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Spam's Uber Tour - Orphelia

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 17:21:04 EDT
Rating: 1.54 on 87 ratings (87 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Hi. I'm Spamuel Spamuelsson. You may remember me from such generic Uber posts as "I slacked off in my office and then was insubordinate to my boss with hilarious consequences" and "I'm so self-involved, let me tell you about my love life, which coincidentally, is bereft of love and in fact, not that much of a life".

How are you today?

Don't answer because I don't really care.

Getting right down to the meat of the matter, let me ask you a question Uber:

What the fuck happened to you guys?

I'm talking to the new Brits here mainly, because as we all know, the Yanks have been a bunch of whiney dull cunts ever since they got all hoity-toity and started throwing our tea into the fucking river rather than carry it about for us.

Lazy twats.

But the Brits? Back in the days of Wolf, Derkal, Soley et al we used to actually be fun, eloquent and, dare I say, witty? Now it seems, all we have to offer is cheap sex and camping - things which, outside of Glastonbury, don't really go together all that well.

But maybe this is my fault. Maybe, I've been away for so long that you actually ARE funny and decent human beings and I just don't GET you. Perhaps I just need to get to know you all a little better.

So when, a few hours after my most recent (and triumphant) return, I started seeing reviews cropping up left right and centre from such unknowns as 'Banjo', 'Flash Harry' and 'emissionimpossible' that varied from unintelligent to unintelligible, I decided that for the next few weeks, I would go out of my way and actually meet some of you boring cunts in person to see if, in the real world, there was actually anything I could discover about you to forgive your respective inanity.




First up: Orphelia.



Now I'll admit that the circumstances surrounding my recent meeting with Orphelia were none too perfect because as it happens, there was some sort of school-trip going on in the train station where she'd so courteously agreed to meet up with me and, as I alighted onto the platform, my eardrums were immediately assaulted by the collective screaming of a veritable army of children of all different ages, creeds and colours. There were literally HUNDREDS of them rampaging through the station, screaming, shouting, climbing up walls, punching unsuspecting adults in the crotch and generally acting in a way befitting the citizens of Nottingham.

And then, standing in the centre of the organic sprawl, overseeing like the Queen of an alien brood, stood the haggard and dishevelled figure of somebody who looked vague familiar.

Orphelia extends a hand to me as I approach and I see that there’s an infant child attached to her arm, holding on with it’s cubby, barely formed fingers. Likewise, I notice two slightly older children gripping onto each of her legs and for a second I am reminded of those Scarab thingies from The Mummy that crawl all over the eponymous character’s body unnoticed as he goes about his hard day’s universal enslavement.

“Sorry” She says in a guttural tone reminiscent of Bernard Manning, “Had to bring the kids along too.”

I am about to ask exactly who’s kids she has brought because surely this living gallery of nations couldn’t ALL belong to her but I’m too tired after my train ride to get into the details, so instead we stand there in an awkward silence punctuated only by wailing screams of children crying and playing together.

“Sorry,” I say, self-conscious about the lack of conversation, “It’s been a long journey”

“I wish I had something that was long.” She speaks the words with a smattering of cockney cheek and waggles her eyebrows at me suggestively as she talks.

“I’m sorry what? That one slipped right by me?”

“I could do with something slipping right in me.. know what I mean? Ay?”

She nudges me with her elbow and gives the same expression which I don’t really understand.

“Forgive me Orph, but why do you keep turning everything I say into Innuendo?”

There’s a look of deep concentration in her eyes as she grapples with the question before she finally relents and answers.

“In YOUR endo”

I’m about to complain about her lack of propriety when I see her wince slightly like she’s constipated and I hear a squealchy splat from the ground at her feet.

“Fuck. My new shoes” She says irritably as she lifts her dress above ankles revealing a screaming newborn baby of vaguely Inuit origin lying on the tarmac, moist and sticky-looking with the umbilical cord still attached.

“BENNETON. SORT THIS FUCKING THING OUT FOR ME WILL YOU!!!” She screams at a black kid of about 9 who obediently comes over and cuts the newborn free of the cord using the burning cherry of a half-smoked Embassy No.1. He bends over, passes the screaming kid to Orphelia takes a pull from his dripping cigarette to get it going again and then strolls off with a ghetto swagger. Orphelia, now with her latest spawn in her arms, looks at Benetton with eyes brimming with Pride and whispers mistily: “He’s such a fucking sweetheart that one. I Called him Benetton because he was the one that completed the set”

I’m too awestruck by what’s just happed to ask exactly what ‘set’ she’s talking about and part of me really doesn’t want to know anyway.

“Did you actually just give birth on the station platform whilst having a fucking conversation with me?” I ask incredulously.

“Yeah. Happens all the time” She responds, giving her hips a nonchalant little wiggle to release a stream of goopy afterbirth onto the floor. “Wanna come back to my place?”

But I’m already diving back onto the train before it pulls away. Fuck this for a laugh.

And as the train pulls away I look out the window and see Orphelia pinned up against a wall with her legs open getting hammered by a Chinese midget, a crisp ten-pound held in her hand as she waves me goodbye with a bored expression on her face.



Next Week, see what happened when my train reaches it’s destination and I met up with Banjo.


Toodles

(Photograph of Orphelia and the kids below)


The bitch is back.jpg
The bitch is back.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by orphelia at 2009-04-20 18:56:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

irony

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-03-28 19:33:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Banjo, Banjo, Banjo.
I knew you had the hots for her!!

You beastly man slut.

Submitted by woolfe at 2008-12-03 08:00:37 EST (#)
Rating: -2

wow - you seem really cool

Submitted by Replen at 2008-08-26 11:27:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Fey at 2008-08-22 15:38:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Danger_Ranger?

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-22 05:35:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ha ha ha.

Back on the MRR ye scurvy poste!

-P

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-21 14:42:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

why are you lying Orph? this is exactly what happened and you know it - you even named the spawn 'Five' after the platform we were standing on!!

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-08-21 12:17:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The bitch is back indeed. Thanks for the ego fodder, I leave uber for a week and you guys can't keep quiet about my fat arse.

This was incorrect on every level but to keep up my Uber persona, I will say it is all TRUE!!

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2008-08-21 10:56:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

just how I've always imagined her.

You should come to Warwickshire, lovely place, we could hook up and get high.

Submitted by traxadron at 2008-08-21 06:03:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh wait...I meant that other chic who is on 90210.

Submitted by traxadron at 2008-08-20 21:27:52 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Orphelia is a whore, its been established you stupid fucking ape! Pay her $5, extra $5 for her mom!

Submitted by Banjo at 2008-08-20 18:44:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck it, I laughed. I'm actually looking forward to see what you do with me.

Besides that, you totally lied in the end you murdering fuck! Orphelia hasn't been seen for about a week! Something tells me you didn't just jump back on that train...

Submitted by TechnoRatty at 2008-08-20 15:17:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I laughed out loud!!!

(is this a true story?)

Submitted by experima at 2008-08-20 13:21:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2008-08-20 10:02:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I thought you were Uber chums.

------------

I'm big fat facebooky chums with Berty, too, but that didn't stop him giving me a good thrashing on my last post, did it?

this isn't "survivor."

Submitted by Siren at 2008-08-20 13:17:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ummm... whatever, I'm awesome.

Submitted by experima at 2008-08-20 13:03:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

couldn't leave a comment before cos my wireless keyboard lost connection somehow and i could only use my mouse, including when i copypasta'd your "?"

so here it is:


"I liked this story. It was funny."

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-20 13:02:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I thought you were Uber chums.

Submitted by experima at 2008-08-20 12:55:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

?

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-20 12:54:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Et tu Experima?

Submitted by experima at 2008-08-20 12:52:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-20 10:37:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Spam, my staff are still calling me a "Borrowers pet dwarf" thanks to you.

Richard my old Fogg. Email away!

-P

Submitted by Dervel at 2008-08-20 10:37:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A pencil eraser would be too soft a compound wouldn't it?

I'd wager that the mouse-button things on old laptops would be ideal.

Submitted by Dervel at 2008-08-20 10:34:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sure is about time.

I can't come up to see you for a while though as the good lady wrote my car off last Monday and I'm still waiting for the insurance money.

You'll need to get down here soon anyway. Will email you later about that.

Submitted by Berty at 2008-08-20 10:32:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ahh, yes. That makes sense. At least he is making his small contribution to the British automotive industry. Perhaps it will make up for his abuse to the music industry?

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-20 10:30:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

little diminutive Pock has to have them custom built for his Borrower-mobile - it's quite tought to remove and hollow out the eraser on the end of a pencil and then cut a convincing tread pattern into it.

Submitted by Berty at 2008-08-20 10:26:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

£70 on a new tyre? Is it a magic tyre? Does it mean that if you run over a cat you can slowly back over it to bring it back to life?

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-20 10:23:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-20 10:23:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dammit

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-20 10:23:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2008-08-20 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I've heard lyrics that rubbish before, though I can't quite place it now.

I'm sure whitey dancing and UB40 has something to do with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hahaha.

Isn't it high time one of us paid the other a visit? If my car hadn't just cost me 70 quid in a new tyre I'd come up to you.

-P

Submitted by Dervel at 2008-08-20 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've heard lyrics that rubbish before, though I can't quite place it now.

I'm sure whitey dancing and UB40 has something to do with it.

Submitted by burt_mianus at 2008-08-20 10:09:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you're so full of shit but that was the funniest thing i've read today - nice job!

Submitted by mrwolf at 2008-08-20 09:55:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

But the Brits? Back in the days of Wolf, Derkal, Soley et al we used to actually be fun, eloquent and, dare I say, witty?
----------

Do you have any idea what I'm doing right now? I'm entertaining my underlings with gangster rap lyrics read in an astutely British voice...

"One bad mooley, and you can get pants, schooly
I'm the G.O.A.T., what I wrote cause fire and smoke
Think I started on the choir singin solo for the pope
Tell your mama please, get up off her knees
You can't wear yellow spandex wit a ass of cottage cheese

You say I'm souped up, well, soup is good food
So what I scratch my nuts, how the fuck is that wrong?"

Hahahaha.

-P

Submitted by rad1101 at 2008-08-20 08:27:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-08-20 08:13:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2008-08-20 07:46:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Danger_Ranger IS the looney on public transport.

I've solved the mystery.

Everyone can now stop clenching.


Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-08-20 07:26:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*i can get you a toe and fart...i can get you a - TOE, and fart.

I,

CAn,

get - you, a toe,

and 'fart'.

I can get you-ou a towwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww - quick smart.*

nope, doesn't rhyme. INTERNET POLICE COME QUICKLY PEOPLE ARE PLUS TWO'ING THIS POST.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2008-08-20 07:20:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*audience clapping*

Announcer: So HOW does it feel to be part of the man-hype Orphelia movement?

Spam: I was just hoping that by making a post about her that I would finally get to meet a real girl. Portable vaginas just aren't the 'real' thing, you know.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-08-20 06:28:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh noes hate on the internets! someone quick, call a moderator that doesn't rhyme with fart!

Dear woolfe, it's not like fabio here is hanging shit on......Pele. What are you knitting a fucking peace quilt?

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2008-08-20 06:23:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"She responds, giving her hips a nonchalant little wiggle to release a stream of goopy afterbirth onto the floor."

I found this believable.

Submitted by woolfe at 2008-08-20 05:59:29 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

ok, ok, everyone form a circle.
should i start, or should we all go on three?

Submitted by Berty at 2008-08-20 05:27:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Forgive me Orph, but why do you keep turning everything I say into Innuendo?"

There's a look of deep concentration in her eyes as she grapples with the question before she finally relents and answers.

"In YOUR endo"
--------------------------------
That was the best bit.

Also I've been featured on Bored at Work and have reached the climax of my Uber career. Now all that remains is the awkward arm management and uncomfortable stickyness of idle commenting and throw-away posts.

Anyway, I was always a beloved supporting charachter and never a star.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-08-20 04:50:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fey?

Submitted by beeltea at 2008-08-20 04:43:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-08-20 04:15:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm sure I've seen a few of your jokes used before, on telly and the like, so...meh. And I've only been on uber for a wee while, so I couldn't possibly comment on the change of quality or eloquence or whatever the hell you're prattling on about.

Submitted by Sage at 2008-08-19 22:37:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fan fucking tastic, Spam.

Submitted by pandora at 2008-08-19 22:22:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by X54 at 2008-08-19 22:15:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I see her wince slightly like she's constipated and I hear a squealchy splat from the ground at her feet."

I'll think of that every time I see Orphelia's name now.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 20:06:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

...and on that note, goodnight. Take care when dodging those bullets, you funny fuck.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:59:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Those crazy poles.

Mr Soley employs 9 of the blighters. It's disgusting, the way they live - they're all cramped in a 1 bed flat. My heart goes out to them.





I make a mint on the rent, mind.


And Leicester sounds like paradise compared to Coventry. Gah.

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 19:48:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2008-08-19 19:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Fat? Berty was obviously pulling your leg (since there's no point in him pulling his own, the cripple.)

Spam made Victoria Beckham look obese back in the day, due to his strict diet of puss....

I apologise for being so vulgar. I wouldn't want to bring the tone of Uber down.

--

You already did that when you logged back in my dear, too late now.

And I am very fucking well thank you for asking, other than living in the middle of a leicester ghetto where gunfire and police sirens keep me awake until the small hours. Also, my foxy Polish neighbour makes sounds like somebody raping a hungry dog when she's fucking which is pretty much constantly.

happy days.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:43:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fat? Berty was obviously pulling your leg (since there's no point in him pulling his own, the cripple.)

Spam made Victoria Beckham look obese back in the day, due to his strict diet of puss....

I apologise for being so vulgar. I wouldn't want to bring the tone of Uber down.

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 19:38:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-19 19:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I think your regret is genuine - you may proceed.




Did Spam used to be fat? I think I remember Berty talking about it - or is he still fat?

--

Well yes, but I took a massive shit about 6 months back and am now a svelte slip of a boy.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 19:34:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think your regret is genuine - you may proceed.




Did Spam used to be fat? I think I remember Berty talking about it - or is he still fat?

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:31:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Here's another +2 to compensate for my grave mistake.
I don't want to be the reason for our dearest Spamiel here offing himself.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:27:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bollocks to you Jake. I start trends, I don't follow them.

(Fuck the British +2 pact)

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 19:25:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Look at that heartless 0 by Soley.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:24:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hey Sam!

I'm great thanks - Though at this moment I'm as bored as a midget at a theme park, hence why I've clicked on Uber at this time of night.

How are you, you rotten cock?

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 19:21:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fuck me sideways it's DEE!!

Soley, you drunken fox of a cuntrag, how the devil are you?

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2008-08-19 19:19:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I take it you forgot to pack the chloroform and rag in your bag of tricks then, huh?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-08-19 19:01:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

None taken. And I've heard that about Shandy although until you mentioned it I didn't think it was true.

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 18:58:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-19 18:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2008-08-19 18:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

*basks*

--

Good boy.
-----
I was trying to be nice. You see a boy around here, you suck his dick, bitch.

--

Easy there skrappy, no offence was intended.

And if you really want somebody to suck a boy off on sight for you then your best bet is to speak to Shandy, I understand he'll try anything once.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 18:52:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

or at least 'american'

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 18:52:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

American girls look horsey.

Submitted by Quint at 2008-08-19 18:49:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You know what the problem with British girls are? It takes $50,000 in dental work and plastic surgery to make them look as good as American girls.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-08-19 18:48:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2008-08-19 18:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

*basks*

--

Good boy.
-----
I was trying to be nice. You see a boy around here, you suck his dick, bitch.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 18:45:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Davros is still a ginger

Submitted by tinactin at 2008-08-19 18:44:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best europost on this site in months

Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge at 2008-08-19 18:44:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Davros = My home boy

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 18:29:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

*basks*

--

Good boy.

Submitted by myshit at 2008-08-19 18:15:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hey... I can write your B*njo one for you.


Constantly bangs on about 'boyfriend' and his 'job' and his 'friends'. None of which exists of course.

Is fat.

Is ugly.

The end.


Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-08-19 18:08:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

our meeting was immense i seem to remember!!

surely i have redeeming qualities

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2008-08-19 17:54:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 17:53:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

BTW, this -2 is for simply mentioning that fatass Banjo's name.

--

Understood and completely acceptable old bean. I vomitted a little myself when typing it.

Submitted by myshit at 2008-08-19 17:51:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I miss Soley.


Or, more specifically, Soley's holey.

The rest? Fucking wankers.
------

You included in 'the rest' old man?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-08-19 17:51:29 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

BTW, this -2 is for simply mentioning that fatass Banjo's name.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-08-19 17:50:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I miss Soley.


Or, more specifically, Soley's holey.

The rest? Fucking wankers.

Submitted by kefer at 2008-08-19 17:48:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lol

Submitted by sumbeatch at 2008-08-19 17:46:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by joedaddy at 2008-08-19 17:44:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the one picaninny is Kraka?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-08-19 17:41:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

*basks*

Submitted by Spam at 2008-08-19 17:40:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Well yes Skrap, probably I could've written PAGES here but my last post(s) was a 5-part 15,000 word monstrosity so I'm attempting brievity.

And let's face it, any return I make is a triumphant one because frankly I rock and you all suck.

Bask in the incadescent glow of my brilliance.

Submitted by Linus at 2008-08-19 17:35:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm gonna eat more cookies.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-08-19 17:34:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It's German, you fux. It means "woodwork". Duh.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-08-19 17:33:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hi, Spamuel. Nice to see you posting, the latest of the 10K+ user IDs to reemerge from the woodwoerk of the past. You may have missed them, but there've been a number of posts of quality since you were last noticeably traipsing about these parts. There are gems hidden here amongst the slag, and I'll leave you to find them. But, if you will indulge a 20K+ user ID for a moment, allow me to say this: I sincerely hope you're not calling this a 'triumphant return post' and please, please do better with Banjo. Orphelia rates a much better drubbing that you've offered here and so does 'She Whose name is Pronounced 'Bahn-Ho" in Spanish'. Your kind patience is appreciated.

Okay? Thank you and goodbye.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-08-19 17:28:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking Spot on mate.

Submitted by myshit at 2008-08-19 17:26:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd do her.

Despite two brats and another on the way, I reckon I have such a huge cock that I could touch BOTH sides.

BOTH!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-08-19 17:24:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No one can be bothered any more Spam. That's the long and short of it.




Where is Berty? sat watching Babylon 5, that's where.


Lisa: Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points to the
North Star.

Homer: That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in
the woods.

The Call of the Simpsons