I like Movies. These 10 Last Year in Particular. I Don't Like Proper Sentence Structure. (1243 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.25 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Caes (View user info) at 2007-03-04 21:48:28 EST
Well, here it is. A list of all the 2006 movies that I managed to see in the past year or so. I know you're thinking, "2006 was SO three months ago," but I was waiting to see a few movies that hadn't quite trickled into theaters yet. You know what I mean...the twenty or so movies that get released in the last week of the year on about six screens combined in the whole world so they can technically qualify for Oscar consideration...but really, Perfume: The Story of a Murder? Who the hell are you trying to kid? Anyway, then they don't release the movies to the actual majority of the public until weeks later. I'm looking at YOU, Pan's Labyrinth!!
I can't recall how many I saw last year exactly, but I know that just like last year, I spend WAY too much time and money on movies. And there's a good half-dozen movies I never got around to seeing. Sigh, I want to see Curse of The Golden Flower. Gong-Li makes my boy-parts tingle. Still, I managed to see 58 2006 movies, most of them in the theater.
Now, I know that when/if you read my top 10 list, some of you will say, "Didn't you see this movie? Or that one? Why is that one higher than that one and blah blah blah I'm a colossal loser with herpes." Now listen up: did YOU see almost 60 movies this year with your own money? No? Shut the hell up then. When you average over a movie a week in the theaters, then you can write your own crappy list and lord it over everyone else like I'm doing. Until then be silent, you ignorant peon, lest I smite thee.
Now comes the painful process of ordering them into my favourite 10. I hate this part. Well, here we go.
* note that if i were to write this top ten list again in five minutes the order would not be the same because i am wishy-washy *
10. Inside Man. A title that sounds either like a medical special or a homosexual porn fiesta, this is actually the best heist movie I've seen in years. Spike Lee should make more movies in this vein instead of movies about knocking up lesbians.
9. Jackass 2. Okay, so it's not cinematic excellence, but don't be a square, daddy-o...this movie is FUNNY. In my opinion, far superior to the original, which had way too many gross-out scenes in it for my tastes. Um, okay, so Chris Pontius does drink horse semen in this one, but it's only a little bit, and who among you can say you haven't drank a little animal semen in your younger days? The point is, there's a lot more pranks and physical humour and a lot less retarded gross-out stuff...and the camerawork doesn't make you motion sick. This is the best low-brow humour you can find.
8. Departed. If I hadn't seen the Chinese film this was based on (Infernal Affairs) I probably would have rated this higher. But as such, I knew what was going to happen the whole time and so I wasn't as sucked into it as I could have been. Still, a fantastic Scorsese film full of awesome actors and a great storyline. And he FINALLY won an Oscar for something! TANK DA JEBUS!! I was ready to start letter bombing the Academy.
7. Clerks II. Welcome back, Kevin Smith. Not much to say about this, except if you liked Clerks, you'll like this. Also, man-ginas. If you like man-ginas, you'll like this.
6. Borat. This movie is on my list because it was the most shocking thing I'd seen all year (cinematically. actually, in real life too. i don't get out much). In some ways, more shocking and ballsy than Jackass 2. And I mean 'balls' in both a figurative and a very, very literal sense. Special award for most memorable line of movie dialogue of the year: "My mustache still smells of your testes."
5. Thank You For Smoking. This is as good as satire gets. Any movie that can take an ethically-challenged tobacco lobbyist, a man you're supposed to hate, and make you not only like him, but cheer for him...well that's something to check out. The style and presentation of this movie is pure menthol cool and not like any other movie this year. And surprisingly, TYFS is neither pro or anti smoking.
4. Pirates of The Caribbean II. Not as solid a movie as the first one, but still vastly entertaining. I love Captain Jack. I want to make filthy pirate love to him. Insert 'booty-plundering' joke here.
3. Apocalypto. Okay, Mel Gibson's an anti-semitic lunatic, but hey, this is an awesome movie. Totally transports you back in time to ancient Mexico, predating sombreros, ponchos, and grubby little mustachioed men calling other people "greengo" (much to my disappointment). Brutally violent, very realistic, a small story told with a grand vision. It really transports you to a strange, lost world (uh, but without any dinosaurs). Well directed, acted, shot, everything. As long as you don't mind subtitles and decapitations galore, this is worth your time.
2. Blood Diamond. I've decided after seeing this movie, and Last Samurai, that I am going to see everything that Edward Zwick directs from here on out. This is a fantastic movie about the abhorrent diamond trade of Sierra Leone. Oscar-caliber acting turns from all sides (okay, none of them won, but they got nominated, which is more than YOU'VE ever done, gringo). Great pacing, great writing. One predictable nugget in the whole picture, but otherwise very gripping and consuming.
1. Children of Men. I am hereby awarding Children of Men Best Movie With The Shittiest Trailer Award. Seriously, have you seen the trailer for this? It starts out revealing that in the future all the women on Earth are infertile and humanity will be extinct in 50 years, and then finishes off by showing a pregnant woman and bombarding you with a bunch of scenes while Coldplay's relentlessly hopeful "I Will Fix You" song plays overtop of it.
Hey, trailer-soundtrack guy: You know how I know you're gay? BECAUSE YOU LISTEN TO COLDPLAY. Fuck, that was the worst choice of song for a trailer EVER.
Well, though the trailer seems to tell the story of the whole movie (women infertile -- pregnant woman finally found -- disaster averted, humanity saved!), it actually goes way beyond that. This movie has a really awesome plot; lots of twists and turns that I did not see coming AT ALL, and I've seen a lot of movies. What I most liked about it was how authentic it all seemed; how detailed this bleak future world looked. The background had doomsday graffiti, saccharine-flavoured ads for suicide medicine, abandoned schools (who needs them now that there are no children?) and dozens of other little touches that makes you believe, this is real. If women were infertile, this is how it could be. Just as Apocalypto sends you convincingly into a terrible past, COM sends you just as convincingly into a possible terrible future. Fan-friggin'-tastic.
So, there's my top ten. Here are some notable films that didn't quite make it, but I wish they could have: Inconvenient Truth, Slither, Why We Fight, Little Miss Sunshine, Casino Royale, Talladega Nights, Miami Vice, Pan's Labyrinth, and Lucky Number Slevin.
And now for my least favourite movies of the year. I try to go see movies that I like, so this is a short list, but I must warn my loyal fan base (yes, you three people over there) to avoid these two following films if I want to be able to sleep tonight.
Ultraviolet
The Grudge 2
Oh god, it hurt me to type them. It brought back such painful/shameful memories. Ever go to a movie and have it make you feel like less of a man? Ever go to a movie and realize that you could have spent the last hour trapped on an out-of-control ferris wheel with fourteen rabid ferrets and an ill-tempered spider-monkey and still have had a better time?? Yeah, these are like that.
Ultraviolet is like the anti-Children Of Men in the sense that it's an uber-retarded look at an apocalyptic future where you can't wait for the entire civilization to die out. Also, it wins the Shittiest Most God-Awful Movie With the Best Trailer Award. I admit it, I was fooled!! The trailers made it look, if not exactly cinematic excellence, at least entertaining. There was nothing entertaining about this film, except the line, "You got hemo blood on me. It is ON" -- but for all the wrong reasons. The best thing I can say about it is that there were some pretty cool ideas (e.g. gravity bike). Too bad it looked like they were executed by a 13 year old with a Commodore 64.
Grudge 2 -- ahh, I hang my head in shame. I didn't have high expectations for this, but G2 fell short of even that -- and not just a little short. Grand Canyon short. At least in the first Grudge those little Japanese bastards were scary. But to stay scary you need to think of different ways of killing people instead of recycling all the old ones and adding a few that sucked. Really, choked by hair in a phone booth? Pulled through a sweater? What the hell?? These Japanese kids could attack people with complex math problems and karaoke and it would STILL be scarier. God, I wish I could forget I saw this movie. I forget to renew my driver's license every day for four months, I forget my middle name half the time, but my brain stubbornly clings to THIS. Fuck me.
Well, there you go. All my movie wisdom and knowledge for the whole year, packed into one rambling email. Hooray!
Beware the Ebert. He has sinister plans for us all.
User Reviews
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2007-03-17 20:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ultraviolet is the reason I am not allowed to pick the movies anymore. We had no idea what it what was about, fucked up there. The worst movie that was the most entertaining was Bloodrayne, quite possibly the worst movie ever made. I saw my 3 favorite movies on the same day, Pans Labrynth, Children of Men, and Last King of Scotland. They all rocked.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-15 11:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:05:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
did you just imply Last Samurai was a good movie?
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No, I implied that it was a GREAT movie. I AM kind of a sucker for samurai stuff, though.
===
You weren't a bit offended that Hollywood stole yet another bit of history to make another fictional Uh-merican hero? It was a British officer who assisted them and if you read a recount of the battle, he wasn't even there.
I found it A BIT rich to imply the last japanese samurai was a rugged american drunkard. Woohoo! We've just took a huge steaming shit on centuries of japanese culture! It surpassed U571 in arrogance.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-10 09:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's wrong with Half Nelson?
I watched it last night and I've seen a lot worse than that film.
For example, the entire list from the poster, just for starters.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-10 08:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for smoking might have been good, but I wasn't interested enough to watch it. It was ON while I messed around for a bit on myspace.
Better than Fiction had a stupid ending. The fact that he saved a boys life was supposed to be a groundbreaking ending for the author?? I don't get it.
Borat was pretty funny. I about crapped my pants at the pam anderson capture. Also, the ending was fab. "We Christians now!" yay!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-06 00:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:05:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
did you just imply Last Samurai was a good movie?
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No, I implied that it was a GREAT movie. I AM kind of a sucker for samurai stuff, though.
Who said that Blood Diamond needed to be more violent?? Man, people are getting their hands cut off and shot to hell and shit. Besides, I thought the scariest thing in that movie were the child soldiers. A kid with an AK-47 who thinks he's an invincible soldier of God is WAY more scary to me than some watery mute in a hockey mask. SpecialK, you'd probably like Apocalypto. That's a pretty bloody movie.
Corn, let me know what you think of Thank You For Smoking. I don't think you're going to like it.
Oh, and Zebra, I want to see the stuff on that documentary list...especially For Your Consideration. I wish I watched more of those.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-05 22:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheScaryGuy11 (user info) at 2007-03-05 21:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-1 for no Casino Royale as numero uno
+1 Children of Men did kick some ass, not that I'd care if women went infertile
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-05 21:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So I rented that smoking movie, flushed away (for the boy) and something imaginary somethingor other, I forget.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2007-03-05 20:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Blood Diamond was good....needed more violence though.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-03-05 20:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good list... Children Of Men was excellent. I'm going to read the book now though; I hear they changed a LOT of the important stuff, but hey, guess I'll find out for myself.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Half Nelson???
HALF NELSON???
You don't get to comment about movies anymore, as the mere mention of THAT movie gets rid of any credibility you may have had.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
saw apocalypto...it was not bad, though only because of the gore.
inside man was pretty good too.
did you just imply Last Samurai was a good movie?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-05 13:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Children of Men
The Last King of Scotland
Stranger Than Fiction
Little Miss Sunshine
Borat
United 93
Pan's Labyrinth
Borat
Letters From Iwo Jima
Half Nelson
The Illusionist
And some excellent documentaries:
Our Brand is Crisis (about Bolivian presidential election)
Deliver Us From Evil (about a pedophile priest)
This Film is Not Yet Rated (about the MPAA ratings board)
Why We Fight (about the economics of war)
Jonestown (about the Jonestown massacre)
The War Tapes (footage shot by National Guardsmen serving in Iraq)
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-03-05 12:13:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw Children of Men last night. Bought it today. Marvellous film.
I refuse to watch Borat as I can't fucking stand the bloke.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-05 11:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Slevin is shit. Every scene of every movie Josh Hartnett has been in was awful.
You forgot to include Snakes on a Plane.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-03-05 11:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-05 09:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 roundup.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-05 07:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Football to the groin!
Football to the groin!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey! Slevin is on my "other movies I really liked" list. It was actually #10 at first, but then I bumped it out because I forgot to include Thank You For Smoking.
Coley, Pan's Labyrinth might have been top ten if it had more fantasy elements to it. I was surprised to see that 90% of it takes place in 'the real world.' It's still worth seeing, though.
I'm surprised no one has made a comment about Borat yet, good or bad.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:42:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:37:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
BOB babel was so fucking bad that it gave me an ulcer.
Lucky # Slevin WAS SO GOOD. Caesar, the monster is right, you missed one.
_____________
*does a little dance*
Monsters always right!
*blows kisses and dances off*
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BOB babel was so fucking bad that it gave me an ulcer.
Lucky # Slevin WAS SO GOOD. Caesar, the monster is right, you missed one.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I forget to renew my driver's license every day for four months, I forget my middle name half the time, but my brain stubbornly clings to THIS. Fuck me. "
Ha Ha! Your brain hates you hahaha!!!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lucky Number Slevin was an awesome film, how the hell can you not rate this!?!?!?
HOW DAMNIT??!?
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On Lexmark and IBM printers there is a Green "GO" button. I love telling people to hit the "gringo" button.
I liked The Departed
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-05 04:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
filename.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-05 03:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice list, you should get out more!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-05 02:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:23:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
-I've always wondered if non smokers got the same level of enjoyment out of 'Thank you for Smoking' as smokers did.
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I loved it, but I suppose I'm not completely a non-smoker.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-03-05 01:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Children of Men? I have to say that was a crappy movie. I really can't understand why everyone like it. It was only mildly entertaining, if that. Unbelievable character development, total liberal-minded cheesefest.
For my money, The Prestige is a must see. Though the opening is incredibly cheesy, the rest of the film shines. I love you Christopher Nolan! You can actually talk about this movie with a friend and get 8 different interpretations between the 2 of you. Unlike Children of Men which leaves you with only one possible interpretation.
Have to agree with you on Thank you for Smoking. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't they make the whole movie about smoking and noone smokes a cigarette during the whole movie on screen? Brilliant.
Submitted by The_Perfect_Scrotum (user info) at 2007-03-05 00:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with Children of Men. Best movie I've seen in a few years. Most of the rest I enjoyed as well. Pirates of the Caribean II though...Damn was that movie shitty.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been wanting to see Pan's Labyrinth but I'm afraid I'll have to go it alone...can't say I know many people who might be interested in the spanish, english-subtitled adult scary tale....
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lets see, mine...
The Fountain, Pan's Labryinth, Babel, The Last King of Scotland, The Departed, Children of Men, Borat, Jackass 2, The Prestige, The Illusionist
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I average about 1 trip to the movie theater every other month. Sad, I know.
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Your list isn't arranged that well, but I would have to agree with your number 1 choice. Children of Men was sheer power.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Fountain damnit.
people need to realize Arnofsky's brilliance!
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I have to give you a negative score just because you like inconvenient truth
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I've seen like 2 of those. I just don't go to the movies much lately, I guess.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-04 23:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to bring up the Prestige as well. Besides the Departed, that was my favorite movie of the year.
Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Havent seen departed but thanks for telling me its based on Infernal Affairs, of which i've seen 1,2, and 3 (i think there's a 4 now though as well), those are awesome. Also, props for Jackass 2, it really did own on the original.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Illusionist, that's another one I meant to see but didn't get around to.
Toe, I don't think being a smoker or not should really affect the enjoyment of that movie.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm, Matt Mastroantonio makes a good point. The Prestige was pretty f'n awesome.
Oddly, I forgot how much I liked that movie until you just brought it up. I still don't know that it would have cracked my top ten, though.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yea, the prestige and the illusionist were really good too.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-I saw The Departed for the first time on Saturday and was so blown away I bought a ticket to the next session and watched it again.
-Someone stole my Inside Man DVD.
-I've always wondered if non smokers got the same level of enjoyment out of 'Thank you for Smoking' as smokers did.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Exqueeze me.... but.... uhm..... where's The Prestige?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you could watch them on www.peekvid.com or www.tv-links.co.uk then hit "movies"
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-04 22:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanted to see those, Bob, but never got the chance. The Fountain was playing in my area for like, a week, and I don't think Last King of Scotland was around at all. Glad Whittaker won the Oscar, though...did you know he directed First Daughter (starring katie holmes, which is about the president's daughter who just wants to be a normal teenage girl)? That doesn't seem like his style at all.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the first half of apocalypto was good, then it sucked. Clerks II sucked.
Blood Diamond was ok
The Fountain was a great movie.
The Last King of Scotland was really good too.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
World's Fastest Indian
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:52:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
ps, that's a nice picture of you. I like what you've done with your hair.
**********************************
:O
How DARE you?? The man looks like a lesbian!
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could someone please explain what was so great about Clerks 2? I liked the first one, but this one just left me with a serious case of "bleh."
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ps, that's a nice picture of you. I like what you've done with your hair.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-04 21:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooood, the departed was so fucking good. Man it was good.
Clerks II was pretty satisfying, too.
Those are the only two I have seen. I'll rent the rest tomorrow.