Jack and JillSubmitted by AllyJeans at 2016-02-04 05:01:34 EST
Rating: 1.3 on 12 ratings (13 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Men Jack off. Women Jill off. How does the pail fit into things?
Hear me out. So Jack and Jill go up the hill to fetch a pail of water, and on the way they drop to the ground and make like bonobos, but we don't know what happened to the pail. Feels like you can't make a Jack and Jill masturbation metaphor and not do anything with the pail.
Side note: isn't it apt that the guy finishes first and the gal "tumbles after." That's premature eJACKulation. Don't want to speak for any other ladies, but that's why I fuck things with batteries.
J/k. But not really.
So, anyway, I think the pail is a condom. Or it's a baby. I guess it depends on whether you're religious or not.
It could also symbolize the sexual act, i.e., they go up to fuck--but then the rest of the rhyme really does mean that Jack came too quickly and poor Jill was left to her own devices. That is really depressing.
Except for the "broke his crown" bit. Serves you right if you're going to leave your lady hanging. Least he could have done was get her a pail after he got his pail. Given enough time Jack might have wanted to get another pail for himself.
"But he broke his crown, what was he supposed to do?"
Well, if Jack wasn't in such a rush to leave, he wouldn't have tripped trying to put on his pants and landed on his semi-erect dick. Fucking commitment-phobe. And it wasn't even clear if Jill wanted anything serious, anyway. Maybe all she wanted was a no-frills thing. Like Jill would want to marry a guy with muttonchops. Give Jill a little fucking credit.
I think the moral of the story is: don't name your kid Jack or Jill. Or pail. And don't let them marry Jacks or Jills. You'll think "I bet my daughter once jacked Jack off," and that's it. That thought is there forever. People will see you cringe on bus stops and it'll be you remembering, maybe visualizing.
And if they marry a Jill? You'll wonder if your son is giving it to Jill good and proper. And every time you see her dour expression at a family get together, you'll think about all the batteries she must buy, and it will make you a little angry at your kid for no good reason.
I don't even want to think about gay pairings. That's mutually-assured destruction.
In closing, I think Humpty Dumpty is about rickets.