Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (854 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Serious
Rating: 1.1 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD 420 (View user info) at 2006-06-22 18:48:36 EDT
He peeled his phone open and licked sticky liquid all across the unfolding numbered flowers. He tried to call his phone on his phone and the ring echoed. He was trying to get his voice-mail.
The voice of a woman, probably dead by now but recycled despite her will, droned out of the speaker. The voice of the SPEAKER droned out of the speaker. So who was speaking? The lady or the speaker? They were both speaking at the same time I guess, and I couldn't hear one over the other. It was terrible.
One of the voices said "We're sorry, but you cannot access the number you tried to call at this time as it is busy."
Why did she say "We?"
Did she know that the phone would be speaking with her at the precise moment she decided to speak? How could she be so sure they were both sorry? Certainly, the odds were against her in terms of being able to know whether the phone was truly apologetic. Must mean it wasn't.
There had to be some sort of conspiracy going on here. Somebody has it out for me at the phone company, and this phone is just another one of their minions. He knew what he did, and he did it on purpose. That phone wouldn't be apologizing any time soon.
Wait a minute: if he can't get his voice-mail because he's busy getting his voice-mail, then the only way for him to get his voice-mail... is to NOT get his voice-mail.
My god, I think I've just unraveled the very fabric of the universe. Terribly sorry about that, people.
The way I figure it, if you were to arrange every holy text, every word of every god, every passing meaningless piece of small-talk, every shout during sex, every bible, every Quran, were to be arranged in just the right way, it would create a magic eye image that explained the nature of the universe.
Just a thought.
Just one, though.
Don't get greedy, because then you start thinking more than you should and you go crazy.
User Reviews
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-23 20:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AwesomeFace, you deserve your own post. My next post is about you: YOU'RE A SAINT!
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-06-23 20:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, next time i'll provide trippy directions. Been a while for me so I forgot how baffling the TV can be at times.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-23 18:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Way to expand your mind there. I think you've really uncovered something important.
You also sound a bit like an arrogant dick, which kind of blows the whole vibe, dude.
Dudebro.
Far out.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-23 18:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or anything you just mentioned in that paragraph for that matter.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-23 18:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-22 22:36:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-22 20:41:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it made me scratch my eyeballs out, but that's an improvement for you.
---
Here goes...
Are you trying to be cute? Are you trying to sound intelligent or witty? Cultured, a patron of the arts? Do YOU decide unilaterally what makes something good or not? Whether it has artistic merit? You don't.
Stop pretending you know a thing about artistic merit or even entertainment value, because you clearly have no respect for an artist's work or a piece of simple entertainment. I'm not pretending to contribute anything else.
Jesus, stop living up to the stereotypical characterizations you've set yourself by joining this improbably mindless website. Don't you realize you're disgusting?
One way or another, you should know that this is true: don't criticize what you yourself can't do.
You're not being witty or funny, just simple and predictable to an uncomfortable degree. You should really be ashamed of yourself for your lack of taste, you childish person.
---
Kindly point out where I mentioned artistic merit.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-23 18:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was strangely entertaining. Touche my friend. Touche.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-23 07:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you guys know: I DID eat another hit, but my TV baffled me, so I couldn't figure out how to watch Alice.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-06-23 01:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eat another hit and go watch pirates of the caribbean.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-06-22 23:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not +2ing you because you have +2'd all my shit, but because I know of these things that you speak of.
I don't want to admit it, but only 3 ducks can fit comfortably on the skateboard.
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2006-06-22 23:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ken Kesey Aldous Huxely
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-22 22:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-22 20:41:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it made me scratch my eyeballs out, but that's an improvement for you.
---
Here goes...
Are you trying to be cute? Are you trying to sound intelligent or witty? Cultured, a patron of the arts? Do YOU decide unilaterally what makes something good or not? Whether it has artistic merit? You don't.
Stop pretending you know a thing about artistic merit or even entertainment value, because you clearly have no respect for an artist's work or a piece of simple entertainment. I'm not pretending to contribute anything else.
Jesus, stop living up to the stereotypical characterizations you've set yourself by joining this improbably mindless website. Don't you realize you're disgusting?
One way or another, you should know that this is true: don't criticize what you yourself can't do.
You're not being witty or funny, just simple and predictable to an uncomfortable degree. You should really be ashamed of yourself for your lack of taste, you childish person.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-22 20:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know, I kind of liked this. Confusing yet oddly satisfying.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-22 20:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, it made me scratch my eyeballs out, but that's an improvement for you.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-22 19:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yep trippin is like that
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-22 19:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHEN TRIPPING, PHONE BAD.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-22 18:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's the smurfiest thing I've ever heard