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The Ubersite Death Knell Roll Call

Submitted by OathMeal at 2018-11-16 00:44:43 EST
Rating: 1.66 on 14 ratings (19 reviews) (V)

We are gathered here today to finally acknowledge the comatose state of our beloved Ubersite.

With the recognition that this sordid depository of filth is imminently reaching its final row of $5.99/month GoDaddy hosting fees, we take time not to cry because it's over, but to smile because it happened.

Ubersite nursed the motley nature within us all, granting us a peener-laden respite from the soul-eroding drudgery that *is* the world around us. For some, this place reminded us that the extremities of our own twisted imaginations paled in comparison to the abject depravity that was always just a click away, on Ubersite.

The alts. The trolls. The sausage fingers. The prosthetic legs. The equally fake jewelry. The homoerotic jet ski joyrides. The goatse. The autism. The insufferably addictive tete-a-tete. The pervasive evidence of truly out-of-control mental instability.

...and, yes, the re: 16 year olds.

It all combined to serve some of us with a predictable, reliable sense of comfort. On days when life just piled on too much for us to stand, when it didn't seem like there was a glint of hope to be found, Ubersite shone bright in the smothering dark, calling out as if with a promise: "Click here, and you'll never be bored at work again."

But, the 11th hour is upon us. What was once a fervent gush of internet novelty has desiccated into a lifeless, embarrassing husk that barely registers a vital sign.

I know it. You know it.

And so, before the last semblance of life is exhaled here, and while there is still some modicum of expressive juice left to squeeze from this stone, let us come together and make our presences known in this, The Ubersite Death Knell Roll Call.

I summon those of you who were, who are, and who wanted to be, but never were.

We raise our poorly drawn candles, and we give thanks to the Barticus for his impossibly good taste in time wasting.


Perkman was my alter all along.jpg
Perkman was my alter all along.jpg


Submitted by OathMeal at 2018-12-02 11:09:56 EST (#)

Submitted by Shlongy at 2018-12-01 21:07:07 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Keep deleting my comments, Bret. I know where you live, and I know how to find you.


Jesus Christ. Still as creepy and pathetic as ever.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2018-12-02 09:31:49 EST (#)
Rating: -2

I see you farted into your talk-to-text function again.

Submitted by Flack at 2018-11-27 16:35:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I still jerk off into socks. It feels fucking awesome.

Submitted by McBain at 2018-11-26 11:43:33 EST (#)

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2018-11-16 08:14:34 CST (#)
Rating: 2

Ten years ago I found this site. I read over my posts from that time and I barely recognise that girl that wrote those things.

I was a lot more honest, a lot more stupid, and a lot more brave online than I am now.

You were a girl? Go figure.

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2018-11-23 12:56:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick,
twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Great

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2018-11-21 16:46:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ah, memories.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2018-11-19 15:48:01 EST (#)

Sorry I called you ‘bastards’. It was the partaking of exotic substances that sent me over tha edge..

Submitted by RoadSong at 2018-11-19 03:53:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

We died...
Grew up
Got beat down
Danced with no pants
Rock on with Sock on

You bastards taught me to write and I thank you. I still fling my tales around, and once in a while I am paid with goods or services to pen a biography. Working on one now for a crop duster with a Bi-plane. He payed me with a freezer full of venison.

If each person who still checks in would get off their ass and post once a week....

Submitted by RoadSong at 2018-11-19 03:45:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2018-11-18 10:15:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ubersite has become my old, dilapidated shed. I come here to look at the antiquated, dusty items and not do much else. I shuffle the occasional box around and even more rarely place a new item in this forsaken place.

I know it's a fire hazard. I know it's a hovel, filled with pestilence and open despair. But... there are still some beautiful items here - items with value, if nothing but personal. We should burn it down, I know. Strike the match, turn it to ashes. In with the new.

But this dusty old shack is a symbol. It's a symbol of times gone by, of innocences lost, shattered and subjugated. It's a symbol of loves and passions found, and of those same intangible things lost.

I won't mourn this site's inevitable passing, but I will ultimately rue its absence.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2018-11-18 04:23:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

...is it dead, yet?

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2018-11-17 17:52:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2018-11-17 17:32:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I pass through occasionally just to see if anything's changed and maybe drop a deuce on some post if it's worth it. The posts on the front page stretch back almost a year. Time was the oldest one would be from yesterday. The halcyon days of Über's "Most Heated" are gone. I guess everything slows down as it gets older and Serious Writer's Forums are no exception. Ah, well... I've read/heard/seen/participated in some great stuff on Über. If B-diddy pulls the plug I'll still consider my time here not wasted but spent. I hope he keeps the life support going, though. Every now and again something interesting shows up, in between the IT support and Goa escort spam.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2018-11-17 15:23:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Brilliant and yes profound.
Now completely off subject, a question.
Why when self pleasuring is on the agenda does my mind invariably centre on the gusset?
It has an onomatopoeic frisson don’t you think, but still it is a tad odd.

Submitted by experima at 2018-11-17 13:01:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DaBeast at 2018-11-16 23:24:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

*the ground opens, flames geyser forth*
*steps out*
*looks around*
*polishes a horn, shakes the charcoal off the hooves*
*snorts derisively*
*grins wickedly*
You rang, dearling Oathmeal? Ready to sign that contract yet?
*with a flick of the wrist, a parchment appears in hand and unrolls to the ground*
*pulls forth a pen from Gawd knows where*
*wiggles it, invitingly*

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2018-11-16 09:14:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ten years ago I found this site. I read over my posts from that time and I barely recognise that girl that wrote those things.

I was a lot more honest, a lot more stupid, and a lot more brave online than I am now.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2018-11-16 00:52:55 EST (#)

I'm still here, still kickin', still writing films, and turned down a few offers, left the devil city, but I will return.

Such is life, this is part of me, and I hope it relives this death, and rises from the ashes like a Phoenix...

Ce le' V!

Submitted by OathMeal at 2018-11-16 00:45:01 EST (#)

OathMeal, present and accounted for. :)

Bart: So, like sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad
so other kids will like you better?

Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?

The Telltale Head