Still temporary: La comédie humaine (859 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.08 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fey (View user info) at 2007-02-09 17:00:36 EST
>>May I introduce my characters? Macey, meaning "sea of bitterness" and Eavan, meaning "pleasant, beautiful".<<
They'd been invited to dinner by old friends, of the kind who are still friends by virtue of things long since past. The invitations were fewer and the intervening intervals of time longer, but out of loyalty it was kept alive.
The early summer evening was mild and sweet so they decided to eat outside, in the beautiful backgarden. A garden which to Macey was representative of all things never realised. Its balanced growth and neatly trimmed edges spoke of care and time, of responsibility and commitment.
Stilted to begin with, the conversation began to flow after a bottle or so of wine. But questions about careers and families, plans for the future and travel were finished with far too quickly. His habit had become more serious, and she no longer knew the extent of it. He'd lost his job a few months back, and so far refused to discuss it with her. Eavan's ready source of cash was yet another thought she refused to dwell on.
The meal had been cleared away, coffee offered and refused. Conversation had long since dried up into strained pauses punctuated by forced questions. They thanked their hosts politely, made their excuses and left. The mutual feeling was that this had been goodbye.
Summer was Macey's favourite time of year. They decided to walk home, although to preserve their fragile truce the economical factor to the decision was not mentioned. The balmy air smelt of flowers she couldn't quite place, causing an almost forgotten feeling of wellbeing to bubble up inside. Impulsively, she linked her arm through Eavan's, and felt him tense. Their eyes met, her smile dying, and the chasm between them yawned deeper.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 12:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-13 18:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jag alskar dig
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-04-29 13:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, now, that'd work. I'm all out of ideas... I tried to write a novel about staring blankly into the middle distance, but it stagnated after 400 pages.
My new career: ghost writer. I don't care who gets the credit, as long as someone reads it.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-29 12:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe - Ah, so that's complimentary? See, I've been reading that all wrong.
I really, really like your writing. I'm working on a method for transferring my germs of ideas to you, so you can write them, send to me, I'll post them, and my ratings will rocket.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-04-29 12:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ampersand, she did say what the garden represented: "spoke of care and time, of responsibility and commitment."
Fey - of course I'm going to read the comments. I don't GET that many compliments here... or I didn't, until I decided to accept "you look like my asshole tastes" and "stfu" as complimentary. Since I did that my self esteem has skyrocketed.
Anyway, see, my Uber bookmark is my most recently reviewed page, and that probably says more about me than I'd like it to.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-14 05:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, ampersand.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-04-13 21:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"of the kind who are still friends by virtue of things long since past"--that doesnt really mean anything.
"A garden which to Macey was representative of all things never realised"--nor does that. It would though, if you explained exactly what sort of things it represented. Be more specific and try to develop setting some. Saying its in a beautiful garden doesnt really do anything.
The air smelled, it did not smelt.
Your sentence structure is frequently awkward.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-04 13:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-04 12:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you hadn't been so silly with your first post, or if this had been posted by some "established user" it would be rated higher. Not that that is a comment on the quality of it, more a comment on the fickleness of this "community."
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-01 13:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ta for show of support.
Am working on it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-28 21:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should post more.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-02-12 09:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you should just finish something and stick it up.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-10 10:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And Jonny, dammit, I really don't know if I care. This wrong direction of yours is my current direction, so what to do? You lot think I suck. *shrugs* Worse things have happened.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-10 10:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:18:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Crap - what exactly are you trying to do?
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Write.
And thank you, yes, I've noticed that you think I'm failing miserably.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-10 10:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:05:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
What the steamed and pressed fuck--?
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:20:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
reads like mccallum
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Ha.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-10 10:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:10:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do people ask if they can do something and then go ahead and do it anyway? That annoys the piss outta me.
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You are perfectly correct, FilthyHarry.
Next time I have a rhetorical question, I will post it, wait for your reponse, and then continue.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
reads like mccallum
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:10:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do people ask if they can do something and then go ahead and do it anyway? That annoys the piss outta me.
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you're going in the wrong direction, missy.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Crap - what exactly are you trying to do?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:11:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the wrinkled and unkempt fuck...???
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do people ask if they can do something and then go ahead and do it anyway? That annoys the piss outta me.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-02-09 17:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the steamed and pressed fuck--?