UberMadness IV - Round 3 ANALysis (4943 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 1.43 on 293 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2006-10-30 08:48:29 EST
Welcome all over again. Round three (3) is crazy-ass over, and (as you CAN and no doubt WILL) see below, the field of competitors is tightening like your hand on a hooker's ass. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, you. Circe.
WHO WROTE WHAT? WHO WON?
Entry one author
Entry two author
Title
(Winner in CAPS)
PENTAMETER
Joedaddy
The Fuse
Charminglybeef
JMG114
Running jump
JOEYG
Spam
Love Always
FunnyAsCancer
HIRILNARA
Tenacity
GHOLA
DrogoRoch
Murder Ballads
DonkeyOnTheEdge
STEVIE_SAYS
Abattoir blues
JACK_MCCALLUM
MandaPanda
Into the Deep
NERFHERDER
Davros
Framed
Sicosemen
IMPASSIVE-DIGRESSIVE
Anything But Mine
Orgasmatron
SHAUN_ROCKS
Tumbling Dice
AWESOME_FACE
Method
Downcast with Hope
MAGICADDICT
CaptainThorns
Last Night
ASSHOLY
Loki
Darker Karma
PARLORTRICK
blitzkreig_bob
Peeling The Flesh
KAOS-KING
Chroniclysm
Sedation
COLEY
Calbearspolo
The Frost Line
Axolotl
THE_YELLOW_DART
Wandering Star
DOMENAD
Somebody_Else
Minutes to Midnight
thorpe
BUBBA2341
Quintessential
STAGGER_LEE
Genko
I-876
Goferforhire
COYOTE
From Riches to Rot
COLESLAW_MURPHY (tie - wins by UberLord vote)
Bart
Trenchcoat
Brdn_Nkd
BIGMIKE
Eternally Beyond
CRYSTLE
Circe
Wilted
JMG's BEST Ofs
Wandering Star
Axolotl & THE_YELLOW_DART
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94792
This match brought us inside the mind of a notorious killer and through an original, bittersweet love story. Both were well-written, both were heartfelt, and both made the reader wish that circumstances could be different for all characters involved. Be sure to check them out.
Wilted
Crystle (entry one)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94829
This fable seemed a set-up to a much larger piece. When an older, well-loved sister vanishes into the night with her lover, the younger daughter is forced to bear the sins of others upon her shoulders and become stronger than she ever thought she'd have to be. Check it out.
Love Always
JoeyG (entry one)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94809
Love and pain. In JoeyG's opus, love IS pain. At once gruesome and hungrily sexual, blood becomes the fuel of desire and someone burns too much of it. It's a great entry, and should not be missed.
THE ELECTRO AWARD
Goes to... well, hell's bells. BLITZKREIG_BOB again wows the masses, this time with his mastery of the ancient Japanese art of haiku. Sadly, BOB has paid this round, paid with his life. He is paid. Yes. In full. (http://www.ubersite.com/m/94842)
THE NAILBITER AWARD
Bart and Coleslaw_Murphy spun tales of midgets and noir. With such impressive topics and such a clothing-related title, anyone could've predicted that this match-up would be close. In the end, it was Snark's vote for C_M's that sealed the deal. Both stories are fun and worth a read, so check 'em out here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/94861.
THE "OH CRAP" AWARD
Goes to ME. I'm up against the unbeaten Jack_McCallum, UberLord emeritus, next round. It's like David and Goliath... versus me. Good luck, JM!
HOUSEKEEPING:
Next round starts Tuesday Noon (31st) EST and ends Tuesday Noon, Nov 7.
Voting ends Noon Friday Nov 10.
Go forth and write/vote/undergo gender reassignment!
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-11 18:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:11:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling it was Stagger_Lee, Jack.
-----
Thanks for the shout out, but go Coyote.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-11 10:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-10 23:35:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
I did indeed write #2 in "Banshee." And I'm honestly ashamed I did.
Know I tried though. I really did. I even put it in my filename, "EndResultOf16DraftsCovering7Topics_FuckMe."
Not even kidding there. 16 drafts, 7 topics:
-5 based on the Irish cultural aspect of Banshees
-3 about a dog named Banshee
-2 about a roller coaster named Banshee
-2 about the 1950s bomber Banshee
-2 about an actual banshee
-1 fuck-it-all piece where I wrote nothing having to do with banshees, because it was a pointless plot therefore deserving a pointless title
-And the entry I finally submitted
So yeah. I put in way too much work for shitty results. I suck.
If I could, maaaaaaybe the UM committee would be so kind as to grace me with something other than a one-word title in Round 5? I don't seem to do well with those.
~~~
At least you put a little effort into yours, and I'm glad you won as a result. Mine took literally 10 minutes (editing included). Do you know how hard it is to write something creepy when you've got someone nibbling and whispering naughty things into your ear?
At least I've got a fun excuse for a fuck-all (haha) submission.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-11 10:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:07:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to extend a Very Special Thank-You to JMG for making me explosively shit my pants when I first saw the story I was competing against.
I had to toss out my Pierre Cardin button-front boxer briefs (quite possibly the best underwear ever) and get my trousers professionally dry-cleaned. I will be forwarding the laundering bill to you shortly.
----------------------------------------------------
A-hahahahahaha! I've been replaying that mental image in my head all day.
A hearty congratulations to you, sir. I've always looked forward to facing off against you. Perhaps we'll meet again on the battlefield. Good luck next round!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-10 23:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I did indeed write #2 in "Banshee." And I'm honestly ashamed I did.
Know I tried though. I really did. I even put it in my filename, "EndResultOf16DraftsCovering7Topics_FuckMe."
Not even kidding there. 16 drafts, 7 topics:
-5 based on the Irish cultural aspect of Banshees
-3 about a dog named Banshee
-2 about a roller coaster named Banshee
-2 about the 1950s bomber Banshee
-2 about an actual banshee
-1 fuck-it-all piece where I wrote nothing having to do with banshees, because it was a pointless plot therefore deserving a pointless title
-And the entry I finally submitted
So yeah. I put in way too much work for shitty results. I suck.
If I could, maaaaaaybe the UM committee would be so kind as to grace me with something other than a one-word title in Round 5? I don't seem to do well with those.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-10 20:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My Dear Mr. Snark,
Sir, I will meet you on The Field of Honor, at a time of your choosing.
The weapons will be fully-loaded fountain pens, and the ink shall be
chartreuse. I shall spray your slovenly carcass until you drown in the
depths of your foolishness. I say this only because you made an error in your
moderator's duty of tie-breaking, thus dooming me to the lower depths of Hell
and blowing my ancient ass out of your well-known but rigged contest.
You, Thnarky Poo, shall feel the wrath of the aged, a fate usually reserved for
old womenz who venture past my park bench.
***
OK, I fucking lost because Snark hates me. Call the Wahhmmmbulance.
DragoRoch won on the post "Pillow Talk."
I told my kids and grandkids it went to the wire and the vote of Snark, but they still
spit on me and called me a moron. Thanks, Snark. I don't forget.....
:-D
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 20:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:26:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
It was 24-24 for Crystle and I with about half an hour to go.
Then Pentameter and Orgasmatron did my beautiful piece of poetry in.
------------------------
*throws self off of bridge*
Sorry Bigmike...I don't think I'll be able to live with myself now.
Yes you will. No apologies. I know you enjoy my stuff, but I threw you all for a loop with this particular piece. At least nobody knew it was me (except for Crystle).
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 20:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny thing about Uber and poems. There is a certain amount of the population here that just don't go for poems no matter how well written or interesting they are. I saw some of that in the voting.
I'm glad that some of you liked it though.
I knew it was a risk going with the poetry, but alas, that's just what came out for the topic. I have to go with my instincts.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-10 20:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:06:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:37:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I figure you have to have sizable gonads to submit a 'pome' in ubermadness.
I thought it was a good poem. Good enough to be interesting to the readers anyway.
_________
I thought it was a great poem, and any problems with meter and rhythm were
overridden by the meaning within. Mike, you is a gud righter...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-10 19:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me too, but I don't think I could put together a pome that good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:15:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
I try to do something different for each round.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:26:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
It was 24-24 for Crystle and I with about half an hour to go.
Then Pentameter and Orgasmatron did my beautiful piece of poetry in.
------------------------
*throws self off of bridge*
Sorry Bigmike...I don't think I'll be able to live with myself now.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:34:16 (#)
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:00 (#)
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:09:05 (#)
I still think 'The Fetishest' was THE best story this round and I want to know who the fuck wrote that damn thing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It was me, and sorry for the delay, I was out and about in traffic much of the day.
--
I wish I could kill you in your sleep, Mr. Looming Threat.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
You won't have to, if my schedule this next week turns out to be half as bad as it's looking like it'll be.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:09:05 (#)
I still think 'The Fetishest' was THE best story this round and I want to know who the fuck wrote that damn thing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It was me, and sorry for the delay, I was out and about in traffic much of the day.
--
I wish I could kill you in your sleep, Mr. Looming Threat.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I try to do something different for each round.
Round 1 was sentimental, round 2 was horror, round 3 was supernatural/technical, and round 4 was poetry based on religious struggle.
That's why I like UM. It makes me think.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:37:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I figure you have to have sizable gonads to submit a 'pome' in ubermadness.
I thought it was a good poem. Good enough to be interesting to the readers anyway.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:09:05 (#)
I still think 'The Fetishest' was THE best story this round and I want to know who the fuck wrote that damn thing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It was me, and sorry for the delay, I was out and about in traffic much of the day.
AND FETISHIST IS SO A WORD! The beginning and the end came to me pretty much immediately when I saw the title, and the middle part occurred to me when I was waiting in a security line at the Tucson airport.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, wait I GOT IT. Heh-heh. I see, clever hints.
Yeah, I know who it is now.
.
.
.
.
.
So Snark, uh, what is your all-time favorite post of his?
.
.
.
.
*waits for opportunity to type title into search window*
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And also, no one has guessed right so far.
You'll kick yourself for not guessing it when you find out.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:47:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to steal the authors thunder so I won't tell but here is a hint.
He's one of our most intelligent and underrated.
--
Yeah, that's a real giveaway, Snark.
Why not just say 'At the moment he is wearing a blue shirt.'
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to steal the authors thunder so I won't tell but here is a hint.
He's one of our most intelligent and underrated.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GAWD DAMMIT, WHO WROTE THE FETISHEST!?!?!?!?!
I suspect Domenad... but that would mean DOTE forfeited, which seems unlikely.
Somebody tell me.
...please...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:59:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Impeccable Timing
Stagger_Lee entry 1 (winner)
AsshOly entry 2 (Electro award?)
Alright, apparently some people don't like it when people dont make an effort in these middle rounds. I apologized to Stagger Lee already, but I'm not going to apologize to any of the rest you. I didn't have the time to write the story I wanted, so I wrote what I did. I had my first free day in two weeks last Sunday and I watched football and hung out with my friends instead of writing a story for a contest with no prize. At least I submitted something.
==================
Yep, better than a straight out forfeit
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Impeccable Timing
Stagger_Lee entry 1 (winner)
AsshOly entry 2 (Electro award?)
Alright, apparently some people don't like it when people dont make an effort in these middle rounds. I apologized to Stagger Lee already, but I'm not going to apologize to any of the rest you. I didn't have the time to write the story I wanted, so I wrote what I did. I had my first free day in two weeks last Sunday and I watched football and hung out with my friends instead of writing a story for a contest with no prize. At least I submitted something.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I figure you have to have sizable gonads to submit a 'pome' in ubermadness.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahaha.... oh man. This is hysterical! I'm just about the most RIGHT leaning person in the state... my crazy family excepted.
And I fully expected to lose to you BigMike.. now I have to write something else!
to be honest, I'm very surprised I'm still here, and very sad you're eliminated.
I felt that way last round too.
---------------------------
"Don't think for a minute that I didn't notice who you voted for, Little Miss Look-at-me-I'm-just-so-cute-and-everything. You just can't trust these left-leaning Californians."
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 16:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was 24-24 for Crystle and I with about half an hour to go.
Then Pentameter and Orgasmatron did my beautiful piece of poetry in.
Bet you didn't think I could do poetry did you?
Actually, the poem was bugging me for days. I wanted to write a story, and I guess I did, just not my usual type.
"A Common Misconception"
Winner- Crystle
Loser and eliminated- BigMike
Nice job Crystle.
Nice job toi most everybody this round and good luck to all.
Again I say, Son of a Bitch.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:42:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I had the hardest time deciding which piece in Long Days to vote for...
--
Don't think for a minute that I didn't notice who you voted for, Little Miss Look-at-me-I'm-just-so-cute-and-everything. You just can't trust these left-leaning Californians.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had the hardest time deciding which piece in Long Days to vote for...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The last couple of stories by JMG have been awesome.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to extend a Very Special Thank-You to JMG for making me explosively shit my pants when I first saw the story I was competing against.
I had to toss out my Pierre Cardin button-front boxer briefs (quite possibly the best underwear ever) and get my trousers professionally dry-cleaned. I will be forwarding the laundering bill to you shortly.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:31:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:11:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling it was Stagger_Lee, Jack.
--
I have a feeling I should take back that turtleneck crack I made in your post. Sorry. If I knew it was a true story I wouldn't have been such an arsehole. I still would have THOUGHT it, I just wouldn't have written it. Hope I didn't hurt your feelings or anything. Just rambling like this since you give me decent feedback on my stories, so I don't consider you one of the usual faceless brainless ubercrowd.
-------------------
Thanks.
What annoyed me more than anything was that people got hung up on it. I wrote that to show that I did, in fact, remember everything in that moment. As I wrote on the actual post, I think they dressed her that way because she was still a baby to them. Let's also bear in mind that this happened in 1996 and fashion then was a bit more...umm...demure than it is now.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My picture was the biggest. I'm proud of that.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:11:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling it was Stagger_Lee, Jack.
--
I have a feeling I should take back that turtleneck crack I made in your post. Sorry. If I knew it was a true story I wouldn't have been such an arsehole. I still would have THOUGHT it, I just wouldn't have written it. Hope I didn't hurt your feelings or anything. Just rambling like this since you give me decent feedback on my stories, so I don't consider you one of the usual faceless brainless ubercrowd.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling it was Stagger_Lee, Jack.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it, is everyone taking a bathroom break?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm still waiting.
Look at all the brand-new little cripples crying in their cribs.
Wahhh!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll start pulling the legs off of babies until I get an answer.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I still think 'The Fetishest' was THE best story this round and I want to know who the fuck wrote that damn thing.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What, am I talkin to myself here?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:11:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was number one in 'Triggerfish'.
Ghola, you really don't like my smearing smiles, do you?
-------
ha, sorry.
seriously though. they don't. when have you ever seen a smile smear across someone's face? imagine how creepy that'd be. horror-esque and all.
--
That is funny shit.
As he realized that the good news he had just received was actually bad news, a dazzling smile danced across Lemansky's face, paused by his nose, shivered, and then doubled-back the way it had come, melting away until it disappeared entirely.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and the other day I went to write 'god damn you' and I wrote 'god damn emu' instead.
Fucking uber!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, there were SIX close calls this round, one of 'em being the tie that Thnark will have to break. Damn.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:23:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
But whom wrote what ,and why?
----
speak out you bastard.
you were long days weren't you?
--
Yup.
My mind was a complete blank until Saturday afternoon, then something clicked and I wrote like a motherfucker on Sunday.
Had a lot of fun writing that one, too.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve = winner in Violent Skies.
I was going to post a picture of purple skis, but decided against it.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:23:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
But whom wrote what ,and why?
----
speak out you bastard.
you were long days weren't you?
------------
You want I should spill the beans and tell you who wrote what? Whom won and why?
Cuz if you ask real nice like, I won't.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:15:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
i totally knew that was you awesome
_
Is my comedy that predictable.
Good senses my ninja friend.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
But whom wrote what ,and why?
----
speak out you bastard.
you were long days weren't you?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hirilnara and I had the title, "Tincture."
Mine was entry 1, and for those who suspected, it is a true story.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
But whom wrote what ,and why?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:11:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was number one in 'Triggerfish'.
Ghola, you really don't like my smearing smiles, do you?
-------
ha, sorry.
seriously though. they don't. when have you ever seen a smile smear across someone's face? imagine how creepy that'd be. horror-esque and all.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve wins again.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was number one in 'Triggerfish'.
Ghola, you really don't like my smearing smiles, do you?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-07 09:17:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 What the fuck does "and a smile smears his face" mean? Smiles do not fucking smear across people's faces. They also don't spread or creep.
I think you've said something similar on another one of my posts...
--
My apologies to everyone for not voting on stories these last two rounds. I feel like a dick, but my access to the internet has been sporadic at best. That will soon change though. Fear.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have that really antsy "i want to know who's post was who's" feeling.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no finger nails left. And I'm a bit dazed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:13:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Son of a bitch.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:31:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus,
Another Tie.
Congrats to all on some awesome stories this round.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:25:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:13:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Son of a bitch.
--
???????
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mandapanda vs. FunnyAsCancer- Banshee.
I lost, thank god. I don't think I could do another round.
Congrats, FAC.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i totally knew that was you awesome
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME FACE FOR ELECTRO AWARD
NIGHT TRAIN ENTRY 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95339
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Son of a bitch.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great match ID, I really thought you were going to take me out.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-08 08:36:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, anyone named "Uncle Ernie" reminds me of The Who's Tommy.
------------
That's where I came up with it, originally he was going to be a much more twisted person so I went with Ernie.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-10 11:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I took the brown acid.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's simple jack, lose twice and you're gone.
Just don't talk to me about win percentages.
--
Well, if someone had just said that back in 1967 when this UM first started...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's simple jack, lose twice and you're gone.
Just don't talk to me about win percentages.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Two more months, if there are four more rounds. Though it could be three or five more rounds. I'm to lazy to figure out how the champion matchups would work out.
Cause it dictates a 7-0/8-0 will have to go up against a 6-1/7-1 competitor. Depending how that shakes out, could be one week or two.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:36:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
And what about later rounds?
8-8
7-1
6-2
5-3
4-4
3-5
2-6
1-7
???????
-----------------
The way I understand it, the next round will show people that are 4-0 and 3-1 and that's it. Round six will be 5-0 and 4-1, and so one like that. Right?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:42:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like you mean 8-0, not 8-8.
--
Right, but do you see my point?
According to the Mayan calendar the End of Everything comes in 2012, and I'm kind of hoping UMIV will be wrapped up before then, just in case.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how they have those radio ads where they say that the 'Ricola Mystery Cougher' will be out in public coughing his guts out, and if he coughs near you and you offer him a Ricola you could win up to a million dollars?
I'd love to see the Beano* people do that. The Beano Mystery Farter. Yeah man, that would kick nine kinds of ass.
*Beano® contains a natural enzyme that helps prevent gas before it starts. Beano® enables you to enjoy your favorite healthy foods, whether at home, in a restaurant or at a friend's house, without worrying about gas.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like you mean 8-0, not 8-8.
And the Jack vote means you voted for my story. I've gotten the Jack vote all four rounds now.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And what about later rounds?
8-8
7-1
6-2
5-3
4-4
3-5
2-6
1-7
???????
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-08 19:47:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yayyyyyyyy. My run is almost over.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RIIIIICOLA!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So, Thnark...
Does this mean that next round there will be 4-4 and 3-1 and 2-2 and 1-3 listed?
I don't get this.
God, I hate the Swiss.
Nazi-assisting, jewgold-thieving, Ricola-making bastards.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-09 01:33:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
4-for-4 in the Jack McCallum vote! Wooooooo.
--
What?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-09 01:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4-for-4 in the Jack McCallum vote! Wooooooo.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-08 19:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yayyyyyyyy. My run is almost over.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-08 16:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mystery solved, I guess.
And what a regrettable turn of events: already in the event of kicking myself, when I look up and see kaos-king kicking himself even harder. It's not a very good way to get a win against a very good writer...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-08 09:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There are some damn good stories this round.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-08 01:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:58:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to nominate Entry 1 of 'The Fetishist' as THE best story of this round. It kicks ass.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95441
=======================
A very very good read.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-08 00:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear I thought I had until midnight to post something.
Murphy should not be penalized for for his UM4 submission here http://www.ubersite.com/m/95450
A pair of entries came in directly after him, so I can only assume that the problem somehow was my fault.
He should adavance to the next round while I take the forfeit, and my second loss.
======================
Coleslaw will be considered a win.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nooooooooooooooooooo.. Kaos! You can't have forfeited out! That bites..
Post what you have anyhow. I'm sure it's worth reading.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 14:29:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
CONSPIRACY ALERT! CONSPIRACY ALERT!
WHY DID 'VIOLENT SKIES' SHOW UP AS AN UBERMADNES POST FIVE SECONDS AFTER Coleslaw_Murphy's LATE POST 'REWIRED' APPEARED AS A REGULAR POST!?!?!?!?!!?!
From the front page...
Violent Skies (Rating: 0.71 on 7 reviews, last by nrduncan 53 minutes ago)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-11-07 12:00:54
Rewired (Rating: 2 on 5 reviews, last by Jack_McCallum 10 minutes ago)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2006-11-07 12:00:49
-----------------------------------
Because after the posts are submitted it takes around a minute for it to show up on the front page for UberMadness. Regular posts show up on time. The Cutoff for submission is at noon, not the time when the posts need to be posted.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well well, what a cunt-up this is.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear I thought I had until midnight to post something.
Murphy should not be penalized for for his UM4 submission here http://www.ubersite.com/m/95450
A pair of entries came in directly after him, so I can only assume that the problem somehow was my fault.
He should adavance to the next round while I take the forfeit, and my second loss.
**********
"Jane, you ignorant slut"
:D
Kaos, whether you lose or they find a way to rectify this, always know you are a
talented writer and you normally get my vote and always get my respect.
Ya gots class, bud.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear I thought I had until midnight to post something.
Murphy should not be penalized for for his UM4 submission here http://www.ubersite.com/m/95450
A pair of entries came in directly after him, so I can only assume that the problem somehow was my fault.
He should adavance to the next round while I take the forfeit, and my second loss.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-07 16:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JACK-
Hmm, yes, odd, thanks for pointing that out.
SNARK-
I know that I clicked the UM submission, because it auto-filled the title for me, like it does. I just need confirmation of what happened (bart changed the code?). I mean, I know it's technicially late and a forfeit and that's fine. But it should've just NOT allowed me to submit passed the deadline. Now, everyone knows what my and my opponent's title is.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-07 16:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When are we gonna start seeing some real titles, like "Dueling Trombones", or "Spreadsheet vs. Centerfold"?
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack,
Thanks for pointing that out, that IS odd.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to nominate Entry 1 of 'The Fetishist' as THE best story of this round. It kicks ass.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95441
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FAC, you better start whooping my ass in this contest. I don't think my boyfriend will appreciate me taking any more time out of hot sexins to write some silly little story.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 14:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CONSPIRACY ALERT! CONSPIRACY ALERT!
WHY DID 'VIOLENT SKIES' SHOW UP AS AN UBERMADNES POST FIVE SECONDS AFTER Coleslaw_Murphy's LATE POST 'REWIRED' APPEARED AS A REGULAR POST!?!?!?!?!!?!
From the front page...
Violent Skies (Rating: 0.71 on 7 reviews, last by nrduncan 53 minutes ago)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-11-07 12:00:54
Rewired (Rating: 2 on 5 reviews, last by Jack_McCallum 10 minutes ago)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2006-11-07 12:00:49
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:28:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I clicked the UM submit link at around 11:55. I guess I took too long looking it over one last time, because when I finally posted it (49 seconds late) it showed up under my account.
*scratches head*
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95450
--
Considering the SHIT that some people posted, this is outrageous...
49 seconds?
Christ.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I clicked the UM submit link at around 11:55. I guess I took too long looking it over one last time, because when I finally posted it (49 seconds late) it showed up under my account.
*scratches head*
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95450
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:19:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S TRUE! Why else would red stuff squirt out when you squish 'em?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little known FACT: Bugs are also made with maraschino cherries.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maraschino Cherries are made with BUGS. And I love them. Love them more than every flavour of pickles in my fridge right now.
Oh and....I'M THE ONE THAT LEFT THE EMPTY COFFEE CUP ON THE POPTARTS SHELF IN THE SAFEWAY!
IT WAS MEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:44:29 (#)
One of the girls in my office has a spectacular ass.
She's a very nice girl and a hard worker and I would never say anything degrading or insulting about her, but by Christ on the fucking cross, her ass is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen, and I've seen the Rockies and the Alps and the Mississippi River and the Black Forest and both oceans and a lot of other shit.
Now, if you won't hire people who are unskilled or belligerent or smell bad because they will be disruptive, why hire someone with an ass so spectacular that you guaranfuckingtee a complete and total work stop every time she wiggles by with that sensuous, swaying walk?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Don't just blather about it, link to a picture!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:45:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
By my count, only THREE forfeits.
--
And you never complain about the insect by-products in your morning cereal, either! What a guy!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By my count, only THREE forfeits.
When I'm putting gel in my hair, how much is too much?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One of the girls in my office has a spectacular ass.
She's a very nice girl and a hard worker and I would never say anything degrading or insulting about her, but by Christ on the fucking cross, her ass is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen, and I've seen the Rockies and the Alps and the Mississippi River and the Black Forest and both oceans and a lot of other shit.
Now, if you won't hire people who are unskilled or belligerent or smell bad because they will be disruptive, why hire someone with an ass so spectacular that you guaranfuckingtee a complete and total work stop every time she wiggles by with that sensuous, swaying walk?
Damn it.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-11-07 10:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Less than 2 hours left and only 6 posts? Will there be many forfeits, or are people just playing "Uber Chicken", and leaving it as long as possible before posting?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 08:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 02:41:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ten more to go!
_______________________________
Only three more hours...
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 02:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ten more to go!
Submitted by Juden (user info) at 2006-11-07 02:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I always hit the nail on the head.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 01:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Email sent.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-07 01:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stagger Lee, email me
olyjr2001.at.sbcglobal.net
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-06 19:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck.
Just... wow.
I love Ubermadness.
Long Days...
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-06 16:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-06 16:07:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:46:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Boy, I sense MANY typos ahead.
Anyone else writing like a motherfucker right now?
----------------------------------
Right. All hands, brace for impact.
---
I CAN'T DO IT CAPTAIN! I DON'T HAVE THE POWER!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-06 16:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:46:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Boy, I sense MANY typos ahead.
Anyone else writing like a motherfucker right now?
----------------------------------
Right. All hands, brace for impact.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:53:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
umm.... <furtive glance around>
NO! I'm HARD AT WORK.. here, uh, at work.
Honestly Jack, some of us have real responsibilities at our jobs and can't while away the minutes typing up graphic horror novellas
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Boy, I sense MANY typos ahead.
Anyone else writing like a motherfucker right now?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-06 12:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wish there was some shite up to read
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-06 00:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm about 3/4 done with my story but it's not exactly in order. Maybe I'll just submit it like this and claim it's artsy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-05 19:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 19:05:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
We must be approaching a new record for longest wait for first post of the round.
Damn.
__________________
I gots thoity-two cent say nuthin get posted before midnight Uber time...
Although I'll be in bed before that. Old coot, ya know...
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-05 19:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*drums nails*
FAC, will you freakin hurry up and post? I hate waiting to lose.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 19:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We must be approaching a new record for longest wait for first post of the round.
Damn.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-05 18:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I found my story somewhere in my head and somehow spit it out onto the page.
Loserville, here I come!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-05 17:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-05 02:47:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone else think these are all going to get posted 12 hours before the deadline again?
__________
It's looking that way, huh?
I had two ideas for my dipshit title, but they both turned to shit.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember one winter night when I was waiting for a bus, so I spent twenty minutes stomping down snow to form big letters. Just as I was finishing a bus pulled up, and a bunch of passengers looked out at me and frowned as light from the windows illuminated the words HUGH JANUS WAS HERE.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Hey look dad, I wrote my name in the snow by going to the bathroom!"
"So did I, son!"
"...uh, yeah, but I meant number one."
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 UM!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I refuse to "restrain". I pee all over the joint.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-05 11:11:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote ""Eat me" in urine in my back yard last night.
--
Hahaha!
There's a Shlongy in every neighborhood. Someone has to teach the young ones all the disgusting habits we have learned to master but usually must restrain.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-05 11:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote ""Eat me" in urine in my back yard last night.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-05 10:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-05 01:07:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Crap.
And I just wrote a mindfuck piece, cause I couldn't think of anything decent to write.
This is gonna be goooooood.
~~~
Great. It's going to be a battle of the braindead.
I'm so pooped. I want to go back to bed but the boyfriend is in bed, reading. I might get molested.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-05 06:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 05:15:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't even started yet. I think I have a brain tumor.
I fell asleep yesterday at noon, and woke up four hours later. What the fuck?
Then I watched a double bill of Black Hooker (1974) and Jive Turkey (1976), laughing uproariously and killing a six-pack of cold Pepsi. Damn, man.
*******
I heartily suggest that you pour some Jive (Wild) Turkey in the Pepsi, get a black hooker,
and write something. Although it hasn't worked for me....
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-05 05:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't even started yet. I think I have a brain tumor.
I fell asleep yesterday at noon, and woke up four hours later. What the fuck?
Then I watched a double bill of Black Hooker (1974) and Jive Turkey (1976), laughing uproariously and killing a six-pack of cold Pepsi. Damn, man.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-05 04:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody wants to see man-tits, Assholy.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-05 03:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had NO TIME.
But I love my title!
NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-05 03:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stagger Lee,
Forfeit, please?
I am having a real tough time finding the time to write. You'll be lucky to go up against a story this round. I would really appreciate if you could just do the sportsmanly thing and quit.
I'm posting a picture of my tits. You do the same. We can have a tit-off.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-05 02:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone else think these are all going to get posted 12 hours before the deadline again?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-05 01:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-03 20:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
FunnyAsCancer, you have absolutely, positively no competition from me.
It's off. :(
I was pretty much too exhausted and busy to write a decent story (though, I suspect this has something to do with the boyfriend being here after not seeing him for 2 months...). You're gonna laugh when you read it.
I would have forfeited, but I've already come this far. It'd be a shame to do that.
----------------------------------------
IT'S A TRAP
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-05 01:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Crap.
And I just wrote a mindfuck piece, cause I couldn't think of anything decent to write.
This is gonna be goooooood.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-03 20:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FunnyAsCancer, you have absolutely, positively no competition from me.
It's off. :(
I was pretty much too exhausted and busy to write a decent story (though, I suspect this has something to do with the boyfriend being here after not seeing him for 2 months...). You're gonna laugh when you read it.
I would have forfeited, but I've already come this far. It'd be a shame to do that.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-03 19:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shrimp Guy = Bubba from Forrest Gump.
Jack, if I thought it would help me with this story, I might take you up on that.
As for the unnatural fried food combos: Fried JuJuBee's and Lettuce? GROSS
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-11-03 18:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
D-Prime Madness has better wrap meetings. Darko and I sit at the top of an ivory tower eating rare breeds of puppy, drinking expensive wine and chatting about the stock market.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-03 18:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-03 09:55:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-01 21:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
.....
--
Dear Bubba2341
Are you related to that shrimp guy? Anyway that isn't what I came to say.
My silence has not been due to any love for our given title, far from it. I have actually just woken up from a coma induced by the sheer nasty and vile sight of seeing our title. My doctors say I should be okay with only 70% damage to my brain function. I have to admit that life feels a lot easier already. I just wish I could stop trying to scratch my ear with my teeth people are looking at me weird.
The offer of reaming my ass with one of your stories intrigues me and I was wondering if I should pop by? Unfortunately you might have to come to me for said reaming though as I'm unable to leave the country due to a slight mix up about a goat.
Anyway looking forward to locking horns let the games begin, not straight away though I have a weekend coming up.
Yours DrogoRoch
*********
Shrimp guy? That went over my head.
A goat? Dude, stay away from goats. Stick to sheep.
Best of luck...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:16:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG... seriously, man, I'm like, seriously screwed here man. I haven't even started yet. I'll probably have to blow through something on the weekend and that will cut into my Elvis time, you know, sitting around and yelling at the TV and eating unnatural fried-food combos. Damn.
And I only have one or two ideas instead of the 76 I usually get.
Something seems to be draining my creative juices.
------------------------------
Pffft. I'm expecting some damn good competition from you this round. I'm sure you'll concoct something extraordinary. I just hope that the final spread isn't that much, so I can at least say that I came within 10 votes of beating you.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps a personal crisis will help to get the creative juices flowing.
Have you considered committing a crime or some sort?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG... seriously, man, I'm like, seriously screwed here man. I haven't even started yet. I'll probably have to blow through something on the weekend and that will cut into my Elvis time, you know, sitting around and yelling at the TV and eating unnatural fried-food combos. Damn.
And I only have one or two ideas instead of the 76 I usually get.
Something seems to be draining my creative juices.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-02 18:54:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a great title.. I like my title... I just can's wrassle it into submission!
URRGGGHHH!!!!
--
Aw, you just need practice. I'll suit up as Title, and act all arrogant and stuff, and you see if you can wrassle me into submission.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-03 09:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-01 21:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear DragoRoch: I must assume that your silence means you like our title and you are currently
engaged in writing an awesome post. Well, fuck you in any bodily orifice of your choosing. I think the title is dogshit, and Snark can kiss my skinny white ass.
:-D
Actually, I've already written 63 stories with that title, and one of them will ream your ass. Too bad I don't know which one to pick....
:-/
OK, fuck you. I am dead.....
--
Dear Bubba2341
Are you related to that shrimp guy? Anyway that isn't what I came to say.
My silence has not been due to any love for our given title, far from it. I have actually just woken up from a coma induced by the sheer nasty and vile sight of seeing our title. My doctors say I should be okay with only 70% damage to my brain function. I have to admit that life feels a lot easier already. I just wish I could stop trying to scratch my ear with my teeth people are looking at me weird.
The offer of reaming my ass with one of your stories intrigues me and I was wondering if I should pop by? Unfortunately you might have to come to me for said reaming though as I'm unable to leave the country due to a slight mix up about a goat.
Anyway looking forward to locking horns let the games begin, not straight away though I have a weekend coming up.
Yours DrogoRoch
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-02 23:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-02 07:39:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-31 21:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
======
Great, that means I'll be stuck writing UM entries til 2007. :P
Any ideas for our title?
Everything I think of is dirty.
======
Yeah, my first title suggested something dirty too. AND EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS A SEX STORY! HE WAS PUTTING A GOD DAMN JERSEY IN THE DRYER!
============
OMG THAT WAS YOU
YOU DIRTY BASTAHD
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-02 19:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-02 19:07:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-02 11:36:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Jesus.
We just got a new hire at our office.
Guess who has to spend the next few days 'showing him the ropes'?
There goes 30-50% of my writing time down the toilet.
Nuts.
-------------------------
DON'T TRY TO LULL ME INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY YOU BASTARD!
______________________________
Jack, the number of people on here who have called you a bastard is growing. You best be producing your momma and daddy's wedding paperwork.....
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-02 19:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-02 11:36:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Jesus.
We just got a new hire at our office.
Guess who has to spend the next few days 'showing him the ropes'?
There goes 30-50% of my writing time down the toilet.
Nuts.
-------------------------
DON'T TRY TO LULL ME INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY YOU BASTARD!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-02 18:54:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a great title.. I like my title... I just can's wrassle it into submission!
URRGGGHHH!!!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-02 11:36:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Jesus.
We just got a new hire at our office.
Guess who has to spend the next few days 'showing him the ropes'?
There goes 30-50% of my writing time down the toilet.
Nuts.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-02 07:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-31 21:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-31 17:33:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Coley you face quite the easy opponent.
I am this far in due to forfeits.
======
Great, that means I'll be stuck writing UM entries til 2007. :P
Any ideas for our title?
Everything I think of is dirty.
======
Yeah, my first title suggested something dirty too. AND EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS A SEX STORY! HE WAS PUTTING A GOD DAMN JERSEY IN THE DRYER!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-01 21:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear DragoRoch: I must assume that your silence means you like our title and you are currently
engaged in writing an awesome post. Well, fuck you in any bodily orifice of your choosing. I think the title is dogshit, and Snark can kiss my skinny white ass.
:-D
Actually, I've already written 63 stories with that title, and one of them will ream your ass. Too bad I don't know which one to pick....
:-/
OK, fuck you. I am dead.....
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-11-01 18:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jumping in for a minute...
I would appreciate it, if any of you had a few spare moments, if you could check out the last GrueberFest '06 entries from both Stagger_Lee and myself. I missed the deadline, thereby forefitting the win to Mr. Stagger, but I still would like to gather some hits and reviews for both our efforts.
"Here Come The Flesh Controllers" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95149
"As I Sat Sadly By Her Side" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95188
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-01 18:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been reading some of JoeyG's old stuff, and this new kid kicks ass.
A good addition to Ubersite.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=28167
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-01 15:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-01 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
-I Puked So Hard My Asshole Inhaled My Jockeys
---------------------
Best thing I've ever heard.
For this Jack, I would almost consider forfeiting right now just to increase your odds of winning. Even if only slightly.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-11-01 15:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
THE HEAT IS ON
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-01 13:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Setscrew and Keyway go to White Castle.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-01 13:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BLARRRRFFFFFFFFFFFF
-Twenty-Six Pounds of Liquid Fat Sealed in a Polyethylene Bag
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-01 12:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-01 09:25:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Snark, I don't know if it's been said before, but I really think there's a problem with the titles in this competition.
Could I get a new one?
--
Here's 10 for our beefy friend.
-When the Old Man's Gnarled Fist Entered My Rectum
-11:04AM, 25 October, 1415
-Twenty-Six Pounds of Liquid Fat Sealed in a Polyethylene Bag
-Hitler and Henry Ford Play Strip Poker with the Royal Family
I Broke His Spectacle and Cut Off His Testicles
-The Beef Charmer
-I Puked So Hard My Asshole Inhaled My Jockeys
-Throw another Faggot on the Fire
-Jack is Not a Homophobe
-A Faggot is a Bundle of Sticks
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-01 11:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-01 09:25:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Snark, I don't know if it's been said before, but I really think there's a problem with the titles in this competition.
Could I get a new one?
=================
Hahaha sure. How does your username work for you?
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-01 09:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Snark, I don't know if it's been said before, but I really think there's a problem with the titles in this competition.
Could I get a new one?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-01 09:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Abattoir Blues" - I had to bust out a dictionary to find out what the fuck an "abattoir" is, as I'm sure many other people had to as well.
I know what an abattoir is. :)
So does Jack.
--
It's one of them silky, wispy bits of nothin a woman puts of to get her man in the mood. I ain't no dumbass.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-01 02:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree...
that's also how I felt about all my other titles.
Granted, I didn't get either Abbatoir Blues OR Soup's Off... but the most of titles haven't been all that bad. I think it simply something intrinsic in uber people to find something to complain about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:36:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I don't mind my title this time around. I just have to figure out what to do with it.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Abattoir Blues" - I had to bust out a dictionary to find out what the fuck an "abattoir" is, as I'm sure many other people had to as well.
I know what an abattoir is. :)
So does Jack.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I don't mind my title this time around. I just have to figure out what to do with it.
I'll toss it around in my head for a few days until something comes up.
All-in-all, I don't think the titles have been that bad. Some of them are really great. Some of them suck. It's just like every other UM that has ever been.
Snarky, you're doing a fine job.
Who gives a shit what the title is, you still have to write something for it and most of you will.
Some of you will just give up on your title. That's your decision to make also. It's all part of the wonderful thing we call UberMadness. We have to expect some titles we consider to be bad.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not complaining about my title from last round, since I sort of liked the story I wrote, but I would have killed for Abattoir Blues.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"C'mon already. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe McCallum said something about liking Similar titles switched between people the next round and suddenly the title that rocked, sucks. "
Hmmmm
Somehow two paragraphs got turned into one nonsensical sentence during cut and paste.
I meant to say I think Jack and someone else (Bigmike?) liked that title.
Point being beauty in the eye of the beholder again and all that.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-01 01:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Setscrew and Keyway.
1 - Codewords
2 - Buddy Cops, Buddy Gangsters, Rival Assassins.
3 - World War 4 Battleships on opposite sides.
4 - Two astral bodies set to colide near the center of our solar system.
C'mon already. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe McCallum said something about liking Similar titles switched between people the next round and suddenly the title that rocked, sucks.
That's just human nature man.
You want me to throw something up for Abatoir Blues?
The fact that the titles were submitted in the first place proves my point.
Unless they are obvious jokes, stories can be made from them and have been.
Soup's Off.
1 - Poisoned Soup (obviously)
2 - A thief nicknamed 'Soup' is off his meds and the man who ripped him off just found out he got out of jail.
3 - A scientist discovers that the genetic fabric (soup) of the planet is beginning to unravel.
So no Darko. Your point is not made with me. I saw the title and I decided to look through the obvious connection to last years contest.
Take what you are given, and make something better than the other person who has it. That's the game you are playing whether your title is 'Great Expectations' or 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back'
Nothing is different with the titles this contest than the last, or the time before that. I've proved that below.
Nothing is gonna change this contest. Save it for the next.
Next UM, talk to Razor. Give whoever runs it suggestions. I've already considered putting forward a suggestion for Themed Rounds.
Whatever, just understand that for now, nothing is gonna change.
The most popular thing I've ever written on this site was Necrosiac.
It was a title I came up with 3/4's throught the second story.
It doesn't mean shit. You won't find it in a dictionary.
Fuck the dictionary. You have something far more profound to work with between your ears.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I already suggested "Yellow #5" for a title.
I love my title for this round. I'm going to write it on a cross-country flight tomorrow, assuming my laptop battery holds it's !(*&!#@$(*&! charge.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(6) Mrs. Abramowitz Knows How to Bake One Fuck of An Apple Pie
-----------------------
I will write that story right now!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess my invitation to Uber-Madness must have gotten lost in the mail.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info)