The Keeps Is In The Ring, Tra La La La Laa... (780 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicLabels: Drinkin_songs
Rating: 1.91 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by phuzzygish (View user info) at 2006-08-24 09:55:01 EDT
Oh bollocks buggery cockballs.
I'm in trouble.
Well, not so much in trouble, but will be. Or at least, very very fershnickered.
It's probably best if I explain myself, huh?
Okay. Stay with me here. In a couple weeks time I'll be going away for the weekend on hockey tour down to Port Shepstone.
Where?
Doesn't matter. It's far from where you live.
Anyway... Hockey tours are notorious for two things - lesbians, and drinking.
I'm going about this in a very roundabout way.
As with most club sports, there is an element of sociability and drinking that goes with the game. Rugby, cricket, soccer, hockey, whatever - most weekend games at the club are followed by a fines meeting.
Now fines meetings are great. They're an excuse to make everyone in the team down at least two or three beers and sing loud songs in aboisterous fahion. Men get pished, the women watch, everyone has a good time - most often whilst wearing an Oringinal Titfer.
There's rules, punishments, decorum, and most of all - SONGS.
Now, on this particular tour not only will I be the New Boy (I only joined Pirates Sports Club a few weeks ago) but it will also be my first time on this particular tour.
So I'm fucked as it is, what with the initiation drinks coming my way.
That's okay though. I'm young, tough, resilient, and Methodist.
It's the fact that I'm Choirmaster that's worrying me.
The Choirmaster is responsible for leading the song when a person has to down their particular beverage. He's gotta get the team going with a good old fashioned holler, and give the guy doing the drinking something to drink to.
You'll either understand this, or you won't.
Anyhoo.
I need some drinking songs please. Any and all you got. That, my friends, is all.
Having been away from the sport for a while, I can only remember a couple, and if I can't think up any suitable little ditties for the chap or chapette to drink too, I will probably be given death. By inkahol. And that'll suck, because living is good and dying, not as good.
I'll leave some examples, to get you into the mood, give you an idea of what I'm looking for, and generally just to take up space in this here white bit...
Ooh. I'll also leave you with a hockey lesbian.
Don't get excited. It's a very small picture.
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Sing a song of syphilis
A penis full of scabs
Four and twenty blackheads
And just as many crabs
Pull the foreskin back and see the buggers run
Isn't that a dirty thing to stick up someones bum
HEY!!!....
Here's to the striker, the striker, the striker,
Here's to the striker, the dirty old man.
He sits on the steeple
And shits on the people
Here's to the striker the dirty old man
He keeps us awaiting,
While he's masturbating,
And it looks like he's gonna have a drink....
Squirrels have no thumbs and when they fly remote control airplanes they go
DOWN
DOWN
DOWN
DOWN....
Holy crap these are awful when you're sober.
Help please?
Hockey lesbian.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-25 08:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
song #76: dead whore
i fucked a dead whore by the roadside
i knew goddamn well she was dead
the skin on her belly was rotten
there wasn't a hair on her head
chorus:
oh...bring back, bring back, oh bring back
my dead whore to me, to me
bring back, bring back, oh bring back my
dead whore to me
and then upon thinking it over
i realized my terrible sin
so i knelt with my lips to her asshole
and sucked out the wad i shot in
repeat chorus
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-24 23:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
selections from my father's 95th Hymn Book (March 1980):
oh Ruby I see you've rolled and curled your pubic hair
Ruby, are you contemplating coming out somewhere?
the shadow on the wall tells me your pants are coming down
oh Ruuuuu-bby, don't take your twat to town
chorus:
i know it's hard to love a man
whose cock is red and raw
oh Ruuuu-bby, you dirty fucking whore
you can tell by the smell
that she ain't feeling well
when the end of the month rolls around
you'd better give up the rump
or it'll be a bloody stump
when the end of the month rolls around
chorus:
for it's hi-hi-hee in the Kotex industry
shout out your sizes loud and strong
small, medium, large, superduper, bale of hay, mattress
for where e'er you go you will always know
when the end of the month rolls around
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer/Apu/Moe:
You can do it, Otto!
You can do it, Otto!
Apu: Make this spare, I'll give you free gelato!
Moe: Then go back to my place where I will get you blotto!
Homer: Domo arigato, Mister Roboto!
Team Homer
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:23:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:23:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
That chick's playing field hockey, not real hockey. Hockey is meant to be played on the ice.
...wait...you fucking play FIELD HOCKEY? What the Gay?
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No shit Sherlock, there's no ice in South Africa.
-----
Hahaha, poor South Africa. Do they at least have air conditioning? Maybe that silly little Saffa language is just one of the effects of heat stroke.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:23:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
That chick's playing field hockey, not real hockey. Hockey is meant to be played on the ice.
...wait...you fucking play FIELD HOCKEY? What the Gay?
------
No shit Sherlock, there's no ice in South Africa.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-08-24 14:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ziggy ziggy ziggy
oi! oi! oi!
simple - classic, good for big shots.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-24 12:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't sing and cannot be forced to even under threat of death.
true story
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-24 12:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Rugby is the sollution to all your needs my friend (that's American Football UK style, no girly padding and only 15 or so people per team not 400 like you guys have).
http://www.rugbysongs.net/RugbySongs.htm
Check out that bad boy for ALL your drinking song needs.
You may bow in front of me.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I blacked out half-way through. The bits I did read were good though
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't help ya there hun sorry.
Where I'm from we call the drinkin songs - karaoke
It's much easier to just read the screen.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're fibbing.
that's hot.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's who I thought you were talking about, darling. ;)
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
doh. :)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you oralize,
When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Till we're blown away!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:21:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm in lust.
===
Orgasmatron has that effect on me, too.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a fair lack of icy round fields & ponds round these parts.
And I really like that song. it's rude.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That chick's playing field hockey, not real hockey. Hockey is meant to be played on the ice.
...wait...you fucking play FIELD HOCKEY? What the Gay?
Cocksucker motherfuck
eat a bag of shit
Dirtbag douchebag
lick your mother's clit
Pirates are the best and the rest all suck
Rah rah Pirates, rah rah fuck
See that? I even put in the team name for you so you don't have to think while drunk.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm in lust.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:19:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, this one's Irish. But you said any and all, and I want to give it to you.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84746
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awesome. Please mail me a copy, in case I miss the post...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And maybe also "You Can Tell By the Smell (She Ain't Feelin' Too Well)."
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would love you so hard if you did that, Feety's dad
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my ding ding dong
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-24 10:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I get home tonight I'll flip through my dad's old Air Force hymn book.
I've been meaning to do a post about it, because some of the songs in it are absolutely ridiculous and vile, and they're likely partly responsible for the shit that comes off of my keyboard today.
Maybe I'll reply with the lyrics to "Balls to Your Partner."