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Fuckers at the Airport

Submitted by Flack at 2012-04-24 00:53:06 EDT
Rating: 1.09 on 12 ratings (24 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Now I know what you're all thinking......

"Jesus fuck, another diatribe about airport security?"

Well...no.

I had to fly from Detroit to La Crosse, Wisconsin today for a business trip and, as always, I was completely annoyed by the sheer stupidity of people at the airport. With regards to the TSA and all their stupid bullshit, this is more of a tribute to the other cocksucker passengers and or airport workers I have to deal with on a routine basis.

1. The Asshole blocking the moving sidewalk: Hey Dickmouth! There's a "Stand" side and a "Walk" side. Not a stand with your luggage blocking the whole sunuvabitch while you talk about your fucking flight to your girlfriend and/or boss. Move your luggage and let us pass. Can't you see we have places to be? Namely, the bar on the other end of the moving sidewalk.

2. The Old Lady that holds up the security line: Hey you decrepit old cunt, get your fucking shoes off, put them in the bin, feed them through the scanner, and be on your merry way. Its that simple. Why must you ask a thousand questions about where to put your shit? How bout you, I dunno, PUT YOUR SHIT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE PUTS IT! You'd think someone of your age would have traveled enough to understand the concept of a security line.

3. Asshole at Caribou Coffee that can't figure out what he wants: Motherfucker, I want a goddamn macchiato. But I can't get it because you have to ask what every single god damned thing is even though theirs a fucking description of it on the menu. Let me put it in terms you can understand. That tastes like coffee, that tastes like chocolate, and they all taste like shit. So fucking order your shitty coffee so the rest of us can move onto our next pain in the ass.....

4.... The guy that wants to talk to me: "So yeah me an the missus are headed to Vegas and were gonna bring the house down! HAR HAR!" Fascinating. Maybe while you're there, you can lose your entire life savings, not have enough to make it home, have your wife leave you, and then ultimately kill yourself so I have less of a chance of running into you at the airport again.

5. The Rappers handing out their Demos: This is Detroit and everyone knows that if you listen to hip-hop, you don't have enough money to fly. And the only people that listen to hip-hop at the Airport are the ghetto-fabulous monkeys from the TSA. Those bitches are definately not getting you a record deal. What in the name of fuck makes you think that the white, 30-something, Armani wearing business executive that's passing you will listen to your shitty lyrics multi-tracked over a fucktarded beat made with Fruity-loops and Garageband. Could he be a music producer? Perhaps. But I'm sure if he's at the airport, he has better things to do than to listen to your shitty demo which will just end up in the trash can of his room at the Hampton Inn like every other demo he has received at the airport.

6. French-Canadians: No one here speaks French. This is Detroit, not Canada. We know you speak English. We know you have been speaking English your entire life. Fucking Speak English! The guy at Einstein Bagels has neither the time, nor the inclination, to learn about the proper Montreal way to say "croissant."

7. The Family Going On Vacation Wearing Matching Shirts: Don't they just make you want to kill yourself? Do they realize how fucking stupid they look? My aunt once tried to pull that shit a couple years back. I was all like "Fucking really? This is gay" and threw the shirt in the trash. Then she cried. I hate my Aunt.



NSFW: airportass (image/jpeg 130963 bytes)


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Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-05-04 14:52:33 EDT (#)

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-24 08:03:10 CDT (#)
Rating: 2

I WORK at an Airport and still think this is accurate..
---------------------------------

Still handling bags, eh?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-04-27 08:24:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahhh, Flack, you bitter angry ranting fucker. How I've missed ya.

Submitted by Quint at 2012-04-26 10:30:42 EDT (#)

Detroit to Wisonsin on business? You high-roller you! Did you get bumped up to Economy-Plus?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-25 20:12:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Everyone below should go fuck themselves.

Submitted by Flack at 2012-04-25 16:16:17 EDT (#)

"Also, you curse too much. Stop being so angry. "

Fuck that shit.

Submitted by cocaine at 2012-04-25 15:03:46 EDT (#)

I saw La Crosse, Wisconsin and my mind went wandering off trying to think of other towns and hamlets across our great land with names that sounds like Sports.

Hmmmmm...

Not off the top of my head. Pawtucket? Nah. Though it DOES sound like a viable drinking game. Maybe I'm just thinking of Family Guy. Or perhaps it could be some form of hockey that involved your shins getting hurt somehow.

I don't know.

What I do know if that I should lay off the weed in the middle of the day.

Also, you curse too much. Stop being so angry.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-04-25 14:29:36 EDT (#)

haha word

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2012-04-25 14:19:49 EDT (#)

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-04-25 14:06:03 EDT (#)

you're french canadian, that's embarassing in its own right!
===
What else do you got because I agree with that statement.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-04-25 14:06:03 EDT (#)

you're french canadian, that's embarassing in its own right!

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2012-04-25 14:02:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

As a french-canadian, I wholeheartedly agree that my fellow french-canadian travelers like to annoy everyone about the fact that they speak french (if you can call it that), as if it was so exotic.

It's embarassing to watch.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-04-25 13:48:03 EDT (#)

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2012-04-25 13:44:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Flack at 2012-04-25 18:35:17 BST (#)

Good For you. You wanna medal or something?

Submitted by GnarlsBarkley at 2012-04-25 17:16:29 BST (#)
Rating: -2

I'm French Canadian, and I speak english at the airport.

==========

Extra +1 for that exchange.
___
Also Flack, when did you get so angry??

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2012-04-25 13:44:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Flack at 2012-04-25 18:35:17 BST (#)

Good For you. You wanna medal or something?

Submitted by GnarlsBarkley at 2012-04-25 17:16:29 BST (#)
Rating: -2

I'm French Canadian, and I speak english at the airport.

==========

Extra +1 for that exchange.

Submitted by Flack at 2012-04-25 13:35:17 EDT (#)

Good For you. You wanna medal or something?

Submitted by GnarlsBarkley at 2012-04-25 12:16:29 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm French Canadian, and I speak english at the airport.

Submitted by Sage at 2012-04-25 11:42:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-04-24 20:01:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

And that is why you should score a Valium before you fly anywhere. I love flying - absolutely love it. But fuck security right in it's hairy ass. This is precisely why I have a friend with a Piper Warrior. Drive the car within 200 feet of the plane at a local airport, walk by a guard at the gate, say hi, load up and go fly. We split the fuel costs.

Flight from Virgina Tech airport to anywhere on the East Coast - less than $200. Hell, my flight to Vegas only put me out $140, but there were four of us.
No headaches, no stupid people, always a great seat with a great view, you're always in the cockpit unless you sit in the back and the pilot has no qualms about letting you fly the plane.

That's the sweet life, my friends.

********************

I hate your face. Actually I don't, 'specially since I don't know what your face looks like. I'm mostly just jealous.

I flew in the corporate jet a few months back and it was so bad ass. I want a plane.

Submitted by Sage at 2012-04-25 11:35:18 EDT (#)


Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-04-24 20:01:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

And that is why you should score a Valium before you fly anywhere. I love flying - absolutely love it. But fuck security right in it's hairy ass. This is precisely why I have a friend with a Piper Warrior. Drive the car within 200 feet of the plane at a local airport, walk by a guard at the gate, say hi, load up and go fly. We split the fuel costs.

Flight from Virgina Tech airport to anywhere on the East Coast - less than $200. Hell, my flight to Vegas only put me out $140, but there were four of us.
No headaches, no stupid people, always a great seat with a great view, you're always in the cockpit unless you sit in the back and the pilot has no qualms about letting you fly the plane.

That's the sweet life, my friends.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-24 09:03:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I WORK at an Airport and still think this is accurate...

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-04-24 07:59:07 EDT (#)

Submitted by joedaddy at 2012-04-23 22:16:02 PDT (#)
Rating: 1


I fly quite a bit and every time I'm subjected to "airport security", I can't help but think of that
rat-bastard Bin Laden and how they should have tortured him over several days instead of
popping him in the melon.
As to the TSA and power, people with REAL power, use it sparingly and with a soft touch.
As you slide down the power-scale, the people on the bottom, with little power, use it all
the time and with as much force as possible.

~~~~

I think they are STILL torturing the rat bastard, and the "burial at sea" was a smokin screen.

Totally agree that people with REAL power tend to use it sparingly and with a gentle touch, and the people at the bottom tend to be like Nurse Ratchet.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-04-24 07:52:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Can't you see we have places to be? Namely, the bar on the other end of the moving sidewalk."

"The Family Going On Vacation Wearing Matching Shirts: Don't they just make you want to kill yourself? Do they realize how fucking stupid they look?"

~~~~~~~~

*sits at bar with my pup Tweeter - we wear matching shirts*

The "airportass" image made this post a solid +2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2012-04-24 06:46:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

If these rather lame events are the kind of things that bunch up your panties when you travel, I have to ask why would you choose to endure them for free rather than just driving the ~350 miles (at $0.60/mile to your pocket)? Countryside rolling by, a drive by the lake, go to your meeting, stop by the casino, nice dinner and a hotel on the way back, and still make it to the office at 9am the next day but now you're getting there with $420 (minus gas money) in your pocket. No one but you will lose your luggage, either.

Submitted by czwij at 2012-04-24 03:06:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

number six.
fuck, i hate the french in any form - canadian or not.
fucking surrender monkeys.

plus fucking two for just that

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-04-24 01:48:04 EDT (#)

Submitted by joedaddy at 2012-04-24 01:16:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 1
As you slide down the power-scale, the people on the bottom, with little power, use it all
the time and with as much force as possible.

Like you did, you racist pig?

Submitted by joedaddy at 2012-04-24 01:16:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


I fly quite a bit and every time I'm subjected to "airport security", I can't help but think of that
rat-bastard Bin Laden and how they should have tortured him over several days instead of
popping him in the melon.
As to the TSA and power, people with REAL power, use it sparingly and with a soft touch.
As you slide down the power-scale, the people on the bottom, with little power, use it all
the time and with as much force as possible.




Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.

Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.

Homer: Why you little -- !

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