Company of Killers (1217 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.47 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shitfuck (View user info) at 2007-01-11 16:29:46 EST
Great idea--
We should start a company unlike any other company on earth and hire people normally considered unemployable. We'll put them in positions of power. Our boardrooms will be a collection of zealots, hunchbacks and thieves. We'll develop nothing of any real value, and at our stores we'll sell nothing. We'll keep our customers confused--but spending.
Everyone involved receives insane retirement benefits such as a pair of wings and all your dead family back, or a village of virgins to plunder, or a gun so big it can wipe out an entire planet with one round.
Whatever you want.
Our motto needs to be something like 'Fuck You' or 'Get Fucked'. Something short and sweet and powerful. Something doom-ish. But this is our secret motto, only in the upper echelons will we mention it. The other motto will be something that the children can learn easily and recite automatically. We'll have meetings--lots of meetings--where one side of the room will say 'there's not enough war, we need to start another' and the other replies 'We agree, but we demand even more war than you request'. And this debate will go on for hours as the sky gets dark.
Plans will be drawn up. Sections of earth plotted and objectified. Politicians will be purchased and put into play. Armies will warm up. The desert will shake. We will form alliances, and encourage co-operation. We'll foot the bill so that others can afford to get involved.
AC 130 gunships will be sent in. Special Forces. Apache helicopters. Flesh tearing tools of war.
Whiskey Peat--white phosphorus that melts skin--we'll use it and then deny using it. We'll get caught using it, then admit to using it but we'll have a great reason why--it saves lives.
Officers will be required to gain valuable combat experience to be better prepared in the next war. We'll bomb people covertly at night and make real the fear that at any moment, in any location, we have the weapons that can erase them. The operations will have devastating sounding titles.
There will be tough times. There always are tough times in the making of total war.
Our public might get squeamish and anxious--like maybe we spill a little too much blood, even too much of our own. Disillusionment will follow. The country awakening from a bad dream or a deep sleep. We will have to make new arrangements, shuffle the masters of war into new positions. There will be new maps and more numbers. Admit to a few mistakes. Take responsibility. We will spin and tangle everything we said previously. There will be statistics to show how we were winning, and how we can win once again. Time will pass. People forget and move on. All that matters is the illusion of seriousness.
We'll buy more time, time to reorganize, time to clear out our worst performers. Hand out pink slips and prison sentences. We can afford to atone for anything. Our big name players are protected by miles and miles of legal documents and questionable signatures. The rest of the team is formed around this core group of talents. We will parade our new game plan through the streets and airwaves until the believers are back on board and a new desert begins to shake.
Back at home the zealots, hunchbacks and thieves will convince the public that killing is just a natural part of life in the modern world. The marketing division will steer attention away from policy and back on to the red carpet and plastic award ceremonies. Business headlines will read 'Company of Killers Record Breaking Year' and we will move on with the eager encouragement of our shareholders.
We should bring back public flogging. Just for fun and laughs. Maybe stoning. Something to let whatever protesters are left know how serious we take our business.
Customers will line up at the counter, credit cards in hand, stunned, fearful and armed to the teeth with patriotic rhetoric. Keep the gears rolling and covered in oil. We'll all be rich and rich is what counts. Young forever. Consume. We'll all be rich. Consume. So long as the battlefield is a thousand miles away it is only imaginary. Consume. Greed is as greed does. Cover it in oil. Profit. Profit. Profit.
Just an idea.
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-01-14 23:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2007-01-14 07:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marginwalker is right. You know the Iraq-for-oil views you attribute to your domestic liberal hippie whatevers? The rest of the world thinks the same way. And I'm not only talking about your typical bumfuck third world commie/islamic countries whose people "hate your freedoms."
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-13 05:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 23:30:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Too bad you can't come to the USA anymore... so someone would finally be able to punch your fuckin' face right in. In Canada, you are surrounded by pussies known as "Canadians"...hence your elitist, smug attitude...nobody will do such a thing. So, I guess you have little to fear...unless you run into a Quebec separatist.
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Umm. I'm sad to inform you that this "elitist, smug attitude" regarding the US you have (flatteringly) attributed to Canadians is actually more of a global agreement that Americans (and I apologize to the many wonderful exceptions) are irrational idiots.
We're just too polite to say so.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-13 05:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stabkill -
You truly sound like a FoxNews Anchor.
Anyone NOT pulling the "usa has nukes" card is an idiot; nevermind vice-versa.
If being unnerved by of a bunch of bible-thumpin' blowhards - still trying to shake their cocaine twitches and paranoia - playing with bombs that can vaporize a small country makes me an idiot - I'll take it.
Why don't you read the link I provided prior to your response, and try something new for dinner - something other than the bland shit the 6 O'Clock news shovels down your throat every night?
My argument very much advocates equality - and the sustenance man. And by "man" I refer to the species as a whole - not just the American variety.
Your words merely stroke the cocks of the small number of filthy swine that govern your fucked up country. You cling so fiercely to men who have traded your best interest - not to mention the best interest of your generations to come - for a couple bucks and a barrel of oil.
You gas hot air like a true patriot.
There is no denying the unbridled power and influence of the companies you make reference to, and I don't pretend to. For anyone to believe they can personally influence this dynamic in any way is, as you have alluded to, extremely misguided.
Here's the kicker:
I can rest easy knowing even though these mass corporations may influence my spending habits, they have not shaped my convictions. Nor will I be mental slave to them, however powerful they may be.
You have embraced, and continue to spew out in a guttural belch all that is rank, filthy, and absolutely vacuous about your country - including the critical importance of 24 hour shopping.
Get bent.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 23:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
marginwalker, you aren't even worth debating. Anyone pulling out the "usa has nukes" card is a complete idiot.
Yeah, we used two atomic bombs to hasten the end of World War II. Don't engage yourself in false revisionism... if you could transport yourself back to 1945 you would find little company of pussies such as yourself.
We've had nuclear weapons for 50+ years and only used them once to end a freaking WORLD WAR and instantly freed Korea, China, and other lands occupied by Japanese.
Your arguement? The USA has them so Iran should too!!!
Wonderful argument. How old are you marginwalker? 15?
As much as I love debating school children that still have mommy wiping their own ass, I have better things to do. So I'll just leave it as "Marginwalker is a clueless moron."
You can hate me all you want and I can just laugh in your face. You dream of the day of taking down Wal-Mart, Microsoft, etc. while hundreds of thousands, if not millions, displace you by giving money to them every single day of the year.
I could care less if you support or do not support them. To me it is easy as "I don't shop there because they suck" but to you all it causes mental anguish as you are bothered by their popularity.
So dwell in your misery, mother fuckers!
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 23:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-12 15:42:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
As a matter of fact stabby, I was upset that the attacks didn't take any lives--specifically yours and your families.
Believe me, the world would be a much better place without 2 things:
1. America.
2. America.
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If anyone has any doubts to his seriousness, just read this above response by the man of american-hatred himself. He is telling the absolute truth.
The attacks in gGreece were conducted by, what authorities believe, to be militant leftist groups. Those groups are very anti-corporate, anti-American and basically stand for everything Shitfuck believes in.
Too bad you can't come to the USA anymore... so someone would finally be able to punch your fuckin' face right in. In Canada, you are surrounded by pussies known as "Canadians"...hence your elitist, smug attitude...nobody will do such a thing. So, I guess you have little to fear...unless you run into a Quebec separatist.
Also, please enjoy the lefty sacks of shit Americans who have fled the "oppression of Bush" and moved to your "wonderful" country. I'll bet you will enjoy them as much as we did.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-01-12 18:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-01-12 17:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2007-01-12 16:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
worth a try
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-12 15:42:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As a matter of fact stabby, I was upset that the attacks didn't take any lives--specifically yours and your families.
Believe me, the world would be a much better place without 2 things:
1. America.
2. America.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-12 14:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:23:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:04:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's really a shame you're too daft to tap into the ironic reality of this piece.
You truly epitomize the image of the under-educated, ultra-right wing, super-nationalist American the whole world has come to despise (and to avoid misinterpretation, I know this is NOT the majority).
You and Georgie keep fightin' your "war on terror" okay?
It won't be long before you're the only two left.
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marginwalker, shitfuck's mindset is no different than the hateful greeks belonging to their domestic left-wing terror group which attacked the U.S. Embassy recently. I bet shitfuck even approves of that attack... seriously. The mind of the people who conducted that attack and Shitfuck are one and the same.
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I bet more people approve of it then you think.
For fuck sakes - the USA trapses around the globe bombing innocent countries on the pretense of "terrorism", when in reality it's all the name of money, oil, and big business.
The US continually acts as an agressor AGAINST the development of Nuclear programs, yet they possess the largest reserve nuclear weapons of any "nuclearized" country - with intent to deploy them as a pre-emptive measure. (http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=viewArticle&code=20060222&articleId=2032)
The US preaches equality and freedom, yet strips it's own citizens of both basic rights and democratic voice.
You're living a lie, my friend. Your country is one of constant lies and utmost corruption.
I fear for the well-being of you and your fellow Americans, because the actions of your president have pissed a lot of people off, and jeopardized his country to do so.
I'm sad to say, but I'm of the belief the US has BARELY begun to get it's "just desserts".
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:04:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's really a shame you're too daft to tap into the ironic reality of this piece.
You truly epitomize the image of the under-educated, ultra-right wing, super-nationalist American the whole world has come to despise (and to avoid misinterpretation, I know this is NOT the majority).
You and Georgie keep fightin' your "war on terror" okay?
It won't be long before you're the only two left.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
marginwalker, shitfuck's mindset is no different than the hateful greeks belonging to their domestic left-wing terror group which attacked the U.S. Embassy recently. I bet shitfuck even approves of that attack... seriously. The mind of the people who conducted that attack and Shitfuck are one and the same.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 12:49:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Shitfuck should be shipped straight to North Korea...maybe this "anti-capitalist" heaven will enlighten him to make more posts exactly like this.
Shitfuck is a rabid anti-American who spews hate 100.00% of the time. I'm glad you all like him... but I'll stick to my position that this prick is just a typical, nobody average Canadian that, deep down, aspires to be the very people he can't stand.
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It's really a shame you're too daft to tap into the ironic reality of this piece.
You truly epitomize the image of the under-educated, ultra-right wing, super-nationalist American the whole world has come to despise (and to avoid misinterpretation, I know this is NOT the majority).
You and Georgie keep fightin' your "war on terror" okay?
It won't be long before you're the only two left.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 12:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Shitfuck should be shipped straight to North Korea...maybe this "anti-capitalist" heaven will enlighten him to make more posts exactly like this.
Shitfuck is a rabid anti-American who spews hate 100.00% of the time. I'm glad you all like him... but I'll stick to my position that this prick is just a typical, nobody average Canadian that, deep down, aspires to be the very people he can't stand.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-12 12:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-12 11:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-12 10:39:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
I find it funny you guys think this was a good idea.
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Seriously?
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-01-12 11:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah...im intersted in joining your internet gang. My specialty is throwing wrenches, I stand for nothing really, and I cant stand the people on this website that can't differentiate it from the real world (read: Tiger Lilly,ETS)
vin45kilo.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-12 10:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I find it funny you guys think this was a good idea.
But then again I laugh when I see people slip and fall in awkward positions.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-01-12 09:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2007-01-12 07:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:25:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I might have been thinking about Wal Mart. A few weeks ago, during xmas, me and a friend get the bright idea to get stoned and go check out Wal Mart--it was open 24 hours a day. What the fuck. It's like 11 at night, I'm high, it looks like there was some sort of stampede or riot on the inside. People shuffling everywhere in thick uncomfortable winter jackets. Carts banging into each other. Brat faced kids bouncing in the aisle. Etc. Fuck xmas, right?
So I remember that Wal Mart sells BB guns, and I've never owned a gun of any type so I say 'let's go check out the guns'--my friend was in the toy doll section picking out a really pink imitation Barbie.
In front of the locked case there's Mr. Redneck with Mrs' Overweight Pie. The kids are filthy, they all stink like trailer park incest. But what the fuck. I'm high, it's Wal Mart, 24 hour a day Wal Mart, a fucking celebration.
I start talking to the cattle--we compare notes on guns--I've never shot an animal I say. He fucking laughs at picks at his nose while he starts talking about beautiful hunting and shit. Fuck you buddy, I say, then I tell him the first animal I'd shoot would be him.
He didn't get it.
I ended up buying some fairly nice pots and a spatula then fucking off.
True story.
I like this story.
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2007-01-12 07:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but there are no more...oysters left.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-01-12 07:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not just a great idea, it's freakin fantastic.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-01-12 06:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great idea, Already been done though. Read USA.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-01-12 05:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-01-12 02:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-01-11 23:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bon Idée.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-11 21:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pfffffftt like that would ever happen...
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2007-01-11 19:50:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-11 19:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As someone who so thoroughly enjoys the largesse of said corporation, don't you find your indignation a bit hypocritical? I have a tough time imagining you driving a Peugot that runs on vegetable oil.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You scare me.
Submitted by SatansPetMonkey (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
an amazing idea for a company, obviously modelled on america. what is the starting salary for a warmonger in your company?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:41:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fist, Inc: You Cannot Stop the Fuck
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I might have been thinking about Wal Mart. A few weeks ago, during xmas, me and a friend get the bright idea to get stoned and go check out Wal Mart--it was open 24 hours a day. What the fuck. It's like 11 at night, I'm high, it looks like there was some sort of stampede or riot on the inside. People shuffling everywhere in thick uncomfortable winter jackets. Carts banging into each other. Brat faced kids bouncing in the aisle. Etc. Fuck xmas, right?
So I remember that Wal Mart sells BB guns, and I've never owned a gun of any type so I say 'let's go check out the guns'--my friend was in the toy doll section picking out a really pink imitation Barbie.
In front of the locked case there's Mr. Redneck with Mrs' Overweight Pie. The kids are filthy, they all stink like trailer park incest. But what the fuck. I'm high, it's Wal Mart, 24 hour a day Wal Mart, a fucking celebration.
I start talking to the cattle--we compare notes on guns--I've never shot an animal I say. He fucking laughs at picks at his nose while he starts talking about beautiful hunting and shit. Fuck you buddy, I say, then I tell him the first animal I'd shoot would be him.
He didn't get it.
I ended up buying some fairly nice pots and a spatula then fucking off.
True story.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So long as the battlefield is a thousand miles away it is only imaginary
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Indeed.
Ears closed, eyes elsewhere.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
thinly veiled
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more rape.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"We should start a company unlike any other company on earth and hire people normally considered unemployable. We'll put them in positions of power. Our boardrooms will be a collection of zealots, hunchbacks and thieves. We'll develop nothing of any real value, and at our stores we'll sell nothing. We'll keep our customers confused--but spending.
Everyone involved receives insane retirement benefits such as a pair of wings and all your dead family back, or a village of virgins to plunder, or a gun so big it can wipe out an entire planet with one round.
Whatever you want.
Our motto needs to be something like 'Fuck You' or 'Get Fucked'. Something short and sweet and powerful. Something doom-ish. But this is our secret motto, only in the upper echelons will we mention it. The other motto will be something that the children can learn easily and recite automatically."
Up until this point, I was convinced you were talking about Wal-Mart.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this post while listening to Neil Young's 'Rockin In The Free World'
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fist, Inc: You Cannot Stop the Fuck
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah.
but what is the song that plays in the background of your dreams and your fevered mental acrobatics?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3 questions
1) Will there be any sort of department whose sole purpose is to kick scruggs in his faggot balls?
2) If so, what skills are you looking for in recruiting potential supervisors for this department?
3) is there some sort of number i could fax my resume to?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome post
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking brilliant
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:32:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course, you'll have to do all this from Canada...which would be funny, NO ONE EXPECTS CANADA TYO PULL THIS KIND OF SHIT
better yet, Nunavut.