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I Just Turned Eighty

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-09-23 05:50:45 EDT
Rating: 1.62 on 19 ratings (19 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

That’s eight-zero, or 80 for the younger ones.

And I’m not sad. I’m not afraid. A poet once said this, about madness:

“I have felt the wind of the wing of madness.”

I don’t feel that way about madness, I feel that way about death. Death has fanned me with its wings and I have simply laid down and smiled at my last, at any time, breath of clean air. And death is not bad and it’s not scary. I’m actually pretty fucking happy now, not to be vulgar and youth-like in my language.

I’m no longer seventy, and I really don’t care, or long as I did when I was thirty, thinking about when I was twenty, or when I was forty thinking about what I was like when I was thirty. Time (and a lot of it) has passed since those days.

And I’m not scared.

The only thing that scares me is thinking about other people around me who are scared for me. They look at me and seem to feel pity for me. They almost seemed frightened when they look at me. This truly upsets me.

I have a feeling why. I think they see their own mortality staring them straight in the face. I’m old and wrinkled, and they see themselves as being old and wrinkled. Time, after all, is not on our side.

Another author and one who is quite famous said this, about depression:

“I have of late, and wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth.”

I have plenty of mirth. It isn’t natural mirth... it comes from sips of my wine glass from squirts of a tap from boxes with clever and seductive pictures on them. But whatever mirth may be missing, I compensate with sneaky grape-juice. Some say I am cheating in this respect.

I say, so what? I’ve been warned my entire life, even once by the government with prohibition and all that non-sense, to avoid strong waters. I’ve ignored them all, all the warnings. I’ve been warned about the dangers of smoking-- this only recently, in about the last thirty or so years-- and I’ve headed that warning and stopped smoking. I don’t wander why about this decision to stop smoking... it was a decision I made because I, unlike those unkind eyes that constantly graze upon my old and wrinkled body, actually think life is decent and worth living, no matter what the hard-ship and pain is and has or will ever be is.

Listen: I wake up every morning and it takes me a few minutes to figure out where I am. It wasn’t like that only a few years ago.

Listen: After I find out where I am, I think about getting a glass of wine so I can wake up and feel comfortable. I swallow my medications with my wine.

Listen: I spend the rest of the day listening to the radio and telling stories in my head. When real live people are around to listen to me, I tell them my stories. Most of them don’t listen, but I keep telling the stories for my own sake, so that I can hear my own voice and so that I can feel like I’m not alone in this world.

*****

At thirty I wandered what forty would be like. At twenty, I thought I wouldn’t live much longer, because the fear of getting older scared the shit out of me. There is no way you can know what getting old and being old is like, until you get old and be old. Trust me, I’m eighty. At 80, -- and please believe me and smile at me and leave me alone, because I am not afraid. There’ nothing to be afraid of. I wasn’t afraid of being born. It’s the same thing when I die. I’m not said either. I’m tired. I’m bored. And I love sleeping. Listen to me: Listen:

I’m not afraid, and I’m not sad.

Murphy


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Submitted by loki at 2010-09-23 16:47:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I knew this was fiction. Yer a youngster still.

Today Sam turns 41. I made cookies for him to take to work. awwww

Submitted by Snark at 2010-09-23 14:00:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by loki (user info) at 2010-09-23 11:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

When I'm old I want to be that crazy cat woman the neighborhood kids are afraid of.
only without so many cats
two really maybe three but no more

--------------

You wanna grow up to be Jack Mcallum?

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2010-09-23 11:53:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hahaha Loki. Your replies always crack me up.

No, I'm not really eighty. I'm thirty. No, I no longer work behind a bar as a glorified drug dealer, now I deliver pizzas and go to school so I don't deliver pizzas for the rest of my life.

Submitted by loki at 2010-09-23 11:36:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When I'm old I want to be that crazy cat woman the neighborhood kids are afraid of.
only without so many cats
two really maybe three but no more

Submitted by PioneerBill at 2010-09-23 11:32:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

God bless you. May we all learn to age so gracefully.

Submitted by TuTs at 2010-09-23 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Aren't you the gay barman? You can't be old. Old people aren't gay they are crotchety and anfry.

Submitted by X54 at 2010-09-23 10:18:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

My, the years fly by, don't they? It seems like only last year you were just 29.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2010-09-23 10:02:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Soyware (user info) at 2010-09-23 06:13:03 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Gave me a sad smile. On a lighter note, I found my 'live old' philosophy in a Mad Magazine:

"Doc, I want to live to be one hundred"
"Well that's simple; don't eat too much, smoke, drink, stay up late, or chase women"
"But I don't do any of those things!"
"Then WHY do you want to live to be one hundred?"
~~~
I found my "live old" philosophy in the words of my friend Cowboy Crow. He was of the "Die with boots on" clan. Crow lived to be 100 and he danced at his birthday party.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2010-09-23 09:55:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hurry up and die so I no longer have to pay for your medicare and social security. mmkay, thanks.

I give you 1482 more days.

Submitted by cheerios at 2010-09-23 09:54:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

congratulations. now is the time to take a gun, shoot up some motherfuckin high profile muslims working with CAIR, then kill yourself.

Submitted by Soyware at 2010-09-23 09:13:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Gave me a sad smile. On a lighter note, I found my 'live old' philosophy in a Mad Magazine:

"Doc, I want to live to be one hundred"
"Well that's simple; don't eat too much, smoke, drink, stay up late, or chase women"
"But I don't do any of those things!"
"Then WHY do you want to live to be one hundred?"

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2010-09-23 09:05:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It smells like old man in here.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2010-09-23 09:01:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I am not afraid either. I died once and there was no fear or pain. It is my belief that we are pure energy and we return to the source to vibrate happily amid the swirling cosmos.
I do hope some of my particles are in close proximity to those of Carl Sagan...

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-09-23 08:08:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

your post did make me feel quite young, so thats pretty cool.
happy birthday.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-09-23 07:34:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Listen: Kurt Vonnegut's dead.

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-09-23 07:23:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

didn't read it. if you are really 80 it's probably just a jumble of moans about your poor eyesight and forthcoming hip replacement operation and the fact you probably shat yourself while typing it is kind of distracting, pops.

ps my gran is 82 and regularly surfs at the library. happy birthday, mothballs

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2010-09-23 06:31:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Bullshit. 80 year olds are scared of the interweb. They worry that the inter-spider will trap them and eat their souls.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2010-09-23 06:25:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Alright, you're not afraid... but do you smell like Ben-Gay®?

Submitted by HealthyCorpse at 2010-09-23 06:04:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


The weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities.

-- Homer Simpson
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