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The Economy

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-05-06 15:20:57 EDT
Rating: 1.0 on 4 ratings (4 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I didn't want any of this. Nobody was supposed to be down there. I heard some noise in the basement and went to check it out. I tried to wave it off as a trapped raccoon that just needed to be let out, but I decided to take the pistol anyway.

This was early last fall. He was just an old man. I think he was just trying to get out of the cold, possibly looking for something to eat. I had made my way down the stairs and my heartbeat doubled when I heard a small groan. I started to panic, so I drew the pistol. He yelled when we saw each other and that's when I pulled the trigger. I'm not sure the bullet made contact with him before the light filled out his figure to change from deranged attacker to terrified old man. Everything about him was dirty, tattered, and thin. His pockets were empty. He already didn't have anything left to lose.

The .45 ACP is a lot louder in person than it was on the range where I had safety goggles and ear protection. I hit him in his left lung, and he died slowly. The ringing in my ears wasn't kind enough to drown out the scream, the choking for air as blood filled the lung, the faint gurgle choked by blood that should have been his last words, or the silent convulsions as he grabbed his chest as his final seconds passed by.

I can't let anyone I know find out about this. I'm lucky enough that I live just past the suburbs and my neighbors are too far away to have seen or heard anything. It was a few hours before I could look at what I had done without feeling sick. If I called the cops, my life could never return to normal.

I put the body into my plastic garbage bin and cleaned up the mess. As I was dropping the body, his lifeless head rolled and made eye contact with me, and I threw up on top of the body. I poured in two bottles of drain cleaner into the bin then dragged it fairly deep into the woods with a shovel to start digging. When I got deep enough, I placed the bin upright in the hole and started filling it in with the lid off. I covered the hole with leaves, and walked away. It was 4:23 by the time I finished and stayed awake to call in sick from work the next day. Today it looks like nothing had ever happened.

And that's why bread costs more than thirty times now than it did in the 1930's, but if you adjust for inflation it only costs two and a half times as much as it did then.

You sexy planetary gear you, with your loose tolerances and inefficient tooth ratios. You know just how I like it - inefficient..gif
You sexy planetary gear you, with your loose tolerances and inefficient tooth ratios. You know just how I like it - inefficient..gif

Review This Item




Submitted by asmasta808 at 2013-05-08 04:02:18 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

called fbi

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2013-05-08 04:00:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-05-06 19:58:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-05-06 16:56:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Necesita más de... de... ¿Cómo se dice en Español, "Monkfish"?

Look, Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband, I'm sorry
about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub, I'm sorry I used
your wedding dress to wax the car, and I'm sorry -- oh well, let's
just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.

-- Homer Simpson
Marge on the Lam