Drinking My Hero's Favorite DrinkSubmitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 03:02:10 EST
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Do you have a hero? Does your hero drink? What does your hero drink?
I'm sitting at the bar, a local one near home, and I thought about these things. My thought process isn't normally this clunky... that is, asking myself specific questions and answering myself in order. That's crazy. Tonight, though, I was poking around on the internet and learned, amongst other things, what my hero's favorite drink was.
Johnny Walker Black Label.
Whiskey, right? I'm no stranger to strong waters but I usually stick to beer. I like happy hour lagers and cloudy hefeweisens. It really depends on how much money I have.
Upon further research I learned that Johnny Walker is a blended scotch whiskey. I was half-right and felt somewhat confident. Tonight I'm drinking Coors Light because they're on happy hour special for a couple bucks a pint. I had a few and I had to pee and smoke, so I peed and then smoked. Outside, there were a couple chicks that I knew so I asked them, "hey do they serve Johnny Walker Black here?" One of them worked there and said, "Nope, just Red Label." I said,
"What's the difference?" She said,
"The amount of aging." At this point I thought I might be getting in to something expensive and out of my reach. I said,
"Which one is aged more?" She said the Black label stuff. I continued, "Damnit! Well, how much does that go for?" She said she didn't really know but somewhere less than ten but probably over five. I clarified, "for the Red Label, yeah?" She said yes.
I walk back to the bar and sit down and the bartender approaches me and points at my empty glass and sort of gestures like, 'another?' I say "No. Do you have Johnny Blacker Walk--" Oh fuck me. I corrected, "Johnny WALKER Black Label?" He checks. They don't. He says,
"No just the Red Label stuff." Then he looks at me weird. I pretty much only order beers and even on wild nights I just order more beers than usual... never hard stuff. I say,
"I'll have a the Red Label with... oh god, I hate to sound like I'm fancy, but do you have Perrier?" He says,
"Nope." The girls return from outside. They say, "I told you we only had Red Label." They don't have Perrier or any other bottled sparkling water. I ask,
"Well do you just have soda water from the gun then?" He says he does so I ask for that, no ice. I say, "And no ice please."
As he was pouring the drink, I hopped online to research the different types of JW. It turns out that they have a whole RANGE of colors that describe their whiskeys. There's JW Black, Blue, Red, Gold, Green and Swing. Incidentally, Johnny Walker Black is also the favorite drink of the Iraqi Baath Party, the Libyan dictatorship, the Palestinian Authority, and large parts of the Saudi Arabian Royal Family.
The favorite drink of one of my heroes is Johnny Walker Black with Perrier no ice. The bartender puts a glass of Johnny Walker Red with gun soda water on my bar napkin. Two black straws don't really poke out the top since there's no ice... they sort of rest at the top of the cocktail reminding me that I'm a second-class douche-bag. I say, "thanks." The bartender nods.
I take a sip and will myself to enjoy it. I've had cheap scotch in the past, stealing swigs off a gallon-sized plastic jug my best friend's dad had when we were thirteen. It was horrible then, it was horrible years ago when I decided to order scotch at a random bar for whatever reason, and it's horrible now. But since it contained alcohol, I drank it to the bottom.
My hero doesn't know I'm a fan. If he did, though, and I wouldn't want to embarrass him with my second-class citizenship, I would raise that shitty cocktail to him and to him I would say, with a full stomach of air and a deep and confident voice and a look in my eye which registers honest appreciation, warmth, sincerity, and love-- I would say,
It didn't really turn out that way but what the fuck.