Almost There...Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-12-28 22:31:53 EST
Rating: -1.13 on 8 ratings (17 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Please listen to this while you read... Iron Solomon- "Almost There"
Y'all don't realize how much I lost for this...
I lost everything for this. I've lost friends, girlfriends, people in my life, respect, money, my old career path, and such just for following this industry. Other's have lost more...
I think I deserve a little respect. Who else has the boldness, or balls to pursue their goal? I wouldn't say "dreams", since it isn't about that. I'm not delusional like that. I'm here for the money. Simple, it's dinero, that chicken, that' cheddar, the green. That's it.
The best advice I've ever heard about this industry, this business, the devil's nest, was this, "The only thing real in this business, are the money and the miles".. that's the truth. Those words echoed in my soul when I heard them. It kind of changed me, into a metamorphous of sorts. I guess you could say it gave me clarity. The clarity to realize that there are no "friends' in this industry. They'll never be. It's about the money. If you aren't here for that, and only that, then get out. GET OUT!
That's all I can say. I'm looking back on the last 3 years, and I'm a bit shocked, and a bit hurt, and busted, and my psyche has changed. I've written at this point, 6 movies, and 7 pilots. I've only shown 1 script so far to those demons in Hollywood, and at the agencies. The one script I sent out, isn't nearly the best of all of them, and that is what has gotten my name out into the field. I was offered some money and I declined it. Sometimes I wish I took that money, but I wanted more.
I want that Rolls Royce that dances in the sunlight, at autumn, and at dusk. I was never a "money guy", but as I've gotten older, no children, no significant other, I've realized that I want those things. Money is like a looming shadow in the back of my head. I don't know what to do for it, but I know, I cannot live a, "9-5" existence, nope.. not me. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten into the drug game, maybe made a couple thousand, and bought something's, or started my own company... but, I didn't. Not because I have some moral objection to that life style, just always thought I'd get into something more lucrative.
My writing has gotten better, just had another meeting, and declined that offer as well. I have to own at least 20% percent of my product. I was told by a two time Emmy winning producer...
"Perkman, you can't get that deal... in fact, if you get that deal, come back to me, within 2 years, and I'll make you a better one... but you aren't getting that deal"
To which I replied, "I'll get better than that, within 6-8 months" to which he smiled, and gave a clever grin, then gave me his personal number. He's cool beans, but a hustler nevertheless.
I feel like I'm fighting so hard for this dream, and for what's left of my friends, and I cannot get any closer. It's like I'm in the ocean during a giant tide, and no matter how hard I paddle or swim towards the shore(which is their friendship and our old closeness), I cannot get any closer. I keep losing them, slowly, but surely, no matter how nice I am, how many texts I send, and how loyal I proclaim myself to be, and the actions I show them... I'm going to lose them. I keep fighting to hold on to them, in this stream of despair, and consciousness, and my friends are growing older, getting wiser, growing up, and here I sit, chasing this dream... aging, getting older, but my mind frame is still that of an optimistic kid, asking questions, and hoping for the best, or coping is a better way to state it. I looked at LinkedIn, and other websites, and I see my friends have expanded their horizons, they all look so sophisticated, and have grown up, and are living their lives. Mine is still stagnant, or that's just how I feel it.
Sometimes the world doesn't seem real to me, and the internet, and places I go are the "real places", whereas in the real world, everyone rolls their eyes at me, and tell me, "Well, good luck, you'll make it!", as they giggle behind my back, and mutter that it's impossible. As I go on the internet and I let out the true me, the "Real McCoy" that is Perkman, and I get the true feedback.... and I take it all in, and find solace, companionship, and fight within it.
I've become friends with a random 49 year old, fat, black , overweight, chef from Georgia (Let's be honest, a cook at a nursing home), through the net, we'd talk of writing, and such, now I wonder and worry about him at times. He show's me that the world isn't fair, and the good get "eaten". he implores me with his wisdom to go back to school, get another degree, or a skill. I tell him, that the "fight" isn't out of me yet, and I'll write until "I die", I guess is my resolve.
I have all these idea's, but no one to make the plans with. All my friends are trying to create their own "heaven", with strangers, and not the ones that truly care. Is this a ploy by the elites? Or what? I can have about a million on the table with 5 of the friends I had from my fraternity, and I have plans to... but as of now, they're all trying and starting businesses, tech companies, and their going under...since we just don't work together. But we're too consumed trying to be our own "Kings" as the republicans wish to bring back into our fated American lands, instead of working together, and being a comrade in the war... the war that is life.
I recall I had to go to this fraternity thing, across the nation for our chapter. They kept talking about "On this Journey... on this Journey!", and I recall my friends and I scoffing with our young arrogance, and speaking of how asinine it was, and is, and how "old and out of touch" these old men were... now that I've seen the world a lot more, and years since sitting in that chair, being ignorant, and disrespectful to our lecturer... I can see it now. I understand it now... This life is a journey, and who is with you on it? Whom has your back? I've tried for so many damn times to change people, fix them, teach them loyalty, get them on my side... but none of it works... Either it's in your or it's not...Either you have the heart to dash in front of an arrow for your friend, or your child, or your love... or you don't. The movies lied, most don't learn courage, most have it innately in them... I've decided to be a warrior, noble, funny, and unwavering. I'm still fighting uber, and I just polished my blade... bring it on, Hollywood... I'm keeping at least my 20 percent....because of one thing I was taught in business by a multi-millionaire I had the privilege to have lunch with, as he lamented to me, and showed me the gravity of these words...
"Perkman, the price is the price..."
"What if they don't have the money?"
"Then wait until they get it... the price is the price"...
I guess this is what it feels like...when you're almost there....