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Draining My Infected Earlobe with a Finishing Nail

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-02-23 04:21:13 EST
Rating: 1.24 on 34 ratings (34 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I take a nap almost every day. When I take a nap, I usually fall asleep on the right side with the right side of my face mashed in the pillow. The infected, red, bulging, swollen earlobe described in this post is on the left side of my face.

Once I fall asleep, I turn periodically from side to side. Today I turned to my left side, half awake, half asleep, then I flipped my pillow over to the dry, drool-free side, and then I tried to snuggle my face in the pillow. Later in this blurb, I'm going to tell you about draining the infection out of this swollen bulb.

I tried to rest my face on the pillow and felt stabbing, throbbing pain in my ear. It's swollen and infected and a couple days ago I paid good money for a doctor to check it out. Two days ago, the pain had spread to my neck, right behind my earlobe, on my jaw. I had thought that the puss and blood or whatever it was that was filling up this sack in my earlobe had run out of room, then found a home in my fucking neck. I remember showing up for work this day, immediately before seeing the doctor. This was the day I noticed that my neck was swollen. I said to my boss,

"I just made a doctors appointment. Check this out." I pointed at my ear, then my neck. I said, "See that shit?"

He said, "What is that?"

"I don't know. It's obviously infected, but whatever it is spread to my fucking neck. Do you see how it swells out there on my jawline?"

"Yeah. Wow. I've never paid much attention to your jawline until now." We seriously talk like this.

I said, "Fuck you. I think the infection is spreading to my neck, and it could possibly enter my bloodstream and kill me. I talked to my doctor and they can get me in in 15 minutes."

"Yeah that looks bad." He was smirking. Motherfucker as usual (I love the guy). He said, "Just give me a call when you're on your way back." I said OK.

Here's how I got to see the doctor in 15 minutes (usually it takes a couple days for an appointment). The receptionist answered the phone and I said, "Hello. I need to make an appointment with Dr. Garas." She asked what it was all about. I said, "I've got an infection in my ear and it's spreading to my neck." She sounded urgent. She said, "can you come in at 4:30?" It was 4:10. I said yes.

I explained to Dr. Garas that I thought the infection in my ear ran out of room because it was so swollen, and that whatever puss and blood was filling up my ear needed to find another home. He explained to me that that wasn't the case. That swelling on my neck was an over-active lymphoid. Lymhoids are part of the lymphatic system and when there's a nearby infection, they swell up and feel tender. He suggested antibiotics as a first defense, then possibly lancing the earlob if things didn't clear up. I said OK. I've been taking two giant antibiotic pills in the morning and evening, along with 800 mg Ibuprofen tablets to control the pain.

I was pissed today that I couldn't sleep on the left side because of a stupid ear infection. Although I've been scratching and squeezing this motherfucker for over a week, there was never an "exit point," and the squeezing and scratching only made it more tender and swollen. Laying on my back in bed, I felt around for like a scab-like thing to scratch off, found none, and started squeezing anyway.

Something came out.

It wasn't much, but it gave me hope. I looked at my fingers and noticed what looked like a drop of milk. Then I jumped out of bed (my heart racing), stepped to the mirror and I immediately started squeezing and pinching and scratching. A tiny bit more of this cheese-smelling milk sprayed on the mirror. That was all. More squeezing only resulted in more pain--no release. I needed to create an opening.

After poking around the house, I found a finishing nail that was about one-inch long. Excellent.

I pulled out my lighter, touched it to the flame, and held it there until the metal burned my fingers. Then I put the nail down to cool off, went outside for a quick smoke, picked up the nail again, looked in the mirror, and punctured my earlobe.

I took a couple pansy tries before I punched through. When it finally pierced the flesh, I heard a little snap sound. Leaving the nail in my ear, I turned my head in the mirror to make sure it really got through. It did.

When I pulled the nail out, the little hole it created immediately started leaking a small amount of blood and clear fluid. Excited, I gently squeezed. A small amount of yellow-green liquid came out. I squeezed harder. Then an unimaginable amount of dirty-green slime gushed out of the hole, drooling all over my fingers. I smiled.

Then I dried up the mess with toilet paper and went back to bed.

Murphy




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Submitted by TheUniter at 2011-03-02 16:29:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2011-03-02 16:29:10 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-02-25 20:36:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I hear Psygns talking and sounding like Ringo Starr.

Submitted by LadyPlural at 2011-02-25 20:12:33 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-25 05:20:25 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2011-02-25 06:28:32 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0

What's with the photo requests? Did you expect me to pause and shoot photos of the action or do you want the scabby red aftermath?


------

errm...

1/ we wanna see
2/ we do expect that, AS A MINIMUM
3/ that will do in lieu of a decent picture of lanced ear

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-02-25 01:28:32 EST (#)
Rating: 0

What's with the photo requests? Did you expect me to pause and shoot photos of the action or do you want the scabby red aftermath?

Submitted by maiorano84 at 2011-02-24 21:19:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2


When I was in middle school, I had six scabs from popped zits on my forehead perfectly aligned so that I looked like Krillin.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-02-24 19:04:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Auto +2 story
Auto -2 NO PHOTO! heh

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-24 05:03:27 EST (#)
Rating: 0

barmpot

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-24 04:15:25 EST (#)
Rating: 0

don't call me tuppence t'shilling

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-24 04:11:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i'll go n' mek t' brew, you get another shovel o black stuff for t' fire. it's a bit parky this mornin.

lol you freak :-)

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-24 04:06:50 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I know, na gerroff an put t'kekkle on.

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-24 04:02:44 EST (#)
Rating: 0

psygns, tekkin' yer mams teatray for t' spin down t' pit tip when we have a fall of t' white stuff ain't snow boarding.
:)

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-24 03:33:25 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I get fluid on my knee from a boarding accident - I always ask the docs to use a clear tube when they drain it; it looks funny.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-02-24 01:32:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Update: About a day and a half later, it filled back up. Although it was about half the size, my earlobe had asked my body's bartender for a refill. No instrument was required this go around, I just scratched the scab and started squeezing. Almost all blood-- brown colored-- this time.

Part of me wants this thing to keep refilling, as long as it doesn't cause any pain. Whenever I'm bored, I can spend a few minutes in the bathroom draining my earlobe. I can imagine people close to me getting used to this routine. One would say, "Where's Murphy?"

"Oh he's draining again." No explanation required. Hahaha.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-02-24 01:13:00 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Hahaha, Will.

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-02-23 21:25:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

J. Tiberius Kirk would have fucked a snake. Or a pile of rocks if he thought there was a snake in them.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-02-23 20:58:38 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2011-02-23 15:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2011-02-23 06:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I would date a spotty guy just so I could blitz his zits. Blackheads are my fave. Sadly I rarely get spots when I do they are under the skin, never have a head and are just painful lumps I have to suffer, no fuun.
I have a friend who has a small skin covered sack on his chest, I say sack because it's not a spot and every now and then he'll squeeze it and white cheesey smelling stuff comes out like paste from a tube. awesome. i wish he'd let me have a go.

what you did is a tad dangerous though, chances are that green pussy stuff was in it's own sack and now you popped it it's mixing with blood. keep taking the tabs for a bit eh.
================
Stay away from the green pussy!
-----
Unless you're James T. Muthafuckin' Kirk.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2011-02-23 20:51:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck; this was kind of gross, yet fascinating at the same time. Perfect!

Submitted by FilthyMonkey at 2011-02-23 19:39:26 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Luuuuuurvly!

I always find it weird when I have to do this sort of thing, the simultaneous mix of curiosity, achievement, relief, and revulsion is, well, weird.


Submitted by Fucking foul at 2011-02-23 19:37:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks for posting even though it was FUCKING GROSS

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-02-23 15:38:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2011-02-23 06:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I would date a spotty guy just so I could blitz his zits. Blackheads are my fave. Sadly I rarely get spots when I do they are under the skin, never have a head and are just painful lumps I have to suffer, no fuun.
I have a friend who has a small skin covered sack on his chest, I say sack because it's not a spot and every now and then he'll squeeze it and white cheesey smelling stuff comes out like paste from a tube. awesome. i wish he'd let me have a go.

what you did is a tad dangerous though, chances are that green pussy stuff was in it's own sack and now you popped it it's mixing with blood. keep taking the tabs for a bit eh.
================
Stay away from the green pussy!

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-02-23 10:40:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for no pic.

i'm going to go throw up again, BRB

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-23 09:32:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

sounds tasty!

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-02-23 09:29:14 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Pics or it didn't happen!

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2011-02-23 09:21:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

absolutely disgusting

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-02-23 06:48:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Yup that is about how an infected piercing goes though it sounds like you let yours get rather bad.

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-23 06:47:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

better than sex.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2011-02-23 06:46:35 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Ok, Orphy, I'll grant you the benefit of doubt and will willingly assert that yes, you do not have grubby fingernails most of the time if you will, in your turn, admit that when you see an "ugly spot" what needs picking, you feel a tingly thrill of discovery and a lust to get your nails dirty by destroying that "ugly spot".

Agreed?


Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-02-23 06:46:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-23 06:41:39 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i do not have grubby fingernails.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-02-23 06:38:54 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Jeebus. I bet you're a hit at parties.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2011-02-23 06:36:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Orphy, you utter female. What is it with chicks and the "ugly spots" that they just absofuckinglutely HAVE to get their grubby little nails into? Pick, pick, pick, nag, nag, nag, "OHMYGAWDUBITCHUJUSTPUTAHOLEINMYFUCKINGCHESTGETOFFMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

*ahem* Murphy, watch out. Your ovaries are showing.


Submitted by orphelia at 2011-02-23 06:13:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I would date a spotty guy just so I could blitz his zits. Blackheads are my fave. Sadly I rarely get spots when I do they are under the skin, never have a head and are just painful lumps I have to suffer, no fuun.
I have a friend who has a small skin covered sack on his chest, I say sack because it's not a spot and every now and then he'll squeeze it and white cheesey smelling stuff comes out like paste from a tube. awesome. i wish he'd let me have a go.

what you did is a tad dangerous though, chances are that green pussy stuff was in it's own sack and now you popped it it's mixing with blood. keep taking the tabs for a bit eh.


Marge: Homer, remember you promised you'd try to limit pork to six
servings a week?

Homer: Marge, I'm only human.

Principal Charming