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There's no stink like the unwashed ass and sac of an entitled lazy stupid narcissist. So gross!
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What's Inside?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-12-18 15:47:06 EST
Rating: 0.88 on 12 ratings (12 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

"I need your help," he said.

This was a message he sent over his phone to his best friend Ryan.

Ryan thought fuck me here we go again. He touched the wrapping on the box wondering if it was finally time. Getting back to him, he said, "how bad are you?" He kind of already knew though. It was ten oh clock in the morning.

"Bad," he said. The other guy, my first character. His name is Christopher.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yes."

God damnit, he thought. Getting back to him, he said, "It's TEN OH CLOCK IN THE MORNING. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Christopher said, "fine go fuck yourself." At that Ryan grabbed the box and left. He turned his radio off while he drove to the bar. In silence, he rehearsed what he would say to Christopher when he arrived. He rehearsed what he would do and how he would approach the situation.

When he arrived he found him sitting alone. He was alone and his eyes were red and swollen and detached and staring. The alone guy said, "one for him too."

"No," Ryan said. "No thank you. I'm not sticking around long. I came to give you this." He gave him the package. It was small-- a box wrapped in black paper with a silver ribbon. "I've waited so long," he said.

Christopher said, "what the fuck is this?"

"You have nothing to be afraid of and this will pass my friend." He went on, his voice soft and mellow now, "open it- you'll find what you're looking for inside my friend. Don't be afraid. Just open it."

He grabbed the box and slipped his finger-nail under the wrapping and tore off a corner and lifted the lid off the box. He picked up what was inside and looked up at the ceiling and sort of heard music in his head and then he put it back in the box and closed the lid and he said to the bartender, "a pint of water please," and she looked at him like he was an alien and she poured him a pint of water and my lovely character drank it fast and left the bar. He spit on the ground and then smiled and the sun pierced through the deep and dark - lonely thick Oregon clouds - clouds that were impenetrable before but now seemed thin and possible, and he carried the package to his car, a feeling of hope now, now that he had the answer that he drank himself almost dead looking for.

Murphy


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Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-12-19 15:31:05 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I want you to watch the movie screen."

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2010-12-19 11:22:21 EST (#)
Rating: -1

doesn't have pain or kung fu precient nun tits innit.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-12-19 04:18:20 EST (#)
Rating: 1

*Thumbs up for Skrap's Dune Reference.*

Submitted by Passepartout at 2010-12-18 22:59:16 EST (#)
Rating: -2

A huge fucking dildo covered in elephant shit.

Right?

Submitted by willartstorg at 2010-12-18 22:32:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

A picture of Jebus.

Submitted by joedaddy at 2010-12-18 22:21:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

a mirror

Submitted by RoadSong at 2010-12-18 21:51:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2010-12-18 15:11:04 PST (#)
Ranking: 0

Have you ever seen a portal?
~~~
No but I HAVE seen a vortex of weird.


Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-12-18 18:11:04 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Have you ever seen a portal?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-12-18 17:55:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Guess again.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-12-18 17:46:10 EST (#)
Rating: 1

"What is in the box?"

"Pain."

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2010-12-18 16:07:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-12-18 15:49:30 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I know what was inside the box.


Bart: So, like sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad
so other kids will like you better?

Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?

The Telltale Head