Drunk Driving, Drugs and Ridiculous-Crazy-Ass-Why-Does-This-Happen-to-Me Bullshit (476 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.72 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Weber (View user info) at 2006-07-11 11:33:21 EDT
Just thought I'd share a crazy story.
There seems to be a trend lately; when I get fucked up, some crazy ridiculous shit happens to me, I get angry, I get green. I've gone through too many shirts, they rip too easily!
Fuck Fruit of the Loom. Hanes would rape that fruit bowl.
This past weekend was a good one. A night at the bars, a company of females. Needless to say, I was a little tipsy upon returning at 2:00ish. Ignoring anything sensible, my roomate, two friends and I decide to head down a couple streets and smoke a few bowls. Considering the relatively short distance and my apparent laziness, I offer to drive.
No big deal, a couple streets, maybe a mile travel, nothing too special. We make it there after some flashy Geo Thunder Storm Lighting Chariot driving, head inside and start getting ripped.
A good night, thus-far. A couple hours later around 3:30 or so, roomate on the verge of passing out, we head out. We were on our way back, driving up a one-way street when I see two cars stopped ahead. I stop the Storm and wait for them to start moving. The one car certainly does just that and starts backing up all crazy, barely missing other cars, almost hits the red SUV behind him; anyone that watched this driving would be able to clearly tell that the driver was shit-faced.
The red SUV manages to snake by the drunk driver, stops the car and gets out. I would imagine he was going to try to get this guy to stop driving which apparently made him nervous because at that point, he decides to slam it in reverse.
Tail lights heading right for me. I'm high as shit. My roomate is freaking out. It's a one-way street. There's cars on either side. No where to go but back. I follow suite and put it in reverse and floor it.
At this point, I'm laying on the horn and trying desperately not to side-swipe any cars while going 30 some miles per hour backwards in the middle of the night while barely able to function. What the fuck!?
A quarter mile or so down the road, I finally find a spot big enough to fly into, which I do. The guy speeds by, stops at an intersection and peels down a different road.
What the fuck. I've driven late at night too many times to count. Why does this have to happen on a 5 minute ride while I'm in the least able state to handle it?
Fucking drunk drivers. If I were dead-sober, I'd have let him hit me. Oww! My neck!
User Reviews
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-07-12 19:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you're bitching about some OTHER guy drunk-driving while YOU were drunk-driving... good call asshat.
Kindly delete yourself from the gene-pool... oh, and no flashy death either, you dont deserve a Darwin Award.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-12 17:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Why dont they allow helicopters over Italy?
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah. Nevermind.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Nobody cares about whether or not it actually happened. I mean we don't know you and never will beyond your username. The only reason to write a post is to amuse others and thus amuse yourself.
Unless you where looking for people to tell you how great you are, but if that where the case you'd have spent ages +2'ing people's posts before you posted yourself. Just think about what you want to achieve with a post.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You keep using this word "irony". I don't think it means what you think it does.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:45:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
That was intentional. It's called irony. Or hypocrisy, whichever way you look at it. Either way, it was intentional and meant to be funny.
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it wasn't
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Irony or not, it still doesn't make you any less of a tool for driving drunk/high/whatever. Sorry.
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uhh, Berty? It really happened there, skip. And if everyone could refer to the first line, I'm not preaching or making a point. Just describing a sequence of unusual events. Get over yourselves.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It's hardly Hunter S Thompson.
Seriously am I the only one that gets sick to death of the 'I was so wasted and something zany happened!' stories? I mean they're so horribly cliched and poorly written. It's the literary version of 'Dude Where's my Car?'.
Don't get me wrong, many of these stories are funny but the way I see it is that this genre of tall-tale has become so immensly saturated that making a decent effort is just harder. A hilarious story like that time Teephaph met Bruce Willis and Bruce was baning on about how he tried to sign up with the marines and Teeph said "That's what we, in the legal proffesion, call a lie" and pwned Mr Willis into a tri cornered hat is much better recieved because those kind of stories are less saturated.
If you follow.
So yeah, try to be a little more original with the subject matter and people won't care how shit your offering is as they'll be so gratefull for a breath of fresh air. Just avoid that garbelled bullshit like the plauge as Stevie_says and GLALL have done those to death.
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great, two canditates for being skullfucked with a chainsaw in one post.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I realize you're intending the 'irony' of it to be funny, but really, if there were any justice in the world he would have hit your car. If there's anything dumber than drunk driving two streets over so you can get totally stoned for the two minute drive back, I don't want to know about it.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
only 2 more to go
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are an idiot. You shouldn't have been in a car. On the same token...
Photoshop Competition:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3048/1591/1600/mercy%26dipo2.jpg
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That was intentional. It's called irony. Or hypocrisy, whichever way you look at it. Either way, it was intentional and meant to be funny.
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it wasn't
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
driving high = bad
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:40:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Fucking drunk drivers. If I were dead-sober, I'd have let him hit me."
Is this not the pot calling the kettle black? You're no better than he is.
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That was intentional. It's called irony. Or hypocrisy, whichever way you look at it. Either way, it was intentional and meant to be funny.
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:37:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
so he's a dipshit for what you ASSUME as driving drunk yet you're cool because you were only 'stoned out of your mind'
yeah....you're a bright one
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Uhh, as I said, you could definately tell. Not to mention someone else blocked him off and got out of their car to confront the man.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Fucking drunk drivers. If I were dead-sober, I'd have let him hit me."
Is this not the pot calling the kettle black? You're no better than he is.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hey-look-i-can-use-a-dash-instead-of-the-spacebar-as-well.
Shitty post, boring story.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so he's a dipshit for what you ASSUME as driving drunk yet you're cool because you were only 'stoned out of your mind'
yeah....you're a bright one