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Have you read about what's going on in Europe these days? Why would you want that for America?
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I now own a blender.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2014-12-10 10:51:22 EST
Rating: 0.9 on 12 ratings (17 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I abuse blenders. They do not last long. They run until the motor gives out, and with my insistence on completely liquefying drinks made with foods that are just meant to be foods. I refuse to buy blenders, so they only exist for me as gifts. This is because I hate the idea of buying a blender.

I do not need all thirty seven blend settings. I do not need the lights that pulse along with the blender, nor the lights that pair with my phone and flash along with the music. I do not need the fourteen optional blade attachments. I do not want to memorize eighteen button combinations to unlock hard mode. I do not want to have to turn a key to remove the blend limiter.

What I want is one big button with the word blend on it. I know when it is and is not on. I want a lid that I don't have to put a towel over. Safety features will only get in my way.

This Christmas, I'm making soup for everyone with my blender. Orzo, sausage, chicken, corn, carrots, caramelized onions, garlic, and chicken broth. Season with cayenne, salt, black pepper, sugar, and thyme.

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Submitted by ilikesteak at 2014-12-25 23:08:30 EST (#)

The blender jar has broken beyond the repair of glue and tape.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-12-14 15:36:29 EST (#)

Awwww Loren, you're making me blush.

Your crush on Shlongy is requited.

Submitted by Loren at 2014-12-14 12:43:51 EST (#)

Aww, is Anglophile a fan of Shlongy? How precious! Taking the time to show your support with all that copying and pasting is truly touching. A true shlong-gobbler.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-12-13 20:26:23 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Actually, Shlongy is slightly interested in Lorens' hole.

Also, Loren is a liar.

Submitted by Anglophile at 2014-12-13 16:25:37 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Loren1 at 2014-12-13 09:23:54 MST (#)
Rating: 2

I love this post. I also love soup. I do not love Shlongy.
Why not invent the perfect blender? You could come up with a whole line of products, each with one huge red button. It's a marketing home run - "Simpleton Appliances."
...........

I'll bet Shlongy doesn't think a whole lot of you, either.

Submitted by Loren at 2014-12-13 11:23:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I love this post. I also love soup. I do not love Shlongy.
Why not invent the perfect blender? You could come up with a whole line of products, each with one huge red button. It's a marketing home run - "Simpleton Appliances."

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-12-10 21:04:42 EST (#)
Rating: -2

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2014-12-10 19:39:24 EST (#)
Rating: -2

skrappy is so fat that when he sits around the house...








...a giant sinkhole opens up and it takes 3 national guard battalions plus ringling bros and barnum & bailey to get him out

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-12-10 19:03:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Habeeb Thomas PhD at 2014-12-10 13:55:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Hadooken at 2014-12-10 13:14:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by bart at 2014-12-10 13:09:45 EST (#)

Holy shit!

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-12-10 13:06:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2014-12-10 12:38:38 EST (#)

A right angle adapter and gluing a shaft to the rotor should work. Once it breaks, I'll have to try it.

Submitted by messmind at 2014-12-10 12:30:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I only blend when i have visitors...so i never blend.

Great tree ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-MONIvP6kI

Submitted by JonnyX at 2014-12-10 12:17:04 EST (#)
Rating: 1

festive

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2014-12-10 11:02:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

When the motor runs out, as you assume it eventually will, buy a corded drill. If you already have a drill, skip this step. Attach/Jerry rig the drill to the rotor that turns the blades, and continue to use blender as needed. When not needed, you have a drill, which is useful and pretty awesome to own, and does not necessitate purchasing a blender, which you mentioned you'd like to avoid.


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