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So drunk

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2015-08-29 04:19:34 EDT
Rating: 1.0 on 11 ratings (15 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

If I was in the process of getting drunk I would be "so drink." Alas, the night is behind me and, I'm gaining sobriety with each correctly spotted typo.

I started with shots. And then glasses. And then shots. And then something called Fubar, which any Tango and Cash fan would understand (It was also mentioned in Saving Private Ryan, but fuck that movie...fucking Edward Burns and his fucking Brothers McMullen hairdo.)

Did lots of normal drunk shit tonight. Said things loudly. Flirted egregiously. Made that blowjob gesture where I mimed inserting a dick in my mouth and used my tongue to make my cheek look like it was getting pounded.

And then there was that walk down the sidewalk when you pack it in and you want to appear sober and you kind of tilt from side to side like guys with drunk-bitch magnets keep trying to sway you into their rapey arms.

Thankfully no actual rapists manifested and I made it home, but I am always prepared for that shit with my mace and my 2-to-4 knee (the knee that I use to turn two balls into four).

And now here I sit, possibly able to blow a .03 on a breathalyzer and choosing to post here instead of sleeping it off. Ugh.


Fuck all you sober non-hangover-getting motherfuckers.


Love you all,
Ally






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Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2018-12-08 02:03:52 EST (#)

I wouldn't know if you were a boy or a girl unless I read a previous post. I think you make too many assumptions.

Murphy (<-- brand)

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2016-04-05 21:50:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Edward Burns and his fucking Brothers McMullen hairdo" ahahahaha

Submitted by Shlongy at 2015-09-14 17:58:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've missed you, Loren. More nude selfies to my Inbox, please.

Submitted by Loren at 2015-09-12 16:45:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I've missed you. More stories please.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2015-08-31 21:27:10 EDT (#)

if you like blowing .03s








YOU'LL LOVE OATHMEAL

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2015-08-31 17:48:53 EDT (#)

Submitted by ArdAtak at 2015-08-31 14:23:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

The lady doth protest much.
==========================

Blow me.

Submitted by ArdAtak at 2015-08-31 14:23:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

The lady doth protest much.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2015-08-31 10:22:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks for thinking of us

Submitted by scourge at 2015-08-30 16:24:43 EDT (#)

friendless loser below

Submitted by OathMeal at 2015-08-30 13:06:01 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Excellent post!

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2015-08-30 13:05:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2015-08-30 10:23:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This rating is for the BJ gesture alone.

Submitted by Hadooken at 2015-08-29 14:47:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I also am nursing a hangover after overdoing it last night. Decisions were made, mostly bad ones. Cheers to you.

Submitted by Ducky at 2015-08-29 09:33:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Tango and Cash!

There's a right uber?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2015-08-29 07:15:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

No, you did it wrong. You're supposed to a) go out and get drunk, b) get an Uber, and c) go home. You did c before b, and you even picked the wrong Uber.

You're going to need to keep practicing until you get it right.


Oh, honey, I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world.

-- Homer Simpson
El Viaje Misterioso De Nuestro Jomer