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Didja Ever Wonder...

Submitted by DaBeast at 2012-04-30 00:58:12 EDT
Rating: 1.5 on 8 ratings (8 reviews) (Review this item) (V)




Recording: Journal Entry #36,707
Tuesday May 1st, 2012

...ust make sure this thing is working. (pause) Yes, very good that. There are times when I am positive that I shall forget how to use this infernal contraption. I hate those times. Records are very important.

On to business. Addendum to previous recording #35,372: Selena has been missing for far too long. She kept things lively in this old mausoleum. This oversight has been rectified and matters proceed in the projected fashion. Attempted sterilization was deemed counterproductive and successfully thwarted; however, the opposition wasn't entirely without reason for producing the idea. Her files have been amended and that course may not be entirely outside the realm of possibility at a later date if she continues to prove untameable.

Let's see... what else? (sound of pages being turned) Oh, yes.

Previous recording #28,263 no longer relevant. Remove to archival storage with standard precautions. Sionis will no longer be an issue.

(footsteps approach, the sound becomes muffled, multiple people begin to speak but there is a continual and randomly occuring noise obscuring the words - this continues for three minutes and thirty-six seconds)

Blast it! Just get out! Do what you're told!

(footsteps recede, a door slams, there is the sound of a crash, and then silence)

I have never, in all my years, seen such gross incompetence! (there is a rattling sound on the recording and what seems to be the sound of a palm connecting sharply with something wooden)

(footsteps approach) (unidentified male voice, tenor in timbre begins to speak when recording halted)

(recording resumed after unspecified interval) ...is it! There is only so much and this is just that! Does anyone know how difficult it's been all these years? How very hard it was, and still is, to do whatever it takes to make the right thing happen?

I was young and in the prime of life, once. I had the glory of serving my country in an intelligence capacity and I later used those same skills to become a successful actor. My father never knew my brilliance and his dying wish shattered any illusions that I had ever held on that point. But I bowed to it and came to this filthy, heathen city! It teemed with the darkest and most depraved even then and it was nothing to envision the future of such a hellish hole: worse was on the menu and it was going to be served hot and cold, at the Fates' whimsy. I saw it all!

Still, I had my duty to uphold and I did so; only slipping up once to warn my charges of the dangers that I saw. She looked scared, as did the young Master, but he scoffed at it. His vision was always a bright one and I knew he had all of the tools he would need in order to make it happen; yet, that very light he cast seemed so very small when held up against the darkness that surrounded him. Beset by politics and the everyday minutiae of his company but that gleam never left his eyes. He wouldn't listen.

Now, you can't blame me completely for what took place. I never meant for her to die. Bright boy was the target and it had been set to happen as he left work. Incompetence came to the forfront and the gunman (a poor choice on my part, I admit) was late. I certainly never meant...

Good intentions aside, I dealt with the situation and took charge. Do you know how difficult it is to steer someone into the direction you wish for them to go without allowing them to know of your guidance? Do you know how to do so without anyone at all knowing your intentions? To fool the entire lot of them? No, of course you don't know.

But the prediction was accurate and the darkness grew until it seemed to cover the world. And where was he? "Finding himself". Teenagers are the absolute worse, let me tell you. I fairly joggled with impatience but I held my tongue and kept up the charade and, eventually, he found his way back again.

I must admit, the tack he took was an unexpected one. It takes an amazing man to not only face his fear but to throttle it into submission and then put it to work for him instead of against. I didn't think he'd the bollocks, actually. Surprised the hell out of me.

Surprised, again, when he seemed to not only be making a difference, but brightening the city. Now, what good is that? You do a job so well that you put yourself out of work; so sharp, he was cutting himself and never even knew it. So, back to work, and it took a lot to make it happen but I managed to reunite the boy and the gunman and the explosion was intense enough to blot out the sun. Ah, but I knew something the boy did not and, viola! I should start a service and name it "Insta-Villain". I mean, really. I am not ashamed to admit that it was inspiring and it served to shove the boy right back into the darkness again where he could do the most damag... err... good.

I'm not proud of many of my works but that one is one of the few. Every hero needs a villain, right? You know who the real villain is for Supes? That would be Lois Lane. He fell in love with a criminal mastermind masquerading as the clumsiest reporter on the planet. Brilliant! I've always adored her work.

If she only knew about me...

(sudden running steps, and a young male voice yells) Hey, Alfred? Are you in there? I want a sandwhich. Alfred? Where are you? (steps recede) (silence for several seconds followed by a faint sighing sound)

So much for some alone time. I guess I'll work on this later. (Alfred's voice sounds fainter but still distinct) Coming, Master Grayson. I was just polishing the silver...

(recording stops here)


If_Asskickery_Alone_Got_U_Laid_Then_Alfred_Would_Have_ALL_The_Pussy.jpg
If_Asskickery_Alone_Got_U_Laid_Then_Alfred_Would_Have_ALL_The_Pussy.jpg


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Submitted by orphelia at 2012-05-01 08:32:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-04-30 18:28:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"There are times when I am positive that I shall forget how to use this infernal contraption."

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-30 13:05:22 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

I don't wanna know what happens in the future, or more specifically, on Tuesday.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-04-30 11:58:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

epic

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2012-04-30 10:15:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2012-04-30 08:42:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-04-30 08:05:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HA, my devilish friend! My head automatically made this character's voice the archetypical butler voice... and then you go and tie things up with a nice little bow for me. +2 for you.

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2012-04-30 07:12:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

never saw it coming.
+2 for Alfred


Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have
very little in common.

-- Homer Simpson
The Last Temptation of Homer