What are Your Famous Bear Rape Preferences?Submitted by ilikesteak at 2012-05-03 19:00:39 EDT
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My full day YESTERDAY revolved around this thought: Of all the famous bears, if they raped you, which ones would you be most and least bothered by?
*The bear doesn't have to be real, but the fictional bear does have to be in the social stock of common knowledge.
The example of a fictional bear you can use is Smokey Bear, an American cartoon bear which has been in printed advertizements, television commercials, songs, stickers, and children's books for more than fifty years. You don't necessarily need quite the impressive background, but the bear does have to be known fairly well.
The example of a fictional bear you can't use is the one which didn't read the storybook which Frankie Boyle didn't live in as a child, thus not actually risking his existence being ended by the closing of the book on an episode of "Would I Lie to You?" Despite its high viewer count that day, and the slight spread of the video on the internet, there isn't any continuity,
**The bear must be alive to rape you although it doesn't have to be currently alive. This rule forces the bear to be the focus of the rape, removing zombie rape (The issue would be that it's a zombie, not a zombie bear) and various forms of time travel (The issue would be an endless backward and forward frozen in time rape scenario, focusing the problem on time travel, as opposed to the bear)
I don't think I'd mind if Yogi Bear did it. He'd probably be drunk from stolen picnic basket wine and in a drunken haze confuse me with Cindy Bear. I don't think I could stop laughing if I heard Yogi Bear talk during sex. Take a few moments to imagine it, and try not to smile.
If would be nightmarish and almost surreal to have Yang Guang (To be referred to as Jeff Bridges), the panda from the Edinburgh zoo rape you. If you're raped by Jeff Bridges, it's clearly your fault. If Jeff Bridges refuses to mate the one time a year that he gets an opportunity, and he hate fucks you on a pile of bamboo, you did something wrong and Jeff Bridges is punishing you for it. Just hundreds of pounds of sexually repressed panda bearing down on you as it destroys the adorable cartoon/discovery channel "feel bad for the endangered species" ideal everybody keeps on a pedestal.
That's right princess.