login / register
HEY, BART! *bangs on wall* GET IN HERE & BRING THE RAID WITH YOU! THERE'S BOTS EVERYWHERE!
Welcome to Ubersite!

Drinking My Hero's Favorite Drink

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 03:02:10 EST
Rating: 0.96 on 53 ratings (53 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Do you have a hero? Does your hero drink? What does your hero drink?

I'm sitting at the bar, a local one near home, and I thought about these things. My thought process isn't normally this clunky... that is, asking myself specific questions and answering myself in order. That's crazy. Tonight, though, I was poking around on the internet and learned, amongst other things, what my hero's favorite drink was.

Johnny Walker Black Label.

Whiskey, right? I'm no stranger to strong waters but I usually stick to beer. I like happy hour lagers and cloudy hefeweisens. It really depends on how much money I have.

Upon further research I learned that Johnny Walker is a blended scotch whiskey. I was half-right and felt somewhat confident. Tonight I'm drinking Coors Light because they're on happy hour special for a couple bucks a pint. I had a few and I had to pee and smoke, so I peed and then smoked. Outside, there were a couple chicks that I knew so I asked them, "hey do they serve Johnny Walker Black here?" One of them worked there and said, "Nope, just Red Label." I said,

"What's the difference?" She said,

"The amount of aging." At this point I thought I might be getting in to something expensive and out of my reach. I said,

"Which one is aged more?" She said the Black label stuff. I continued, "Damnit! Well, how much does that go for?" She said she didn't really know but somewhere less than ten but probably over five. I clarified, "for the Red Label, yeah?" She said yes.

I walk back to the bar and sit down and the bartender approaches me and points at my empty glass and sort of gestures like, 'another?' I say "No. Do you have Johnny Blacker Walk--" Oh fuck me. I corrected, "Johnny WALKER Black Label?" He checks. They don't. He says,

"No just the Red Label stuff." Then he looks at me weird. I pretty much only order beers and even on wild nights I just order more beers than usual... never hard stuff. I say,

"I'll have a the Red Label with... oh god, I hate to sound like I'm fancy, but do you have Perrier?" He says,

"Nope." The girls return from outside. They say, "I told you we only had Red Label." They don't have Perrier or any other bottled sparkling water. I ask,

"Well do you just have soda water from the gun then?" He says he does so I ask for that, no ice. I say, "And no ice please."

As he was pouring the drink, I hopped online to research the different types of JW. It turns out that they have a whole RANGE of colors that describe their whiskeys. There's JW Black, Blue, Red, Gold, Green and Swing. Incidentally, Johnny Walker Black is also the favorite drink of the Iraqi Baath Party, the Libyan dictatorship, the Palestinian Authority, and large parts of the Saudi Arabian Royal Family.

The favorite drink of one of my heroes is Johnny Walker Black with Perrier no ice. The bartender puts a glass of Johnny Walker Red with gun soda water on my bar napkin. Two black straws don't really poke out the top since there's no ice... they sort of rest at the top of the cocktail reminding me that I'm a second-class douche-bag. I say, "thanks." The bartender nods.

I take a sip and will myself to enjoy it. I've had cheap scotch in the past, stealing swigs off a gallon-sized plastic jug my best friend's dad had when we were thirteen. It was horrible then, it was horrible years ago when I decided to order scotch at a random bar for whatever reason, and it's horrible now. But since it contained alcohol, I drank it to the bottom.

My hero doesn't know I'm a fan. If he did, though, and I wouldn't want to embarrass him with my second-class citizenship, I would raise that shitty cocktail to him and to him I would say, with a full stomach of air and a deep and confident voice and a look in my eye which registers honest appreciation, warmth, sincerity, and love-- I would say,

"Cheers!"

It didn't really turn out that way but what the fuck.

Cheers,

Murphy


Review This Item

Rating:

Comment:




Reviews


Submitted by cheerios at 2011-01-16 17:11:56 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-01-14 21:50:46 EST (#)
Rating: -2

figuaritive gay cock sucking. too lame. no grinding.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 18:46:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Yep.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2011-01-14 18:04:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well aren't you adorable.

I have a prediction: it's Christopher Hitchens, isn't it?

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2011-01-14 15:46:54 EST (#)
Rating: -2

actually i'm with psyne on this one. how old are you that you do not know about decent fucking whiskey and how to drink it you sad fuck?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 15:12:08 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Snark: He's not dead yet. I think I'm subconsciously preparing or something. I don't know or even pretend to. The fact is, this man gives me courage in dark times and I'm forever grateful. I hope I can stay with the present tense in that last sentence as long as possible but, alas, all good things come to an end. It's almost as bad as finishing a really good pot-roast dinner-- the kind you made with good red wine and carrots and potatoes and garlic and celery and all that. Eventually, it's all consumed and the best you can do after is take a nap.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 14:43:31 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Inspired, I did a bit of research on Yorkshire. The most interesting thing I noticed is that, with its large population and huge influx of immigrants, the people of Yorkshire seem to think they're a country within a country. Now, not being or having been to the UK or anywhere else in W. Europe, I have to draw analogies from my limited, less-traveled, American perspective. (I've been around, just not W. Europe yet.)

Yorkshire seems like a shit-hole dump where kids are shat, then inundated with the culture, then made to think they're elitist and therefore not inspired or motivated to see anything outside their little box, then sit and rot and look down upon anyone who doesn't live there, sad and depressed all the time that they're sitting and rotting and uninspired and depressed. What they don't know:

The rest of the world looks down upon anyone with that sort of attitude of indifference and elitism. The rest of the world says go fuck yourself.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2011-01-14 14:30:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"I have no good reason or any good evidence, I just don't like Yorkshire."

======

An excellent point.

Yorkshire is a shit bin full of inbred paedos.

Apart from the Jorvik Viking centre; that's pretty sweet.

The Black Sheep brewery is pretty good too.

However, Sean Bean is an utter cunt, so my positive points are rendered useless.

Funny how life works.

Submitted by Snark at 2011-01-14 14:30:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ima raise a glass when Hitchens dies too.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-01-14 13:59:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"I've had cheap scotch in the past, stealing swigs off a gallon-sized plastic jug my best friend's dad had when we were thirteen."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onfce-UNmmE

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 13:50:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Further, you're making yourself out to be like the Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachman of England. I guess it's refreshing to know we're not alone having nutbags ruining our country's reputation.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 13:48:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Do you take issue with me besides the fact that I have a penis and like to put other penis's in my mouth? Or does that pretty much just sum it up for you? I suspect there's something else going on here that accounts for such vitriol.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-01-14 13:44:56 EST (#)
Rating: -2

You can consider it as such if you cross the border.

It's nothing like the US (N or S Carolina at least), although we do hate immigrants, southerners, lancastrians, the welsh and the french. Oh and cromwell, the conservative party and organised government.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 13:40:47 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I hate to have to bring this up, but was that a threat? Was that a threat on my life?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 13:39:59 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Reminds me of the deep south. Trust me, I'll avoid it like I avoid the intolerant, ignorant, xenophobic and generally hateful places here in the states.

You seem to be their mascot.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 13:37:46 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-01-14 13:35:43 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Oh and by the way - if you did get into Yorkshire (which I very much doubt the border patrols would allow) you aint gettin' out. It's generally accepted that homos get their heeds kicked into the pavement and their bodies strunk up just off the M1.


Keep the fuck out of my country!

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-01-14 13:30:51 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2011-01-14 16:41:44 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0

This is the best review ever, by skrap:

"True, Fallen. Whiskey won't do that to you either, though. Beer will do that to you. Beer and rich food. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise and a lethargic metabolism."

Hahaha!

My hero's country of birth is England but now he is an American citizen. Incidentally, he can't stand anyone from Yorkshire. He says, "I have no good reason or any good evidence, I just don't like Yorkshire." Or something to that effect.

When I visit the UK I'll pay extra in transport if needed just to avoid that dump. I have at least a shred of evidence though: the first douchebag to review this post.

Murphy

-----------

Yet another reason for you to go fuck yourself with a rusty razor.


Submitted by orphelia at 2011-01-14 12:52:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Wanker is you

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 12:49:18 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Hahaha! I think he meant the sammich.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 12:39:38 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2011-01-14 11:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I need a hero.
-----
The inspiring person or the sandwich?

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2011-01-14 12:35:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'll honestly say that I was expecting the punch-line to be "semen! OMGLOLOLOL!!!1!"

But you fooled me.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2011-01-14 12:21:14 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Poots at 2011-01-14 11:56:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I need a hero.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 11:53:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Even I know you're not supposed to mix green lable.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 11:51:42 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Too much makes you mean? I know what you mean.

Booze, or the part that gets you high, is all the same molecule-- ethanol alcohol. I wonder why, then, some drunks are more clear, fun, hazy, destructive, manic, arrogant, aggressive, serious, horny, and or a combination of these things depending on the drink. Example: I never feel drunk when I drink nothing but gin. I only realize I've had too much when I stand up and wobble to the toilet.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2011-01-14 11:41:44 EST (#)
Rating: 0

This is the best review ever, by skrap:

"True, Fallen. Whiskey won't do that to you either, though. Beer will do that to you. Beer and rich food. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise and a lethargic metabolism."

Hahaha!

My hero's country of birth is England but now he is an American citizen. Incidentally, he can't stand anyone from Yorkshire. He says, "I have no good reason or any good evidence, I just don't like Yorkshire." Or something to that effect.

When I visit the UK I'll pay extra in transport if needed just to avoid that dump. I have at least a shred of evidence though: the first douchebag to review this post.

Murphy

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-01-14 11:37:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

But... Coke? Why? I can't imagine mixing a good whiskey, Red lable, sure. but Black Green Blue or Gold? I just have to ask again... Why?

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2011-01-14 11:12:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I Like green label and coke, but it makes me mean had to quit drinkin it.

Submitted by Ducky at 2011-01-14 09:20:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Two black straws don't really poke out the top since there's no ice... they sort of rest at the top of the cocktail reminding me that I'm a second-class douche-bag.
__________________

heh.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 08:57:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

finished off my last Appleton 15y/o, Captain spiced and bite (lime flavored, random bicardi, a nice Ron del Barrilito from puerto rico, and Caribian sol white and spiced.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 08:26:09 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Rum does have sugar, which can be construed to mean "drinking it makes you sweeter and thus a better person", but is more likely to mean "drinking it gives you increased blood glucose levels".

Whiskey has far less sugar when consumed, but your liver converts the alcohol in both to sugar so the net result is about the same.

What brand(s) of rum do you like, Fallen? I have Vizcaya, Appleton Estate, and Capt. Morgan 100 in the top of the bar* and Bacardi Silver and Gold for mixing.



* http://www.ubersite.com/m/116016 <----- total hitwhore right there


Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 08:13:39 EST (#)
Rating: 0

so drinking rum with all its girly sugar will boost your metabolisim and make you a better person

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 08:12:25 EST (#)
Rating: 1

True, Fallen. Whiskey won't do that to you either, though. Beer will do that to you. Beer and rich food. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise. Beer and rich food and insufficient exercise and a lethargic metabolism.


Submitted by orphelia at 2011-01-14 08:07:21 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 08:03:15 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Also: rum is in fact for girls. It's made out of sugar, already.

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-01-14 08:03:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i think fallen meant scotch drinkers were deluded into thinking they were sophisticated

tell me, why is it my palette thinks wine, red especially, tastes like old bin juice?? i don't like scotch. i can drink beer - with lime, and bourbon but most other alcohol no.

oooh i like peach snaps and polish vodka (which i have been drinking since i was around 7 lol)

but i am not a taste pleb, i like exotic fancy food
so why does that booze taste so bad

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 08:02:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

but look at that poor bastard on the left, rum wont do that to you.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 07:58:53 EST (#)
Rating: 1

OK, Fallen, click this http://www.ubersite.com/m/122829 and look at the guy on the left. Now look at the guy on the right. Both of those guys are whiskey drinkers.

Done? OK.

Now, say "Scotch drinkers are all about image" again.

Submitted by beergut at 2011-01-14 07:54:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Rum is ultimate but bundaberg is probably underwater and the polar bear is probably drowning. Let them sort that out before putting unnecessary pressure on their stills

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 07:53:12 EST (#)
Rating: 0

says the girl what can almost make it through one beer

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 07:50:27 EST (#)
Rating: 0

skrap dont worry me, he and all the other scotch drinkers know i'm right. They dont want to blow the alure so they pretend they like it

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-01-14 07:50:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

you're obviously not sophisticated enough to drink scotch and appreciate it
it's a real macho drink
rum is for girls :P

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-01-14 07:48:27 EST (#)
Rating: 0

OMG skrap is gonna unleash the hounds of hell on your ass fallen

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-01-14 07:37:48 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I sort of envy the Scotch drinker but I think its just the marketing. Cool, elite, a man what knows his drink.
Bahh, nonsense. scotch is like wine all the hype and no delivery.

"a creamy blend of caramel and oak, with a finish of berry and butter"

to smell it, you think "wow, I can smell all that, this will be awesome".
then you taste and its more like carburetor cleaner thats been strained through a sock.

Rum, boys and girls rum.
simple, easy to mix, if it says spiced it's spicy, if it doesnt, it aint.


Submitted by beergut at 2011-01-14 06:22:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Let me be your hero.

Try bruichladdich, you will thank someone

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 06:05:31 EST (#)
Rating: 1

That said, I've been on a Tennessee/Kentucky bourbon kick lately.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-01-14 06:02:21 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Who has two thumbs and drinks JW Black with overpriced french bottled tap water?

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/12/22/gal_jewish_jackblack.jpg <---- That guy!

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2011-01-14 06:01:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Glenrothes!

The whisky is awesome. The town, not so much http://www.ubersite.com/m/120832

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-01-14 05:59:01 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Brando is right, you know.

I also am a malt guy - Glenrothe's FTW!

Submitted by BranDo at 2011-01-14 05:30:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You registered here in 2003 and haven't read anything on JW?
Check some old Shlongy posts though he's more a Single Malt drinker.
Skrap drinks the JW Greenlabel.

I like JW Black too but prefer Single Malts.

Psygns comment made me giggle...


Who the fuck is your hero?


Oh and discussing difference in taste is like dancing on architecture©

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2011-01-14 04:08:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

fag below

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-01-14 03:38:33 EST (#)
Rating: -2

What I read:



"Ahh, barkeep! I'll take a number of one of the finest scotch whiskeys ever produced please."

"Oh I'm sorry, sir, we only have it's counterpart."

"I'm a bit of a cretin and have no idea about drinking - even though I call myself 'murphy' - what the hell is the difference?"

"It's the age, sir."

"Well I'll have the counterpart then."

"Excellent choice, sir."

"Do you have any superghey, I mean water, so I can completely butcher this fine drink you present me with?"

"No, sir, I'm sorry we only serve people who actually know how to drink a decent whiskey. I think I'll have to ask you to leave. This isn't a ghey bar - you might want to try next door for your cocktail. I hear they do a great slippery nipple."

"Oh fantastic! I havn't had one of those in a few hours!"



In conclusion - you must have some balls outing yourself both on here and in a bar while asking for a mans drink.

Now FUCK OFF!


Homer: Marge, it's 3 a.m. and I worked all day!

Marge: It's 9:30 p.m. and you spent your whole Saturday drinking beer
in Maggie's kiddie pool.

Another Simpsons Clip Show