Worthless Story + camwhoreSubmitted by Unabonger at 2007-03-26 21:42:16 EDT
Rating: 0.83 on 34 ratings (34 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
in relation to: http://www.ubersite.com/m/100065
Liz was probably a very ugly child. She didn't quite make my cut. Not like I'm too picky, mind you, but I do have standards. She was just below them. Sub-par if you will. She had a nice body, in her defense, and her face wasn't really too terrible but there was something about her. And, through the drunken haze of that night, I can't today put my thumb on exactly what it was, more of a combination of things probably. But something about this girl was fugly. She had huge funbags but they were super droopy and big-nippled and she wore a sports bra cause a regular bra (you know, the kind you wear when you want to go out and get laid) "hurts my sides!! boo hoo?". She wore too much makeup and had big Texas hair. And she acted...well...
I was introduced to her by the red head in my uberdirectory camwhore. I really wanted to bang the redhead at the time but she had a boyfriend and she decided to hook me up with snaggletooth. Anyway, I'm spending my time flirting with Red and I have some friends over and we're drinking and having a good time and all. One thing leads to another and we're playing highschool bullshit like strip poker. Red and her friend Liz lost. Someone around then suggested a wrestling match and Liz, very drunk and Red, always up for giving the men around her a boner, agreed.
Naked girly wrestling night at Unabonger's pad! YAY! I remember my next door neighboor coming over breifly. I always invited him over during a shindig up to that point but he always refused. He came over that night and, since then, knocked on my door every night to see what was up. Sadly, naked girly wrestling night never occured but whatever. Back to Liz.
Liz was super drunk. She's saying outlandish shit like a bitch in heat trying to get any guy in the place to shag her. Nobody's biting. Red and I start making out. Her boyfriend gets off work and comes over. Everyone leaves and I'm left with damaged pride and a slightly sore set of testicles. Liz calls me.
Liz: You want I should (hic) come back over??
Unabonger's brain: I'll never forgive you.
Unabonger's cack: What the hell, it's pussy.
Unabonger's brain: No. Absolutely not. There is no way.
Unabonger's eyes: Hey guys, thought I'd let you know, Dave left half a bottle of Makers Mark on the counter. Just some FYI there.
Unabonger's brain: I suppose I can make an exception.
Unabonger: Sure come over.
Unabonger's cack: Right on!
She comes over and I start drinking like it's going illegal tomorrow. I get completely shnockered on whiskey and we start shagging. I can't get off. It sucks. I'm doing what I can, she's moaning like a stuck sea lion, I'm not soft but I'm laying pipe with a semi if you get me. I get bored. After sweating out more of the liquor, boredom starts to turn into disgust...then to humiliation. I pulled my dick out of her, got up, threw my robe on and, I'll never forget my words, I said:
"I'm getting in the shower, why don't you get the fuck out of here?"
I didn't wait for a response, walked into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the shower. She knocked on the door a couple times but I was busy finishing myself off and didn't say anything. She called me for about a week or two but I never answered or returned her calls.
This story is 100% true (which is why it's not more entertaining). I'm a bad person (or I was then) and Liz, if you're out there, I'm sorry for being so coarse.
Don't act like a drunk whore and maybe you'll get more respect but that doesn't excuse my choice of words.
I fucked an ugly chick but shut up so have you.JPG