Fuckers at the AirportSubmitted by Flack at 2012-04-24 00:53:06 EDT
Rating: 1.09 on 12 ratings (24 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Now I know what you're all thinking......
"Jesus fuck, another diatribe about airport security?"
I had to fly from Detroit to La Crosse, Wisconsin today for a business trip and, as always, I was completely annoyed by the sheer stupidity of people at the airport. With regards to the TSA and all their stupid bullshit, this is more of a tribute to the other cocksucker passengers and or airport workers I have to deal with on a routine basis.
1. The Asshole blocking the moving sidewalk: Hey Dickmouth! There's a "Stand" side and a "Walk" side. Not a stand with your luggage blocking the whole sunuvabitch while you talk about your fucking flight to your girlfriend and/or boss. Move your luggage and let us pass. Can't you see we have places to be? Namely, the bar on the other end of the moving sidewalk.
2. The Old Lady that holds up the security line: Hey you decrepit old cunt, get your fucking shoes off, put them in the bin, feed them through the scanner, and be on your merry way. Its that simple. Why must you ask a thousand questions about where to put your shit? How bout you, I dunno, PUT YOUR SHIT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE PUTS IT! You'd think someone of your age would have traveled enough to understand the concept of a security line.
3. Asshole at Caribou Coffee that can't figure out what he wants: Motherfucker, I want a goddamn macchiato. But I can't get it because you have to ask what every single god damned thing is even though theirs a fucking description of it on the menu. Let me put it in terms you can understand. That tastes like coffee, that tastes like chocolate, and they all taste like shit. So fucking order your shitty coffee so the rest of us can move onto our next pain in the ass.....
4.... The guy that wants to talk to me: "So yeah me an the missus are headed to Vegas and were gonna bring the house down! HAR HAR!" Fascinating. Maybe while you're there, you can lose your entire life savings, not have enough to make it home, have your wife leave you, and then ultimately kill yourself so I have less of a chance of running into you at the airport again.
5. The Rappers handing out their Demos: This is Detroit and everyone knows that if you listen to hip-hop, you don't have enough money to fly. And the only people that listen to hip-hop at the Airport are the ghetto-fabulous monkeys from the TSA. Those bitches are definately not getting you a record deal. What in the name of fuck makes you think that the white, 30-something, Armani wearing business executive that's passing you will listen to your shitty lyrics multi-tracked over a fucktarded beat made with Fruity-loops and Garageband. Could he be a music producer? Perhaps. But I'm sure if he's at the airport, he has better things to do than to listen to your shitty demo which will just end up in the trash can of his room at the Hampton Inn like every other demo he has received at the airport.
6. French-Canadians: No one here speaks French. This is Detroit, not Canada. We know you speak English. We know you have been speaking English your entire life. Fucking Speak English! The guy at Einstein Bagels has neither the time, nor the inclination, to learn about the proper Montreal way to say "croissant."
7. The Family Going On Vacation Wearing Matching Shirts: Don't they just make you want to kill yourself? Do they realize how fucking stupid they look? My aunt once tried to pull that shit a couple years back. I was all like "Fucking really? This is gay" and threw the shirt in the trash. Then she cried. I hate my Aunt.
NSFW: airportass (image/jpeg 130963 bytes)