What happened to us?Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-11 21:42:07 EDT
Rating: -1.13 on 12 ratings (30 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Listen to this while you read.- Ashely Parker Angel- "Where did you go?"
What happened to us?
I’ve lived a wild life, unhinged, chasing the starlets… Now, I realize, I must have been wrong.
I’ve gone through so many different groups, friends, clique’s, and cities. I’m known in all locale’s, but I don’t fit in… My heart doesn’t stay.
I just got invited to a former teammates wedding. We’re close, well as close as I’m ever going to get. We text almost every couple of days. I consider him close. I was texting him about his upcoming wedding, it was small talk, then I asked about the “Best man and the guys on the podium” that every single wedding has. I always feign that I don’t give a crap about that… If we’re friends, we’re friends. I don’t need special dedications or proclamations as a “best friend.” I’m fine with being on the outside looking in.
But it hurt... Not going to lie. He mentioned his group (2 best friends, brother in laws, etc..), those he’d chosen for his wedding, his party… I played it off as if I was fine, but it hurt.
I’ve never been the best man at a wedding. Not for anyone. I am that guy that gets invited to the wedding, but I’m never truly “in”, the guy you wouldn’t mind there, but not the first name you think of.
I had a group of friends before this journey. We were all insanely close friends. There were 6 guys and 4 girls in this group… Back in college. We thought we’d be friends forever, making up jokes or naming our kids after each other. Seeing the world, drinking, smiling, hugging, and being silly…We would tell each other our dreams, help out, and joke, before a scumbag, fat, obnoxious piece of shit destroyed it all (Another tale, for another day), and things just “poof” went up in smoke… Now that group is like a group of people that got off tour during Vietnam… We recall it, but we want nothing to do with each other… It’s fucked.
Now, I’m older. I’m not happy, but getting along. I’m on this road alone. Still the “hungry wolf” like Terry Bogard… Going on my own path, looking for love, but never fitting in…Getting older and not making any more friends. Chased money, and don’t even have that(though I’m going to get it)…
Starting to realize that it’s all a “ruse”, all of it. I’m a bit sad…
I miss my fat homie Richard, he’d do stupid shit to make me laugh. I miss Jerry, that was always smiling, making jokes. I miss Jessica that used to wink at me, and make faces, and we’d make secret pacts such as, “You don’t give up writing, I won’t give up dancing.”
I guess I miss the sun on my back… Where the future was in front of me… now, I’m here. I’ll make it. I know that now…, But, I made the cardinal sin, I lost everyone on the journey. The “Devil’s trick” I’m told. You’ll get either the money, fame, happiness, or piece of mind…. No one gets all 4, you can’t have all three, and you sure as fuck can’t get both… I’m getting the money, but here I sit, sad, thinking of old friends, and sad we didn’t hold on.
We swore we’d “Be different” and I find myself alone.
I’m literally “Hal Jordan in the Justice League” when it comes to friends. I can come around, be in the main group, go to the meetings, even sit in a few, get some inside info… But, I’m not the first guy you call or the first you think about. I’m just left here…,to be alone.
Such is my life. It sucks.
No wife, no kids, few friends left, and the ones I have, I’ve made in the last 5 years… None longer than that…
Fuck, it pisses me off. I never fucked anyone’s girl, never took money, never hated on anyone, just tried to be good, stay noble… What the fuck does that get me? Bullshit wedding invitations as an afterthought? The 5th wedding I’ve attended in 3 years has come up, not a "best man", not on a podium, just an “afterthought,” it’s fucked. Part of, “the blues of being charismatic”, we fit in with everyone, but we don’t fit in with anyone.
Why does life have to be so sad? But, I’ll be a success I guess… whoopee… whoopee...