I am Better than Your Boyfriend. (1251 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.14 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by beeltea (View user info) at 2006-07-09 20:22:29 EDT
At EVERYTHING. For example,
I'm a better dancer than your boyfriend.
I have the grace of Gene Kelly and the moves of Usher.
Your boyfriend is still trying to master the steps of "The Macarena".
I'm better looking than your boyfriend.
I have a raw and magnetic sexiness that is comparable to James Dean or Colin Farrel.
Your boyfriend reminds me of a background character in Mos Eisley Cantina.
I am funnier than your boyfriend.
I have the wit of Oscar Wilde and the timing of Steve Martin.
Your boyfriend tells jokes that primarily rely on the words "booger" or "knock knock."
I have a better body than your boyfriend.
I have a chiseled, Appolo-like figure that makes women (and some men) weak in the knees.
Your boyfriend's beer gut has gotten so out of control he has trouble remembering the length
of his own penis; which is short, by the way.
I am more worldly than your boyfriend.
I have interesting and intelligent opinions on art, culture, music, politics, history, and literature; and can engage in stimulating conversation about almost any topic.
Your boyfriend is busy masturbating to Asian bondage porn while checking out NASCAR rankings.
I'm smarter than your boyfriend.
I have a sharp, analytical mind capable of solving the world's problems and arguing with great scholars about the future of humanity.
Your boyfriend is wondering how they got the jelly inside of his donut.
I'm a better lover than your boyfriend.
I am capable of passionate, tantric lovemaking that will imbibe all your senses and make you shudder for hours upon hours in complete ecstacy.
Your boyfriend is finished in about the same amount of time as it takes to order Chinese food for three people.
I'm a better cook than your boyfriend.
I painstakingly prepare fine organic foods and exotic spices to produce exquisite and delectable meals that will linger in your memory for years.
Your boyfriend forgot to take the aluminum foil off of his "Hungry Hombre Heat and Eat Burrito" before he stuck it in the microwave.
I have a better career than your boyfriend.
While I am on lunch break from my exciting and absorbing career as a professional actor and theatrical producer, your boyfriend is refilling my soda glass.
I'm a better athlete than your boyfriend.
I can drain a sixteen foot jumper, throw a fifty yard spiral, smash a backhand winner, and pull a line drive off a ninety mile per hour fastball.
Your boyfriend is on the bench icing his buttocks after falling down from my wicked crossover drive, which I dunked right over his head.
I could go on and on of course, but you get the idea.
YOUR BOYFRIEND SUCKS.
I am king, and he cleans the stables.
User Reviews
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-29 16:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if i were gay i'd have gay babies with you drogo
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-02-29 06:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not that I have a boyfriend you understand, that would be gay
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-02-29 06:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know. My boyfriend is pretty fucking good!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 06:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only people in the world who are not neurotic are men who are in the process of getting a blowjob and all that's under my desk at the moment are my legs.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got all that from a few flippant remarks that I make on a website that has no bearing on real life? Hehe genius!
:)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You aren't stupid Pheely. I think it's more likely your philosophy or perspective on life that upsets me. It's rather difficult to articulate.
You are a statement akin to:
"life is hard, life is about overcoming obstacles in order to live how we want to live. In so doing we will hurt people and be harmed ourselves. As this is unavoidable we must approach it as a neccessity and do our best to not get too many chunks torn out of us whilst plowing through towards our own goals."
Which is cool, that is a trueism. It's just that it's pretty fucking dark really and it's why I adopted my own lifestyle and philosophy and such because I cannot cope with it at all. So yeah, you essentially confront me with all this stuff just by being and I guess it rattles my cage a bit.
But, you know, that's my problem and my failing and certainly nothing you should ever concern yourself with so if I fly off the handle and start acting like a douche then just pity me because the disgrace lies purely on my shoulders.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hehe berty you are squirty.
I think you dislike my lack of intelligence. I am sure that it is. I find the purile and the moronic stupid and my sense of humour is lame. You, on the other hand, laugh at 'Yes, Minister' and 'West Wing'. You read my comments and you are outraged that one so dumb can be allowed to join a site of presige such as Uber.
That, or we just need to have a little lovin'. Everything always looks beter after a little lovin'.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps I am jealous?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry Pheely, you're right. I do keep doing that and I'm honestly not sure why. You're not a bad person.
A guy on TV once said that we dislike the things in others that we dislike in ourselves. Therefore I suspect that my constant nitpicking is because we are both, in some similar way, awful people.
I mean it's not like you look like my mum or anything so I don't think it's because of anything weird.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
berty, sometimes I tire of you constantly picking up on everything I say.
Below was a tongue in cheek comment, perhaps I should have added a moronic ;) just to make sure everyone knew I was joking.
Your opinion of me is very low.o hang out on Lisas post and stay away from me ;)
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*pulls Pheely's pig tails and runs away*
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
berty, sometimes I tire of you constantly picking up on everything I say.
Below was a tongue in cheek comment, perhaps I should have added a moronic ;) just to make sure everyone knew I was joking.
Your opinion of me is very low.o hang out on Lisas post and stay away from me ;)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because chlorine is an aphrodisiac
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I associate Chlorine with being mostly naked. Also those weird foam floatation devices.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You will make a fine wife.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
braggart.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because chlorine is an aphrodisiac
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:09:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ratings of this post prove Yanks lack a good sense of humour.
And beeltea, you may be King but who doesn't like a good frolic with the stable boy?
-----------------------------------------
Um, people that don't like the smell of horse poo and hay? That is why grocery delivery dudes and pool guys get all the punani.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-29 04:09:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ratings of this post prove Yanks lack a good sense of humour.
And beeltea, you may be King but who doesn't like a good frolic with the stable boy?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-02-29 03:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this post was amazing.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-29 03:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey fuck off this was posted when you were just a wet uber dream, berg
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-29 02:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LUCKY.
I bet you have some sweet numchuck skillz too, huh?
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-29 02:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
finally somebody thinks it's funny.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-07-14 02:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, but I don't have a boyfriend
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:29:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
Apparently you lie more than my boyfriend.
------
i miss you when you don't call.
:(
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Given the circumstances, I was actually vaguely amused by this...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apparently you lie more than my boyfriend.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-07-11 04:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe it's a sign she'd rather have a fat small-penised loser than have to spend 5 seconds around you.
Dropkick.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-07-10 19:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-07-09 23:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're that much better than my boyfriend?
I guess that means you know him.
Since you do - and I don't - please tell him to call me.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nothing wrong with asian bondage porn.
though i prefer tentacle rape and the occasional ghost rape.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you are all just dropping -2's without reading this. There is some funny stuff here. C'mon; NASCAR, Asian bondage porn, and heat and eat burritos are meantioned. These things are funny.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:26:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
You ARE better than a pile of dogshit, but NOT better than a pile of horseshit
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Dog shits not as cool as horse shit?
Since when. You people need to tell me these things.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish you were my boyfriend.
Fag.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you just got Discovery Z-owned, America!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-09 21:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You ARE better than a pile of dogshit, but NOT better than a pile of horseshit.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-07-09 20:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Then why is she dating him, smart guy?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-09 20:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DON'T YOU WISH YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS A FREAK LIKE ME