I eat food, sometimes (1st camwhore) (1168 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.3 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2007-02-28 15:27:26 EST
I have a fairly transparent personality. I usually find myself telling people things about me that they'd rather not know, and I don't regret it.
For instance, you might not know this by looking at me but, I'm white. And tall.
Now, since I'm tall, people invariably ask me whether I play basketball. And since I'm white, they ask if I can dunk (read: it would be a given for a black dude at my height). When I respond with yes, and yes, they usually pause with a look of confusion/wonder. Or they say something like, "If I was as tall as you, I'd be in the NBA."
Um, thanks for the insult? 'Cause let's face it, I'm as tall as me, and I'm not in the NBA. I can only say, "If you were as tall as me, you'd be uncoordinated." Or, "If I was as short as you, I'd be an asshole too." We're both just speculating anyway.
I mean, if you've ever seen "White Men Can't Jump", and you were able to stomach it until the end, then you know that white men can, indeed, dunk...
on eight foot rims.
I have no problem counting Brent Barry as one of my heroes. (see: 1996 NBA Slam Dunk Champion)
ALSO, I eat food. Sometimes.
User Reviews
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-05 05:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-03-05 03:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't I owe you a lifetime supply of +2s?
I think I do.......
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-03-03 01:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats it, Butters.. YOU'RE ON! WE MEET AT MIDNIGHT.
er...bring tea?
hahahhahaha
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Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-03-01 07:36:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Cristle u ned two stop beeing suc a bithc 2 Despina adn jumpin down her throt u are mean and jellous off her becuz ppl lick her beter thna they lke u bcause u are old and luck liek u are 40 hahahahahaha!!!&one!!five!!!punctuationmark!!!!
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-03-01 23:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So you're tall and you eat food.
And I should give two fucks because?
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2007-03-01 13:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fucking Christ, I must have missed something. Since when can we type bold and italic?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-03-01 10:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Big arms.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-03-01 07:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cristle u ned two stop beeing suc a bithc 2 Despina adn jumpin down her throt u are mean and jellous off her becuz ppl lick her beter thna they lke u bcause u are old and luck liek u are 40 hahahahahaha!!!&one!!five!!!punctuationmark!!!!
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-03-01 00:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd,
All I mean is, in my experience, people always ask me if I can dunk. And they've never asked a black dude that I was with whether he could.
You'd be a mongoloid too if you were 6'5, and I'd run you off the court either way.
I GOT TEH B-BALL SKILLZORZ. FEAR MY INTRAWEB SHIT TALKING!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-02-28 22:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
anyone can jump high, it has nothing to do with melanin levels. ive played basketball for a long fuckin time, and while out of practice now, when i was playing 5-7 days per week could dunk with two hands, one handed over guys, could touch the rim with my elbow - im only 6 feet tall. its just practice and doing it A LOT. dont believe that bullshit about white guys not being able to jump.
basically, if i was as tall as you, id be playing in the nba. youre a mongoloid.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-28 19:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:46:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Zebra, what's this nonsense about a story? This is Uber after all.
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Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:16:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
It might help the story if you actually mentioned how tall you are.
If there was actually a story, I mean.
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Just answer the goddamn question stretch or I turn the rating up another notch and see how THAT feels!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-02-28 18:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you get a positive rating for looking like a normal guy and not some greased coiffed weirdo fuck.
And for eating food.
Food rocks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-28 18:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're all blurry and blotchy.
I guess "postarizing" is a great way to cover up the acne scars and birth defects.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Zebra, what's this nonsense about a story? This is Uber after all.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! NICE!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh it was totally you. I remember because you were the first on my list and that pleased you ever so much.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It might help the story if you actually mentioned how tall you are.
If there was actually a story, I mean.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 17:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, that couldn't have been me, O-man.
Despina says I'm a virgin.
But don't tell my daughter that....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:57:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew it. I totally knew it. I always thought you looked 5'6 when you skipped out my bedroom door that time a few years ago.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, that's a "truth" post.
good to be in this generation!
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Crystle, if I am to believe this post http://www.ubersite.com/m/70831, then I'd say you're only (almost exactly) 2 years older than me. So ~~same age~~.
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no im 25 and u look 40 or 45, im just asking a question please stop jmpjing down my throt
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
although, on second thought.. it's HIGHLY possible I look 40 to a 13 yr. old...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha.. yeah, that's not being mean.
fortunately I'm immune to internet put-downs.
no I'm not 40, and I don't look 40.
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol are u 40?
that was for cyrstal
and im not trying to be mean u just look 40, pelase dont yell
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and again.. my feelings were never hurt.
And Coleslaw... Come ON! A lil uberdrama is good for everyone as long as there is laughter involved! At the very least it'll be a learning experiance for Miss D... be it an alter or a noob.
and my age... well, then.. *wink*
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
On second thought, Despina, your purposeful spelling mistakes amuse me. Carry on.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yup, totally 5'6' here, O-man.
I don't recall being mean, Despina. the only thing I can find that I ever said to you was that your spelling and grammar were atrocious for a communications major.
That's not mean, it's true.
Sometimes truth IS mean, but this in NOT one of those times.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
6...5?
oh..yummm..
My prom date was your height and I..oh, nevermind.
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
k sorry colesaw
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have sharp elbows. One for each of you, Crystle & Despina, IF YOU DON'T TAKE YOUR UBER DRAMA ELSEWHERE.
I am teh intraweb tough guy.
<<>>
We're probably around the same age, Crystle.
And I think I was a little over 6'5 when I last saw the doctor. He was a good man, and thorough.
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
neway im sory i hurt ur fellings crystal, i just hope you undersand that you get what you deserve. now be nie and ill be nice too
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A question for you, Crystle-Bitch, is "how short?"
I'm guessing 5'6. Don't ask me why.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mad? Last time I checked mad didn't include laughter...
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See shes so mad about what i said becuz its the trut
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why'd it do that twice?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yar, and don't mind me.. I'm a anfy jelous bicthes
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Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 06:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please dont go, there are some nice pieple here, you just have to shake off the haters like that bicth crystal, shes probably a virgin so you have to cut her some slak, thats why shes so anfry
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice guns.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yar, and don't mind me.. I'm a jelous bicthes
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Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-02-28 06:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please dont go, there are some nice pieple here, you just have to shake off the haters like that bicth crystal, shes probably a virgin so you have to cut her some slak, thats why shes so anfry
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh.. and exactly how tall?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how old are you?
and If I were as tall as you I'd be a freak.
I like tall guys, though..mmmmm
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:05:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet I can dunk better then you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:48:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lishy,
I was _probably_ 5'0 at one point in my life, but I honestly can't comprehend what that'd be like now. Similarly, I don't remember ever NOT having pubic hair. I know that I didn't at some point, but...
---
You weren't born with a bush of pubic hair?
So I was the only one?
FUCK.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-28 16:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a comment, just for you.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's just the pole, but you have a ridiculously massive bicep
Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome subtle use of bold
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lishy,
I was _probably_ 5'0 at one point in my life, but I honestly can't comprehend what that'd be like now. Similarly, I don't remember ever NOT having pubic hair. I know that I didn't at some point, but...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:35:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
READ: SACRILICIOUS IS AN A RACIST, AND SHE HATES SHORT PEOPLE
===
I love all kinds and I'm only 5'0 nothin' myself!
(OK, so I'm a Self-loather).
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:41:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just glad you dont have a transparent stomach.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:40:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ALSO, if you're a vegetarian, then I am eating a tofu sandwich.
If you're not a vegetarian, but you're jewish, that's NOT pork.
If you really like people who like chicken, then it's chicken.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Then you've got yourself a Prison Arm boyo. Enjoy that.
Hmm, now I want some pruno.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You must do a lot of beating off.
I hope you washed your hands before you ate that.
Sicko.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have one dumbbell, O-man. And I only use it on my right bicep.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because of that pole's position your right arm looks fucking huge.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
READ: SACRILICIOUS IS AN A RACIST, AND SHE HATES SHORT PEOPLE
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy muscles, batman!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-28 15:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm...white and tall...
I think I thought you'd have longer hair for some reason.