Flack Moves to Colorado Part 1 of 2: College in Your 30's.Submitted by Flack at 2019-01-19 19:10:14 EST
Rating: 1.91 on 12 ratings (16 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Just shy of four years ago, I posted some drivel here about quitting my job in Michigan to go to college. In Colorado. At 32 years old. Even though I had a really good job that I could have retired comfortably from. Fuck me, right. I don't know where the post went, I probably deleted it because it sucked. Whatever.
ANYWHOOOOOO, last month I received my Bachelor’s of Science in Business Administration from the University of Colorado Denver. I emphasized in International Trade and Commerce and minored in Arabic Studies.
Now I won’t regale you of why I failed college in 2001 and ended up joining the military. It mostly boils down to joining a fraternity, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and then not showing up to class. After a couple years in the Army, I had all intention of going back to college. But then I was offered jobs overseas for really good money which ended up turning into a pretty cool career in Defense acquisitions. As I said before, I pretty much got to a point in my career where it was very hard for me to compete for promotion without a degree. So I decided to take a couple years and just do the fucking thing.
Now, some of you are probably saying “So fucking what, Flack?” And you would be absolutely correct in dismissing this as anything but more drivel that brings nothing to the table.
But fuck you, I’m going to do it anyways. So here are my thoughts on college in your 30’s and Colorado in general:
PART 1 of 2: College in your 30’s
College is… ok. Its one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life while at the same time one of the easiest things I’ve ever experienced. I learned early on that if you want to be successful in college, you just have to follow two rules:
1. Show up to class, regularly and on time, and stay for the entire lecture.
2. Give a fuck.
If you do these two things, you will pass. You may not great grades, but you will get a degree if you show your professors that you do give a fuck about school. Even if you are terrible at what you are studying, they most likely will NOT fail you if you put forth a concerted and honest effort.
Case in point: The only class I got a C in was College Algebra. At the time, I hadn’t taken an Algebra class since junior year of high school in 2000. Hell, I even took a Pre-Algebra class the semester before in order to prepare but it did NOT prepare me for College Algebra. I was not doing well at all. However, I spent at least 1 hour every Monday-Thursday in the math lab, went to office hours twice a week, got a tutor, and showed up to EVERY recitation session. I just couldn’t get the material…until right before finals when everything just clicked one day. But by then, my grade was dangerously low. After crunching the numbers myself, I told the TA that if I didn’t receive a 76% on the final exam, I would fail this class. I told him that I didn’t think I deserved to fail this class as he knew that I had worked my fucking ass off to pass it over the past 17 weeks. He agreed.
I don’t know what I got on that final exam but I did get a 70.6% in the class, enough to pass and move on to my statistics classes which, due to my tireless work in Algebra, I fucking Aced!
Also, a minor is NOT important. The only reason I have one is because as an International Business student, I had to take a foreign language. I decided on Arabic. But it turned out that since I had taken classes in the past such as History of Islam, Geopolitics of the Middle East, and Foreign Relations of the Middle East and North Africa, all I needed was the 10 credits of Arabic that my degree required and BOOM, I get a minor. So I got the stupid fucking minor. But honestly, unless you want to learn more shit, don’t worry about a minor. For fucks sake, before I studied Arabic, I barely spoke it. Now that I have studied it, I still barely speak it.
Women at the University of Colorado Denver have serious daddy issues. Even as a fat, balding guy in his mid-30s, I could easily pull trim at this school by just existing and keeping somewhat clean and respectable. They see guys like me and think “Oh, he already has a career, he already has money, he already has ______. This is the guy that’s going to get me away from my job as a hostess at Mellow Mushroom” and immediately go ankles-in-air. I honestly feel kind of bad for them, as they are completely lacking in any self-respect. Most of these thots are looking for their ticket to kids, homemaking, and a house in the burbs. Joke’s on them though, I got a vasectomy a couple years ago.
My favorite was when this girl in my financial accounting class that was easily a 10/10 and knew it would pushed her cleavage into my face and went “Oh, my god, Flack. I, like, am so bad at this accounting stuff or whatever. Will you, like, do it for me?” I said no and then she gave me a very confused look that basically stated “But I’m blonde and I have tits….” I watched a lot of younger guys fall for it. It was pretty sad.
One of my biggest concerns when I decided to go to college was how I would deal with the younger shitheads I will be forced to study alongside. But I was surprised to learn that kids in college are actually, for the most part, pretty fucking smart. I learned as much from my younger classmates as I did from my professors in many respects. But there were still plenty of “Im going to change the world with my degree in Gender studies” dipshits floating around, especially in Denver. If it isn’t some toasterkin jerk-off lecturing you about pronouns, then its another dipshit trying to get you to sign a petition for “healthcare.” No explanation of how we are going to fund or improve it, just “fuck Trump, free healthcare.” Luckily, at the Business School, my peers and I were shielded from a lot of that for 2 reasons:
1. Its Business School. Not really the best place for people that champion socialism.
2. The CU Denver Business School is actually in the heart of downtown Denver, away from main campus. This keeps all the liberal arts students confined to main campus and away from where most of my classes were. Check it out. For reference, main campus is on the other side of that creek that runs 2 blocks southwest: https://goo.gl/maps/e6h2MrskLXL2
Best class: International Entrepreneurship (grad class I took in lieu of an undergrad requirement). Fucking loved that class. I learned actual shit from actual people including a guest lecture from a MolsonCoors executive and did a bunch of research on Blockchain. Further, I didn’t have to work with a bunch of 20 year old bimbos that only talked about “boyfriends” and “hair.” I am really looking forward to grad school after taking that class.
Worst Class: Cultural Anthropology. This was one of those classes that the University makes you take because “muh cultural diversity.” The first couple weeks were interesting as we were discussing stuff like the indigenous peoples of New Guinea, but then it evolved into a bunch of “you’re a white male and you should feel REALLY bad about that” kind of shit. I did all the assigned work and I got an A, but the professor was such a fucking dolt. In essence, she was a privileged white girl from Boulder that did her doctoral dissertation in India and while she was there, she “found” herself, converted to Hinduism, and started wearing traditional Indian garb all over the place. She even named her kid Ramesh. The kid is whiter than me. Jesus…
In sum: College is hard but worth it. I would recommend not majoring in something dumb like Medieval Studies (yes, I knew someone that majored in this). I would also recommend NOT living on campus. It’s much cheaper to rent a room in a house with other students or, as in my case, musicians. Do your work with a little conviction and you will pass. And don’t fuck thots without a condom.
Next time: Flack explains what he did over the past several years OUTSIDE of class. It includes music, drugs, a whole lotta fucking, and some mountains.