So...Submitted by Yes at 2016-09-12 00:23:11 EDT
Rating: 0.75 on 4 ratings (13 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I told the doctors that I didn't need a bed, I'd just sleep against the wall. I was lying, but I've gone too far to ask for one now. That's not true though, I didn't say and they didn't ask. Oh well, at least this chair is super uncomfortable.
Am I a... No, I am a terrible father/person for feeling resentment towards my daughter for my wife's medical issues. It all might have happened anyway but I think the 6 months of hyperemesis (uncontrollable level 10 barfing) fucked up her guts. She's been to every doctor our shitty insurance works with in the past 7 years and they all start out all sure that they'll be able to help. They don't. They pass the ball. So it's just bimonthly ER visits where we rack up more medical bills we can't pay. They shoot her full of Compazine and Dilaudid and send us on our way.
I remember going out. Going camping. Having fun. Not being a miserable shit no matter what short lived happiness I managed to wrangle out of the world. We have a beautiful daughter that I do love... I also blame her for this black hole my life has become. I've had an intense self loathing since I caught myself being mad at her for this. I know it's not her fault she was created; we fucked, baby got made, wife's body got ruined, guess I should've pulled out that time. Wife says if she had the option she'd go thought it again to have our daughter. I don't feel the same. I never wanted a kid. I know I'm bad dad, no amout of praise I get can change the fact that deep down I blame her. Can't remember my own father (he died when I was 5) so I don't know what I'm supposed to do, usually it ends in tears. I try.
I can't tell anyone in the real world about this but I have to put it out there or I'm afraid I'll bitch out and drive off a mountain or something.
Eh fuck it, I can always delete this...