Bath (793 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: serious
Rating: 0.76 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD 420 (View user info) at 2006-08-29 15:40:55 EDT
Steam and sweat and tears, the smell of every city block. It's humid, it's horrid, and it's wholesome.
Under jurisdiction, under scrutiny, underground pipes - is what an anonymous vandal sprayed on just another grey and black and glass and brown block of apartments downtown. Every day, I see a curious youth staring into it's shallow black and grey looking for a life lesson while blind singers, old poets, remorseful murderers walk past behind his back.
It's early and grey, and I'm alone with my thoughts and the sex worker business cards scattered on the smoothed pavement. I walk through mists of morning and sewer steam down to the docks, where the sun rises over the bay's mountains. The water is unbroken by waves, and the seagulls are still asleep in their high-rises. I sit down on the rough asphalt, and fall back, looking at the sky.
Soon it's mid-day, and the sun begins to warm my cheeks, and I feel them redden. People walk past, people stare, people kill, people do what people do, but I've resigned. A hand extends to me, but I close my eyes and enjoy my breathing.
Panic begins to soak my fibrous lungs. My diaphragm crackles as I breathe and my lips curl and contort. My arms push me up as I scream for them to stop. My legs drag me down each street of the city.
Old and ugly alike roar by, and I realize how horrible they are. The old beggar on the corner is fake, the newspapers are fake, the smiles on people's faces elude me, but I suspect they might be dodgy. Suspicion and paranoia are my earmarks, and I can't hear anything but reality. It scares me.
At home, I strip naked, close my window, wind down the thermostat, and lie in bed. A terrible sweat and chill hugs me close. I'm shivering because I'm on fire, and I've forgotten my body. I forget who I am, what I am, where I am, and my eyes roll around like a roulette ball thrown by a rich executive gambling with the pension money of the cogs he rules over.
I wake up naked on the floor, and remember and realize everything. My life's trials are laid bare before me just as I have been laid bare before them for years. Divorce, death, dogma, all the fiery works of my life melt into a disgusting, stomach churning, beautiful, regretful mass.
I stare out into the courtyard behind my apartment. Forgotten war and forgotten famine stain the walls black with smoke. The shining, beautiful rich people's clothes-lines drip smog-blackened water below to land on poor people and their clothes.
Its morning and the sky is the saddest blue I've ever seen. Over a distant ridge where golden-bricked houses are, a balloon race begins.
Steam, sweat, tears, grey and blue paintings by factory-made artists in the corner store, smoking strangers, strange smokers, blue, black, white, grey, silence, noise, hunger, fullness, are all full of shit.
It's wholesome.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-08-30 21:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You are officially invited to D-Prime Madness III: http://www.ubersite.com/m/92455
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-08-30 18:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Couple of parts didn't really work for me, but I love stuff written like this. I'm a huge proponent of overusing the word 'and'
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-08-30 18:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:02:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
you too, oathmeal. I can see you are both growing up to be quite intelligent. Your ratings are always fair, and you clearly read and think about the post before you rate, rather than flying off the handle like the prepubescant zit-children you try SO hard not to be.
your even better sober. :)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, at least you tried to be semi-normal.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:32:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you cannot handle critisism of ANY kind...do not post your work on Uber.
=================
Ooo! Ooo! Fight!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you cannot handle critisism of ANY kind...do not post your work on Uber.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:58:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 07:25:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you tried too hard to be descriptive and used words that didn't fit where you'd used them very well.
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Actually, no. It's called nonlinear descriptive language. Outside of the presumably small literary world you live in, blood is not always crimson, anger is not always seething, and the sky is not always blue. The sun does not always shine, god damnit.
As soon as you learn to use nonlinear descriptions, your writing's "feel" and orginality will be sharpened and refined, so I wouldn't knock it.
I mean, shit. Man. New shit has come to light! Did you ever think that MAYBE, you know, things aren't always so uh... um... you know, i mean shit, man...she kidnapped herself!
============
Fuck you ponce. I tried to be helpful.
How is this... your english is shit and you use words out of place to describe things when it isn't appropriate.
Whiney child.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-30 09:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-30 09:19:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
LSD - apology is deserved here.
I didn't mean to -2 this. THE GODDAMNED SCROLL WHEELY ON MY MOUSE WAS TURNED WHILST THE ACTIVE CURSOR WAS IN THE 'RANK THIS ITEM' BOX.
I had no idea I -2ed this until now. I did NOT mean to.
And hey listen. If you don't think I rate honestly and with consideration given to talent you're wrong.
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It's cool, man. I kinda figured after I read it over again.
PS- never apologize. Just punch me in the face wearing some brass knuckles that spell out "sorry, fuckwad." It's the ubersite way.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-30 09:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LSD - apology is deserved here.
I didn't mean to -2 this. THE GODDAMNED SCROLL WHEELY ON MY MOUSE WAS TURNED WHILST THE ACTIVE CURSOR WAS IN THE 'RANK THIS ITEM' BOX.
I had no idea I -2ed this until now. I did NOT mean to.
And hey listen. If you don't think I rate honestly and with consideration given to talent you're wrong.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 07:25:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you tried too hard to be descriptive and used words that didn't fit where you'd used them very well.
---
Actually, no. It's called nonlinear descriptive language. Outside of the presumably small literary world you live in, blood is not always crimson, anger is not always seething, and the sky is not always blue. The sun does not always shine, god damnit.
As soon as you learn to use nonlinear descriptions, your writing's "feel" and orginality will be sharpened and refined, so I wouldn't knock it.
I mean, shit. Man. New shit has come to light! Did you ever think that MAYBE, you know, things aren't always so uh... um... you know, i mean shit, man...she kidnapped herself!
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You just said it
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who are you and what have you done with the real LSD420?
Oh, and as you no doubt know, anyone who says this; "in which case you shouldn't be meddling with drugs" is full of shit and needs a punch in the throat.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-30 07:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you tried too hard to be descriptive and used words that didn't fit where you'd used them very well.
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I might, what can you organise and is this the right place, how much? etc.
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, fair enough.
And I was told this was going to happen, here's my chance:
NO
Did I do it right?
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:30:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Which is indicative of a low self-esteem, in which case you shouldn't be meddling with drugs
ha ha ha
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it's about whatever you want it to be about. PS- yes i should. you should too. join us.
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Which is indicative of a low self-esteem, in which case you shouldn't be meddling with drugs
ha ha ha
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see you prefer to engage negative feedback above positive,
Understood.
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forget them dude. I think I know what you're talking about here, its the fear that comes and points its finger at us, making us shit our pants and forces us to be very very humble.
Constant for schizophrenics, poor bastards.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Balloon races kick ass.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you too, oathmeal. I can see you are both growing up to be quite intelligent. Your ratings are always fair, and you clearly read and think about the post before you rate, rather than flying off the handle like the prepubescant zit-children you try SO hard not to be.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
JohnnyX belongs in an intellectual circus. Fucking idiot.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you jonny, for taking the time to read this piece and reflect on it's meaning. Truly, you are the tried and true waterproof test for judging literary relevance. It's always a pleasure reading your thoughts, and thanks for actually reading mine.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bath.....why don't you take one, sparky