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How are all my pretties? I don't actually give a fuck if it's not about me but I can't think of a better title.

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-17 15:26:53 EST
Rating: 0.44 on 16 ratings (25 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

So what's happening eh? How's every little thing? I hope you're getting blowjobs and/or eaten out regularly, depending, of course, on your sex, sexuality, and whether or not your junk has been burned off in a horrific car crash.

Mine? Meh. I'm just jerkin' the gherkin. It's easier than dealing with a woman, and while I do enjoy force gagging the ho's on my Tremendo Cock O' Doom™, I can't stand their constant demands that I "clean the kitchen," or "walk the dog," or "untie those people and let them out of the basement." Annoying cunts.

Speaking of dogs, here's a bunch of them, assholes a-blazin' for your viewing pleasure. Mine is the best one, and if you have a dog, he's certainly better than yours. We're fortunate. We have an entire abandoned golf course to ourselves. Nobody goes there anymore. The city eventually has plans to destroy it by putting things like soccer fields, "kite meadows," skate park, swimming pool, etc., which means it will soon become a place for people to cruise looking for dicks to suck. People like you, I'm sure, and you'll fit right in, but in the meantimes it's just a massive 18 hole golf course with no golfers or other dipshits like Shlongy.

There's also a picture of me, because let's face it, chances are PRETTY DARN GOOD that if you're reading this, your life totally sucks asshole, and you need something beautiful (again, me) to help you through your miserable, sad, worthless and pointless little life. See that big ass stick? That's an actual life size replica of my penis.

And yes, golfers *are* fuck-knuckles. What a dumb game and anyone...ANYONE who plays it can literally shove a broken glass bottle up their ass and let a chorus girl lineup kick them there, and in the nuts, for 2 solid months, 17 days, 4 hours, 6 minutes and 23 seconds.






Review This Item




Submitted by Dru M at 2017-03-15 15:34:45 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-11-22 15:54:27 EST (#)

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-11-20 13:07:13 PST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not standing up for Shlongy by any means, but are you trying to say there's something wrong with cruising for cock and preteen girls?

You know what's wrong? Snap-brim hats and clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch. :)
ALSO, hipsters and PBR

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-22 11:08:51 EST (#)


Submitted by Director at 2013-11-21 14:12:31 EST (#)

Dunno, Pony-tail. Closed for (golfing) business in 2012. The only people that seem to know of it are dog owners. I go there with friends and their mutts. NOBODY else is out there, except for a few other dog people, once in a blue moon.

It's, like, the best dog park in the universe. As I said, they have plans to turn it into a big municipal park. Like the other big parks in the area, it will then become ruined with people. People like the Chrome Dome below, looking for dicks to suck. For now, it's a great, empty place to let the dogs out. WHO WHO.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-11-21 13:20:09 EST (#)

How is it that a pack of rabid 14yos on ATVs and dirt bikes have not yet thoroughly trashed that abandoned golf course?

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-21 09:57:53 EST (#)


Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-21 08:51:21 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Smart choice: Busboy doesn't have any.

Submitted by Anglophile at 2013-11-20 23:56:48 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Short bald man vs worthless drunk? My money's on Shlongy.

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-20 21:27:25 EST (#)

hahaha. Look at the old short bald man, trying to hurt someone less fortunate. Hey, if it makes you feel big inside, little man, carry on.

You know what's REALLY wrong? Arguing with idiots on the internet. Especially old, ugly, short, bald and spiteful little men idiots.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-20 18:11:29 EST (#)
Rating: -2

You know what else is wrong?

Being a friendless busboy in your 40's. Or 30's.

Or, ever.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-11-20 16:07:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not standing up for Shlongy by any means, but are you trying to say there's something wrong with cruising for cock and preteen girls?

You know what's wrong? Snap-brim hats and clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch. :)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-11-20 13:59:14 EST (#)

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-19 22:41:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Really? You've been trying to insult me? I hadn't noticed. I imagine you're used to people not noticing you though, so I don't feel very bad about it.

Carry on, Chromy...er...I mean Shlongy.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-19 22:15:12 EST (#)
Rating: -2

It just took me a day to come up with an insult that I hadn't already used on you.

It was a challenge.

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-19 21:09:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm surprised it took shlongy an entire day to come and drop his deuce. Normally he's sniffing around here 24/7, cruising for cock and pre-teen girls.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-11-19 20:03:46 EST (#)

You can only be a lesbian if your dog is the top in your relationship.

We're your friends here. We all know better than that line of bullshit, so don't even try it.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-19 16:58:19 EST (#)
Rating: -2

A "chunky lesbian" is infinitely more interesting than you are.

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-19 16:46:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I *am* a chunky lesbian.

Submitted by Yes at 2013-11-19 13:53:07 EST (#)

You look like a chubby lesbian in that photo. No offense to any chunky dykes here or anything.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-11-19 05:55:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

T-shirtable quote, below.

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-18 19:29:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If you go through life letting wild giraffes and other people's pants upset you, you're really in for a tough time.

Submitted by mles76 at 2013-11-18 15:38:17 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Why the fuck are those pants so baggy? It's upsetting. I hate those pants.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2013-11-18 09:51:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Who needs a woman when you have a couple dogs and a jar of peanut butter?

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2013-11-17 16:48:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Are you into rimming?

Submitted by Director at 2013-11-17 15:30:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hey at least it's a post. I didn't even notice the wild giraffe in the background!1!!

Hmmm, look at those eyes. He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the
good Las Vegas way.

-- Homer Simpson
Mountain of Madness