Fuck You Public Transport.Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2008-11-04 13:53:35 EST
Rating: 1.75 on 35 ratings (35 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I hurt my foot pretty badly recently and as such, I can't be bothered to cycle to work any more. This means I have to endure the hell of public transport.
Public transport, in Newcastle, means shitty old buses that lurch and screech and smell of piss and dust; a truly unique combination. It means surly bus drivers who pretend to have no change. It means children playing shite music out of their phones and generally cunting about. It means sitting next to people coughing their fucking lungs up and rubbing against me in their disgusting unwashed clothes.
It seems that the very worst people in the land travel on my bus: I fit in nicely.
Having said that, there's a few things that are so utterly mystifying that I've decided to stop playing football, get healed and be able to go a bike again.
People who get on, while other people are trying to get off.
You really want to be on the bus that badly that you're prepared to shove past disembarking passengers? You're that fucking keen to get on this stinking rat trap of a vehicle? Fuck me that's devotion, sorry I stepped on you on the way out, you fat, ignorant cunt. May you and your shitting tracksuit burn for a long time.
Old people at rush hour.
I've got nothing against old people out in public, well not much, but why the fuck do they need to travel at half seven when people who actually contribute to society need to travel? I got on this morning at about 7 in the morning and was greeted by blue rinse, talcum powder and a vaguely stronger scent of piss, half masked by formaldehyde. A good 20 of these saggy old cunts were on board, cluttering the place up and nattering about the weather. Where in the fuck are these people going so early? Why do they need to take up all the seats? Why do they tut when I shout at teh inept work experience girl down the phone. As an aside, I've never had the displeasure of 'managing' such a fucking spastic in my life.
"Yo, would you mind picking me up those prints on your way back from lunch? Here's the address etc."
She returns, with no prints.
"You pick up those prints?"
"It's cool, just go get them in the next hour."
I'm still waiting for the fucking things.
Timetables - What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!
The company that runs the buses up here puts up optimistic timetables that are rarely adhered to. I quite enjoy arriving places on time but can't recall the last time I actually managed to pull this off. I've written and called like a dutiful Jewish mother, but I've got nothing. Nothing. As soon as I can generate enough pressure in my right foot, I'll be slamming it squarely into the balls of whatever doss cunt is respsonsible for my disappointing lateness.
We don't need that many buses on the road, surely?!
Of an evening the bus I get home is busy. It's very busy. Like a brothel during two for one hour busy. You'd think that the bus company would take this into account and maybe, just maybe, run a few extra services an hour. I'd be happy with two. Alas, it is not to be, and I can enjoy the sight of three buses stuffed with people running past me before I get to squeeze myself between a student and a tramp.
I wouldn't mind this, in all honesty, as it means I get pretty close to sex (if I close my eyes) and it's better than walking. The problem lies in waiting for the bus and watching eight totally empty ones going in the other direction. Why, goddamnit, why?
People tapping their feet (with no sense of rhythm).
Kids smoking at the back of the bus, thinking it's cool - what's wrong with the street you stupid little cunts?
The leaky fucking windows that fucking ruined my jacket the other week.
People who get on with an outrageous number of children and/or bags - get a fucking taxi you cheap fuckers - this is not your personal fucking mini-van.
Fat people, especially when they sit on the aisle and I have to brush against them to get out. Sickening.
The best thing that's ever happened to me on the bus was getting a blowjob at the back of one once - the trip was too short and I didn't cum though, so it was still pretty frustrating.
Do we still do the funny filename thing.jpg