Near Death Taco Bell ExperienceSubmitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-03-28 05:42:05 EDT
Rating: 0.86 on 23 ratings (23 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Driving in the rain, I think about what I'm going to order. Money isn't a concern like it normally is, so I think something posh and expensive. Maybe chicken or steak instead of beef in whatever I get. Maybe a quesadilla. I'm not sure yet. And it starts raining. Heavily.
Living in Portland, rain isn't unusual like it is in sun-soaked California, just South. But this isn't normal rain. Measuring rain in terms of wiper speed, this is a three. By that I mean that my wipers are on full blast just so I could see out the fucking window. A one or two means that the rain is just annoying.
While driving in this loud shit storm, I'm listening to the radio when suddenly the interview I'm listening to stops. The interview is interrupted by a "bee bee doo" thing, and I think fuck me they're doing another test of the emergency broadcasting system. Normally they say, "this is a test of the emergency broadcasting system. This is only a test," and so on. They say this right away though and this time there is an unusual pause. My windshield wipers flap wildly and I'm driving a good six or seven below the speed limit. Something is strange here. I think,
This aint no test.
Then a boring a pre-recorded male's voice chimes in on the radio. "This is a severe thunderstorm warning. A storm has been detected from Sharidon, heading NW at 50 miles per hour. Quarter-sized hail has been reported, along with the possibility for tornadoes." I turn the volume up. "We are issuing a severe thunderstorm warning in the East Portland/Gresham/Fairview areas from 2:40 until 3:00. Please stay inside or find shelter and if you see a tornado, go in to your basement or any other enclosed area and stay away from windows."
Fuck this, I think. But my heart rate picks up a bit. Mentally, I settle on some cheese quesadillas and decide I'd rather hit the drive through and eat at home, instead of eating in the parking lot like usual.
I get my food, pay, and start driving home.
And then it happens.
I hear the clink of hail, about the size of a pea, on my car and the surrounded pavement. I accelerate a bit, taking small sips off my soda and reminding myself that I'm near home and I'll be safe. The wind starts picking up and the hail is coming down sideways. Fuck. Then the hail gets... bigger. I tune in to different stations on the radio, and they're all playing the same fucking thing, the same real weather warning. It's like when the president makes a union address and all normal stations on the TV interrupt what they're showing for the important address. I feel my shoulders start to tense up, and for some reason I feel guilty for leaving the house and burning fuel just to get some stupid fast food.
The wind and hail get stronger and bigger and by now it seems that the hail is going to break my fucking windshield. I slow down and look to see what other drivers are doing. Nobody seems to be doing anything unusual except for driving slower than normal. The hail bounces and dusts the road and grass with big chunks of round white ice. The sound of this shit slamming against my car's body and windshield is driving me fucking crazy. My anxiety picks up and I can feel my heart in my chest pumping and racing, my hands are cold and sweaty. I need to find cover, or else I will die.
Driving home, there's a school with a little outside playground cover sort of thing. I turn in to the parking lot and decide to get under this cover until the storm is over. I pull in the wrong way though, and realize that there's a fucking gate around the school preventing any traffic from coming in. Fuck me.
I eventually drive home, and just before getting on the road that leads to my house, everything just suddenly stops. Not even drops of rain, much less balls of hail. I grab my plastic bag of food and soda, hop up the stairs, go inside, and turn on the T.V.
The soft shell of the quesadilla is light and crisp, and the cheese inside melts in my mouth. The taco that comes with the combo meal is warm and has a delightful crunch.
More importantly, though-- I'm fucking alive long enough to eat it.