Fuck you, ParkmanSubmitted by OathMeal at 2016-09-15 16:58:22 EDT
Rating: 0.81 on 11 ratings (17 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I've reached the end.
I don't mean the proverbial end; I mean the actual end of a very long and arduous journey.
"What journey's that, Oathy? The long trip from your couch to your medicine drawer, you fucking roid-addled piece of shit?"
I wish it were that simple.
No, what I'm referring to is the sad and final end to my long-standing hope that eventually...some day...I would finally prove to myself that I was right all along about Perkman being an alter.
One that is probably run by either JonnyX, Method or Apollo.
You see, unbeknownst to Perkman, this has been a bit of a personal matter for me for about 10 years now. Why? Well, because my mom died when I was very young and I've been doing everything in my power to fill the gaping chasm left in my soul, a chasm that is in the shape of a loving and caring mother.
No, you fucking moron. That's not why.
It's because the alter has been so very successful that I have taken this matter so personally. It's because, in the entire history of Ubersite, there has not been A SINGLE ALTER that has lasted THIS LONG and that has garnered the kind of ADOPTION and fucking CREDIBILITY by so many of this site's users. I mean, it blows my fucking mind. Really it does, and I think it's more because I am now utterly fucking convinced that whoever is driving the Perkman alter is literally doing it JUST FOR ME.
I swear, it's not paranoia. This could really be happening.
Why else would there be such an undying, elaborate ruse with absolutely ZERO motivation to sustain? I mean, there really are only two potential explanations here:
1. I am correct. Perkman = Apollo or some shit
2. Perkman is actually Bart Cilfone, and he's been ghosting on the alt since the site's inception, and he'll probably breathe the site's final, dying breath.
So, whichever the outcome happens to be, I just want Perkman to know one.
I'm on to you, you fuck.
my shrink said this would be good for me.jpg