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Young Girl

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-08 18:14:15 EST
Rating: -0.34 on 6 ratings (16 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

OK. I am about to commit Uber suicide, but Theakstone’s Old Peculiar has loosened my tongue. I am reckless to the point of scriptural oblivion.

I will relate my chat up line, whispered into the ears of my contemporaries in dear old Liverpool, down by the docks, when my religion was Catholic and my occupation hard knocks. At stealing from lorries, I was adept, ‘twas under old newspapers that I slept.
Anyway here it is. Always whispering it and nestling in luxurious scented locks. When, with a straight face, and preparing the ground, I explained that as a man, I struggled to understand what it feels like with your first!

This was the poem I wrote to win the favours of the fair maids who frequented the Pubs in merry old Lime Street, Liverpool in 19xx.

“Young girl thy love doth wilt, at mentions of your lover’s name.
The one who did bring your release, who doused in you your virgin flame.
When a song bird sing’s it’s sad lament, your mind must wander to hours spent, with him your love.
In retribute you count the cost, you feel yourself around you him.
You feel yourself, as having lost.
The final verse to love’s own hymn.”

Well there you have it, you discerner’s of each and every noble cause. My sacred chat up line.

In case any of you give a flying fuck, I can report that success, as in all things, is relative. Xx

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Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-04-05 16:27:42 EDT (#)

Well I never! The purveyor of all those delicious “maidens” has added to my post. I know not whether to feel flattered or flattened. Nevertheless, a 2 is a 2 and in that spirit of dissipated gratitude I pose one minor enquiry. If “Young Girl” was substituted, a gender, would the photos posted be bulky and sulky, broody and protrudey? Just asking, no reason really. I am not, repeat not, confused. I really have forgotten and got over Nanny, although I do still correspond regularly and visit if she sends me a pass.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-26 11:26:21 EDT (#)


Submitted by Snark at 2019-03-24 21:43:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Well there you have it, you discerner’s of each and every noble cause. My sacred chat up line. "

Yep :)

Submitted by DaBeast at 2019-03-24 14:57:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think I need to buy you a drink. It would be worth the giggles.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-12 17:24:11 EDT (#)

Dear Mr Ralph and Mr Redskieslookfake.
Are you brothers, brothers in arms, or are you really the same gentleman under separate persona? Intriguing, as your thoughtful reponse’s were, you “both” spluttered the same invective! Did you copy your predecessor Mr Ralph, so lost for words were you, so darn riled? Indignation at my affrontary was paramount was it, lost for originality were you?
Nevertheless, I pretend not sir, I am one of her majesty’s loyal subjects. It fascinates me why you “two” merry gentlefolk are so exercised. As far as I know this site does not restrict membership to mere worthies of the good old US of A.
To call little old me a “shit cunt” shows you care. It shows you care deeply and I am genuinely touched. Indeed it shows profound nationalistic feeling. How dare a shit cunt all American boy pretend to be a Limey? What is wrong with being a shit cunt, up front son of Uncle Sam?
So yes you two, or one, whatever the case may be. I do applaud your passion and belief and will forgive and forget your symmetry and poor taste in debate. Much love from a true, blighted English soul. Xx

Submitted by Shlongy at 2019-03-12 09:40:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

What the shit is this?

Submitted by Ralph at 2019-03-11 10:56:15 EDT (#)

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2019-03-11 05:55:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Why are you pretending to be British you absolute shitcunt v

Why are you pretending to be Human you arrogant slurper of diarrhea?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2019-03-11 05:55:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Why are you pretending to be British you absolute shitcunt v

Submitted by bart at 2019-03-11 02:59:02 EDT (#)

Oh I see what happened, you left the comment on the previous post (130312) but then that post was deleted and rewritten as a new post.

Submitted by bart at 2019-03-11 02:51:59 EDT (#)

I didn't delete any comment of yours and I don't see any evidence of the comment you're talking about ever having existed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-10 19:58:01 EDT (#)

I can't really remember, it was something about Shakespeare and crushing ass

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-10 14:56:24 EDT (#)

Dear Mr Fucking foul
I plead not guilty on this one. I did not and would not delete your comment. i would not dare to!
I once did delete a comment, sadly not by mistake, and the error of my action was most forcibly pointed out to me. I published an immediate contrition as a result of the much needed scolding.
No, the last submission I saw was by dear old Dru with then, my subsequent reply. Indeed, I do not know where your specific comment went, but I would be honoured if you would re-publish old chap. I am now fully and acutely aware that a deletion is considered the work of a cad and a coward! This is a board where one's duelling is conducted by the written word, where red in tooth and claw is not hyperbole, where with steely eye's and drawn pads and "mouse's", we re-enact the shootout at the OK Corral, everytime we publish.

Ps: I fully understand that if a rend in cerebral continuum, has resulted in the moment/comment being lost forever. Afterall, timing and context is everything with we merry band of keyboard pugilist's, is it not? However, I do declare more than a modicum of interest with being associated with the great Bard, in the same piece, even if this result's in "comme d'habitude moins deux"!!

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-10 12:36:53 EDT (#)

Why did you delete my comment? Is comparing someone to Shakespeare considered a grave insult in your country?

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2019-03-10 12:04:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2019-03-09 05:12:13 EST (#)

Dru, I tend to agree with you. Having reappraised in the cold light of sobriety, my punctuation was somewhat lacking on this occasion.
It is so tedious that even an elite education is powerless in competition with the hop and the grain.

Submitted by Dru M at 2019-03-08 19:48:51 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Worse punctuation than Perkman.

I thought there was chocolate inside ... Well, why was it wrapped in foil?

-- Homer Simpson
Mr. Plow