Setscrew and Keyway (191 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2006-09-26 11:19:47 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
NOTE: If you want to get an idea of what the girl in the story sounds like, click the audio attachment below (before or after you read it, I don't care).
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Michael Davids strode with his chest out into the Marriott Courtyard in Key West, Florida. Success hovered around him like a new body spray. The way he swung his arms, surveyed the lobby, and tried to make eye contact with everyone, all served to communicate what he thought of himself. He was important. These people all knew who he was.
Though of course, nobody gave a damn about him.
He approached the checkout desk, taking a model-esque pause to check his watch. When he looked back up, he still didn't know what time it was. It was just for show. He focused on the checkout clerk, a cute twenty-something girl who was slowly swinging her arms to the rhythm of some salsa music that apparently only she could hear.
"Hey, spanish dancer," he nodded with a wink and a gun.
"Wink 'n a gun, huh? You bringin coo' back or somethin? Is good." He hardly understood her. Her entire speech pattern avoided articulation. It wasn't lazy, per se, but more... listless.
"Excuse me?" Michael couldn't even tell what she said, so he definitely didn't see the sarcasm in it.
"Nevamine, nevamine. We'come to Keyway, how can I he'p," she asked as her lip ring danced with her words.
"I'm sorry," he looked at her name tag, "Jo Jo, did you say 'Welcome to Key West', or something about my room key?"
"Yeah, Keyway, but I can getta room key too if ya want," she walked over to the computer terminal and just zoned out for a second, "What name?"
"You don't know who I am? You guys have known I was coming for weeks. Davids. Michael Davids."
She made very little attempt to keep the conversation going while she looked it up. Unlike the rest of her demeanor, her typing skills were quick and furious. "You in town on bi'ness, then?"
"Most definitely," he sensed the opportunity to show off, "I'm producing a movie here this month. They didn't tell you? We're set to start filming in three days, so- " He said 'so' in that way that meant 'so you should be impressed', but she didn't even look up. Taking that cue, he continued, "- so, I expect to get the royal treatment here. Understand?"
"Hmm, yeah, I can't find the name," she had no idea how this was affecting his ego.
"What? Shit, MGM was supposed to take care of all this."
"David, huh," she asked again.
"No, Davids, with an 's' damnit, an 's'."
"An 's', tha's kinda odd, ya think?"
Michael just gave her a look that said, 'are you serious?'
"Okay, a'ight, I foun it. So, you's like a big shot then, huh, it's good, like the 'xecutive p'oduceh or somethin?"
"Well, line producer technically."
"Ohhh," her reaction knocked him down a peg.
"But- " He said 'but' in a way that meant 'but you should still be impressed', pointing at her. "- but I run the daily schedule for the set and the crew. I can't believe you haven't heard of me."
"Nah, I have, I jus' don't care."
"What? Okay, fuck you and your apathy," he was almost boiling at this point.
"Nah, nah, no pro'lem, is nice, you got ya sets/crews ready and Keyway, what could be betteh?" She took another unnecessary pause. "Uhh, what movie ya doin?" She was trying to make ammends, but he was still frustrated.
"We're remaking 'North By Northwest', and filming a couple scenes here. I'm off to New York City after this."
"Ah shoot, you remakin a classic Hi'cock, huh, 'Nor By Norway'. That's coo', I guess," she shrugged, and continued to finalize his reservation.
"You guess? You fucking guess? Okay, you know what, I don't have time for your insanity. Just shut the fuck up and give me the key." He threw a five dollar bill at her. "Here, buy some speech therapy."
She looked at him, handed over the key, pocketed the five, and said with perfect articulation, "I am but mad north by northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw." She followed with her normal listless speech, "You howeveh, ain't sane at all, thinkin that a Hollywood no-body wi' no vision and no origina'ity is some type'a big shot. Is not nice, not good."
a snippet of what she sounded like.wav (107 kB) [audio/wav]
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Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-04 23:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-04 23:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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