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Perkman's, Hollywood Notes (Use Me)

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-08-24 16:25:27 EDT
Rating: 0.28 on 7 ratings (16 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Please listen to this while you read... Future- "Use Me".


It's surreal seeing the money up front... Challenging. I didn't exactly come from "wealth" just a middle class family trying to make it. My socio-economic status wasn't the highest or the lowest. Now, I see people speaking of millions of dollars, the way those in the "Middle class" (With the toy 3 wheel bike, snotty nosed kids, one T.V. in the house, no cable) think about 100's of dollars.

It's surreal. The fakeness is everywhere. You can't trust the pretty girl with the dimple smile, in fact, she's the one you have to stay away from. I unequivocally will not date a girl from "L.A. County", I can see the hustle in their eyes and nice booties. Tell you that "Love shit", and leave you for a producer that can "Help them", seen that happen too many times. They're always doing yoga, or some random "Health craze", which includes P-90x. These people never played a sport in their lives, and when you watch them lift, you roll your eyes. Injuries a plenty.

Now, dealing with those that are "chosen", which are the actors, singers, and those with "clout". Most are nice, some are assholes, but they all have an entourage. It's insane. I mean, they're bigger dicks than the actual talent. The weirdest thing is... they're all on drugs. All of them. I've gone into bathrooms and seen "household" names doing blow, like it's taking, "tic tac's". I ponder, "Is this place that treacherous"? I mean, people can't seem to handle this place sober.

Had a conversation with a security guard at a premiere. He's 51 years old. A writer, producer, director. He's been in it for about 30 years, nothing. I cringe when I see that. We spoke, he told me he had to "Produce, direct, and be an actor in the movie", I told him that's "A lot of hats", and lamented that he's making it impossible to sell.

The coolest thing is everyone is about "business", you could be at a premiere for their current movie, at a Bar Mitzvah, or at a funeral, business is always on their mind. I like that. The hustle never stops.

Many things here are so abstruse, and many speak with solecism. It's hard to decipher at times, but I've become a "chameleon", I wouldn't say "fake", I just acclimate to what they want to see, and I learned the lingo of a pitch.

You don't sit there and tell your movie. Nope, you name two or three movies, and use them as an amalgamation into one singular being. For instance:

Perk: "Have you seen "Citizen Kane"?"


Perk:"Have you seen "Superman Begins"?


Perk:"Well, mix those together, it's called "Citizen Bats"..

Producer/Exec: "Oh damn, I like that.. tell me more".

That's literally how you pitch if you want a meeting. Learned a lot from a two time Emmy Award winner that was trying to rob me of my current script(Fucker only offered me 100 G's, fuck that( Minimum would've been 170,000),We didn't sell, we're producing in December).

The funniest thing about this "industry" is how it changes friends and family. A lot of people that didn't believe in you, or help you, all of a sudden you find out they act, or they produce, or they have an idea for a "Film"(Everyone and their grandmother has one of these). Also those that could've helped you, but did not. They see you moving forward, now they're asking for favors.

I never forgot whom helped me, and whom did not. So I keep it that way.

Well, Uber, you can "Use me", if you want. I'll help anyone make it out here. I need more allies than enemies, it's literally "Game of Thrones" out here. I'm not lying. But if you come out here, have a skill... truly, if you cannot "write" or don't have any "money", and don't look like "Brad Pitt", well, it's going to be rough.. but if you have the dream, fight for it.

Blow me up, Uber!


Review This Item




Submitted by Linus at 2017-09-07 02:13:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Sounds exciting. My fortunes have recently reversed. What's next I wonder

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2017-09-06 14:28:14 EDT (#)

You should really move. Hurry, before California inevitably crumbles and slides into the Pacific. Plus Hollywood is crawling with pedophiles.

Submitted by blackbear at 2017-09-05 19:51:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

yo perkman, how about you buy a few cameras, and make some kind of low budget movie like blair witch project, only not stupid and boring like that. fuck going through all the agents and dickheads that will rip you off, fuck getting your script approved. just make the fucking movie yourself with no budget at all, and let us know how that works out.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-09-05 18:35:56 EDT (#)

Apollo- I think you'd like to know, about 4 weeks ago. I went to an event and I met the entire Manchester United Soccer Team. Also David Beckham was there.

Surreal. They were cool. Didn't know they have their own "Personal security team", they were nice as heck too. Cool shit.

Just wanted you to know, fat boy. I may get into soccer. They were just way too chill.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2017-09-05 15:56:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by ArdAtak at 2017-09-01 16:45:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2017-09-01 02:26:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Shit filename.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-08-25 15:35:40 EDT (#)

Shlongy, asshole. Hahahaha

Roadsong, Hey babe.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-08-25 12:03:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good to see you posting BuddyBoy

Submitted by Tormentos at 2017-08-25 10:18:46 EDT (#)

You certainly touched all the Perk bases here, Apollo: horrible grammar, terrible punctuation, awful prose, mindless content, glaring continuity errors, and you've even tossed in a quick trip to thesaurus.com. Did you mean to *almost* type "But whom killed him, and why?" in there someplace? I sure *almost* read it. Your character is clearly tardtastic, but Perk is no Electro. I gotta agree with Silvr here, in that you've taken it a bit too far just a bit too fast. Well played for the most part, though. *exaggerated wink and double thumbs up*

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-08-25 10:16:46 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I was out in LA and Hollywood a few weeks ago, and would've stopped by to say "hey", but didn't know which refrigerator box on Skid Row was yours.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2017-08-24 19:28:43 EDT (#)

Never mind. This is essentially the Perk character jumping the shark. It was fun while it lasted.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2017-08-24 19:24:17 EDT (#)

Well... that was actually easier than expected.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-08-24 17:16:39 EDT (#)

Dru-M, Bro, I'm not fat boy, Mcdonald's eating, chubby, cuck, Apollo.

He has a "Football Head", not me, I'm buff, sexy, handsome, and clever and witty. Perk, "Manliest of men" Man.

Haha, just wanted to post. Going back to lurking soon enough.

Submitted by Dru M at 2017-08-24 17:07:35 EDT (#)

Nice work Apollo. This will definitely trigger Silv

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-08-24 16:25:53 EDT (#)


Homer: I'm a bad father!

Selma: You're also fat!

Homer: I'm also fat!

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