UberMadness IV - Round One Analysis (6881 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 1.3 on 443 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2006-10-02 08:46:49 EDT
Welcome all once again to the round wrap-up. Who's moving on? Who was crushed under the mighty weight of his or her opponent? Who wrote the best reads? Who was the one forfeit? Which one was the tie? Why did I wake up in Tijuana with a spent condom in one pocket and a coupon for a free meal at Friendly's in the other? Read on! (Bracketing for round two below.)
WHO WROTE WHAT? WHO WON?
(Winners on TOP.)
Coyote
Davros (tie, decided by UberLord vote)
Dropping Like Flies
JMG114
polyamorousaj
Simple Men
Somebody_else
Coleslaw_Murphy
Setscrew and Keyway
Genko
FuckTheArmy
Genocide
Charmingly Beef
Impassive-Digressive
Peace Out
JackMcCallum
Kaos-king
Flawed
Drogo Roch
Scourge
A Different Kind of Death
Domenad
Apollo88
Busted Stuff
Crystle
MagicAddict
The Blackening
MandaPanda
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Invite to Immortality
NerfHerder
Circe
The Beggars Waltz
DonkeyOnTheEdge
Viciousness63
Juiced
JoeyG
CaptainThorns
Open Hand
Ghola
Loki
41 Seconds
FunnyAsCancer
JGreening
Clawhammer
Calbearspolo
Strwbryfanatic
Permanent Ban
Stagger_Lee
Bubba2341
Bleeding Red Ecstacy
Spam
Orgasmatron
Incarnate
Shaun_Rocks
Axolotl
The Rising
stevie_says
DonovanMD
The Amateur
Hirilnara
awesome_face
Sixty-nine
The_Yellow_Dart
Maiorano84
Pack It Up Pack It In
joedaddy
Siren
The Shackler
Coley
Darko
Soup's Off
AsshOly
sicosemen
Integrity
Thorpe
Goferforhire
She's Only 16
Chroniclysm
Wiggles
Three Sheets to the Wind
Method
William_Q_Percy
Straight Girls are Easy
Pentameter
Electrictoothsyndrome
Mary's Place
Bigmike
ParlorTrick
Under the Stars
Brdn_Nkd
Antluvdog (FORFEIT - Bart to replace, with one loss)
Illicit Kisses
JMG's BEST OF AWARD
With titles ranging from the abstract to the obscure, UberMadness writers certainly had a lot with which to grapple. The playing field has some of the most intense competition ever seen in a UM competition, but even among such bright stars, some can outshine their compatriots, even if only by a little. Who am I talking about?
JoeyG's "Open Hand"
This twisting tale of the criminal underworld read like The Usual Suspects. Check it out.
FunnyAsCancer's "Clawhammer"
With a tough title, FAC spins us a heartfelt story of childhood wonder and reminds us of what makes UM great in the first place.
NAILBITER AWARD
No contest: Davros vs. Coyote. When a story about wartime friendship and revenge goes up against a harbinger of Ragnarok, you know that it's UberMadness... and that both stories had better be written damn well... which they were. In a stunning example of every vote counting, Coyote squeaked out a win just by the vote of last year's UberLord, Snark. Kudos to both writers for keeping us on the edge of our computer chairs!
EVERY VOTE COUNTS! VOTE!
JMG's INNOVATOR AWARD
This award goes to someone who went about their entry on the road less traveled. This user took a risk and it paid off in spades. To whom do I refer? Why, DONKEYONTHEEDGE, of course. His entry for "Juiced" illustrated the harrowing story of produce from the wrong side of the tracks, and what really happens when you cross Granny Smith. Picture-based submissions rarely do well (according to past performance) but Donkey's can-do attitude and the cut of his jib were more than enough to see him through. What wacky hijacks will he be up to next round?
THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND FOR NEXT ROUND
The UM committee has received requests that people comment on stories rather than just throw out a vote with no comment. As UM is primarily a writing competition, it's important to everyone to advance, but also important to become better writers through friendly competition (so everyone wins! Woo!). That being said, if you can take an extra minute when voting to write a bit of constructive criticism (two words which are rarely seen in tandem on this site), then it would be very much appreciated. If not, we understand. You're just a douche.
Thanks to Snark, Bart, Razor, and the UM committee for facilitating a seamless round. Keep up the good work! Good luck to all competitors in round two!
Titles go up Tuesday Noon Bart Time and the cutoff date for submissions is Tuesday noon the 10th.
Voting Ends noon on FRIDAY THE 13TH. MWA HA HA HA HA.
User Reviews
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-10-17 08:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!Jon Stewart! JON STEWART!!!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-16 00:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"The Afflicted often try to answer my questions. They never can, though. 'Go fuck ya momma' or 'Eat my anus' is the usual standard of their replies."
***
now what does that remind me of?
o well, back to reading it for the first time
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-15 23:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've seen that.
Rather uncomfy, and I really wonder how he's breathing at the time, you know?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 23:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody just emailed me a link to a video of a bald guy shoving his head up a woman's twat.
His head. The one on his fucking shoulders.
Jesus H. Christ!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-15 19:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to her, Jack.
The stilettos only make you bi.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-10-15 16:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 15:24:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess to the uber tough-guys, that makes me a fag.
===
No, it's the dress and the stillettos that do that, Jack.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-15 15:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, I have four, too. Although, two of them are females and they could give a flying fuck about snuggling with humans. The two males, Minion and Yellow Kitty (such an original name, eh?), are always sleeping on my bed. I love it, except Minion is still a young cat, so he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to play. Yellow Kitty is just a rock when he's sleeping.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 15:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:23:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
How many cats do you own, Jack? Just curious.
--
I've had as many as 5, was down to 3 (2 street kittens and one from the pound) and then took one from a lady fighting cancer, so she could not keep her pets, a cherry on top of the fuckover of a terminal disease.
So now it's four. I have about 1200 sq feet in my place, so there's plenty of room for everybody, although on cold nights they all want to sleep on the bed. Last night I woke up to find my orange tabby curled on my pillow, all four paws wrapped in my hair. Very cozy.
I guess to the uber tough-guys, that makes me a fag.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where is my TITLE?
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:18:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's play DOUGH. It's EDIBLE!
----------
Now I thought about making this point, but I wasn't sure if ours was the same as yours.
If you know what I mean.
-Dave
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How many cats do you own, Jack? Just curious.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JESUS!
Fucking PC SHEEP!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-15 14:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus CHRIST, Loki, they are KIDS!
Give them CANDY!
Let their fucking PARENTS worry about their weight. What, are you gonna make sure they do their homework, stay away from porn on the internet, and brush their teeth before bed as well?
And if their hearts explode thirty years down the line or their feet begin to rot after they get diabetes, they'll all have the memory of your yummy candy.
Besides, if the fat little fuckers are THAT hungry, they'll EAT the fucking play-doh.
It's play DOUGH. It's EDIBLE!
FUCK!!!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-15 13:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lets heat up this post some more.
Jared needs the hits.
-Dave
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-15 04:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Does anyone think that my house will get egged if I hand out play-doh instead of candy at Halloween? Target has these bags of 1 ounce play-doh things (don't know what you call the play-doh can) for $4. I'm torn. I hate to add to the obesity rates by doling out candy, but I remember being somewhat disappointed to find raisins in my cheap plastic pumpkin when I was a kid
---------------------------------
Chocolate covered Brussell Sprouts are the answers. They're fun AND nutritional.
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-15 02:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking right. I'd love to find that shit in my halloween bag. Though, in saying that, we have to keep in mind that I'd get egged if I tried to go out trick or treating... i can hear it now:
"YOU'RE TOO OLD!"
"but my kid sister is sick, and so i'm going out for her-- and it's really sad"
"GET OFF MY PORCH"
"... can i have a playdoh?"
===============================================================================
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-15 01:38:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Play-doh
I am SO doing that this year!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Does anyone think that my house will get egged if I hand out play-doh instead of candy at Halloween? Target has these bags of 1 ounce play-doh things (don't know what you call the play-doh can) for $4. I'm torn. I hate to add to the obesity rates by doling out candy, but I remember being somewhat disappointed to find raisins in my cheap plastic pumpkin when I was a kid.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-15 01:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Play-doh
I am SO doing that this year!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Does anyone think that my house will get egged if I hand out play-doh instead of candy at Halloween? Target has these bags of 1 ounce play-doh things (don't know what you call the play-doh can) for $4. I'm torn. I hate to add to the obesity rates by doling out candy, but I remember being somewhat disappointed to find raisins in my cheap plastic pumpkin when I was a kid.
...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-15 00:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The suckling pig's on a roll tonight.
Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 18:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I exposed a lot more than my UM title
~Uberboard
-------
Urbane?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 17:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, I'd fill you in like a dream sequence, but I can't really do the "doodily-doot" hands very well.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-14 17:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 16:51:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know how long 4 hours is, right?
No, it's not how long it takes to get $200 sucking dick, you sick bitch.
For fucks sake, I think it's pretty fucking weak that a HALLOWED COMMITTEE MEMBER has to defend her insane green-card mealticket from getting beaten twice in a row by shit stories.
--
Being on Uber is like sitting down in front of the TV and getting hooked on a soap opera that has already been on the air for twenty years.
It's enjoyable, but the gaps in the backstory drive you crazy at times...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-14 17:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:39:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Bret, howya doin?
My showing was bad, but I never put out a hitlist, or said I was gunning for anyone.
Besides, the two guys I went up against were BOTH called "The best he's seen in this round" by Jack McCallum, and that says a WHOLE lot.
***
It's well-established that Jack, although able to write a decent story, has poor taste.
--
I can live with that.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 16:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey filthy, I won't say that it wasn't good.
Because it WAS good for what it was meant to be.
But remember what I said when I reviewed it:
--
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-06 17:41:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck it.
I was ready to vote for #1, because it wasn't too bad (but it wasn't good, either), then I realized what #2 was doing.
AND
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-06 17:56:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't critique #2, because it is what it is.
--
I was VERY ready to vote for #1 until I remembered "Paid in Full". I switched the vote because anyone who has the balls to do that deserved a vote of #1.
I *DO* give props to Brad when he does GOOD shit.
Go ahead and search his reviews.
Serious.
I've got time.
OK, time's up cumslut.
Put the pencildick down and listen.
The vote with that alter was HOW MUCH LATER than my main vote?
Wanna look it up?
4 hours LATER.
L-A-T-E-R.
If I thought using Mister's vote would help, I'm pretty sure I would have done so BEFORE FOUR FUCKING HOURS.
You know how long 4 hours is, right?
No, it's not how long it takes to get $200 sucking dick, you sick bitch.
For fucks sake, I think it's pretty fucking weak that a HALLOWED COMMITTEE MEMBER has to defend her insane green-card mealticket from getting beaten twice in a row by shit stories.
At least I lost to FaC and Otron putting out fucking master works.
He blew his wad on a "plan" to face light competition first so he could get to those "on his hitlist"
In conclusion, again I tell you to shut the fuck up, slore, and fetch me a fucking pint.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Bret, howya doin?
My showing was bad, but I never put out a hitlist, or said I was gunning for anyone.
Besides, the two guys I went up against were BOTH called "The best he's seen in this round" by Jack McCallum, and that says a WHOLE lot.
***
It's well-established that Jack, although able to write a decent story, has poor taste.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 11:23:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and ETS GOT BITCHSLAPPED
====
And yet you liked his last round submission so much, you went out of your way to vote for it twice by breaking out an alter.
Save us the pretend "explanation" of how you wanted to "investigate" some bullshit ubersite quirk. You loved what he wrote when you didn't know he wrote it and now you're gloating about his demise.
Makes you look rather petty, doesn't it.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 15:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Bret, howya doin?
My showing was bad, but I never put out a hitlist, or said I was gunning for anyone.
Besides, the two guys I went up against were BOTH called "The best he's seen in this round" by Jack McCallum, and that says a WHOLE lot.
Submitted by Jack_Burton (user info) at 2006-10-14 14:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 11:23:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
@Loki:
Pass out the playdoh to little kids, like 8ish. Older kids can have candy.
That's what my Dad ALWAYS did on Halloween.
I fucking loved playdoh as a kid.
Oh, and ETS GOT BITCHSLAPPED AND HIS HITLIST IS A FUCKING JOKE.
There, I said it.
Now I have a long range high powered rifle in my future.
--
after such a stong showing from yourself.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 13:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was mine. :-)
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 12:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I exposed myself twice before noon.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-14 11:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
@Loki:
Pass out the playdoh to little kids, like 8ish. Older kids can have candy.
That's what my Dad ALWAYS did on Halloween.
I fucking loved playdoh as a kid.
Oh, and ETS GOT BITCHSLAPPED AND HIS HITLIST IS A FUCKING JOKE.
There, I said it.
Now I have a long range high powered rifle in my future.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 05:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish joedaddy wouldn't have "revealed himself" in reviews...Clearly, even if that was a rough draft and not the version he intended, he still beat me in votes so therefore he ought to be considered the winner of the matchup.
Besides, I'm so busy pimping hos and fuckin bitches that I'm running out of time for this.
Word.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-14 01:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nerverherder = Nerfherder of course.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ALERT:
http://blog.nbc.com/dealornodeal/2006/04/contestant_iq.html
Dear Banker,
I am 19 years old and I believe I can do pretty well on the game show.
After all, Luck & Chance games are a favorite of mine...
All I can say is,
Bring it.
Posted by:Jeffrey Wellman | April 10, 2006, 08:19 PM
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:16:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
First he'll say he never said anything about a hit list. Then he'll explain why we were wrong for thinking he was gunning for certain authors. Finally, we'll be treated to a discourse on what he attempted to accomplish in UM and what, ultimately, was achieved by his sub-par entries.
Oh what a time we'll have.
----
Mine wasn't great, I rushed it a bit.
His on the other hand was a cavalcade of Electronics. And I mean Electronics as in the autistic kid from Oregon.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First he'll say he never said anything about a hit list. Then he'll explain why we were wrong for thinking he was gunning for certain authors. Finally, we'll be treated to a discourse on what he attempted to accomplish in UM and what, ultimately, was achieved by his sub-par entries.
Oh what a time we'll have.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:04:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-13 23:52:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Axolotl defeats ETS on Material Witness.
---
Gonna cross his name off your hit list?
-----
Other way around I think. ETS might be paying NJ a visit for some revenge.
Whom killed him...and why?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bigmike v bart
Title:Between Enemies
Winner: bart
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-13 23:52:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Axolotl defeats ETS on Material Witness.
---
Gonna cross his name off your hit list?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-13 23:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Update:
JoeyG v Caulbearspolo
Title: Paragon
Winner: JoeyG
Pentameter v Shaun_Rocks
Title:
Winner:
stevie_says v Coyote
Title: Breaking News
Winner: stevie_says
Chroniclysm v Ghola
Title: Mercy Is For The Weak
Winner: Ghola
MandaPanda v The_Yellow_Dart
Title: The Last Shot
Winner: MandaPanda
Brdn_Nkd v DrogoRoch
Title:
Winner:
Domenad v charminglybeef
Title: House of Cards
Winner: charmiglybeef
Stagger_Lee v Spam
Title: The Preacher
Winner: Spam
FunnyAsCancer v Assh0ly
Title: Slow Bleed
Winner:FunnyAsCancer
Somebody_Else v Jack_McCallum
Title: Summer Breeze
Winner: Jack_McCallum
coley v joedaddy
Title: Twist
Winner: (up for review, joedaddy gave himself away in reviews)
NerfHerder v thorpe
Title: Insidious
Winner: NerfHerder
JMG114 v Method
Title:
Winner:
Crystle v Hirilnara
Title: Little White Lies
Winner: Hirilnara
DonkeyOnTheEdge v Genko
Title:
Winner:
Bigmike v bart
Title:
Winner: bart
strwbryfanatic v CaptainThorns
Title: Intelligent Design
Winner: CaptainThorns
Axolotl v ETS
Title: Material Witness
Winner: Axolotl
Davros v DonavanMD
Title: Count the Stars
Winner: Davros
loki v Wiggles
Title: Last Exit to Babylon
Winner: Loki
maiorano84 v BLITZKREIG_BOB
Title: Weeping Willow
Winner: BLITZKREIG_BOB
scourge v Bubba2341
Title:
Winner:
Impassive-Digressive v apollo88
Title:
Winner: Impassive-Digressive
Orgasmatron v jgreening
Title: Undefeated
Winner: Orgasmatron
sicosemen v Coleslaw_Murphy
Title:
Winner:
kaos-king v darko
Title: Moment of Glory
Winner: kaos-king
Siren v Circe
Title:
Winner:
goferforhire v polyamorousaj
Title: Silent Omen
Winner: goferforhire
William_Q_Percy v Magicaddict
Title: Wrath of God
Winner: MagicAddict
awesome_face v viciousness63
Title: Safe Passage
Winner: awesome_face
FuckTheArmy v ParlorTrick
Title:
Winner:
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-13 23:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Axolotl defeats ETS on Material Witness.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 23:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone thinking of trashing Loki should reconsider.
She wrote a story, and a damn fine one, and Wiggles, the Master Critic, posted that Hitler gif.
Need I say more?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:01:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose the next time there is a call for titles, we'll work a little harder thinking some up.
This is like when your grandma is going to buy you a sweater and asks you what color you want and you say it doesn't matter then you get the sweater and find out that it really did matter.
(someone diagram that sentence for me will ya)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is/ a dogshit beginning.
like when your grandma is going to buy you a sweater?/Grandma was an ignorant bitch/
and asks you what color you want and you say it doesn't matter then you get the sweater and find out that it really did matter./ It didn't matter, as you said. As I said, Grandma was a fool...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had that Babylon thing.
Jack, I left a nice snipe for you on Rob Berg's latest post. I'll be very disappointed if you miss it.
I think Muddy Waters said it best when he said "I got my red beans cooking".
I don't have any idea what I mean by that either.
Does anyone think that my house will get egged if I hand out play-doh instead of candy at Halloween? Target has these bags of 1 ounce play-doh things (don't know what you call the play-doh can) for $4. I'm torn. I hate to add to the obesity rates by doling out candy, but I remember being somewhat disappointed to find raisins in my cheap plastic pumpkin when I was a kid.
When Sam was in college, he and his idiot roommates were handing out cans of spaghetti-o's because the trick-or-treating started before I got there with candy. Seriously, spaghetti-o's - morons. It could be worse, at least they didn't give the kids cigarettes.
gotta run, I have Numbers on DVR - I'm a geek. Fuck off I know that.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:02:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
There were really only 5 or 6 that were very good, in my opinion.
I think they were Stagger, Spam, Beef, McCallum, and Somebody. Orgasmatron's was good, too.
That's if the reviews below are correct.
I think that's probably all. I may have missed one or two, but none of them seemed to be on the same level as these.
I wish it was only twelve participants, and they just wrote good fiction in a tournament, with maybe six stories apiece, and cumulative votes determining a winner, if a winner needs to be crowned at all.
Some of these were really tough to get through.
____________________
No, shitboy, what is really hard to get through is the sum total of your worthless reviews.
You know nothing, you see nothing, and you write nothing. Give up your holier than thou bullshit....
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:09:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish it was only twelve participants, and they just wrote good fiction in a tournament, with maybe six stories apiece, and cumulative votes determining a winner, if a winner needs to be crowned at all.
-------------------
Anybody could do that if they wanted to, but it wouldn't be Ubermadness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gotcha.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish it was only twelve participants, and they just wrote good fiction in a tournament, with maybe six stories apiece, and cumulative votes determining a winner, if a winner needs to be crowned at all.
-------------------
Anybody could do that if they wanted to, but it wouldn't be Ubermadness. Jack or someone else could easily get what they consider to be the best fiction writers together and submit stories to an alter account to be voted on.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
hollow victory over that little coward wipgles or whatever his name is
Not only that, but I'm home at 9:30 on a Friday night so clearly I am a big winner.
--
What was the title?
Gotta get back to the kitchen.
I'm coating cat turds in a light layer of chocolate.
Halloween is coming, and the kiddies will be on the prowl...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There were really only 5 or 6 that were very good, in my opinion.
I think they were Stagger, Spam, Beef, McCallum, and Somebody. Orgasmatron's was good, too.
That's if the reviews below are correct.
I think that's probably all. I may have missed one or two, but none of them seemed to be on the same level as these.
I wish it was only twelve participants, and they just wrote good fiction in a tournament, with maybe six stories apiece, and cumulative votes determining a winner, if a winner needs to be crowned at all.
Some of these were really tough to get through.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose the next time there is a call for titles, we'll work a little harder thinking some up.
This is like when your grandma is going to buy you a sweater and asks you what color you want and you say it doesn't matter then you get the sweater and find out that it really did matter.
(someone diagram that sentence for me will ya)
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least I'm in first place in my fantasy hockey league.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
hollow victory over that little coward wipgles or whatever his name is
Not only that, but I'm home at 9:30 on a Friday night so clearly I am a big winner.
_____________________
You could be a big winner if you got a big wiener. . . .
Call Caul....
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still love you, darko.
Even if you blow it in a shootout.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I SUCK
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hollow victory over that little coward wipgles or whatever his name is
Not only that, but I'm home at 9:30 on a Friday night so clearly I am a big winner.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The deductive ability inherent in all Uberers will tell them which post was mine, and how my opponent basically forfeited. What? Your logic machine is broken? Fine. I won with a shit entry
on the post "perfect." Haters, unite. I will be whupped in the next round, regardless of my competition.
I knew Scourge would forfeit, as real life kicked him in the ass. It has been kicking me as well, but that is no excuse. I just wrote a piece of crap in twenty minutes or so, figuring the cards would fall where they should.
Great contest, regardless of some of the dipshit comments.
:)
(The emoticon(s) is/are for Saccy. :-/)
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Update:
JoeyG v Caulbearspolo
Title: Paragon
Winner: JoeyG
Pentameter v Shaun_Rocks
Title:
Winner:
stevie_says v Coyote
Title: Breaking News
Winner: stevie_says
Chroniclysm v Ghola
Title: Mercy Is For The Weak
Winner: Ghola
MandaPanda v The_Yellow_Dart
Title: The Last Shot
Winner: MandaPanda
Brdn_Nkd v DrogoRoch
Title:
Winner:
Domenad v charminglybeef
Title: House of Cards
Winner: charmiglybeef
Stagger_Lee v Spam
Title: The Preacher
Winner: Spam
FunnyAsCancer v Assh0ly
Title: Slow Bleed
Winner:FunnyAsCancer
Somebody_Else v Jack_McCallum
Title: Summer Breeze
Winner: Jack_McCallum
coley v joedaddy
Title: Twist
Winner: (up for review, joedaddy gave himself away in reviews)
NerfHerder v thorpe
Title: Insidious
Winner: NerfHerder
JMG114 v Method
Title:
Winner:
Crystle v Hirilnara
Title: Little White Lies
Winner: Hirilnara
DonkeyOnTheEdge v Genko
Title:
Winner:
Bigmike v bart
Title:
Winner: bart
strwbryfanatic v CaptainThorns
Title: Intelligent Design
Winner: CaptainThorns
Axolotl v ETS
Title:
Winner:
Davros v DonavanMD
Title: Count the Stars
Winner: Davros
loki v Wiggles
Title:
Winner:
maiorano84 v BLITZKREIG_BOB
Title: Weeping Willow
Winner: BLITZKREIG_BOB
scourge v Bubba2341
Title:
Winner:
Impassive-Digressive v apollo88
Title:
Winner: Impassive-Digressive
Orgasmatron v jgreening
Title: Undefeated
Winner: Orgasmatron
sicosemen v Coleslaw_Murphy
Title:
Winner:
kaos-king v darko
Title: Moment of Glory
Winner: kaos-king
Siren v Circe
Title:
Winner:
goferforhire v polyamorousaj
Title: Silent Omen
Winner: goferforhire
William_Q_Percy v Magicaddict
Title: Wrath of God
Winner: MagicAddict
awesome_face v viciousness63
Title: Safe Passage
Winner: awesome_face
FuckTheArmy v ParlorTrick
Title:
Winner:
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No one listens to the Tragically Hip. Listen to that song and my entry will make some what more sense.
Download Wheat Kings by the Hip. YOU MUST!!!
My head hurts.
...this isn't my house...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stagger_Lee lost to Spam.
Title: The Preacher.
You fuckers.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-13 19:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nerverherder defeated Thorpe
Title: Insidious
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-13 19:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmm... I love the taste of a hollow victory first thing in the morning.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-13 19:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and if you milk a butterfly and spread it on bread, you wouldn't believe it isn't butter!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, if you add a laugh track to a dvd of Schindler's List, it's like, a whole other movie.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*swoons*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:07:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
How's this for weird...
It was a comment Crystle left in one of my posts from a while back that inspired the character of Peli.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:53:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a great post, Dave.
------------
Thanks.
I got the title and really liked it, but when I tried to think of ideas, I couldn't come up with anything.
Whereas Jack was not impressed with his, I have at least three ideas that could work with that title.
Weird how peoples minds work.
-Dave
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How's this for weird...
It was a comment Crystle left in one of my posts from a while back that inspired the character of Peli.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:51:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Does it show that I read your book Jack?
-------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:37:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 2, I really liked this, but jesus do you need an editor.
--
Agreed.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a great post, Dave.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does it show that I read your book Jack?
-------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:37:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok.
Entry 1, I think I liked this, but it was so confusing that I can't be sure.
Entry 2, I really liked this, but jesus do you need an editor. You are going to lose a lot of votes over the length of this. The descriptive stuff was great and the story flowed, but it was very long.
Could #2 be Jack McCallum?
---------------
-Dave
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was Entry #2, lucky enough to have been given the splendid title 'Summer Breeze.'
Bastards.
For the record, when I saw Somebody_Else's submission I was convinced I was toast, because it was a very good read.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was Count the Stars.
The one that submitted.
DonovanMD was the Forfeit.
-Dave
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost to Bart.
I had one to give though.
Nice job Bart.
Hopefully my next title will give me some inspiration.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 15:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-13 15:40:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Percy got knocked the fuck out?
No way.
----
He forfeited.
Maybe you should make a big scene about it, dipshit.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-13 15:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Percy got knocked the fuck out?
No way.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Update:
JoeyG v Caulbearspolo
Title: Paragon
Winner: JoeyG
Pentameter v Shaun_Rocks
Title:
Winner:
stevie_says v Coyote
Title: Breaking News
Winner: stevie_says
Chroniclysm v Ghola
Title: Mercy Is For The Weak
Winner: Ghola
MandaPanda v The_Yellow_Dart
Title: The Last Shot
Winner: MandaPanda
Brdn_Nkd v DrogoRoch
Title:
Winner:
Domenad v charminglybeef
Title: House of Cards
Winner: charmiglybeef
Stagger_Lee v Spam
Title:
Winner:
FunnyAsCancer v Assh0ly
Title: Slow Bleed
Winner:FunnyAsCancer
Somebody_Else v Jack_McCallum
Title:
Winner:
coley v joedaddy
Title:
Winner:
NerfHerder v thorpe
Title:
Winner:
JMG114 v Method
Title:
Winner:
Crystle v Hirilnara
Title: Little White Lies
Winner: Hirilnara
DonkeyOnTheEdge v Genko
Title:
Winner:
Bigmike v bart
Title:
Winner:
strwbryfanatic v CaptainThorns
Title: Intelligent Design
Winner: CaptainThorns
Axolotl v ETS
Title:
Winner:
Davros v DonavanMD
Title:
Winner:
loki v Wiggles
Title:
Winner:
maiorano84 v BLITZKREIG_BOB
Title: Weeping Willow
Winner: BLITZKREIG_BOB
scourge v Bubba2341
Title:
Winner:
Impassive-Digressive v apollo88
Title:
Winner:
Orgasmatron v jgreening
Title: Undefeated
Winner: Orgasmatron
sicosemen v Coleslaw_Murphy
Title:
Winner:
kaos-king v darko
Title:
Winner:
Siren v Circe
Title:
Winner:
goferforhire v polyamorousaj
Title: Silent Omen
Winner: goferforhire
William_Q_Percy v Magicaddict
Title: Wrath of God
Winner: MagicAddict
awesome_face v viciousness63
Title: Safe Passage
Winner: awesome_face
FuckTheArmy v ParlorTrick
Title:
Winner:
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
William_Q_Percy vs MagicAddict: Wrath of God.
Winner: MagicAddict
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chroniclysm v Ghola
Title: Mercy is for the weak
Winner: gggggggggghola
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not about to compromise my fun-having in this contest just to create a more cliche and trite story. I've accomplished enough in this contest where I don't NEED to prove myself. It must just still eat you alive that given the option of any title you want, 500-800 words, my entry was rated more highly than the almight McCallum's.
----------
With someone so tall, and an ego so big, I'm shocked he doesn't fall over like a lollipop stood on the end of a stick.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had the non-forfeit of safe passage.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had Entry 1 of "Breaking News".
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:18:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Either way I win.
--
Not with two consecutive losses, you don't.
***
I'm not about to compromise my fun-having in this contest just to create a more cliche and trite story. I've accomplished enough in this contest where I don't NEED to prove myself. It must just still eat you alive that given the option of any title you want, 500-800 words, my entry was rated more highly than the almight McCallum's.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hirilnara vs. Crystle - Little White Lies
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:18:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Either way I win.
--
Not with two consecutive losses, you don't.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:07:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:45:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know as ours was as much storytelling abilities as it was copping out and pandering to the stupidity and heartstrings of the masses.
--
HAR HAR FHART JOKE!!!@!@!
Dickhead.
***
You might not like the subject matter, but don't for one second try and maintain the writing wasn't good, Jack. You're just pissed because you wanted the cliche 'guy kills girl and eats her clitoris for breakfast' ending.
That and I made you read about two pages before you figured out it was a fart joke.
Either way I win.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Copy, paste, and fill in the gaps, people (and correct any mistakes I may have made):
JoeyG v Caulbearspolo
Title: Paragon
Winner: JoeyG
Pentameter v Shaun_Rocks
Title:
Winner:
stevie_says v Coyote
Title:
Winner:
Chroniclysm v Ghola
Title:
Winner:
MandaPanda v The_Yellow_Dart
Title: The Last Shot
Winner: MandaPanda
Brdn_Nkd v DrogoRoch
Title:
Winner:
Domenad v charminglybeef
Title: House of Cards
Winner: charmiglybeef
Stagger_Lee v Spam
Title:
Winner:
FunnyAsCancer v Assh0ly
Title: Slow Bleed
Winner:FunnyAsCancer
Somebody_Else v Jack_McCallum
Title:
Winner:
coley v joedaddy
Title:
Winner:
NerfHerder v thorpe
Title:
Winner:
JMG114 v Method
Title:
Winner:
Crystle v Hirilnara
Title: ?
Winner: Hirilnara
DonkeyOnTheEdge v Genko
Title:
Winner:
Bigmike v bart
Title:
Winner:
strwbryfanatic v CaptainThorns
Title: Intelligent Design
Winner: CaptainThorns
Axolotl v ETS
Title:
Winner:
Davros v DonavanMD
Title:
Winner:
loki v Wiggles
Title:
Winner:
maiorano84 v BLITZKREIG_BOB
Title: Weeping Willow
Winner: BLITZKREIG_BOB
scourge v Bubba2341
Title:
Winner:
Impassive-Digressive v apollo88
Title:
Winner:
Orgasmatron v jgreening
Title: Undefeated
Winner: Orgasmatron
sicosemen v Coleslaw_Murphy
Title:
Winner:
kaos-king v darko
Title:
Winner:
Siren v Circe
Title:
Winner:
goferforhire v polyamorousaj
Title: Silent Omen
Winner: goferforhire
William_Q_Percy v Magicaddict
Title:
Winner:
awesome_face v viciousness63
Title:
Winner:
FuckTheArmy v ParlorTrick
Title:
Winner:
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:45:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know as ours was as much storytelling abilities as it was copping out and pandering to the stupidity and heartstrings of the masses.
--
HAR HAR FHART JOKE!!!@!@!
Dickhead.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:53:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it was Seals & Crofts.
==
HAHA ZING
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it was Seals & Crofts.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it was Seals & Croft.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will someone please tell me who wrote "Summer Breeze"?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know as ours was as much storytelling abilities as it was copping out and pandering to the stupidity and heartstrings of the masses.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoops, left out a few names last time...
Results so far:
Wins on account of storytelling abilities:
goferforhire vs. polyamorousaj - "Silent Omen"
Mandapanda vs. The_Yellow_Dart - "The Last Shot"
Hirilnara vs. Crystle - ???
Orgasmatron vs. jgreening - "Undefeated"
domenad vs. charminglybeef - "House of Cards"
FunnyAs Cancer vs. AsshOly - "Slow Bleed"
JoeyG vs. calbearspolo - "Paragon"
Wins on account of forfeit:
CaptainThorns vs. strwbryfanatic - "Intelligent Design"
BLITZKRIEG_BOB vs. maiorano84 - "Weeping Willow"
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CaptainThorns vs. strwbryfanatic - "Intelligent Design"
goferforhire vs. ployamorousaj - "Silent Omen"
Mandapanda vs. The_Yellow_Dart - "The Last Shot"
BLITZKRIEG_BOB vs. - "Weeping Willow"
Hirilnara vs. Crystle - ???
Orgasmatron vs. jgreening - "Undefeated"
domenad vs. charminglybeef - "House of Cards"
FunnyAs Cancer vs. AsshOly - "Slow Bleed"
JoeyG vs. calbearspolo - "Paragon"
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I chalked up victory number 2 with Entry #1 in "Paragon", in a closely faught contest against Caulbearspolo.
Personally, I thought his entry was better than mine, and up until today there was only ever 1 or 2 votes between us.
Anyone got a summary of who's won and lost thus far?
Yes, I am too lazy to work it out myself.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:30:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was 99.44% sure that maiorano was gonna mop the floor with me, so I didn't even really bother.
His forfeit is like Homer Simpson taking the heavyweight championship from Drederick Tatum because he took a heart attack right before the match.
=====================
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha....I relish that Simpsons episode!
Can't wait to see who I'm up against next round...if it's not a forfeit, I'll prolly be screwed. Oh well. All in good fun.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Slow Bleed," #2.
Drip.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 13:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm bringing the heat next round.
I wrote some crazy shit last UM. This time I've been held back by my increased work, school and drink.
Bringing the heat.
You've all got at least two more rounds of my complaining, fools. MWA HAHAHAHAHA
RAPE - It's what's for breakfast.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Stevie put it far better than I ever could, but there is a serious lack of creative subject matter here.
Rape.
Zombies.
Mobsters.
Assassins.
Imprisonment.
Have I missed any?
I was gonna save this for myself, but what the hell...
Put it all together in one fantastic rape-orgy of Italians from beyond the grave wandering dungeons filled with hitmen-turned-family-men, and I think you've got a winner.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You as well sir.
But if I ever match up against you in anything again, expect goatse or forfeit. :-)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make that "Snarkersons." Stupid fingers.
And just kidding, jaypeg. It was a pleasure doing business with you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:40:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it looks like I'm turning into an Orgasmatron fan.
---
It's about time, Professor Plum.
I must say, I got totally buggered at first when I tried to submit. Pasted the story, tinkered around a bit with the line spacing because the formatting got all fucked up from the Notepad transfer, previewed just to be sure I caught everything and then submitted it. Then I checked the post and found out it was under my name despite my having followed the "Click here to post your UM..." link. Balls, right? Thus the title of my post to knock it off the front page.
I still don't know how that happened, but I know for sure that I didn't intentionally post it under my account. Emailed Snakersons, worked it out, and everything turned out ok in the end.
Stupid technical difficulties.
Now that Round 2 is over, I'm hungry. Here's what I think I might feast on right now: http://www.gweeksilverband.org.uk/photos/pigroast/p010.jpg
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My rape slave brings all the rapes to the yard, and they're like: "Rape-rape-rape-rape rape!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank ya Beef.
I actually didn't feel too strong about it, though, after I hit submit. And some of the comments bore out what I was afraid of. The ending should have been different (I was thinking of being a bit more nebulous with it, not so definite) and I also though about having the "good" win out.
But Otron roxored my fucking soxors. His was amazing beyond amazing.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it looks like I'm turning into an Orgasmatron fan.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was #2 in House of Cards.
Greening, those were both fantastic entries. No shame losing in that matchup.
Damn that Orgasmatron -- he's something to be reckoned with.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Or did I?
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to make a lustful montage of pictures of his mom taken from various vacation pics that he posted, but I decided that would be uncool and deleted it.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was 99.44% sure that maiorano was gonna mop the floor with me, so I didn't even really bother.
His forfeit is like Homer Simpson taking the heavyweight championship from Drederick Tatum because he took a heart attack right before the match.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well then...
I was Auth 1 in Undefeated.
I can actually say that in both rounds I lost to stories that were abso-fucking-lutely awesome, so I feel OK about that.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm hungover.
What's going on?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So, what does this have to do with weeping willow flags?" I asked him.
He just shrugged.
***
hahahahahahahaha
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob's post was my favorite.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost. :-(
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94365
#2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Last Shot= The_Yellow_Dart vs. Mandapanda. Winner= Mandapanda, entry 2.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94192
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll start...I wrote "Intelligent Design," entry 2.
Yes, I won against a forfeit, despite all of you crazy fuckers that voted FOR the forfeit. :-p
And yeah, it wasn't my best writing, but you have to admit, it was MUCH better than my round 1 entry about Jay Peg...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE TIME HAS ARRIVED.
Authors, reveal your posts!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
T-minus nine minutes and counting...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
12 minutes and we can rag on the forfeiting douchebags...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In 15 minutes we can spill the beans and then scream at each other for nasty reviews.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:16:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck?
We can still vote on these?
Safe Passage at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Wrath of God at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Eve of the Feast at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Weeping Willow at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Count the Stars at 2006-10-12 16:51:10
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
===============================================
I am assuming that the committee will automatically DQ the posters that missed the deadline, regardless of whether voting is enabled. Fair assumption?
After all, it's really not fair to those of us who bothered to care enough to submit on time.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Voting for all the forfeits isn't stupid, Jack. It's cuntish, get it right.
And I believe the cat-centric insults are common ground we can all tread on as long as it's funny- which it always is.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-13 09:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would never give my pets up. If by some sick twist of fate, there was something like a homeowner's association rule that I couldn't have my dogs, I would move - well I would sue and then if I lost I would move.
I cannot be held responsible for my current feelings towards the cats due to the fact that one of them threw up on my piano bench this morning.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-13 06:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was with him for everything but the Christ part at the end.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-13 06:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Reads charminglybeef's post below*
Hear hear.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-13 03:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
charminglybeef nailed it.
I dont understand why people give Jack shit for owning cats.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-13 00:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should all just take this contest for what it is:
A humble, but golden ticket, to fame and infamy nonetheless.
I just want to let you all know that I intend to win this whole thing and put it at the top of my resume, above even 'April 2004 - Llama Separator - Peru' where I was tasked with keeping the llamas with the blue tags in their ears from mating with the llamas with the green tags in their ears.
Might not sound like much, but I suffer from a common and 'benign' form of colour blindness that makes green look like blue, and blue look like green. Benign -- tell that to the llamas!
We all have our goals in life. Some humble; some extraordinary. But I think to belittle something as serious and personal as a person's writing (or their love of their pets!) is entirely against the spirit of this contest, and the spirit of this site for that matter.
Here's to the continuation of UberMadness, and the hope that everyone's dreams, however simple or grandiose, are realized fully, and in the glory of Christ!
Huzzah!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:24:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Coming from someone who would risk his own personal well-being in landing a solid place to live over giving up his cats for adoption, I don't get shocked at anything.
~~~
Huh? Why is that a bad thing? I have no respect for people that give their animals up for adoption, be it for a new place, a new baby, or a new boy/girlfriend. Insulting someone because they care for another living thing (that they have a commitment to) is just ridiculous.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:24:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm anything but stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:32:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU n00bs. I was the first person to vote for all the forfeits in UberMadness 1. I'm nothing if not consistent.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:24:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Coming from someone who would risk his own personal well-being in landing a solid place to live over giving up his cats for adoption, I don't get shocked at anything.
If you're going to fling insults, make sure they're appropriate, McCallum. I'm anything but stupid.
You, on the other hand, are a pathetic ex-patriate and wannabe who gets his dick wet by stirring Friskies-laden bowel movements.
--
I think you'll find a lot of pet owners on this site would go to pretty extrme lengths to make sure their animals are safe and sound.
Having said that, you're now coming awfully close to infringing on Caulaincourt's feline-centric McCallum insults. I'm pretty sure he holds the copyright on that material, so be careful, or get served.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coming from someone who would risk his own personal well-being in landing a solid place to live over giving up his cats for adoption, I don't get shocked at anything.
If you're going to fling insults, make sure they're appropriate, McCallum. I'm anything but stupid.
You, on the other hand, are a pathetic ex-patriate and wannabe who gets his dick wet by stirring Friskies-laden bowel movements.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll never take me alive NEVAR!!!111ONE
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:51:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW I GESS I JUZT RLY PWNT MYSLEF THAR!
Tool.
--
I'm assuming it won't come as a shock when I say you are a fucking moron, bud.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW I GESS I JUZT RLY PWNT MYSLEF THAR!
Tool.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was quite possibly the lamest comeback ever.
You just compared yourself to France.
And if you're even thinking it, yes, I completely understood what you said. You still compared yourself to France.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:31:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, Dave is so pissed, he actually held down shift during that uppercase spree. He meant to hit periods but got > instead.
-----------
My Caps Lock button is busted.
I voted for 2 forfeits, one accidentally and one purposely.
I am just gonna quit this contest.
-Dave
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU n00bs. I was the first person to vote for all the forfeits in UberMadness 1. I'm nothing if not consistent.
And FAC, I'm not saying you should care that I'm a slacker, I'm just saying that you shouldn't boast about beating someone who doesn't give a damn in the first place. That's like battling France.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The last 5 UM tales to be posted were only up for a minute when Wiggles hit every one and voted for the forfeit.
What an anarchist!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, Dave is so pissed, he actually held down shift during that uppercase spree. He meant to hit periods but got > instead.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:15:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man. When Dave sees the front page...
-------------
I am calm and collected.
That is the truth.
No REally IT IS.
I AM NOT FUCKING PISSED OFFIN THE SLIGHTEST>
CUNTS>
-DAVE
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't help but notice that aj has descended to the Wiggles level of douchbaggery, voting for forfeits or staggeringly shitty entries. What's up with that?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear loki - Please just stop arguing, and start running spellcheck. It will take you two minutes, and nowadays it even does grammar.
Dear AJ - I will start taking your insults to heart when they actually have any substance behind them.
Yes, I did beat you in the LOSER'S bracket. But that's not an insult, cause you were there too.
So you put 30 minutes of effort into your post. Congratulations, you brought your C-game to the contest. I see no reason as to why I should care that you're a slacker. In the end, that gets you approximately dick in life.
And yes, Jack and I care about this contest. Jack might care, because he actually won the thing a few years back. Or maybe it's because he wants to be a writer, I dunno. I've already told you why I care.
Your insult that we're losers because we care in entirely invalid. Entirely. We have a passion, albeit one that you don't think is important, and we're striving to make progress for it. That's the same for any other human being on earth. I highly doubt you're telling me having a passion is for losers.
Please, come back and try again when your insults actually have some logic behind them, instead of 20-something equivalents of "you're a doo-doo-head and I don't like you!"
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck?
We can still vote on these?
Safe Passage at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Wrath of God at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Eve of the Feast at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Weeping Willow at 2006-10-12 16:51:11
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Count the Stars at 2006-10-12 16:51:10
Too close to call... voting ends in 18 hours!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man. When Dave sees the front page...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1- Uber isn't a chatroom.
2- 50? I wish. I'd be closer to retiring than I am.
3- Cuberat? yep. Got a great job, fantastic benefits, and a rock solid 401k plan. I'm not complaining.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:52:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Put up or shut up, fuckface.
Ha Ha. JMG is the one that called you an 'almost-can-be.'
I guess a 50 year old cuberat who writes for a chatroom populated by 20-something slackers might call that a compliment.
You go girl!
Fun to hang around the high school after you graduate if you can't cut it in the adult section.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack.
I was seriously drunk yesterday and was demanding the forfeits out of a sense of fair play.
But UM posts get pretty much ignored after the voting is over and mine was a rush job.
Therefore I don't see the need to post a substandard story that sneaked through on a forfeit.
-Dave
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want the forfeits posted now.
I can brush it up and maybe use it in another round now.
Only 3 people are gonna read it before voting ends and that sucks.
-Dave
--
I'm sick of your twisted mind games you son of a bitch!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US!!!!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha. Lately, it feels like every day is my time of the month.
Aren't you Jay Peg? I'm confused all around.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Put up or shut up, fuckface.
=====
Original Submissions
There were no items that matched your criteria
Everything you ever wanted to know about HotWillie
User id: 27532
Registered on or around: 2006-06-22 21:31:03
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 238
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
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Average rating of all messages: 0.00
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want the forfeits posted now.
I can brush it up and maybe use it in another round now.
Only 3 people are gonna read it before voting ends and that sucks.
-Dave
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG is so sensitive. That time of the month?
OK, FINE! You're an "almost-can-be!"
Now stop blubbering.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you girls are gonna talk about your periods I'm outta here.
Guys? Parking lot in 5 minutes? Cards? Basketball? Whatever?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:24:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:16:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:12:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:20:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I prefer to think of it as a site for the "almost-can-bes" of the writing world.
____________________________________________________________________
Dream on.
----------------------------
You must've misunderstood. I wasn't really referring to you. I was talking about some of the better writers on the site. Jack, Snark, etc.
----------------------------
I understood. Dream on.
--------------------------------
Forgive me then. I had no idea that you were clairvoyant and could tell the future. Why the hell are you wasting your time on this site? With amazing powers like yours, you could make a fortune in stocks, or telling rich celebrities to avoid tall buildings.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-12 10:33:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if you bite or not Stagger_Lee, I'll have to have references on this and consult the Homeland Security watch list.
To answer your point, I agree. If something is so badly written that you can't figure out what the person is saying or if something is so glaringly painful that it knocks you out of your little bubble of willingful suspension of disbelief then fine. I concede the point. I can see that happening more with tense shifts or subject verb agreement errors.
I hear this all the time from my neighbor in the next cube, "GIRRRRL you is so crazy."
and no fuck off I don't know if the period there belongs on the inside or outside of the quotes. THAT is pretty much what I'm talkin