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Near Death Taco Bell Experience

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-28 05:42:05 EDT
Rating: 0.86 on 23 ratings (23 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Driving in the rain, I think about what I'm going to order. Money isn't a concern like it normally is, so I think something posh and expensive. Maybe chicken or steak instead of beef in whatever I get. Maybe a quesadilla. I'm not sure yet. And it starts raining. Heavily.

Living in Portland, rain isn't unusual like it is in sun-soaked California, just South. But this isn't normal rain. Measuring rain in terms of wiper speed, this is a three. By that I mean that my wipers are on full blast just so I could see out the fucking window. A one or two means that the rain is just annoying.

While driving in this loud shit storm, I'm listening to the radio when suddenly the interview I'm listening to stops. The interview is interrupted by a "bee bee doo" thing, and I think fuck me they're doing another test of the emergency broadcasting system. Normally they say, "this is a test of the emergency broadcasting system. This is only a test," and so on. They say this right away though and this time there is an unusual pause. My windshield wipers flap wildly and I'm driving a good six or seven below the speed limit. Something is strange here. I think,

This aint no test.

Then a boring a pre-recorded male's voice chimes in on the radio. "This is a severe thunderstorm warning. A storm has been detected from Sharidon, heading NW at 50 miles per hour. Quarter-sized hail has been reported, along with the possibility for tornadoes." I turn the volume up. "We are issuing a severe thunderstorm warning in the East Portland/Gresham/Fairview areas from 2:40 until 3:00. Please stay inside or find shelter and if you see a tornado, go in to your basement or any other enclosed area and stay away from windows."

Fuck this, I think. But my heart rate picks up a bit. Mentally, I settle on some cheese quesadillas and decide I'd rather hit the drive through and eat at home, instead of eating in the parking lot like usual.

I get my food, pay, and start driving home.

And then it happens.

I hear the clink of hail, about the size of a pea, on my car and the surrounded pavement. I accelerate a bit, taking small sips off my soda and reminding myself that I'm near home and I'll be safe. The wind starts picking up and the hail is coming down sideways. Fuck. Then the hail gets... bigger. I tune in to different stations on the radio, and they're all playing the same fucking thing, the same real weather warning. It's like when the president makes a union address and all normal stations on the TV interrupt what they're showing for the important address. I feel my shoulders start to tense up, and for some reason I feel guilty for leaving the house and burning fuel just to get some stupid fast food.

The wind and hail get stronger and bigger and by now it seems that the hail is going to break my fucking windshield. I slow down and look to see what other drivers are doing. Nobody seems to be doing anything unusual except for driving slower than normal. The hail bounces and dusts the road and grass with big chunks of round white ice. The sound of this shit slamming against my car's body and windshield is driving me fucking crazy. My anxiety picks up and I can feel my heart in my chest pumping and racing, my hands are cold and sweaty. I need to find cover, or else I will die.

Driving home, there's a school with a little outside playground cover sort of thing. I turn in to the parking lot and decide to get under this cover until the storm is over. I pull in the wrong way though, and realize that there's a fucking gate around the school preventing any traffic from coming in. Fuck me.

I eventually drive home, and just before getting on the road that leads to my house, everything just suddenly stops. Not even drops of rain, much less balls of hail. I grab my plastic bag of food and soda, hop up the stairs, go inside, and turn on the T.V.

The soft shell of the quesadilla is light and crisp, and the cheese inside melts in my mouth. The taco that comes with the combo meal is warm and has a delightful crunch.

More importantly, though-- I'm fucking alive long enough to eat it.

Murphy


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Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-30 04:46:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2011-03-28 13:01:50 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2011-03-28 11:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...
Yeah! How dare you go through a scary experience without thinking to capture evidence for the Über post!
-----
Any picture of hail would have done, you know.



~~~~



Yes PHOTOS! {glad you got home safe and sound}

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-30 04:26:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

And Psygns or however you want it,

Stick a finger up you ass already. That, or quit shitting on EVERY SINGLE ONE of my posts. Please n' thanks.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-30 04:24:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Regarding the fire sauce bit... about how hot hot sauces are, bitch you don't even know me.

I don't even look at it as a tolerance for spice, but more as a "training exercise." I not only gargle "fire" sauce on a regular basis, I also open up my pee-hole about once a month (with my other hand of course) and drip some black-oil ghost C extract on the tip, let it internally slide down to the shaft with a little wiggling, then while doing this I jack off. Then eat the cum that hits my hand.

Fire sauce from Taco Bell? Fuck you.

Murphy

Submitted by Cakes at 2011-03-29 21:57:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

There is food for the soul, and it so helps. Unfortunately most equate soul food with literal food rather than food for their heads.

"Remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head.'"-- Jefferson Airplane.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-29 06:43:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes (user info) at 2011-03-29 04:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

I've been thinking about hot sauces. We need more hot sauces over here.
-----
Bottled sauces have a lot of preservatives and crap in them. Fine if you want to keep it in the 'fridge for a year and use it a drop or two at a time.

Or...

Quick Very Small Batch salsa picante

1 Roma tomato, blanched, peeled, and seeded
* pepper(s) blanched, peeled, and seeded to taste (1/4 jalepeño for mild to a whole habanero for brain-exploding endorphin rush hot, try a bunch of different ones to see what you like)
1 stalk green onion
1 medium clove garlic
vinegar (to taste, I like to use malt vinegar)
salt (to taste)

Puree thoroughly all ingredients except vinegar and salt. Add vinegar and salt to taste, mix. For fresh salsa picante, serve immediately. For cooked salsa picante, place mixture into microwave-safe bowl and cover with a paper towel. Microwave on high in 15-second increments, stirring between each increment, until mixture has boiled. Uncover and allow to cool on counter or place covered bowl in refrigerator, stirring occasionally. Serve at room temp.

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-03-29 05:25:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-29 04:26:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2011-03-29 09:21:35 BST (#)
Ranking: 1

You suck Psygns.

-----

Hey, I'll get round to posting when I get round to it. Don't rush me man! I've been away tripping balls all weekend. It's been awesome!

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-29 04:21:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

You suck Psygns.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-29 04:19:21 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

I've been thinking about hot sauces. We need more hot sauces over here.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-29 04:12:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by TexasGalDrew (user info) at 2011-03-29 01:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This sucked in a good way.

Also, if anybody thinks Toco Bell's "Fire Sauce" is hot, you're a pussy.
~~~~~
It is tasty though. Not Dave's Insanity Sauce, that's a bit of fire for the tongue.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-29 04:07:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Thanks for explaining the different levels of wiper speed to me.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-29 02:27:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

For the title...

Submitted by TexasGalDrew at 2011-03-29 01:57:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This sucked in a good way.

Also, if anybody thinks Toco Bell's "Fire Sauce" is hot, you're a pussy.

Submitted by Wildman at 2011-03-28 16:47:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Pussy-storm.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-28 16:01:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2011-03-28 11:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...
Yeah! How dare you go through a scary experience without thinking to capture evidence for the Über post!
-----
Any picture of hail would have done, you know.

Submitted by Foolproof at 2011-03-28 12:03:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2011-03-28 11:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is a perfect example of why we shouldn't waste our money on things like Emergency Radio Broadcasts. No one pays any attention to them anyway.
---
And when you need them, they never broadcast.

Like on 9/11.

Submitted by X54 at 2011-03-28 11:56:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is a perfect example of why we shouldn't waste our money on things like Emergency Radio Broadcasts. No one pays any attention to them anyway.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-28 11:45:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2011-03-28 10:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

This post needed a pic of the hail. In this age of cell 'phone cameras there is no excuse for you not getting a pic of the hail. You should have gotten a pic of the hail and included it in this post, is the point I'm trying to make here. Or (even better) a pic of the dented-to-shit hood of your car* with a TB bag sitting on it. And hail.



*if the hood of your car isn't dented, you didn't get hail that posed any real danger so quitcher whining ya leaky puss.

~~~~~

Yeah! How dare you go through a scary experience without thinking to capture evidence for the Über post!

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-03-28 10:13:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

This post needed a pic of the hail. In this age of cell 'phone cameras there is no excuse for you not getting a pic of the hail. You should have gotten a pic of the hail and included it in this post, is the point I'm trying to make here. Or (even better) a pic of the dented-to-shit hood of your car* with a TB bag sitting on it. And hail.



*if the hood of your car isn't dented, you didn't get hail that posed any real danger so quitcher whining ya leaky puss.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-03-28 09:17:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I, personally, couldn't think of a better way to turn an interesting story to complete and full shit. This story got boring. But I read it, so I guess I lost.

Submitted by Foolproof at 2011-03-28 07:36:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

A woman was murdered while opening the Burger King 2 miles from my house.

The Burger King is next to a Taco Bell.

Taco Bell is always a near death experience if you try to eat it.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2011-03-28 06:20:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Fast food'll kill ya.


Submitted by Habeeb Thomas PhD at 2011-03-28 05:56:44 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

It rained and you got some Taco Bell......

Do those midgets still live in Oregon? You know, the Roloffs? Thier show on Discovery just got up n cancelled.

...The last sentence I typed was more dramatic than yer story of yer dangerous drizzle.

GO GORDITAS WOO!!!



You are not my son!

-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood