So drunkSubmitted by AllyJeans at 2015-08-29 04:19:34 EDT
Rating: 1.0 on 11 ratings (15 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
If I was in the process of getting drunk I would be "so drink." Alas, the night is behind me and, I'm gaining sobriety with each correctly spotted typo.
I started with shots. And then glasses. And then shots. And then something called Fubar, which any Tango and Cash fan would understand (It was also mentioned in Saving Private Ryan, but fuck that movie...fucking Edward Burns and his fucking Brothers McMullen hairdo.)
Did lots of normal drunk shit tonight. Said things loudly. Flirted egregiously. Made that blowjob gesture where I mimed inserting a dick in my mouth and used my tongue to make my cheek look like it was getting pounded.
And then there was that walk down the sidewalk when you pack it in and you want to appear sober and you kind of tilt from side to side like guys with drunk-bitch magnets keep trying to sway you into their rapey arms.
Thankfully no actual rapists manifested and I made it home, but I am always prepared for that shit with my mace and my 2-to-4 knee (the knee that I use to turn two balls into four).
And now here I sit, possibly able to blow a .03 on a breathalyzer and choosing to post here instead of sleeping it off. Ugh.
Fuck all you sober non-hangover-getting motherfuckers.
Love you all,