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Joel & the Dogs

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-30 04:33:08 EDT
Rating: 0.29 on 38 ratings (38 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The subject was a fast-food employee named Joel. His eyes were striking. The photographer said to the boy, Joel, “I want to take pictures of you.” Joel looked at him funny. He was young, and unsure, and insecure, and generally scared to death. Joel said,

“Why?”

“Because you’re striking,” the photographer said.

“Ummm,” the boy said. “No.”

It took some convincing and a lot of time passing to build trust between Joel and the photographer. Eventually Joel agreed. He went to his studio.

From Joel’s perspective, this place was a dump. It smelled like smoke, there were beer cans everywhere, and this guy had a couple big dogs that were unusually friendly. They were German Shepherds, well-groomed and young. Joel grew up with dogs and was comfortable around them, but there was something about these dogs that made him feel at the same time completely at ease and scared to death. It was probably the way they greeted him. At the door, they barked like he was an intruder, but after the photographer said, “nein” out loud, the dogs turned friendly. They didn’t seem to back off though… they approached Joel, the boy, and seemed to occupy his human space.

Normal dogs, when given a command, usually do some investigative sniffing and then back away, both of these weird dogs were right next to him, sniffing his pants and staring him directly in the eyes the whole time they were sniffing.

Joel isn’t very creative with words… he’s more of a feeling kind of guy, but that’s my job. If he were better with words, and had to pick a single one to describe how these dogs behaved, the word would be:

The photographer said, “hey Joel, how’s it going?” Joel, comfortable but still scared of these dogs and the whole situation, said,

“Fine.” He was looking down at the Shepherds. They began circling him and sniffing. Their tales were wagging though, and their bright pink tongues were hanging out of their mouths. The photographer asked,

“Did you work today?”

Joel said, “yeah, I had the early shift.”

The photographer said, “alright, why don’t we get started. I don’t want to waste too much of your time.” Joel said,

“Alright.” He reached down to pet the smaller of the two dogs, touching one of these guys for the first time. The moment he touched his head, the dog pulled his ears back and the dog’s eyes subdued like window blinds drawn down to half-mast. The dog’s eyes wondered around then, for the first time not looking directly at the boy, the subject, Joel.

The word is “rad!”

Wait a minute YOU'RE rad!

Murphy


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Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-04-01 16:18:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

To explain:

I re-read this just now and thought, "what the fuck was I thinking! I'm going to get TORN for this," but your reviews were uncharacteristically polite (thanks).

This part is probably going to sound pretentious, but hey-- I live in Portland. That's what they I mean we do. I'm experimenting with how characters are developed in a story. The knee-jerk writer response, if he knows the craft even a little, is 'offer a challenge to your characters.' For example, if your main character in any story is named Chris and you want to develop something about Chris, such as his temperament or whatever, challenge Chris. Put him in a Saw-like situation, watch him think (and show your reader), see how he reacts (and show your reader), and fucking jot it down. You'll be surprised.

I'm a bit off track here, but this snippet is basically an experiment on how a character develops. In this case, I used the reactions of several well-trained dogs. I'll confess that my intentions are two-fold: I like writing and developing characters (explained above) and I fucking love dogs. I could honestly write about dogs all day and never get bored. As for developing characters all-day long fuck me I could never do it... I'd run out of ideas and start bashing my face against something harder than my face.

That's really it. If you read the story again, with only a single and simple dimension (as it was written), you'll like it I hope. Or at least understand it better.

Murph-dawg

Submitted by loki at 2011-03-31 15:01:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

this has gotten even stranger

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-03-31 08:26:15 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

wot???????

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2011-03-30 17:50:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

three fags in a single review, below

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-30 16:28:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2011-03-30 13:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

skrap is pretty intelligent. Psygns seems bright.
-----
Your kind words are greatly appreciated, thank you. You are indeed a gentleman of great perception and generous demeanor.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-30 16:02:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2011-03-30 02:27:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Hi Squirrel,
THEY'RE MY SPRINKLES!!!
You know that isn't one of my Camwhores, just a random biker pic I found on Google, looks like a nice fella though. ( I mean that, I would totally buy that guy a beer and shoot the shit with him.)

I also spotted a comment in some random place about bear mace while in Alaska. No we didn't bring any but then again my buddy was carrying a .40 and I had a .357 pretty much wherever we went so bears we're not much of a concern (Though I freely admit that bear mace is probably more effective than bullets if you do actually get attacked by a bear.)

How are things with you?

I've decided I am definitely going to move to Alaska and buy a house in the civilized parts. Actually thinking of buying some remote land too, for weekend trips to go prospecting, camping, working on building my end of the world stronghold, etc. should be good times, fell free to drop by in a couple of years when I get it all established.
~~~
WHAT!!! Random pix! You...so and so! All this time I , oh never mind. heh

http://cgi.ebay.com/GUARD-ALASKA-BEAR-PEPPER-SPRAY-W-HOLSTER-/180644267632?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2a0f3cc670

Mayhaps you will see me here... http://www.chenahotsprings.com/

I will be the one clad in fantasy.


Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-30 15:51:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2011-03-30 07:51:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=91974&page=1

"Jury selection began today in the trial of a San Francisco couple accused of criminal responsibility for the death of their neighbor, who was mauled by their dogs in the doorway of her apartment."

"The case could involve evidence that the couple, a pair of San Francisco lawyers who got the presa Canario dogs from a pair of convicts they defended and befriended, engaged in 'inappropriate sexual conduct' with the animals, according to prosecutors."

"Judge James Warren ruled on Jan. 15 that any evidence related to sexual activity would only be admitted if prosecutors can show how it affected the way the dogs behaved."

"At a grand jury hearing in March, Hammer testified that Bane, the male dog who was determined to be the primary aggressor in the attack, 'put his head in Miss Whipple's crotch' and responded to her the way he would have to a 'bitch in heat.'

The allegations of 'inappropriate sexual conduct' are just one of the strange turns the case has taken since Whipple was attacked as she tried to get into her apartment with her groceries a year ago."

"Documents found in Schneider's [one of the convicts they befriended] cell, including letters and nude photographs of Knoller [the female defendant], provided evidence of sexual activity between the couple and Bane, according to an investigator in the San Francisco District Attorney's office."

Truth is radder than fiction.
~~~
I remember when this happened. Dumb asses keeping these dogs in apartment buildings...

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 15:23:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes (user info) at 2011-03-30 14:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2011-03-30 18:55:08 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

skrap is pretty intelligent. Psygns seems bright.

------

There's no bazinga coming is there?
---------

Not that I'm aware of at the moment.

Submitted by X54 at 2011-03-30 14:45:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2011-03-30 09:41:28 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0

It does not surprise me at all that the story of a couple attorneys taking pictures of a dog sexing up one of the attorneys while the other attorney sends those pictures to jailed former clients takes place in San Francisco. California is strange; SF is just weird. I lived there in the '80s and it apparently hasn't gotten any less weird since then.
~~~~
It's even stranger and weirder now.

The victim in the dog-mauling case was a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it just adds a tiny bit more weirdness to an already sordid story.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-30 14:30:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2011-03-30 18:55:08 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

skrap is pretty intelligent. Psygns seems bright.

------

There's no bazinga coming is there?

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 14:28:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It's dubious distinction in any event, when I'm the one bestowing it.

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 14:23:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

There can be only one smartest person on here, and I think your new humble attitude only makes you look better for the nod.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 13:55:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

skrap is pretty intelligent. Psygns seems bright.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 13:54:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I dunno. That Poots character is pretty smart.

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 13:02:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I assume you mean 'ladies' the same way craigslist means 'massage.'
----
OH HELLO icarus1987! I see you are still the smartest and most clever person here and likely will not cease to delight in getting in a good dig here and there.

I like to know some things are certain in an uncertain world. Please carry on.


Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 12:46:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2011-03-30 15:35:49 BST (#)
Ranking: 1

It's just simply shocking. Truly. A lady such as myself ought not be exposed to such disgusting imagery whilst attempting to gain milder entertainment on the tubes.

-------

I assume you mean 'ladies' the same way craigslist means 'massage.'

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-30 12:41:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It does not surprise me at all that the story of a couple attorneys taking pictures of a dog sexing up one of the attorneys while the other attorney sends those pictures to jailed former clients takes place in San Francisco. California is strange; SF is just weird. I lived there in the '80s and it apparently hasn't gotten any less weird since then.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-03-30 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I didnt read this before what the fuck is going on?

Submitted by Sage at 2011-03-30 12:12:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I don't get it. Maybe it's cause I'm blonde?

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-30 11:12:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

So, let me get this straight...

The pair who own the dog are both lawyers.
One man, one woman, one dog.
They adopted a convict, schneider, who sold the dog to them.
He and another inmate were breeding dogs for meth labs.
Schneider had photos of the bird fucking the dog (or doing something that is a bit fucking odd).
They claim that the victim brought it on herself by wearing purfume.

That about right?

If so, they're fucking nut jobs and should be in straight jackets for screwing dogs.

Submitted by X54 at 2011-03-30 10:51:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=91974&page=1

"Jury selection began today in the trial of a San Francisco couple accused of criminal responsibility for the death of their neighbor, who was mauled by their dogs in the doorway of her apartment."

"The case could involve evidence that the couple, a pair of San Francisco lawyers who got the presa Canario dogs from a pair of convicts they defended and befriended, engaged in 'inappropriate sexual conduct' with the animals, according to prosecutors."

"Judge James Warren ruled on Jan. 15 that any evidence related to sexual activity would only be admitted if prosecutors can show how it affected the way the dogs behaved."

"At a grand jury hearing in March, Hammer testified that Bane, the male dog who was determined to be the primary aggressor in the attack, 'put his head in Miss Whipple's crotch' and responded to her the way he would have to a 'bitch in heat.'

The allegations of 'inappropriate sexual conduct' are just one of the strange turns the case has taken since Whipple was attacked as she tried to get into her apartment with her groceries a year ago."

"Documents found in Schneider's [one of the convicts they befriended] cell, including letters and nude photographs of Knoller [the female defendant], provided evidence of sexual activity between the couple and Bane, according to an investigator in the San Francisco District Attorney's office."

Truth is radder than fiction.

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 10:44:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Milder than dogs raping and creeps molesting supple young menz in the bum!

Filthy!

Great, now I've got the god fucking vapors.

*faints*

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-30 10:40:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2011-03-30 15:35:49 BST (#)
Ranking: 1

It's just simply shocking. Truly. A lady such as myself ought not be exposed to such disgusting imagery whilst attempting to gain milder entertainment on the tubes.

-------

milder than what? milder than mild cheddar? milder than magnolia paint?

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 10:35:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

It's just simply shocking. Truly. A lady such as myself ought not be exposed to such disgusting imagery whilst attempting to gain milder entertainment on the tubes.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-30 10:30:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Yeah, it's not really that surprising is it August?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-03-30 10:26:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2011-03-30 10:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

It's amazing how you guys turned a perfectly innocent story about a struggling self employed photographer and a young man full of hopes and dreams into some creepy dog raping child molesting shit.
***********

um..ubersite? duh

http://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/columns/belinda-white/TMG8388737/From-chip-shop-to-catwalk.html

Submitted by august_sobriquet at 2011-03-30 10:02:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

It's amazing how you guys turned a perfectly innocent story about a struggling self employed photographer and a young man full of hopes and dreams into some creepy dog raping child molesting shit.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 09:52:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I was thinking more that the boy was going to be raped by the dogs.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-30 09:46:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

At first I thought "maybe kidnap/rape/murder/feed kid to dogs". Then it was just "maybe feed kid to dogs". Then it was "maybe author forgot what he was writing about". Then I looked up what "rad" means in German, and it was "definitely author forgot what he was writing about".

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-30 09:38:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It feels like this started out as a dirty story that decided, midway through, it was too good to be a dirty story and tried to be a double-entendre instead. Only there was no convenient way to fit a pretty boy, a photographer, and a couple of dogs into a double-entendre without making it outright dirty, so it shrugged and decided to just be obscure.

Submitted by loki at 2011-03-30 08:34:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I don't get it either. It started out really good though.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-03-30 07:59:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

is this about that chip shop kid that got discovered at work and is now a model for gucci or prada or one of those?

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-30 05:39:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Wait, what?

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-30 05:27:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Hi Squirrel,
THEY'RE MY SPRINKLES!!!
You know that isn't one of my Camwhores, just a random biker pic I found on Google, looks like a nice fella though. ( I mean that, I would totally buy that guy a beer and shoot the shit with him.)

I also spotted a comment in some random place about bear mace while in Alaska. No we didn't bring any but then again my buddy was carrying a .40 and I had a .357 pretty much wherever we went so bears we're not much of a concern (Though I freely admit that bear mace is probably more effective than bullets if you do actually get attacked by a bear.)

How are things with you?

I've decided I am definitely going to move to Alaska and buy a house in the civilized parts. Actually thinking of buying some remote land too, for weekend trips to go prospecting, camping, working on building my end of the world stronghold, etc. should be good times, fell free to drop by in a couple of years when I get it all established.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-30 04:56:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2011-03-30 01:48:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Maybe it's me, but I don't get it.
~~~
How's the sprinkles? I DID look at them. hooboy

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-30 04:51:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I once had a German Shepherd, a retired police dog. He would only respond to commands spoken in German...

This story did not go where I thought it was going. {probably for the best-heh}


Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-30 04:48:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Maybe it's me, but I don't get it.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-30 04:36:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The ending cheapens it.

Fuck editing while I'm drunk/stoned/( or combination ).


Rock 'n' Roll had become stagnant. `Achy Breaky Heart' was seven years
away. Something had to fill the void, and that something was barbershop.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Barbershop Quartet