/oil/wine over meat after carving (it will separate in the platter)
-Serve on a platter (with ribboned carrot and green onion garnish for the eye, maybe)

-Recipe serves 4 to 6 people as a main in a standard sitting, or as many as 12 in a tapas type meal.
-Flank steaks are usually thinner on one end than the other, so you'll get a nice range of doneness with the 3-turn method.
-Vidalia onion has a more subtle onion flavor when sauteed than do white or yellow onion. Works well with the other flavors going on here.
-Flank steak will not be "tender"; as a working muscle it will resist the tooth while also having a stronger flavor.
-Cross-cutting the surface prior to marinating helps the wine get in there and break down connective tissues
-You definitely want to taste the steak before you add salt or pepper. Yamaroku is a helluva soy sauce.
-Not a heart-healthy choice in any way, but on the other hand it's not as though you'd live forever by not eating this.
-And as always, should one of your guests want their steak done beyond medium, give them a $20 gift card to Outback and boot them the hell out of your life.

Submitted by Flack at 2019-03-21 16:34:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

On the real:

Would you please share how you treat the flank steak? I'm only curious becasue if this soy sauce is as fucking titties as you make it sound, I would like to know how you use just one tablespoon on an entire flank.

Cool? Cool.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2019-03-21 16:10:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Salty or something

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2019-03-21 08:49:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like to play pass out with my kink partner.

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2019-03-21 05:33:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2019-03-21 04:19:52 EDT (#)

I just googled “batmanning” and now I’m even more pessimist about humanity’s chances of survival.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-20 20:09:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Pretty clear cut case of a not-very-intelligent kid trying to impress his (possibly sadistic) older sibling. Hopefully they both learned something.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2019-03-20 17:23:55 EDT (#)

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with
family, religion, community service. But those were all dead ends. I
think this chair is the answer.

-- Homer Simpson
Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?