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Hey, you heard the man. Those kids knew exactly what they were getting themselves into...
Welcome to Ubersite!

If I don't make it through the morning.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-08-31 03:11:35 EDT
Rating: -1.0 on 5 ratings (19 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Story of my life, I'm typing you this from the ER room(lobby), I was just bitten literally 15 mins ago from a Raccoon, the fact it walked up on me, while I was sitting and snuck up and bite me, means it's rabid. Hence I may die... It hasn't even set in yet, my throat feels like it's getting dry, and hard to swallow, the spot (ear) where I was bit is itching, and I'm starting to have anixiety and my brains starting to heat up. After it bit me, I looked at it, it jumped back, then lunged at me, as I pulled a 4.2 forty and ran my ass so fast down that hill, as if I was Dru Myers running from cops do to my child porn stash( gotta give you guys a laugh)... I'm really freaking out, I hope they give me a super shot on steroids to fix me, but they're all nonchalant about it, but I'm feeling the symptoms slowly, and surely, right now I'm starting to feel a nagging headache on the right front side of my head...

It's funny, when you think you may die from a horrible virus, you realize how much you could have done with your life... I don't regret pursuing film, just wish I would have planned it better... Also, i'm okay with being alone and a "vegabond" , I've been trying to fit in my whole life, and it doesn't seem to work out, I can only be on a group for a bit, I can create the group, but somehow, some way I'm always kicked out.

My ear is still burning. I want to make some vow, like, I'll be different, fight harder, be this,or do that... But it's all horseshit, just hope I get more time to pursue my dreams, rub my fat friends belly's for luck, and have pretty girls to dine with, and a special girl to love...

Also, I want a racoon skinned hat... Fuck those disgusting creatures. It is what it is, I'm not gonna tell my family ( don't want to worry them, my mom will freak out) texted 3 of my best friends though. They think I'll make it, and I told ubersite, guess you guys are my friends...

The quack told me, he wants me to just " live a normal life for 12 hours" to see how bad the infection is, or if I need treatment, says the bandit just took a nibble out of me. I'm freaking out. To quote the doctor "come back if your pussing from your ears, and the like", so I have to be dying if your going to treat me? Insane,America... Can't you just give me the steroid shot, just to cover all our bases here? I'll keep you guys posted in the comments... Ugh.


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Submitted by rockcandy47 at 2017-03-05 05:37:57 EST (#)

Really!!........another Facebook. well let me give you details of my last shit!

Submitted by Anglophile at 2016-09-08 17:04:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Some here babble on and on for some reason. Shlongy nailed it in two words: Didn't happen.

Perk, again you outed yourself as British. You called a series of shots a "grip." Dumb shit.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2016-09-06 03:05:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You really are a snivelling pussy. Congrats.

Submitted by Tormentos at 2016-09-03 12:32:13 EDT (#)

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-02 22:49:47 EDT (#)

also, i don't see any hipa violations in those photos. fuck hipa.
That is because the original post had two photos. Either Porkman or Bart removed the one that had the personal medical data of over 40 people displayed on a computer screen, as well as the date and time they were displayed and web address for the database they were stored on. I could read them - so could anyone. That data is still on Porkman's phone, by the way. It's just a matter of time before he uses it to stalk them. UCLA Med Center really fucked up by leaving that screen open for narcissistic retards like Porkman to record.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2016-09-03 00:29:27 EDT (#)

Well damn. Rampage of the coons.
Get well soon.

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-02 22:49:47 EDT (#)

also, i don't see any hipa violations in those photos. fuck hipa.

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-02 22:48:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thinking Ubersite is a place to make/have friends would be a bad idea. Better to make enemies. Like with that scum, silverwolf. good luck with your health and all that. now scrolling down to read the comments.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Good shit here. Perk needs some help in his battle of wits vs SilvrWolf. Don't worry, I got your back. Maybe. We'll see. Alright, here goes.

Obsession with Ubersite is a real thing, and I think you may be using it for the wrong reasons...
It's supposed to be for entertainment, not a place to insult people or brag about your life. Unless your life is awesome, or the insults are funny. Neither of which is the case here. What seems to be happening here is a mule fight not using pool noodles, not nerf guns, but bubble wrapped baseball bats.

Being funny sure is tough.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-08-31 17:29:53 EDT (#)

Yeah, I'm gonna maybe die from an infection to prove how manly I am? You're pretty dense( even do your being sarcastic)... It is what it. I felt a nibble on my ear, it as a huge raccoon. In going to the hospital as any person sane, or informed would with any altercation with a animal known to have rabies, or if they even approach humans, you know something is wrong... I'll let you know how it goes, you seem to care.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-08-31 17:03:45 EDT (#)

The world-record-size raccoon didn't touch you in any way before biting you (other than with his whiskers)? Odd behavior for an animal that uses its paws for just about everything. Yeah, you're definitely gonna die, dude. That animal probably had super rabies. I don't think they can even detect it in the bloodstream yet. Who'd have thought that Perky's big claim to fame (FINALLY) would be to end up as Patient Zero of the zombie apocalypse?

By the way, you can't talk about going back to the ER for the second time in 24 hrs and then talk about how manly you are. Manly men don't go to the ER unless something needs to be amputated.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-08-31 16:39:41 EDT (#)

Well, Silver I was sitting down. In front of the school library( it closed about 2 hrs prior) I was working on a research presentation for my former university. I notice an animal about 45 yards away, I think it's a cat ( there are a lot of stray cats around) so I paid it no mind, I thought, " that cat has weird ears", but I was handling some stuff, so i didn't care. Then about 4 mins later I feel like whiskers by my ear, and I feel bite, I jump back, and I think it's a cat, I turn to see a fucking raccoon the size of a small golden retriever, I freak out, jump back, it jumps back as well, then stares at me, and lunges forward, I stutter step, then juke it( like a running back) and I run the fastest I've run in years.. At first I was calm, but the place it bit me stung, it still stings right now as im typing this, hence why I'm going back to the ER in the next 45mins... I'm too manly to be killed by a rabid raccoon, my story's not over yet. ( this happened around 11:45-12:15 midnight)

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-08-31 15:20:59 EDT (#)

You got bit in the ear, while you were walking (per the uberboard)?

I'd be less concerned about rabies and more concerned about the ninja raccoon invasion which seems to be underway. What did it do, sneak up from behind and leap upon your back? A kamikaze attack from a tree? Are you sure you didn't just get nipped by a rat while sleeping in a secluded corner of a Metro terminal?

The good news is that any way about it, you're probably already dead, man. Are you developing an irrational fear of water and liquids? Have you started salivating uncontrollably yet? Can I have your Beamer? You should really be taking these fleeting, final hours to get your affairs in order.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-08-31 13:11:51 EDT (#)

Well, I may be fucked then, they didn't give me the protocol, in fact they told me to wait, until now... Now I have to set up an appetite an appointment with my main doctoR, also, why would I lie to you? I'm still freaking out about it, my arm feels sore, and I'm still freaked, I could die asshole, fuck off...

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-08-31 11:35:27 EDT (#)

It's four fucking shots, you mewling pussy. I went through a round less than six months ago (was bitten during a bat removal - rather than kill and vivisect the endangered bat, I elected for treatment). Man the fuck up.

Oh, and your story pretty much reeks of bullshit, homie. IF there was a suspect raccoon bite and IF the hospital can't get the suspect animal in for vivisection, standard protocol is to begin the vaccine regimen immediately. Once rabies symptoms have set in, they have two options: 1) begin the Milwaukee protocol (induced coma and massive medications) or 2) make you as comfortable as they can until you die. There is no "wait and see" with potential rabies infection. You wait, you die. Even with the Milwaukee Protocol - still a 95% chance you die.

But hey, you're getting attention, right? Anyone who obsesses about Uber users to the point of vandalizing hospital equipment definitely needs them some attention. At least you're getting a little bit of it right before you DIE HORRIBLY FROM RABIES!

Don't worry, Perky. Yours will be a RIP post for the ages.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-08-31 10:50:08 EDT (#)

My ear still hurts, and I made it through the night, I'm probably alright.. Have to go back to the doctor, insane though. I wasn't just out there, I was working on something it, was a nice night, the. I was attacked.. Better safe than sorry, my ear is still Tingling, but the quack assures me, I'll survive or else it's a grip of shots in the stomach.. Damn raccoons/

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-08-31 10:26:58 EDT (#)

There hasn't been a rabid raccoon recorded in L.A. or its surrounding counties since 1973. Also, the fastest recorded onset of rabies' symptoms was nine days after infection, you mentally unstable hypochondriac.

15 mins later and you're freaking out like a Nancy.

Pro tip: get an actual paying job and an actual place to live and you'll greatly reduce your chances of being bitten by wild animals.

You panicky pansy-ass.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-08-31 10:06:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Didn't happen.

Submitted by St.Giles at 2016-08-31 08:57:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Tormentos at 2016-08-31 07:46:01 EDT (#)

You are a complete idiot. You have the handwriting of an autistic 5yo. You cannot put together coherent thoughts. You go to the ER and the first thing you do is start writing stupid shit on pieces of tape to post to Ubersite, proving your sad lack of social contact in reality. Fortunately Uber won't have to put up with you much longer, as your photograph clearly shows not only time, date, and the facility you were in, but you making at least 40 violations of the HIPAA. I'd bet that, if someone were to email that photo to the people at the web address on the sticker on the monitor, they could easily determine who took it and you'd probably get a call from some sort of governmental agency. Or perhaps you'll just die of rabies. Either way is fine.

Hey, if you want wild bears eatin' your children and scarin' your
salmon, that's your business. But I'm not gonna take it! Who's with

-- Homer Simpson
Much Apu About Nothing