I've written a few examples of unique and original replies to women on dating websites (For you to copy)Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:38:25 EST
Rating: 1.27 on 11 ratings (26 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I'm tall, outgoing, and smart. Like, really smart. Not the good kind of smart though. It's a combination of the rain man and Ted Kaczynski. I'll analyze your every move and be super manipulative socially and emotionally, but I'll be sweet and awesome on facebook. If you're shallow enough to think that online interaction is as important as real interaction, and you're willing to remain face down and not make eye contact during mandatory nightly sex, then I'm clearly the right guy for you. It just doesn't get any better than this.
Re: I'm awesome!
Listen, I'm not really into the whole internet dating concept. Let's meet for dinner and maybe a few drinks in YOUR LOCAL AREA. I don't really fit into any of the major categories or the tiny social niches that usually describe people very well, but they all seem to like me and I blend in pretty well wherever I am. I don't use people's names when I'm talking to them, so hipsters in local coffee shops think I'm a demi-god because I've been doing it since before they were hipsters. I go to the gym a few times per week, so all the guys who's dreams died along with their high school football career assume I'm one of them. I try to lead an interesting life, and I'm looking for more of a longtime friend to join me than anything. I promise not to kill you with a hammer, see you soon.
Re: FUCK YOU, GARY BARLOW
JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN'T RUINING MY COUNTRY DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW YOU AREN'T RUINING SOMEONE ELSE'S COUNTRY. PASSING JUDGEMENT ON PEOPLE'S FALSE HOPES AND DREAMS. CREATING AN ARTIFICIAL FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME FOR SOMEONE WHO'S MILDLY TALENTED BUT ULTIMATELY SETTING THEM UP FOR FAILURE. YOU ONLY EXIST TO CREATE CAST MEMBERS FOR SHOWS FEATURING FAILED PSEUDO-CELEBRITIES SIX YEARS FROM NOW. FUCKING TALENT SHOWS? THIS IS THE GODDAMN NEW MILLENNIUM AND YOU'RE PRESENTING US WITH THE SAME SHIT FROM THE 50'S? EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS ARTIFICIAL AND DEAD.
RE: Let's be honest about this
I'm going to get you pregnant, then leave you during your eighth month for someone younger with hair a more bleached color of blonde. You'll find someone pathetic and weak to latch onto because you'll be his only hope to not die alone. He won't perform and you'll have vengeful hate sex with strangers while he's at work as you ignore our child.
He'll come home early one day and find you blowing the guy living off disability checks who lives up the road and doesn't shower much. He'll get mad and consider kicking you out, so you'll start having sex with him more often but won't stop sleeping around. You'll get pregnant and tell him it's his. He'll love you again, just long enough for you to have the baby.
Once it's two you'll divorce him, take half of everything he owns, and collect alimony and child support from both kids. You'll live pretty well for a few years until he kills himself in a murder/suicide. His body will be found in a shitty motel room on the outskirts of town. The room will smell like shit. There will be a few empty bottles of Jack Daniels. He'll have a revolver in his hand. His face, back, and chest will be covered in semen. The body of a tranny prostitute slumped over the bed, cigarette still in hand. It's a good thing the blanket is fire retardant, or place would have burned down and ruined all the evidence. His life insurance was still in your name.
You collect a massive payment from the insurance company, and take the rest as an annuity. You're set for life. You put the kids up for adoption and never think of them again. You move to a beachfront property out in California to drink and discover yourself as a lesbian. You wake up one day and realize that you've taken more fists than George Foreman, and the only real constant in your life has been your extra large rabbit vibrator. You'll miss me but I'll have died in a "weather balloon" accident while saving the planet from aliens, covered up for decades until it's declassified and I'm made an interplanetary hero by the space alliance. I'll be the only great thing to ever happen to you.
So, your place, or an alley/dirty bathroom stall/back of your car/at the table in your parent's house during thanksgiving dinner?
The real trick is to send people pictures of your penis. Works every time..jpg