Dog For SaleSubmitted by RoadSong at 2018-07-07 20:46:43 EDT
Rating: 1.77 on 9 ratings (10 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
A guy is driving around the back woods of Big Oak Flat and he sees a sign in front of a broken down miners shack: 'Talking Dog For Sale’
He knocks on the door and a lady that looks like Mother Goose appears, and says ‘Nice to meet you, just call me squirrel’.
She says the dog is out by the creek taking a nap.
The guy goes out back and sees a nice looking Rat Terrier snoozing there by Rattlesnake Creek..
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Terrier replies, ‘My name is Jack’.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Terrier looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to join the circus, so... I told Barnum&Bailey.
In no time at all they had me doing impersonations and wearing clown feet, and walking the high wire. They put me in a tutu and taught me to dance and yodel. For a while I was a fortune telling contortionist. They put Dumbo ears on me, and I was their star acrobat. My best memories are balancing on the back of a running horse in the ring with a pretty girl, and we were wearing matching purple tights and sequin bras.
'I was one of their most valuable circus acts for eight years running...
But the circus life and traveling around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I went back home to the miners shack, and I signed up for a job at Yosemite National Park to do some undercover security. I wandered near people leaning over the railing at Bridal Veil Falls, and nipped them on the ass to get their attention, and kept them from falling into the river.
I saved a child from being assaulted by a grumpy raccoon and a grandmother who was in eminent danger from a flock of flying foxes. I was awarded a batch of medals and a flying carpet.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the squirrel what she wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars in Sacajawea gold coins,' says squirrel, the Mother Goose looking lady.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a bullshitter. He's never been away from home, except when I send him to the liquor store’