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Big Peckers

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-03 17:25:26 EST
Rating: 1.57 on 33 ratings (33 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

*ring-ring*

The phone rang and a person wanted to know if I was interested in a trailer load of "free ostriches". This was not unusual, folks all over think of me when they have something they want to give away. I said I would take em, {making plans in my mind as to who would take a horse trailer full of mean peckers off my hands}. My two brain cells pondered this, and LIVESTOCK AUCTION popped up in the ~MAKE A FEW BUCKS~ category. The adult human brain is estimated to contain a trillion synapses, but the few I have left work well only in certain areas. {creative ways to make money is one of the areas}

When my daughter and I got to the specified location to pick those peckers up we found that the location was a kids camp. It seems that the kids had hatched huge eggs as a "science project". The camp had to get rid of the peckers because they were peckin hunks outta the campers and parents were talking lawsuits!

When we pulled into the upscale camp, we asked for the camp director. She came out wearing sweats and a whistle. She looked like a bossy mean heifer who was good at mooing loud directions. She gave a sharp toot on her whistle and a lot of her staff came runnin to see what she wanted. She seemed like she was a tough bird herself. She directed her staff to get in the corral and catch those birds.

I looked long and hard at the task at hand and then had the ovarios to say "I will take them, but you will have to load em up for me". They HAD to get rid of those birds,{angry parents of injured kids} on the camps case. The director shouts to several of the largest fence sitters on her staff "get over here and catch these birds!". I was shocked at this method of capture and I told her I would just back my trailer up to the gate and we could just use a corral panel to funnel the birds right into my trailer and slam the door when they crowded in. My expert suggestion was met with a shrug and a frown.

I have handled livestock large and small including exotics, and know that you need to keep space between yourself and angry animals if you don't want to get hurt yourself. The bigger the critter the more important this becomes.

Six men on the staff followed the order to go on in there and chase those peckers down. The men were fast and looked like foot ball players and track stars, but the big peckers were faster. It was a hot day and soon the air was a dusty blood tinged cloud. It looked like a track field with people and birds goin round and round. Kickin! Cussin!

Now the girl and I are snickering. One bird got cornered and a man threw himself on the big back of the critter, holdin on to that long scrawny neck. They were lookin pretty good as they zoomed on past where we were laughin out loud and leanin on the fence. That poor man fell down off that peckers back, but held on to it's neck!

He was being drug around the corral underneath the bird, still holdin on to that long scrawny neck and bein kicked in the bolas with every runnin stride of the bird. He could endure one more zoom past us, saw or FELT his folly, and let go, only to be replaced by another man with the same basic plan. Some time was taken up with us watchin that man on the ground, moaning like he had been kicked in the balls multiple times {which he had}. He was holding the area affected with tears comin out of his eyes and he was rollin in tha dust. We did try and stifle our rude fartin laughs as he hobbled away with two guys helpin him out of the corral. I mean really, gettin your ass kicked by a BIRD??

Those big peckers also had big CLAWS and every time they kicked one of the men who were trying to catch them, they left long bloody gashes on the poor guys. There was blood and dust and moaning and I was thinking maybe I should not have brought my daughter along.

Next guy, same ballkickin deal....next guy....next guy.

I finally took pity on the camp staff, and suggested to the camp director Nazi, "Grab that pipe corral panel over there and we'll corner squeeze em right into this old trailer." {which was done with no problems for humans or birds}

As we were laughin on our merry way with a trailer full of valuable cargo, one big guy says to another "Why didn't she say that in the first place?" I did, but the camp director didn't want to be told what to do by a half crazed California squirrel!

Next stop was Sonora, I wanted the rest of my family to see the big birds. It was a sight alright as we parked on main street in front of Renee's Bed and Breakfast. Every bird in the trailer had it's neck stuck out thru the trailer windows full length, and people gathered on the side walk to gawk. People drivin by were causing a traffic jam! It was like they never saw a horse trailer full of BIG MEAN PECKERS before!

Hhahahawwwwwwoooooooo!
~~~
I will tell about the free Zebu and Mouflon and the Mexican with two broken arms some day.
Maybe
?

BigPeckers.gif
BigPeckers.gif


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Reviews


Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-15 00:46:59 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"Submitted by mismathed (user info) at 2009-12-14 19:40:23 PST (#)
Ranking: -1

-1, i rated sweetly."
~~~
Do you write or just comment?

Submitted by mismathed at 2009-12-14 22:40:23 EST (#)
Rating: -1

-1, i rated sweetly.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-14 21:26:51 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"Submitted by GroundHorse (user info) at 2009-12-14 12:51:08 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hope i didn't hit a snare there : http://www.ubersite.com/m/123848#2948162
Just tried to get discussion started, but it didn't go...
Stay awesome."
~~~~~
It is all good kiddo. No probs.
*goofygrin*

Submitted by GroundHorse at 2009-12-14 15:51:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hope i didn't hit a snare there : http://www.ubersite.com/m/123848#2948162
Just tried to get discussion started, but it didn't go...
Stay awesome.

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN at 2009-12-09 05:11:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ballare at 2009-12-07 06:42:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-05 14:48:26 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by nkev2182 (user info) at 2009-12-05 09:49:19 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

That's hysterical.
~~~
wootwoot!

Submitted by nkev2182 at 2009-12-05 12:49:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That's hysterical.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-05 12:08:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by GroundHorse (user info) at 2009-12-05 08:48:31 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Not forgotten, just breeding on a funny review.


(my bad mood prohibits being funny currently, thanks for the funny story)
~~~
Aww GroundHorse, whats the matter and why the bad mood?

ps
GroundHorse always makes me smile.

Submitted by GroundHorse at 2009-12-05 11:48:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Not forgotten, just breeding on a funny review.


(my bad mood prohibits being funny currently, thanks for the funny story)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-04 20:07:38 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-12-04 16:51:04 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 for the first 2 sentences.
~~~
heh


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Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-12-04 16:42:12 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-12-04 12:44:54 WST (#)
Ranking: 2

Needs more Emu
-------------
I was attacked by a crazed emu once.
~~~
OMG! Did it hurt you? I have been assaulted by big male gobbler turkeys {they find me sexy and try and hump me} but that hardly seems serious when contemplating crazed emus....

Submitted by Cakes at 2009-12-04 19:51:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the first 2 sentences.

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-12-04 19:42:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-12-04 12:44:54 WST (#)
Ranking: 2

Needs more Emu
-------------
I was attacked by a crazed emu once.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-04 16:54:12 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-12-04 09:56:19 PST (#)
Ranking: 0

shoulda dumped them on the freeway
~~~~
I took them straight to the livestock auction, there may have been a few miles of freeway involved. They should have fetched a better price for the hassle and havoc they caused.

Submitted by Lib at 2009-12-04 16:09:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2009-12-04 12:56:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

shoulda dumped them on the freeway

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-04 12:26:43 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-12-04 08:54:07 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W!
~~~
Back atcha!

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Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-12-04 08:29:48 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahahahahahaha what a riot!
~~~
Funny now, NOT FUNNY then!
hooboy woohoo

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2009-12-04 11:54:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W!

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-12-04 11:29:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahahahahahaha what a riot!

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2009-12-04 11:28:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I wasn't being silly. Send nudes to my inbox so I can do a quality inspection before this engagement is to take place.

I'm going to have lunch at an art gallery in one half hour which gives you plenty of time to accommodate. CHeerS!

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-04 11:21:53 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-12-04 07:52:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 0

"The adult human brain is estimated to contain a trillion synapses..."
-------------------
By who exactly? What is this based on?

Do you even know what a trillion is? I'll give you a hint: it isn't an alien from Star Trek.
~~~
Estimated by Wikki? heh
A trillion IS TOO an alien from Star Trek!
woo

Submitted by Berty at 2009-12-04 10:57:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

lol

Submitted by Berty at 2009-12-04 10:52:54 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"The adult human brain is estimated to contain a trillion synapses..."
-------------------
By who exactly? What is this based on?

Do you even know what a trillion is? I'll give you a hint: it isn't an alien from Star Trek.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-12-04 10:36:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-12-04 06:46:50 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Likes your style.
~~~
Likes your style too.

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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-12-04 05:48:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

I just checked my watch and it appears as though we should conduct a scientific experiment called sex. With all the wood living you do I'm sure you could use a good rogering. And by "good" I mean the best 27 seconds of your life.
~~~
You so silly (o)(o) !

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Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-12-04 05:38:27 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

I've heard those things can disembowel with one kick.
~~~
I am sure you are correct. Several men had nasty gashes that required sutures before the ostriches were loaded up. The most serious of the wounds that I saw were on the abdomen and it did look like the intent on the part of the ostrich was to disembowel.

*ring ring* "Mrs. Smith, this is the camp director and I am sorry to have to tell you that your handsome son who took the summer job here at camp has just had his guts ripped out by a bird."

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Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-12-03 20:44:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Needs more Emu
~~~
heh

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Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-12-03 17:59:43 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Ha ha ha! Those guys had more balls than brains, at least initially.

My polling place one year was at an ostrich ranch. My friend and I were checking out the birds after we voted. They're fucking huge! The owner came out. My friend asked if he could put on his motorcycle helmet and jacket and gloves (we'd ridden our bikes there) and go into the corral with the ostriches and wrestle one of them. I'm not sure why he wanted to do that, but for him it wasn't actually all that surprising. The owner laughed at him and said if he went in there the ostriches would kick the shit out of him, safety gear or not.
~~~
Yes, they are fucking huge. When it came time to wrestle these down, I did not see the camp director do anything except shouting out orders from outside the corral. That pissed me off because her staff were not experienced handling this kind of dangerous critter. Her staff consisted of beautifully tanned college students. They were athletic and gutsy, but they had no claws. I once had a job at a luxury camp. My staff consisted of about 30 people. I never asked them to do anything that I would not do myself...



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Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-12-03 17:40:32 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

ha half crazed california squirrel.
~~~
Ya, mother named me squirrel when I was born.

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Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-12-03 16:38:34 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

Yous good peoples.
~~~
I admire your name Skullbiter.

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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-12-03 15:47:06 PST (#)
Ranking: -1

I do love me my ostrich burgers- true story.
~~~
I have not had a O-burger. As mean and tough as they are I think grinding them into burger would be about the only way they would be edible...

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Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-12-03 15:37:39 PST (#)
Ranking: 2


you called?
~~~
I Emailed-heh




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Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2009-12-04 09:46:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Likes your style.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2009-12-04 08:48:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I just checked my watch and it appears as though we should conduct a scientific experiment called sex. With all the wood living you do I'm sure you could use a good rogering. And by "good" I mean the best 27 seconds of your life.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2009-12-04 08:38:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I've heard those things can disembowel with one kick.

Submitted by AshK at 2009-12-03 23:44:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Needs more Emu

Submitted by X54 at 2009-12-03 20:59:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ha ha ha! Those guys had more balls than brains, at least initially.

My polling place one year was at an ostrich ranch. My friend and I were checking out the birds after we voted. They're fucking huge! The owner came out. My friend asked if he could put on his motorcycle helmet and jacket and gloves (we'd ridden our bikes there) and go into the corral with the ostriches and wrestle one of them. I'm not sure why he wanted to do that, but for him it wasn't actually all that surprising. The owner laughed at him and said if he went in there the ostriches would kick the shit out of him, safety gear or not.


Submitted by Ducky at 2009-12-03 20:40:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

ha half crazed california squirrel.

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2009-12-03 19:38:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yous good peoples.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2009-12-03 18:47:06 EST (#)
Rating: -1

I do love me my ostrich burgers- true story.

Submitted by joedaddy at 2009-12-03 18:37:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2


you called?



Flanders! My socks feel dirty! Gimme some water to wash 'em!

-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood