This Makes Me Happy (866 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.51 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2006-11-08 12:22:22 EST
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20061108/D8L8N2IG0.html
To lazy to read? This woman was a backwoods snake handling religiocrat - that's my new way to refer to the masses of stupid religious people - and she died as a result of multiple poisonous snake bites.
It truly does make me happy. What kind of person does that make me? Evil? A cynic? Although I have been sure of the fact that I am a cynic up until this point, I believe that this little blurb has reaffirmed my faith in cynicism. We handle morons in our church as a sign of faith and guess what: attendance is up, the sermons are entertaining and we don't take everything so literally.
Jesusaurus Rex is laughing his ass off, too. A passage from a several thousand year old book prompts you to harass a reptile that, an obvious fact at that, does not want to be fucked with and you don't second guess the information being placed before you? This animal has evolved for millions of years to develop a biological weapon to fend off predators and immobilize prey. This trait was not developed to enhance your faith, contrary to what your delusions lead you to believe. Just ask Steve Irwin. It wasn't quite the same circumstance, but the same premise nonetheless.
Do not fuck with deadly animals. The adjective placed in front of the noun is not decorative. It serves a purpose in stating, "Hey! It's quite possible that the giant worm with the baby toy on the ass end will fucking kill you until you die from it if you keep agitating it like so!"
God? Are you there? It's me, Terry.
No, I'm not getting my period; I'm a boy.
No, I don't want to know the meaning of life.
No, I don't want you to KILL anyone. I am perfectly well and able to do that. I want to axe you a question, yo. Is there a heaven and hell?
Yeah, well OK. Are stupid people allowed into heaven?
As long as they've lived a good life? Define good life.
Fine. There isn't a waiting list to get into Hell, is there? My impatience borders on petulance.
I'm not dissing you. I'm allergic to stupidity.
Yes, I remember the time that I flipped my Jeep and the time that I caught my leg on fire.
Fuck you dude. I'm going to hell. There's probably less stupid people there.
**Having realized that I have just conversed with myself, I believe that I will head to Harper's Ferry on Saturday. I know a good winter Timber Rattler den that could use some agitation.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonSturgeon2003 (user info) at 2006-11-10 23:11:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:34:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:46:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
I love when people that fuck with animals get wrecked. LOVE.
Can't say enough about it.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-08 20:02:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:46:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
I love when people that fuck with animals get wrecked. LOVE.
Can't say enough about it.
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HAR HAR snake!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This trait was not developed to enhance your faith, contrary to what your delusions lead you to believe.
SNAKES IN A CHURCH, starring Samuel L. Jackson as the Rev. Jesse Jackson, coming soon to a theatre near you
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 13:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, then it's just a plain old blowjob again
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-11-08 13:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
But I like anal sex. Wouldn't that make me a murderer?
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:46:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:40:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:38:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her, one less mouth breather I wish I could bludgeon with a baseball bat. Sad thing is that he cohorts will interpret the snake being a pissed off mofo as her being transformed into an angel, when in reality she's WORM FOOD!
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how do you know she didnt breathe through her nose? and i would say more along the lines of snake food.
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She could breathe through her asshole for I care. She is still one more dead moron to tally on the chalkboard.
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don't be silly, if she could breathe through her asshole then she'd be the perfect girlfriend. she'd never have to take the cock out of her mouth to come up for air.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love when people that fuck with animals get wrecked. LOVE.
Can't say enough about it.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:40:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:38:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her, one less mouth breather I wish I could bludgeon with a baseball bat. Sad thing is that he cohorts will interpret the snake being a pissed off mofo as her being transformed into an angel, when in reality she's WORM FOOD!
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how do you know she didnt breathe through her nose? and i would say more along the lines of snake food.
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She could breathe through her asshole for I care. She is still one more dead moron to tally on the chalkboard.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:38:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her, one less mouth breather I wish I could bludgeon with a baseball bat. Sad thing is that he cohorts will interpret the snake being a pissed off mofo as her being transformed into an angel, when in reality she's WORM FOOD!
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how do you know she didnt breathe through her nose? and i would say more along the lines of snake food.
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One down, 250,000,000 or so to go.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that guy is such an oxygen thief
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her, one less mouth breather I wish I could bludgeon with a baseball bat. Sad thing is that he cohorts will interpret the snake being a pissed off mofo as her being transformed into an angel, when in reality she's WORM FOOD!
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:27:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:25:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
people dying never really makes me happy. maybe in some way i feel that justice has been served, but i cant say it improves my mood
Killing you would make me happy.
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maybe for a moment, but then you'd have to go back to being a douche.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How badass is that picture? Thanks Google Image Search!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm happy about it, too. One less fucking moron in the world wasting MY oxygen.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:25:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
people dying never really makes me happy. maybe in some way i feel that justice has been served, but i cant say it improves my mood
Killing you would make me happy.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't say it makes me happy, but it certainly does make me laugh.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
people dying never really makes me happy. maybe in some way i feel that justice has been served, but i cant say it improves my mood
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got a one eyed spitter in trousers.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Natural selection baby.