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What happened to us?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-11 21:42:07 EDT
Rating: -0.84 on 7 ratings (16 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Listen to this while you read.- Ashely Parker Angel- "Where did you go?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zilbG-6SzM

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What happened to us?

I’ve lived a wild life, unhinged, chasing the starlets… Now, I realize, I must have been wrong.

I’ve gone through so many different groups, friends, clique’s, and cities. I’m known in all locale’s, but I don’t fit in… My heart doesn’t stay.

It sucks.

I just got invited to a former teammates wedding. We’re close, well as close as I’m ever going to get. We text almost every couple of days. I consider him close. I was texting him about his upcoming wedding, it was small talk, then I asked about the “Best man and the guys on the podium” that every single wedding has. I always feign that I don’t give a crap about that… If we’re friends, we’re friends. I don’t need special dedications or proclamations as a “best friend.” I’m fine with being on the outside looking in.

But it hurt... Not going to lie. He mentioned his group (2 best friends, brother in laws, etc..), those he’d chosen for his wedding, his party… I played it off as if I was fine, but it hurt.
I’ve never been the best man at a wedding. Not for anyone. I am that guy that gets invited to the wedding, but I’m never truly “in”, the guy you wouldn’t mind there, but not the first name you think of.

I had a group of friends before this journey. We were all insanely close friends. There were 6 guys and 4 girls in this group… Back in college. We thought we’d be friends forever, making up jokes or naming our kids after each other. Seeing the world, drinking, smiling, hugging, and being silly…We would tell each other our dreams, help out, and joke, before a scumbag, fat, obnoxious piece of shit destroyed it all (Another tale, for another day), and things just “poof” went up in smoke… Now that group is like a group of people that got off tour during Vietnam… We recall it, but we want nothing to do with each other… It’s fucked.

Now, I’m older. I’m not happy, but getting along. I’m on this road alone. Still the “hungry wolf” like Terry Bogard… Going on my own path, looking for love, but never fitting in…Getting older and not making any more friends. Chased money, and don’t even have that(though I’m going to get it)…
Starting to realize that it’s all a “ruse”, all of it. I’m a bit sad…

I miss my fat homie Richard, he’d do stupid shit to make me laugh. I miss Jerry, that was always smiling, making jokes. I miss Jessica that used to wink at me, and make faces, and we’d make secret pacts such as, “You don’t give up writing, I won’t give up dancing.”

I guess I miss the sun on my back… Where the future was in front of me… now, I’m here. I’ll make it. I know that now…, But, I made the cardinal sin, I lost everyone on the journey. The “Devil’s trick” I’m told. You’ll get either the money, fame, happiness, or piece of mind…. No one gets all 4, you can’t have all three, and you sure as fuck can’t get both… I’m getting the money, but here I sit, sad, thinking of old friends, and sad we didn’t hold on.

We swore we’d “Be different” and I find myself alone.

I’m literally “Hal Jordan in the Justice League” when it comes to friends. I can come around, be in the main group, go to the meetings, even sit in a few, get some inside info… But, I’m not the first guy you call or the first you think about. I’m just left here…,to be alone.

Such is my life. It sucks.

No wife, no kids, few friends left, and the ones I have, I’ve made in the last 5 years… None longer than that…

Fuck, it pisses me off. I never fucked anyone’s girl, never took money, never hated on anyone, just tried to be good, stay noble… What the fuck does that get me? Bullshit wedding invitations as an afterthought? The 5th wedding I’ve attended in 3 years has come up, not a "best man", not on a podium, just an “afterthought,” it’s fucked. Part of, “the blues of being charismatic”, we fit in with everyone, but we don’t fit in with anyone.

Why does life have to be so sad? But, I’ll be a success I guess… whoopee… whoopee...


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Submitted by Ralph at 2019-03-15 15:26:01 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You need to get a job gargling semen.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-14 22:38:27 EDT (#)

Sorry to be harsh. I just don't understand your mentality. If this is your real persona and not a put-on, then you need to do some self reflection and get some insight into why your life sucks. (Hint: it's not because your friends are uncaring assholes.)

I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're older than 30, which is old enough to know better. If this is a put-on, it's not a very good one. Either way, you need to grow up and rip your gaze away from your own navel, or your life will continue to be a series of painful and bewildering disappointments.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-13 17:17:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well, I Iiked it and appreciate where you are coming from. Age (no number), gives us a perspective that is impossible in the young (encore pas de numéro), does it not?
I also, occasionally, bare all on this most snarling of platforms, inviting dare I say, a modicum of negativity. But I console myself with the thought that the more they hide behind a snarl, the more hurt, confused and simply fucked up they are, as we all are, on this circus maximus of a forum.
Me and my teddy bear, wish you well. Xx

Submitted by blackbear at 2019-03-13 15:48:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

meanwhile, oathmeal is actually roughing it in colorado, dueling with a street band

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-13 12:17:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I thoroughly "liked your work" at Burger King when you got me those fries.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 20:16:09 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- That's harsh.

haha, a few have read and liked my work. Such is life, you can't please the world. Haha

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 17:22:37 EDT (#)

Yeah, I'm sure your friends do a lot of nodding and smiling.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 17:05:16 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- I see your point.

But, most of my friends don't really know the 'extent' of how hard I've pursued the writing and industry. I keep it to myself mostly, might send a friend a page here or there, but I don't harp on it. If you're not in "Hollywood" the "Hollywood talk" annoy's people and becomes nonsensical.

but, I feel you.

My friends like me, even love me. But don't support pursuing this, and I lost a lot of time doing it.

It sucks, but all artists go through this.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 16:25:23 EDT (#)

Really? OK.

"Such is my life. It sucks."

"Fuck, it pisses me off. I never fucked anyone’s girl, never took money, never hated on anyone, just tried to be good, stay noble… What the fuck does that get me? Bullshit wedding invitations as an afterthought?"

"Part of, 'the blues of being charismatic', we fit in with everyone, but we don’t fit in with anyone."

"Why does life have to be so sad?"

Have you considered that people don't like having you around for their happy milestones because you're a severe downer? Or because you're obsessed with some delusional vision of future riches from your putative career as a writer?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 15:39:08 EDT (#)

Fucking Foul- Why do you say that?

Also, I don't view it as "Self-pity" just kind of like, "Welp, I made these choices, and I lost out on these people..., shitty deals" is more my mentality.

But, I welcome your assessment.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-12 14:51:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Your self pity is, as always, appalling.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-12 13:32:37 EDT (#)

RoadSong- Just felt like venting.

Not depressed... Well, not totally.

How goes being amazing?

Submitted by RoadSong at 2019-03-12 11:44:55 EDT (#)

Buck up Bucky

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-12 09:38:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I almost made it through the first line before I lost interest.

Submitted by Tarka at 2019-03-12 09:17:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I stay away for the better part of a year and then come back to THIS bullshit!?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-03-11 21:58:18 EDT (#)

Yep.


Boy, those Germans have a word for everything.

-- Homer Simpson
When Flanders Failed