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Fuck off, "Perkman". Everyone knows you're a sad version of a shitty alter.
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I'm a pharmer now! (Part 0 of 3)

Submitted by Yes at 2017-09-19 19:28:05 EDT
Rating: 1.14 on 7 ratings (7 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

After a long time trying to find a new IT job that wasn't at a call center I decided to go in another direction. I figured the medical field is a pretty safe bet, we'll need health care till the zombie apocalypse takes us. I looked though the various courses available in my area and spoke with various medical professionals during my wife often weekly trips to the ER. After some thought I settled on phlebotomy (:the drawing of blood (as by venipuncture) for transfusion, apheresis, diagnostic testing, or experimental procedures). I signed up for a 9 week course.

At the first class the instructor had us open the books to chapter 7 and she read us the instructions on how to perform a standard hub and vaccutainer blood draw, then she had us pick a partner and try to draw their blood. I was the only one that got it on the first try.
Each class was around four hours long, a couple hours of course work then a couple hours of practicing sticking. Each person usually got 2 tries, unless they sucked then they could get some more practice if they could find a willing vict... um, partner. I graduated with the second highest grade and a perfect on my practical final exam.

I did my externship at a male medical clinic, if you can't get your dick hard and pills don't work, they give you an auto-injector that you use to get a rock hard erection that lasts between twenty minutes and two hours. If it goes the two hours you have one dose of boner antidote you can use to get rid of it. Or you can take an entire box of Sudafed. I just did blood draws out of guys' arms to test their hormone levels. This place also did butt cheek testosterone implantation, penis enlargement, hair implants and they'd give you boner pills if that's all you need.

The first priapism I witnessed disturbed me. It had gone on for over 48 hours. The guys was sent by ambulance to the ER. His dick remained intact. In fact he called a couple days later and asked when he could come back to get more magic boner juice. They said in a year he could come with a note from a urologist and they might consider it. It was kinda crazy. I wasn't allowed to sit down unless I was on break. I got caught leaning against a wall (while there we no clients in the office or scheduled) and got a talking to.

Once I got my 100 sticks and 100 hours I took my national exam (missed one question) and started looking for jobs at hospitals and labs. Everyone required at least a year of experience. Finally while fingering indeed.com one day I applied to a plasma donation center post for a phlebotomist.

I've been here since the end of October, I have five weeks till my one year anniversary. Plasma farming is taking some getting used to, I hope to be out of it soon. I have some tales to tell but I gotta get going.







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Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2017-09-29 03:36:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A worthwhile read. Wow.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-09-24 14:23:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by messmind at 2017-09-22 09:27:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Let it flow :)

Submitted by blackbear at 2017-09-21 07:04:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

good fucking god.... maybe these guys can't get it up because their wife is an ugly raging slut bitch that they hate? has that thought occured to anyone? of course it has.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-09-20 19:32:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Nice. I know a lot of pharmacists. They're drug dealers, but the type that gets you strung out on Perc's, not heroin.

Congrats!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-09-20 10:22:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Speaking of boners, there's a dickhead, below.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2017-09-19 23:25:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


You see, there are some crybabies out there -- religious types mostly
-- who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to
turn off your set now. C'mon, I dare you. Bock-bock-bock-bock-bock!
Chicken!

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror III