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What happened to us?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-11 21:42:07 EDT
Rating: -1.13 on 12 ratings (30 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Listen to this while you read.- Ashely Parker Angel- "Where did you go?"


What happened to us?

I’ve lived a wild life, unhinged, chasing the starlets… Now, I realize, I must have been wrong.

I’ve gone through so many different groups, friends, clique’s, and cities. I’m known in all locale’s, but I don’t fit in… My heart doesn’t stay.

It sucks.

I just got invited to a former teammates wedding. We’re close, well as close as I’m ever going to get. We text almost every couple of days. I consider him close. I was texting him about his upcoming wedding, it was small talk, then I asked about the “Best man and the guys on the podium” that every single wedding has. I always feign that I don’t give a crap about that… If we’re friends, we’re friends. I don’t need special dedications or proclamations as a “best friend.” I’m fine with being on the outside looking in.

But it hurt... Not going to lie. He mentioned his group (2 best friends, brother in laws, etc..), those he’d chosen for his wedding, his party… I played it off as if I was fine, but it hurt.
I’ve never been the best man at a wedding. Not for anyone. I am that guy that gets invited to the wedding, but I’m never truly “in”, the guy you wouldn’t mind there, but not the first name you think of.

I had a group of friends before this journey. We were all insanely close friends. There were 6 guys and 4 girls in this group… Back in college. We thought we’d be friends forever, making up jokes or naming our kids after each other. Seeing the world, drinking, smiling, hugging, and being silly…We would tell each other our dreams, help out, and joke, before a scumbag, fat, obnoxious piece of shit destroyed it all (Another tale, for another day), and things just “poof” went up in smoke… Now that group is like a group of people that got off tour during Vietnam… We recall it, but we want nothing to do with each other… It’s fucked.

Now, I’m older. I’m not happy, but getting along. I’m on this road alone. Still the “hungry wolf” like Terry Bogard… Going on my own path, looking for love, but never fitting in…Getting older and not making any more friends. Chased money, and don’t even have that(though I’m going to get it)…
Starting to realize that it’s all a “ruse”, all of it. I’m a bit sad…

I miss my fat homie Richard, he’d do stupid shit to make me laugh. I miss Jerry, that was always smiling, making jokes. I miss Jessica that used to wink at me, and make faces, and we’d make secret pacts such as, “You don’t give up writing, I won’t give up dancing.”

I guess I miss the sun on my back… Where the future was in front of me… now, I’m here. I’ll make it. I know that now…, But, I made the cardinal sin, I lost everyone on the journey. The “Devil’s trick” I’m told. You’ll get either the money, fame, happiness, or piece of mind…. No one gets all 4, you can’t have all three, and you sure as fuck can’t get both… I’m getting the money, but here I sit, sad, thinking of old friends, and sad we didn’t hold on.

We swore we’d “Be different” and I find myself alone.

I’m literally “Hal Jordan in the Justice League” when it comes to friends. I can come around, be in the main group, go to the meetings, even sit in a few, get some inside info… But, I’m not the first guy you call or the first you think about. I’m just left here…,to be alone.

Such is my life. It sucks.

No wife, no kids, few friends left, and the ones I have, I’ve made in the last 5 years… None longer than that…

Fuck, it pisses me off. I never fucked anyone’s girl, never took money, never hated on anyone, just tried to be good, stay noble… What the fuck does that get me? Bullshit wedding invitations as an afterthought? The 5th wedding I’ve attended in 3 years has come up, not a "best man", not on a podium, just an “afterthought,” it’s fucked. Part of, “the blues of being charismatic”, we fit in with everyone, but we don’t fit in with anyone.

Why does life have to be so sad? But, I’ll be a success I guess… whoopee… whoopee...


Review This Item




Submitted by X54 at 2019-04-26 18:40:43 EDT (#)

Submitted by Hashtag at 2019-04-18 03:41:41 PDT (#)

If you need a soundtrack, your writing sucks


A more apropos soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g9bzcBME_I

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch
And all I do is cry all day
Boo hoo
Boo hoo

Submitted by Hashtag at 2019-04-18 06:41:41 EDT (#)

If you need a soundtrack, your writing sucks

Submitted by blackbear at 2019-04-06 08:15:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

haha what a stupid post

Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-04-01 13:14:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Jeebus, Perkster, you are brimming with excuses. If your friends treat you like an afterthought then they ain't your friends and you'd know that if the following were true:

1. You weren't a self-absorbed, navel gazing, narcissistic twat waffle.

2. You weren't too busy whining about it and out there actually DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Call me named all you like but it doesn't change the truth of what you are: UNHAPPY.

Shut yer gaping dick holster, get up off of your Cheetos dusted arse, and GO DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT ISN'T CRYBABY BULLSHIT!

Whine, whine, whine my life sucks everybody hates me boo-hoo pity me pity me nobody loves me Jeebus Jumping Christ on a turbocharged pogo stick SHUT YER HOLES!

I got no sympathy for a crybaby. Hire somebody to change your diaper or get off your ass but quit flapping your dick sucker about it.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-27 08:58:39 EDT (#)

I certainly hope so, Jeanneee. I've said some terrible things to Perky over the years. I'd much rather him be a catfishing lesbian than an actual writer who's both unable to write coherently and unable to improve his craft. It's like beating up on Dan Brown. There's no sport in it. Then again, Dan Brown is actually published... and successful... and rich. So maybe the comparo isn't so apt, but I digress. The point is that I'd feel better if he doesn't turn out to be a real person.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2019-03-27 04:25:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I preferred this alter when Method was running it.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-26 11:31:51 EDT (#)

Is this where Perkman finally reveals he's a 65 year old lesbian who's been catfishing us with his fake bro persona this whole time?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-26 10:07:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You are the Leader in the Clubhouse to be appointed "worst man".

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-25 23:13:15 EDT (#)

SilvrWolf- I have something due for work and school. Give me some time. I'm going to answer you honestly.

Fair enough, on your response.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-25 22:36:48 EDT (#)

To answer your question first: yes, you are the asshole. Your explanation was just more of the same old "Boo hoo! I'm so great but no one TRULY recognizes it. Woe is me" bullshit that you've always peddled here. Have you ever once stopped feeling sorry for yourself long enough to ask if maybe, just maybe, you aren't as cool as you think you are? That maybe you're not considered for positions of prestige and honor because your close friends aren't actually as close as you've deluded yourself into believing? I don't have to understand or know them to understand that you sorely overestimate your value to them. You know how I know that to be true? Because we wouldn't be having this conversation if it wasn't. You'd have been a best man by now. You wouldn't be, in your own words, an afterthought. And yet, here we are.

I've actually left you alone for quite some time, dude. Other than your "Maybe I'll writer better" gaffe, I don't think I've commented much at all over your last several posts. I wasn't bashing you there, either. I'm trying to make you realize that you STILL have your head crammed up your ass after all these years. I'm trying to make you realize that you've always been your own worst enemy because you can't seem to see past the end of your own fucking nose. If I was actually looking for every single angle to bash you, I'd have told you that I've been a best man twice, a groomsman on six other occasions, I have a half dozen friends I've known for 30 years or more and another dozen or so I speak to on a weekly basis. Oh, and I travel, too. A lot. So as far as that part of your comment goes, fuck you and eat your heart out, bitch.

Now, as for your requested edification:

Your friends have moved forward with their lives and are doing their best to be happy. Instead of you celebrating and cherishing that, you selfishly cry about being left out of all the reindeer games. You seem to be unhappy with where you are and that makes you pine for your imagined glory days. You even seem a bit jealous of your friends' happiness. Guess what? Your friends aren't responsible for making sure you're happy, or even fucking included. You aren't owed a goddamned thing and you seem unwilling to even consider how they actually feel about it... or how they truly feel about you, for that matter.

Your say your issue "stems from being a traveler, moved out of state for college, spent a decade there, made friends, then had to move again, and again... also in an industry where most of the people I know are always traveling." Again, YOU made that choice. You have zero right to whine about the results of a choice you made. You're an adult. Fucking act like it. Your college days are gone. You aren't getting them back. They were a fantasy, anyway. Real life sucks, but we have to find our joys when and where we can.

Your friends aren't going to make you happy. You being a best man isn't going to make you happy. You're the only one who can make you happy. The longer you keep climbing up on the poor me cross, the longer that happiness will elude you. I still question if you even want to be happy. Your posting history is basically one long trail of despair. I believe you think that your misery defines you, that somehow it makes you better than the rest. I believe your sense of entitlement has hobbled you your entire adult life. Your completely unrealistic expectations will forever be a roadblock until you're willing to see them for what they are. If you're unhappy with your path in life, whether career or friends, choose a different one. It's far beyond time for you to learn and establish some real, tangible priorities. If you want to be happy, it's right there but you have to seize it. It's that simple.

So there you go, bud. You can now completely ignore this sage advice and return to your normal, "It can't be me. I'm awesome" delusional Candyland. Enjoy!

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-25 21:01:38 EDT (#)

SilvrWolf- Oh, please. You completely ignore my explanation, don't understand or know of the people, but, somehow I'm the asshole?

I hope you jerk off long and hard to this, since you're always looking for every single angle to bash me, like it's your porn fetish. Bash away.

When you grow uo, I'd like an educated response. Thanks bud. Hope all is well.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-25 19:58:31 EDT (#)

Two people in a row tell you that you're too self-absorbed...

...and you respond with a me, me, me screed.

The irony of you telling someone else to gat a clue is actually pretty sad. You'll never change. Your misery is and has always been self-inflicted and as such, it now defines you. You'll never be happy because you don't want to be.

So, whine on, Fuckboi, but for fuck's sake, come down off the cross. You haven't been a best man because you haven't earned it and you're not entitled to it, either. The problem isn't your friends - it's you, and it always will be.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-25 18:14:11 EDT (#)

DaBeast- You've sure made a lot of assumptions you fat twat. I'm told by many of my friends that I'm one of the most noble, loyal, and trustworthy men they know.

My issue stems from being a traveler, moved out of state for college, spent a decade there, made friends, then had to move again, and again... also in an industry where most of the people I know are always traveling.

So, shut up, and get a clue. Nothing to do with being selfish, everything to do with being forgotten or an after thought, or not around enough to be there. When your 6 closest friends, all live in different states, and one in another country, hard to be there for them, you twat.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-03-24 14:54:25 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Dude, just no.

The best man is reserved for the Best Friend or Brother, someone that knows the shit you've been through because they either helped you get through it or they actually lived through it With You. You don't just give that spot to any damned body. But you don't wanna Be There for somebody in the Hell they're trudging through or you woulda already been asked to perform this Sacred Obligation. No, you just want the Trophy at the end, the Reward, fuck participating in the trudgery of the race itself.

You self-absorbed twat waffle. Care about someone that isn't you for once in your life or resign yourself to the 5 Fingered Rosy but quit whining about it already and get on with it.

Submitted by Ralph at 2019-03-15 15:26:01 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You need to get a job gargling semen.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-14 22:38:27 EDT (#)

Sorry to be harsh. I just don't understand your mentality. If this is your real persona and not a put-on, then you need to do some self reflection and get some insight into why your life sucks. (Hint: it's not because your friends are uncaring assholes.)

I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're older than 30, which is old enough to know better. If this is a put-on, it's not a very good one. Either way, you need to grow up and rip your gaze away from your own navel, or your life will continue to be a series of painful and bewildering disappointments.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-13 17:17:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well, I Iiked it and appreciate where you are coming from. Age (no number), gives us a perspective that is impossible in the young (encore pas de numéro), does it not?
I also, occasionally, bare all on this most snarling of platforms, inviting dare I say, a modicum of negativity. But I console myself with the thought that the more they hide behind a snarl, the more hurt, confused and simply fucked up they are, as we all are, on this circus maximus of a forum.
Me and my teddy bear, wish you well. Xx

Submitted by blackbear at 2019-03-13 15:48:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

meanwhile, oathmeal is actually roughing it in colorado, dueling with a street band

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-13 12:17:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I thoroughly "liked your work" at Burger King when you got me those fries.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 20:16:09 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- That's harsh.

haha, a few have read and liked my work. Such is life, you can't please the world. Haha

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 17:22:37 EDT (#)

Yeah, I'm sure your friends do a lot of nodding and smiling.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 17:05:16 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- I see your point.

But, most of my friends don't really know the 'extent' of how hard I've pursued the writing and industry. I keep it to myself mostly, might send a friend a page here or there, but I don't harp on it. If you're not in "Hollywood" the "Hollywood talk" annoy's people and becomes nonsensical.

but, I feel you.

My friends like me, even love me. But don't support pursuing this, and I lost a lot of time doing it.

It sucks, but all artists go through this.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 16:25:23 EDT (#)

Really? OK.

"Such is my life. It sucks."

"Fuck, it pisses me off. I never fucked anyone’s girl, never took money, never hated on anyone, just tried to be good, stay noble… What the fuck does that get me? Bullshit wedding invitations as an afterthought?"

"Part of, 'the blues of being charismatic', we fit in with everyone, but we don’t fit in with anyone."

"Why does life have to be so sad?"

Have you considered that people don't like having you around for their happy milestones because you're a severe downer? Or because you're obsessed with some delusional vision of future riches from your putative career as a writer?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 15:39:08 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- Why do you say that?

Also, I don't view it as "Self-pity" just kind of like, "Welp, I made these choices, and I lost out on these people..., shitty deals" is more my mentality.

But, I welcome your assessment.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 14:51:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Your self pity is, as always, appalling.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 13:32:37 EDT (#)

RoadSong- Just felt like venting.

Not depressed... Well, not totally.

How goes being amazing?

Submitted by RoadSong at 2019-03-12 11:44:55 EDT (#)

Buck up Bucky

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-12 09:38:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I almost made it through the first line before I lost interest.

Submitted by Tarka at 2019-03-12 09:17:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I stay away for the better part of a year and then come back to THIS bullshit!?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-11 21:58:18 EDT (#)


The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes
... Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty -- that was our planet! You
maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

-- Homer Simpson
Deep Space Homer